Morale Officer Nami (One Piece Grunt TF/Bimbofication) (Patreon)

Hey folks!

Still working at getting this writing machine working properly again. Hopefully it'll be sooner rather than later. For now, though, all I can offer is another short. Here's hoping more will follow quickly.

Enjoy!

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So, good news and bad news.

The good news was that the Golden Flag of the Silver Princess, an infamous treasure – worth more to the right collector than even a whispered rumour about the location of the One Piece! – had finally been found, and by glorious coincidence it was being transported through the island that the Straw Hat Pirates were vacationing on. Score! Yeah sure, Nami had mostly given up her cat thief ways these days, but a prize like that was going to make anyone’s loot senses start to tingle!

The bad news, though, was it was being held under close guard by the Marines up at their fort on the island – and boy oh boy was it a real fortress this time. Manned guard posts on every entrance, intense regular patrols, seastone walls around protected areas, 24 hour lookouts keeping an eye on everything…

Yeah, it all sounded like a real pain to break into. But Nami had a plan. That was kind of her speciality, really. Think smarter, don’t work harder! Okay, so sneaking over the walls wasn’t going to work. Why not just have the Marines invite her in instead?

Yep, she was going to get the guards to welcome her in and let her stride right up to the treasure, and then steal it right out from under them! How, do you ask? Why, by becoming a Marine herself!

… Yeah, honestly, that part of the plan made her feel pretty skeevy, but it’d just be a temporary thing. There were recruitment posters up all over the port town, so it was pretty clear they were hiring. With her skills, it should be a snap to get past the interview stage. Though, uh, obviously, none of the other Straw Hats would be invited on this trip. The boys were all horrendous actors, and she didn’t really want to involve Robin in this scheme. That’d be almost too easy, you know?

Which meant, hey, the payoff would be all hers once she completed the job! Super score! All she needed to do was get hired. And how hard could that be?

…

“Wait, there’s a written test?” Nami stared at the papers she’d just been handed like they were going to bite her. “I didn’t see anything about this on the posters!”

“Yeah. Some new policy or other.” The bored marine at the front desk shrugged, adjusting his white cap with all the energy of an exhausted snail. “Apparently we kept getting a lot of pirates trying to sneak into the ranks and steal our stuff, so someone in the science division made this new system to weed out any wanna-be traitors.” He reached forward and tapped the stack of papers in the girl’s hands. “This stuff is some new kind of test they came up with. They called it ‘Truth Tracer Paper’ or something. They say no one can write lies on it.” He shrugged. “Or something like that. This stuff’s all over my head. Just fill it all out, hand it back in, and you’re hired.”

Huhm. Typical – a bunch of other pirates had screwed up, and now she would have to deal with the consequences. Bleh. Well, whatever. She’d just improvise. This stuff shouldn’t be too hard to get around. No one could write lies on it? Time to test that theory - she was a really good liar, after all~

“Uh, ssssure…” She flashed the recruitment officer a smile, backing away from his desk. “I’ll just go find a comfy seat and get right to work on this! Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a flash!”

He didn’t object, or even pay that much attention at all as she ducked out of his dingy little office and fled around the corner, finding herself a quiet store room to hide in while she thought her next steps over. Okay, so, she just had to fill out this test, and then she was in, right? But she had to do it without lying. Hm…

What counted as a lie, exactly? There was no way these little sheets of paper were in tune with some kind of universal truth that’d detect any falsehood, right? That was just ridiculous. So it had to be something more reasonable. Maybe it could tell that you thought you were lying through your handwriting or something. In that case… Well, if you believed what you were writing, it was fine, right? And heck, she could convince herself of anything long enough to write it down. The sky is green, Luffy hates meat, she wasn’t the best damn navigator in the world… Yep! Even something as ludicrous as that was easy peasy.

Of course, this was all just a theory. An interesting theory, sure, but she’d need to test it out before she committed everything to this plan. Fortunately, she knew exactly how to do that.

A pencil twirled between her fingers, the orange haired beauty considering the papers in her hand with a smirk. There, right at the top, was the key. The very first question: Name? Oh, she could put anything down for that! It’s not like they could prove her wrong one way or another. It was the best test she could have asked for to see how this stuff actually worked. If it came down to it, she could always say she just made a spelling mistake.

Her plan was simple. She’d start by writing her real name – just to test what the paper was like when she wrote the truth – and then she’d give herself a fake last name. Yeah, it was a bit of a risk given her bounty, but fortunately no one knew she and the other Straw Hats were in this region, so by the time anyone noticed what she’d written, she’d be long gone with her prize. If anything, this’d just add to her rep as a legendary thief~

So, in big block letters for maximum legibility and a flicking flourish for style, Nami set down her answer.

‘Nami Waters’

And then she watched, curious, waiting for some sign of what would happen. But strangely, nothing did.

She blinked. The officer had said that no one could write lies on it, right? So something should have stopped her, or the paper should have reacted once her lie was complete, if it had detected her at all. And yet, her words stayed right there on the page, no sign of burning paper or thunder from the heavens.

She could write whatever she liked on here, just as sure asher name was Nami Waters~

The pirate chuckled, ignoring the slight tingle in her brain. Oh, this’d be all too easy then. She’d blast right through all these questions and hand the test back in no time. Treasure, here she came! Okay, first up:

1: Why do you want to join the Marines?

Hm, what would they like to hear? Nami giggled to herself as she pondered the most flattering lie she could tell them, before jotting it down.

‘Because I’ve always admired the strong and noble members of the Marines.’

She nodded to herself, once again oblivious to the strange tingling in her head. Yes, that was a fine answer. They’d believe it in a second. After all, the Marines really were just so strong and noble – everyone knew that, even a pirate like her!

Next question.

2: What do you believe the purpose of the Marines Organization is?

To stop pirates from having too much fun, obviously! That or forcing people to serve the corrupt whims of whoever was in charge in the area. Ha, well, they definitely wouldn’t like those answers, so how about…

‘To uphold the law, protect the people, and serve the will of the World Government.’

There, that seemed about right. Yeah, the Marines weren’t so bad really, were they? They were just trying to keep order and protect people. What was so wrong about that? Hm, honestly, when she thought about it like that, she was starting to have second thoughts about this entire scheme…

W-well, she could think that over later. First she had a test to finish.

3: Will you be loyal to the Marines above all else?

Hm. Nami paused. That was a surprisingly direct question. Not much wiggle room on this one. For some reason she had a bad feeling about answering it. But…

“Come on, Waters,” she muttered, shaking her head. “It’s just a standard test.”

Pushing her concerns aside, she wrote down the only answer that they could possibly accept.

‘Yes.’

The Navigator blinked, her eyes rolling up in her head for a moment as her head turned strangely fuzzy… Before shaking herself. Huh, weird feeling. She wondered what that had all been about, before shrugging it off and moving on to the next question. She owed it to the Marines to finish, after all!

4: Do you have any history or close relations with anyone who engages in Piracy?

Oop. Okay, this question… Ahah… Well, this was awkward. Of course she had a history with Piracy – she was a pirate! Her closest friends had some of the biggest bounties in history! She had one of the biggest bounties in history! Pretty much her entire life had been defined by Piracy.

But she couldn’t tell the Marines that. Gosh, they’d never let her join if they knew about her dark and sordid past. O-obviously she was completely loyal to the Marines, and if they asked her to turn over all of her friends she’d do it in a heartbeat, but she knew they’d never trust her if she answered this question truthfully…

So, in the end, she’d just have to tell one teeny, tiny lie, even if she’d told the truth for the rest of this test.

‘No.’

Nami gasped, her eyes rolling up in her head again as the fuzz returned, thicker than ever. The feeling lasted quite a while this time, her brain fizzing like someone had dropped a cleaning tablet in water, and now its bubbles were scrubbing all the dirt out of her mind. By the time it was done, her head felt a great deal emptier.

She glanced back at the last question, relieved at how easy it had been to answer. Of course, she’d never even seen a pirate in her life, so it was no wonder she’d had no difficulty. No, she’d spent her days being a quiet law abiding citizen over in East Blue, until sailing over to this region for… some… reason? And now she wanted to join the Marines. Simple! Next question.

5: Do you swear to obey all orders from superior officers, no matter what they may be?

Huh. Nami tapped her pencil against her lips deep in thought. That was a very direct question, but… Well, what could the problem be? Why wouldn’t she obey an officer? After all, they were so noble and strong, and part of such a wonderful organization – any order they gave definitely have a good reason behind it.

With a grin, she signed her answer without hesitation.

‘Yes.’

The rest of the questions were a breeze, and before long she was marching back into the recruitment office, proudly handing her papers over the counter with her head held high. “Here you go, Sir! One recruitment test, completed and signed.”

“So I see.” The officer nodded, taking the offered paper without getting out of the lazy slouch he’d developed in his chair. “Well then, welcome aboard, Cadet…” He peered at her test. “… Waters! Give me a moment and I’ll get your instructor over. He just transferred in.”

He swivelled his chair around with a kick, and raised his hand to his mouth – all without un-slouching. “Hey! Nezumi! Got a new recruit for you!”

“Yeah, I’m coming, I’m coming…” A familiar sounding voice came from the office beyond. Then, to Nami’s sudden and unexpected delight, who should emerge from down the hall but Captain Nezumi, the Marine who had tirelessly protected her home island during her childhood! Immediately the orange haired beauty straightened to attention, delighting to see such a strong and noble man who – as far as she could remember – had always been an inspiration to her while she was growing up.

His reaction upon seeing her, strangely enough, was rather the opposite. He must have tripped or something coming through the door – that was the only reason she could think of for that strange high pitched scream he let out, or for how he started scrambling backwards like that. Why, it almost looked like he’d tried to hide behind the doorframe from her. How very odd!

Still, obviously, that was none of her concern. A powerful man like Captain Nezumi didn’t need help from a mere Cadet like her, after all! So she stayed at attention, smiling as the man slowly peered out from behind the door, before he finally stepped back through and cautiously made his way over.

“This is your new recruit,” the lazy recruitment officer said, shoving her test into the Captain’s hands. “Cadet Waters. Figure out what to do with her, yeah?”

“Who?” Nezumi’s brow wrinkled in confusion. Then he looked down at the papers. Then back up, at Nami, still at attention. Then down at the papers. Then at Nami. Then…

Well, he repeated himself a good few times, before his panicked confusion evaporated – replaced instead by a slowly creeping smile. One that, had Nami seen it on the face of anyone who wasn’t a Marine (and thus automatically good) would have earned a strong slap just on base principle.

“Cadet Waters, is it…?” He looked up at her, eyes dancing over her body. “Well, how about that. This Truth Tracer stuff really works, huh? Well in that case, I know just what to do with you. Here.” He opened a bag on his belt and pulled out a new form. “An aptitude test. Take this and follow me. Have it filled in by the time we get you your new uniform. Answer every question – that’s an order, understood?”

“Sir yes Sir!” She saluted smartly, taking the paper and quickly following in step with her new (still grinning) Captain. For a moment the Cadet had worried that it might be difficult to walk and fill in her answers at the same time, but as Nezumi led her deeper into the Marine base, she was relieved to see each question was a simple multiple-choice checklist. In fact, the first question was so simple, there was only one checkbox for an answer!

1: Do you want to be a Morale Officer?

Huh. Morale? Like, keeping people happy and stuff? Well, honestly, she’d always thought of herself more as a Navigator or a Cartographer, but… If Captain Nezumi had handed her this test, then surely he had good reason. Besides, he’d ordered her to answer every question, so she had to tick the only answer provided.

‘Yes.’

Nami blinked. Huh, well of course she’d always wanted to be a Morale Officer! What better way to server the Marines than by making sure their needs were always met, huh? Naturally, this kind of position was her dream job!

2: Are you well trained in how to please and pleasure your fellow Marines?

Again, it was so simple that there was only one answer to tick. Still, Nami did find herself hesitating once more. This… This question sounded weird. Please and pleasure? Just what kind of duties was she expected to perform?

Oh, but that was a silly question. She wanted to be a Morale Officer, didn’t she? So obviously she was willing to do whatever she was asked, in the name of keeping her fellow Marines happy~ Yes, that was it. Why had she been worried about it? Obviously, if she had a choice she’d have said no, since she would have appreciated more training if it was available, but alas, all she could tick was…

‘Yes.’

Simple enough. It was good that these questions were so easy – it was so distracting wandering the halls of a Marine base, seeing all these handsome men and beautiful women. The heat between her legs was already starting to rise – oh, she did hope that she passed this test and was granted license to offer all these brave Marines her services. She couldn’t wait to show them all the pleasures she knew how to grant…

Ah, but it looked like the simple part of the test was done. The next few questions actually had multiple answers to choose from.

3: How big are your breasts?

… Well that was just plain blunt. But, given the job she was applying for, Nami could see why it was relevant. Hmm, so her options were ‘Big’, ‘Really Big’, and ‘Incredibly Big’, huh? Well, obviously there was only one right answer!

‘Incredibly Big.’

She’d always been told her tits were her best feature in training~

The Cadet giggled as she continued on with the test – totally oblivious to the way her chest was starting to swell under her top, jiggling more and more with each step. By the time she finished the test, they’d both stand proudly as her finest assets, both easily bigger than her head.

But naturally, she noticed none of that. She was preoccupied with the next question, which was quite a long one…

4: Thinking isn’t needed for Morale Officers – the less thought the better. With that in mind, how dumb are you?

How… dumb was she? Huh. Well that was an unfortunate question, because she knew herself to be quite smart. There were few puzzles she couldn’t decipher, few concepts she couldn’t understand. But now she learned that she needed to be dumb for this job? How unfair!

She looked through her options. ‘Dumb’, ‘Stupid’, ‘Real Idiot’, and ‘Total Bimbo’. It wasn’t even giving her the choice to admit her failing. Very well then. If these were her options, then in the pursuit of her dream, she’d commit whole heartedly to being as dumb as possible! She just hoped she’d be able to fake being a total moron as she ticked her answer.

‘Total Bimbo!’

“Ooohhh…!” Suddenly she paused in place, caught mid-stride as she lifted her pencil from the paper. It wasn’t really her fault, though, since even her obliviousness to the effect that her answers was having on her couldn’t quite hide the bubbly melty pink pleasure that surged through her mind as her brain shrank, her quick wits and sharp deductive power dissolving utterly into giggly bimbo bliss. Nami wouldn’t have to fake being a moron for her job at all – now the total bimbo would have to work to even be considered as being that smart!

It was fortunate that that was the last question on the test, because otherwise she probably wouldn’t have been finished by the time they reached their destination. Not because it wasn’t a long walk, no, it was still quite a ways to go. It was just, well, with a brain that small, she’dve had difficulty counting up five berry!

Still, when they arrived in what turned out to be Captain Nezumi’s office, Nami proudly handed over her completed test with a smart (and bouncy) salute. “All done, Sir!”

“So I see,” he said, checking over her paperwork with a snicker. “Yes, this all seems to be in order. There’s just one mistake I need to correct.”

Nami blinked, pressing a finger to her lips in open confusion. “Like, a mistake Sir? What’d I get wrong?”

The Captain grinned, producing an eraser and sweeping it over one of her forms. “Just a small spelling mistake. Easy for a bimbo like you to make. Isn’t that right, Cadet Bigguns?”

Nami Bigguns blinked, and then grinned, saluting and thrusting her chest forward. “Like, that’s totally correct, sir! I’m such an airhead~” She giggled.

“Aren’t you just,” he laughed to himself, folding the former Pirate’s test papers away and taking out a new package from his desk. “Which means you’re perfect for you new job. Congratulations, Cadet, you’re now a Morale Officer. Here’s your new uniform.”

He handed her the package, and she unfolded it with wide, awed eyes. It was everything she (thought she’d) ever wanted! A small white tube-top clearly based on the marine uniform, and blue and white shorts that may as well have been panties… And just her size, too! Big enough to hold in the goods, but tight enough to show them off. Perfect for a Morale Officer like her.

“Thank you so much, Sir!” She almost hugged the Captain. “I totally won’t let you down!”

“I know you won’t, Cadet Bigguns,” he said, chuckling at his own joke that she didn’t get (But there was a lot of things she didn’t get, so she didn’t notice). “And I look forward to seeing you put your new uniform on. But before you do…” He pushed the door to his office shut, locking the two of them in. “I think I’d better administer another test for you. A more practical assessment of your skills.

Nami giggled, happily sinking to her knees as she started unfastening her top. She couldn’t quite follow what he was saying – he was using a ton of big words! – but she knew the look of a Marine who wanted to use her services! Oh, she couldn’t wait. She had the best job in the world!

Her top would soon be discarded and forgotten – along with any remnant of her former life. Nami the pirate, infamous cat thief and genius navigator, would never be seen or heard from again. But Cadet Nami Bigguns would soon be starting a long and illustrious career through Marine service – and she absolutely couldn’t have been happier about it.