Midnight Pals: The Magician (Patreon)

W. Somerset Maugham: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the magician
Maugham: so there's this evil magician
Aleister Crowley: hell yeah
Maugham: and he totally blew the big game against McKinley High
Crowley: hey
Crowley: hey wait a minute

Maugham: anyway this magician in my story? he really sucks
Crowley: what are you trying to pull here, man? you making fun of me?
Crowley: I'm the great beast! THE GREAT BEAST!!!
Crowley: DO WHAT THOU WILT!!
Crowley: I'LL STICK YOU IN A LOCKER, NERDLINGER!
Maugham: come at me bro

Maugham: c'mon bro
Maugham: do it
Crowley:
Crowley: naw i uh
Crowley: i wouldn't want to bruise my punching arm
Crowley: right before the big game
Crowley: coach says i gotta stay prime

Maugham: also this magician kicks a dog
Koontz: what?! no!
Koontz: you didn't really kick a dog did you aleister?
Crowley: alright that is IT
Crowley: this nerd is going DOWN!!

Crowley: whatever, this story sucks anyway
Crowley: it's totally just plagiarized
Crowley: totally plagiarized from
Crowley:
Crowley: something, probably
Crowley:
Crowley: i'm gonna post that call-out

Maugham: yeah this magician just totally choked in the final play, couldn't even score a touch down
Crowley: hey wait a second!
Crowley: is this story making fun of me?!
Barker: oh why would anyone make fun of you, aleister?
Barker: you in your big pyramid hat

Crowley: what's wrong with my pyramid hat?!
Barker: oh no nothing it's great, you definitely look super cool
Crowley: my hat is COOL
Crowley: this nerd is TOAST!
Leah Hirsig: no babe don't do it he's not worth it
Crowley: sorry babe i gotta pound this nerd
Crowley: NOBODY MESSES WITH THE GREAT BEAST!

Barker: oo we're all real scared
Poe: clive don't provoke him
Barker: yeah i'm so scared
Barker: so scared of aleister and his big pyramid hat
Crowley: [angrily] this is the hat of a man who pulls massive amounts of pussy!!!

Crowley: I get laid ALL the time!
Barker: sure pal
Crowley: like, SO MANY scarlet women
Barker: right
Crowley: CHICKS DIG THE PYRAMID HAT!
Barker: sure they do
Crowley: I
Crowley: SHUT UP
Crowley: I'LL PUT YOU IN A LOCKER!

Crowley: I'M THE GREAT BEAST!
Crowley: girls can't get enough of the pyramid hat!
Barker: oh yeah? name two
Crowley: well there's leah here
Barker: uh huh
Crowley: and
Crowley:
Barker: and?
Crowley: SHUT UP i'm thinking

Crowley: there's Victor Neuburg
Barker:
Barker: victor neuburg huh?
Crowley: no i mean
Barker: didn't know you had it in you
Crowley: it's not like that
Barker: sure
Crowley: i only fucked him to manifest thoth in a thelemite ritual
Crowley: it's not like i like him or anything