Midnight Pals: 2 Fisted Tales (Patreon)

Stephen King: hey patricia is it true you used to write comics?
Patricia Highsmith: [long cigarette drag]
Highsmith: who told you that

King: well, i just heard-
Highsmith: was it stan lee?
Highsmith: musta been stan lee
Highsmith: never met a cat who talked so much
Highsmith: might as well be a dame with all the yap yap yappin

Dean Koontz: wowwwww did you really meet stan lee, patricia?
Highsmith: yeah
Koontz: wowwww! what was that like?
[flashback]
Stan Lee: hey there comics fans its me, stan lee
Lee: how bout a date?
Highsmith: no dice

Poe: steve
King: i just thought she'd like to tell us about her
Poe: steve
Poe: just no
Poe: no
King: ok fine
Barker: i'm gonna hear the comic story
Poe: CLIVE NO

King: ah but patricia i think we'd all like to hear a comics story
Patricia Highsmith: i ain't gonna tell no comic story
King: well maybe I can't convince you
King: but I bet I know someone who can!
Alan Moore: [appearing in a flash] who dares summon the arch magus?
King: the arch magus!
Poe: the arch magus!
Koontz: the arch magus!

Moore: speak! what boon ask ye of the arch magus?
King: hey alan you've worked in comics
King: how about you tell patricia that comics aren't stupid
Moore:
Moore: i cannot tell her that

Moore: comics are the bane of my existence! a curse upon them!
Highsmith: now this guy, this guy i like
Highsmith: he's got a real noodle in his noggin
Moore: the arch magus would do well to hear your counsel, mortal
Highsmith: sure, we could jaw a bit

Highsmith: how you feel about snails, archmagus?
Moore: be these your familiars?
Highsmith: "familiars"
Highsmith: listen to this cat

Highsmith: ok fine you mooks wanna hear about my comics
Highsmith: i'll tell ya
Highsmith: but only cuz i'm here among bros
Highsmith: long as its just dudes
Highsmith: cuz these stories
Highsmith: they get a little rough
Highsmith: and you know how dames are

Highsmith: so this story's just for us dudes
Highsmith: so franz
Franz Kafka: what?
Highsmith: you gotta go
Franz Kafka: huh? what?
Kafka: why?
Highsmith: you just gotta go
Kafka: i don't understand
Barker: oh my god franz get a clue
Poe: clive

Highsmith: submitted for the approval of the midnight pals
Highsmith: i call this the tale of the crime puncher
Highsmith: it's about this real swole square headed guy who punches criminals
Highsmith: pow! punch! bam!
Highsmith: that's what comics are all about

Highsmith: so there're these 2 palookas who fight crime
Highsmith: named steve and ploopie
Barker: i'm sorry what
Highsmith: steve and ploopie
Barker: steve and WHAT
Highsmith: what, you got cabbage in your ears? ploopie
Barker:
Barker: i'm sorry WHAT

Highsmith: anyway steve and ploopie gotta do some punching
Barker: there's a lot of punching in these stories
Highsmith: that's what kids want in comics
Barker: huh sure yeah
Barker:
Barker: i'm sorry steve and WHAT
Poe: let it go, clive 

Highsmith: so this world war i playing ace crashes into a polish swamp
Highsmith: when he dies, it creates a big mud monster
Highsmith: who goes to america to harass some kid for his model air plane
Barker: i'm starting to see why you didn't want to tell these stories
Poe: CLIVE

Highsmith: i didn't just do action comics tho
Highsmith: i wrote educational ones too
Highsmith: like the two-fisted tales of oliver cromwell
Highsmith: or don't mess with galileo
Highsmith: or catherine the great takes out the trash

King: why didn't you stick with comics, patricia?
Patricia Highsmith: eh you know how the comics biz is
King: but I've heard its actually a growth industry
Highsmith: is that so
King: yeah they tell me that there's lots of opportunities in comics for girls
Highsmith: ugh pass