Midnight Pals: 10,000 pounds of Spaghetti (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: what newssss?
Rowling: allisssson how goess the lawsssuit againssst ssstonewall?
Allison Bailey: GREAT NEWS!
Bailey: if losing were winning, then we just totally won!
Rowling:

Rowling: ssee, thiss sssilver-tongued eloquence isss why you're the bessst lawyer in the bussinesss!
Bailey: thanks, dark lord!
Rowling: or you would be if you ACTUALLY WON ANY CASSSESSS
Bailey: i
Bailey: oh
Rowling: how could you lose? i gave you £1,000,000!

Bailey: ok yeah i lost this case but i'm sure that, if you just gave me another £1,000,000, i could absolutely pin that wispa bar on a trans
Bailey: i know i could do it
Bailey: you gotta believe me!
Bailey: c'mon, bro, just one more £1,000,000, just one more

Rowling: what are you even ssspending £1,000,000 on jussst to lossse?
Bailey: oh you know, like, legal stuff
Bailey: like
Bailey: exposition and
Bailey: dockets
Bailey: uhhhh
Bailey: legal stuff
Rowling:
Rowling: [narrowing eyes] What'ss in that briefcasse?

Bailey: briefcase? what briefcase?
Rowling: that one you're holding right there
Bailey: OH! you mean THIS briefcase!
Rowling: yess THAT briefcasse
Rowling: the one with the ever-increasing olive oil sstain on the sside

Bailey: it's nothing, it's just full of , you know, papers
Rowling: what kind of papersss?
Bailey: um legal papers
Rowling:
Bailey:
Rowling: let me ssee them
bailey: [sweating] actually by the doctrine of uhh habeus porpoise i legally can't show you, sorry, that's just the rules

Rowling: did you ssspend my £1,000,000 on spaghetti again???
Bailey: actually legally i don't have to answer that question because of
Bailey: because of uhhh
Bailey: OBJECTION
Rowling: give me that damn briefcassse! [they struggle for briefcase]

Rowling: i told you NOT to usse thiss £1,000,000 for sspaghetti damnit!! I told you!
Bailey: [wailing] i know! i tried!
Bailey: but then i got hungry
Rowling: why do you need £1,000,000 for sspaghetti?
Bailey: i mean, it's really GOOD spaghetti

Bailey: the guy who sold it to me told me that this spaghetti is anti-trans
Rowling: how doess it work?
Bailey: he said it's got big gametes
Rowling: i don't know ssciencce but that ssoundss legit to me
Bailey: he also sold me these magic beans

[meanwhile]
L Ron Hubbard: step right up, step right up, get yourself some of honest ron's famous big gamete spaghetti
Poe:
Poe: i don't even want to know what this grift is supposed to be