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Good morning cutie,

Today, let's talk about starting hard conversations with people we care about. I'm splitting this into two parts, the next of which will come on December 4th.

As always, I'm offering practical examples of how I personally navigate this in both low and high stakes scenarios. If you struggle with self advocacy or saying your likes / wants / needs, I hope this can be of service!

Chapters:

00.00 Intro
03.23 Expressing awkward likes / dislikes
09.36 Sharing an uncomfortable desire
12.33 Revealing something we don't want
17.09 Safeguarding against trauma triggers
18.33 Requesting a need to be met
21.15 Outro

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Automated transcript PDF (attached at the very bottom of this message) via Otter.ai

Warmly,
Morgan

Files

hard talks 1.mov

Comments

jaykay

thank you for this. i am interested in this distinction between pain, harm, and hurt. who decides? how do you figure that out in your own self?

Genevieve King

In my opinion, these things aren't mutually exclusive. I can deliver a truthful message that would be an "ouch" regardless, but also do it in a harmful way. e.g. saying "I don't like how it feels when we spend time together" would be a painful truth to hear, but it owns my experience without diagnosing your faults. A rougher way to say it might be, "You're a petty and unreliable idiot, you're the reason I feel like shit." It still shares a truth about my experience, but also attacks and blames you. The former aims to validate and empower the person saying it. The latter aims to disempower or even dominate the person receiving it. Does that make sense? If I had to make a binary distinction (though I don't think it's binary or mutually exclusive), I suppose that would be it.

CrystalJoy

ugh, how I wish I could clip parts of this to send to a friend. you totally described that "little things building up to too much" scenario to a tee.