I thought alcohol was my medicine... (Patreon)

The first time I used alcohol as a medication for sadness, it was when I was dumped by someone I was completely in love with at age 19. He had cheated on me in front of all the people at his druggy party apartment when I wasn’t there, after we were dating almost a year. I was so distraught, I had one of my of-age coworkers buy me a red bottle of southern comfort and I drank half of it after getting off work. I bl@cked out in my room and my first roommate found me trashed in there… she was worried about me. I discovered I could numb my pain and anxiety with booze. 

     I thought I was “getting more experienced in life” by progressing through these stages of alcoholism. I truly thought “this was the way”, that what I was doing was completely normal. My parents drank, and I had seen them int0xicated before. I went a few steps further and also smoked w33d and tried out psychedelics and ecstasy. I even sold dr\/gs out of my first apartment. I felt sooo cool. 

     Years went by and I lived in complete ignorance, I did not acknowledge alcoholism to be a valid issue. Though I was regularly puking myself and bl@cking out at least once a week, I told myself America’s a free country, and it’s an American tradition to drink and get dr\/nk, and justified my daily drinking. Throwing parties and being the “cool party girl at the party house” became my whole identity. I let it ruin my relationship with Travis back then. I told him he wasn’t manly enough for me. The regretful words that came out of my mouth were painful even to me for years after our split. I eventually lost my job, my car, the house we were renting… and I was busted for a second DUI all within a couple months, during the winter at age 24. 

Photo by Tony Eng