Midnight Pals: Mothers day meltdown (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: I was just thinking about how transs people should be eliminated from ssociety
Jonathan Chait: whoa whoa whoa! joanne!
Chait: you can't say it like THAT
Chait: so uncouth
Chait: you have to say it with your pinky finger extended

Elon Musk: si! issa no good!
Musk: issa too mucha trans genocide
Musk: you shoulda only post the right amount offa da trans geocide
Musk: lookita me, i lika da trans genocide
Musk: but i also like many other genocides
Rowling: oh MY GOD
Rowling: my empire is crumbling!

Chait: we're not saying you can't still be transphobic
Chait: you just have to, you know, cool it a bit
Chait: be genteel about it
Jesse Singal: mommy mommy i have concerns mommy!
Chait: see? just like that

Chait: maybe put a little disclaimer
Chait: "this transphobia is for entertainment purposes only"
Rowling: do you not know who I am?? I'm JK Rowling!
Rowling: JK FUCKING ROWLING!!!
Rowling: I MADE YOUR CHILDHOOD MAGICAL!

Rowling: no one tellss me to cool it!
Rowling: i own the courtss!
Chait: joanne
Rowling: and another thing!!!
Rowling: SSTOP CALLING ME JOANNE!

[midnight society]
JK Rowling: hello children
Barker: oh look who it is
Barker: what are you doing here joanne?
Barker: did your terfs tell you to cool it again?
Rowling:
Rowling: why doess everyone call me joanne

Rowling: i'm extremely mad about thiss transs football referee
Barker: what?
Rowling: this transs football referee
Barker:
Barker: what?

Rowling: there's a transs football referee and i'm really mad about it!
Rowling: what, haven't you heard?
Barker: joanne, why are you here
Rowling: and another thing!
Rowling: sstop calling me joanne!!

Rowling: people are alwayss all "joanne this" and joanne that!
Rowling: wah wah wah joanne joanne joanne!
Barker: do you not like your name
Barker: you could change it
Poe: clive
Poe: just let her tire herself out
Barker: no no I've got something here

Rowling: people are alwayss "oh wah wah wah joanne, how can you ssay that! your bookss are all about tolerance and love wah wah wah!"
Rowling: bitch i think i know what my booksss are about!
Rowling: i fuckin wrote them after all!

Rowling: blah blah blah ohh joanne
Rowling: i hate when people call me joanne!!
Rowling: they should fear to say my true name!
Barker: oh damn look at that
Barker: looks like we're having a good ol' fashioned mothers day meltdown

Poe: clive don't encourage this
King: but joanne! how can you say that?
King: after all the lessons of harry potter?
King: you made our childhoods magical!

Rowling: people are all "blah blah blah joanne how can you like naziss now when you ssaid they were bad in harry potter"
Rowling: first of all, harry potter iss fiction!

Rowling: secondly, the death eaters are actually a ssinister coalition of evil transs, sspooniess, fat people, free masonss, and diane duane
Rowling: always have been!
Rowling: thiss iss NOT a retcon!

Rowling: that sshould be obviouss if you've read the book
Rowling: UNLESSS
Rowling: you're a fake potterhead, ssteve
King: no of course not! i love harry potter
Rowling: DO YOU
Rowling: perhaps then

Rowling: you would be willing to take a blood oath to the dark lord
Rowling: to belong to the dark lord body and ssoul
Rowling: who is always correct
King: i uh don't think i'm going to take that oath, sorry
Rowling: UGH!
Rowling: this is just like Radcliffe all over again!