Midnight Pals: Haunted Home (Patreon)

Ai Jiang: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the town where all the houses are haunted
Barker: that rules
King: yeah that sounds really cool
Jiang: oh you would think
Jiang: but in fact
Jiang: it's actually kind of depressing

Ai Jiang: so my family just moved into a new house today
Jiang: Movin' was hard but we got squared away
Jiang: Bells started ringin' and chains rattled out
Jiang: I knew we'd moved in a haunted house

Jiang: see, in this town
Jiang: you move into a house
Jiang: and BAM! it becomes haunted
Jiang: guaranteed
Brian Asman: where is this town?
Asman: i need to know for reasons
Jiang: oh you couldn't get a house there
Jiang: it's very exclusive

Jiang: there's a really long waiting list to get a house there
Jiang: cuz the ghost that you're assigned
Jiang: will actually turn out to be the ghost of someone you loved
King: oh! i mean, that sounds good right?
Jiang: yeah yeah it's good
Jiang: or is it???
King: oh no!

Jiang: just think about what it would be like if your departed loved ones just hung around
King:
Poe:
Barker:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Jiang: like all the time
Jiang: it'd get old real fast, believe me

Jiang: the mom is obsessed with the ghost of her dead son
Jiang: so she makes his favorite food
Jiang: every goddamn day
Jiang: youtiao
Jiang: what are we supposed to do, live on youtiao?
Jiang: give me a break!
Jiang: living people need other nutrients
Jiang: we need protein!

King: what's a youtiao?
Jiang: it's like a donut
King: oh really?
King: i don't know, doesn't sound so bad
King: i think i could live on donuts
Jiang: oh yeah that's what they all say

Jiang: just imagine
Jiang: eating nothing but donuts every day
Jiang: i think the living would envy the dead
King: but wait, aren't the dead also eating youtiao...?
Jiang: you heard me

Jiang: if someone you loved just hung around after they died
Jiang: like you'd never be able to move on
Jiang: you'd be doomed to be forever stuck in the past
Jiang: a shadow of what you could be
Koontz: whoooaaaa
Koontz: it'd be like
Koontz: YOU were the ghost!

Jiang:
Jiang: oh yeah that's pretty good
Jiang: this kid's pretty bright
Poe: yeah that's our dean
Poe: we're all very proud of him