this is. and i am. (Patreon)

It’s a new morning. And there are a million new pieces of this morning that I could get lost in. I try to keep coming back to my breath. Back to noticing the tension in my shoulders. Back to noticing when I am not breathing. Back to being aware of when a thought takes over and spirals out of control into anxiety or hope. Sitting in front of the fire. Feeling warmth on my face, chilly on my neck. And when I really notice everything I am feeling - thats when I feel more alive, more grateful for all the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings. there is no good or bad, there just is.

This is.

And I am.

there’s peace -

and then there’s fear that gets so out of control I can do nothing but crumble and hide in it, with it. Fear covering me like a warm safe blanket. But it’s not a safe place and it’s not a warm place. It’s so cold and so unknown.

fear convincing me that this is the safest i’ll ever be.

here with it.

“I’ll keep you safe” it says “because i will prepare you for the worst and keep you focusing on everything you don’t want to happen, so then you’ll be ready for when it comes.”

But fear is everything BUT safety.