Midnight Pals: Poltergeist (Patreon)

Steven Spielberg: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, I call this the tale of the poltergeist
Spielberg: now unfortunately, i'm kinda committed to tell a different story over at space coven tonight
Spielberg: so my good friend tobe hooper is gonna tell this one for me
Tobe Hooper: it's actually pronounced toe-bee
Spielberg:
Spielberg: what

Tobe Hooper: so this is a story about an average suburban family who suddenly finds a ghost in their TV
Spielberg: hey can i add something
Hooper: steve you said i could tell it
Spielberg: oh yeah yeah definitely
Spielberg: i just have
Spielberg: just a little suggestion

Spielberg: hey tobe
Tobe Hooper: actually it's pronounced Toe-bee
Spielberg:
Spielberg: what
Hooper: it's pronounced-
Hooper: you know what, never mind, what's on your mind steve

Spielberg: can we put in some jokes
Hooper: jokes? yeah sure i guess
Spielberg: like, maybe a guy could fall off a bicycle
Spielberg: ha ha ha
Spielberg: or maybe
Spielberg: ha ha ha
Spielberg: spill beer on himself
Spielberg: hoo hoo ha ha ha!

Hooper: so this family includes coach from coach
Hooper: and a sexy mom in short shorts
Edward Lee: nice
Hooper: and a dog
Dean Koontz: nice

Hooper: ok so imagine there's this really creepy sequence where the dog wanders through the sleeping house, the world silent but for the static from the television
Spielberg: spooky!
Spielberg: ok ok my turn
Spielberg: next some kids use RC cars to make a fat guy fall off a bike
Spielberg: ha ha ha ha ha!
Spielberg: ha ha ha ha ha!
Hooper:

Spielberg: c'mon, tobe! laugh! It's funny!
Spielberg: look, tobe, we don't want this story to be TOO scary
Hooper: but
Spielberg: in fact, i think it would be really good if, anytime something scary happened, then something goofy could happen to immediately deflate the tension
Spielberg: i think that would be great!

Tobe Hooper: steve i think our story could really delve into the discomfort around the growing omnipresence of the television in our lives
Spielberg: what? who are we, david cronenberg?
Spielberg: just wait a year, let videodrome deal with that shit
Hooper: but
Spielberg: look trust me people are gonna love this RC car gag

Hooper: so this family has a ghost in their house
Spielberg: hey tobe can i interject just a little thing
Hooper: uh
Spielberg: this family also has a crap ton of star wars toys
Spielberg: like, all the kids toys are star wars related
Hooper:
Hooper yeah ok whatever

Hooper: so the family hires these psychics to help get the ghosts
Hooper: and they bring in this expert psychic
Hooper: no introduction or nothing, she's just there
King: what's her name?
Hooper: no time for that!

Hooper: so now the ghost attacks the sexy mom
Hooper: while she's wearing her oversized football jersey as a night shirt
Piers Anthony: can we um
Anthony: can we see her
Anthony: can we see her um
Anthony: you know
Hooper: oh yeah
Anthony: [pumping fist] YES!!!!

Hooper: so the house, in fact, was not clean
Spielberg: hey tobe what if the beast looked like a big giant skull
Spielberg: just huge
Hooper: that's a little on the nose steve
Spielberg: maybe like one of those giant Spirit superstore inflatable yard decorations

Hooper: i'm trying to build a scary atmosphere here steve!
Hooper: and you're just goofing it up!
Spielberg: i'm just trying to help
Hooper: well, you're not helping!


Hooper: if it was up to you, we'd just have skeletons blasting out of the ground all over the place like goddamn gophers!
King: ooh that would rule!
Poe: yeah interesting idea
Koontz: i want to see that!
Hooper:
Hooper: you've got to be fucking kidding me

Hooper: you know what
Hooper: who cares
Hooper: who cares about anything
Hooper: skeletons just start popping out of everything
Hooper: you guys like that???


King: yeah that's great!
Poe: it's good stuff
Barker: nice
Koontz: i like when the skeletons are there
Lovecraft: its pretty scary!
Hooper:
Hooper: i'm done with you guys
Hooper: DONE