You don't have to try so hard! (Patreon)

I wanted to share something with you all today. I was just typing this out in a youtube comment but decided to really go into it and share it with my community. 

In the middle of watching this video: 

https://youtu.be/MQ15cXicr7U

I started tearing up, then let myself start sobbing with my head in my hands. Just a few minutes prior, I've been struggling to draw a pose from my head, trying over and over and over again. I was getting more and more upset, telling myself - "I should know this! Why doesn't this look right? Whats wrong with me? What are people going to think? I hate recording myself!" 

I put on some Dr. K to listen to in the background to distract me a bit...but it started to get my attention. I stopped what I was doing and just full screened the video with 100% of my attention. 

After finishing that videoI see now that I am always holding onto this image of perfection. To be seen as some incredible artist that can push himself to grow super fast and access everything I have seen and impress and inspire others. 

But thats a terrible ideal to hold yourself too. Every single time I don't measure up to that image I beat myself up. I try harder. I logic my way intensely to figure out what went wrong. I even start doing silly things that are counter productive to my goal. All I needed to do was find a reference for the angle I was attempting. I don't have to do it perfectly. All I need to do is study a little bit every day and I'd get to where I want to be. But something in me doesn't believe that. Something in me believes I have to struggle to get what I want. That the only reason I can't do something is because I wasn't good enough. 

I realized that I can detach from all that crap. I can just show up and draw one day at a time. I've drawn for years, I know how to draw. I can teach people. People love what I do and create. People tell me that I inspire them everyday. What more is there to do than to just keep going and keep being me? I can tell that If I were to really let go of it all I'd probably draw more often and grow even faster. 

So my message to everyone is that you don't have to struggle all the time! Just try as often as you can. Try something. Make an effort towards a goal that you have without holding yourself to some ungodly standard. You aren't bad or lame or insignificant because you cant do X right now. You are awesome already as you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. We do the most amazing things when we are happy, curious and confident. Not when we are beaten down and shamed. 

EVERYONE says that if you are happy, you become satisfied and complacent and you don't improve and then you are useless. Thats BULLSHIT. Its a fucking lie. Be happy, and if you are interested in something than go explore it! If that was true then why does everyone tell small children that their artwork is incredible? Because it makes them do more art. What do you think would happen if you told a kid that their anatomy was off and their drawing looked like shit? Would they go learn anatomy? No! They'd stop drawing forever. So how the hell does that make sense to tell yourself?