Midnight Pals: Poverty Porn (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: did you hear?
Rowling: people are ssssaying that I wassss the firssst author to write about poverty
King:
Poe:
Koontz:
Lovecraft:
Barker: oh are they
Poe: clive
Barker: are they saying that?
Poe: clive
Barker:

Rowling: people are ssssaying that I’m the firsssst author to realisssstically deal with poverty in writing
Barker: who exactly is saying this joanne
Rowling: oh you know
Rowling: ssssome guy online
Barker: oh some guy huh
Poe: clive
Barker: the great literary thinker some guy huh

Rowling: if you think about it
Rowling: hass there been an author before me who wrote about poverty?
Rowling: I mean without making it look really cool and awesssome
Rowling: the previoussss authorsss alwayssss made it sssseem like real fun
Charles Dickens:

Rowling: well I meant the firsssst childrenssss author
Roahl Dahl:
Rowling: I meant the firsssst woman childrensss author
Beverly Cleary:
Rowling: LOOK why are all of you here anyway

Rowling: I’m jusssst ssssaying that other authorsss make poverty loo fun
Rowling: whereasssss I wrote about it honesssstly
Rowling: not assss a quaint affectation
Rowling: but asssss a natural ssside effect of being Irish

Rowling: anyway the important thing issss
Rowling: I wrote about how it ssssuckssss being poor
Rowling: that makessss me a notable first assss a writer
Rowling: therefore transssss people should all be in campsss
Rowling: ipssso facto

Rowling: I don’t have time for thissss
Rowling: I need to move my ssscottish castle before I’m overrum by the transss
Rowling: ssscotland is no longer ssssafely transssphobic enough for my cassstle
Rowling: why, a transss could point it out on the hissstoric registry at any moment!

Barker: hey maybe you should put it in wales
Barker: haha
Rowling: maybe I will
Rowling: wait whatsss sso funny
Barker: or Ireland
Barker: haha

Rowling: ssso it sssseemsss the UK’s lesssser memberssss don’t want to do thissss genocide as badly?
Rowling: no matter
Rowling: we don’t need them
Rowling: the purebloods of England will win thissss fight alone!
Rowling: we’ll ssstation genital-fondling beefeaterssss at every border!
Rowling: we’ll build a 4 foot fence around the whole of England if we have to!
Rowling: Rule Brittannia!