Midnight Pals: Strange Stones (Patreon)

Edward Lee: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the strange stones
Mary SanGiovanni: me and ed wrote a cosmic horror
SanGiovanni: it's about this professor who hates HP Lovecraft
Lovecraft:
SanGiovanni: like REALLY hates him Lovecraft:

Lee: ok bro so this professor is at this horror convention to talk about how much HP Lovecraft sucks
Lovecraft: hey!
Lee: oh it's not me bro, i think you're cool, it's this professor, he's the one saying it
Lee: in the story, bro
Lovecraft:
Lovecraft: oh ok then

Lee: like, he's going on about how Lovecraft is a shitty writer who sucks
Lovecraft: hey, come on!
Lee: i'm not saying it, bro
SanGiovanni: yeah howard don't commit the fundamental attribution error
Lee: yeah bro i don't know what this but don't do it bro

SanGiovanni: so the professor is all "HP Lovecraft sucks ass, he can't write"
Lee: oh and he's racist, bro, don't forget that
SanGiovanni: oh that's right, AND he's racist
SanGiovanni: thanks ed
Lee: no prob bro

SanGiovanni: so Lovecraft was racist
August Derleth: only as racist as the average man of his time!!
SanGiovanni: and a shitty writer
Derleth: only as shitty as the average writer of his time!!
Lovecraft:

SanGiovanni: and the prof is all "we should stop talking about Lovecraft, who sucks, and start talking about better authors like Poe or Shelley"
Lovecraft: come on!!
Mary Shelley: haha i like this guy, he sounds like he's got the right idea
Poe: yeah he's not entirely wrong

Lee: but check this bro
Lee: this prof loves horror conventions cuz he's always getting laid
Lee: these cons are just FULL of hotties looking to score
Lee: you know how horror chicks are
Lee: FREAK-EE
SanGiovanni: and their tits--!
Lee: oh man, bro, the tits are fuckin' bangin

Lee: bro so the girls at this convention have got some huge boobs
SanGiovanni: some real serious honkers
Lee: a real set of badonkers
SanGiovanni: packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos
Lee: big ol' tonhongerekoogers!

SanGiovanni: so this goth witch gets mad at the professor for dissing Lovecraft and she sends him to another dimension where Lovecraft is real!
Lee: and bro don't forget, the witch has enormous jugs
SanGiovanni: oh yeah just some ridonculous knockers

SanGiovanni: now the professor is in a Lovecraft world and he's about to find out that being in a Lovecraft world isn't all its cracked up to be
Lee: oh yeah bro and he's gotta collect the 5 power stones to advance to the next level bro
SanGiovanni: you mean the chaos emeralds?

SanGiovanni: now he's traveling from Lovecraft story to Lovecraft story, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that the next leap will be the leap home
Lee: you know that thing about hotties trawling for dick at horror cons? thats totally true bro

Lee: yeah bro you know what i'm saying Lee: we're gonna get you laid, bro!
Lovecraft: at a convention?
Lee: that's what they're for bro! ask sonia! she invented the whole idea, bro!
Sonia Greene: he's right