Midnight Pals: A Major Award (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have exccciting newsss
Rowling: I've jussst been awarded tablet magazine'sss new sssinai award
Rowling: this will make the perfect replacement for that human rightsss award that got revoked

Stephen King: what's this award for, joanne?
Rowling: it's for being one of the 36 people whossse presssence ssstopsss god from dessstroying the earth
King:
Lovecraft:
Koontz:
Poe:
Barker:

Barker: how exactly are you stopping god from destroying the earth
Rowling: well, obviousssly it's becaussse
Rowling: god is a big cormorant strike fan
Rowling: i mean, duh
Rowling: that's my legacy
Rowling: and, you know, the transssphobia

Rowling: i don't need you lot anymore
Rowling: from now on, i'm going to be sspending my time with my intellectual equalss
Rowling: fellow sssinai recipients like famous rapist conor McGregor, famous nazi Christopher rufo, the zodiac killer, and Anonymous UPenn student

[later]
Rowling: hello fellow sssinai award recipients
Rowling: how goesss it?
Ted Cruz:

Rowling: how goess it, fellow sssinai recipients?
Chris Rufo: we were just talking about how black people have smaller thinking bones than Aryan supermen
Thomas Sowell: it's true! we do
Sowell: ya know, we were really so much happier back in the slave days

Rowling: ah! ssso good to be among the 36 people who convince god to ssspare humanity
Elon Musk: mama mia itsa me elon!
Rowling: elon musssk?? what are you doing here?
Rowling: isss it cuz you don't raisse your kidss?
Musk: da god, he find ita very relatable!