Took a work absence, Mom passed away (Patreon)

Well i guess that's the TL;DR version, my mama left this world on the 9th of October 2020.

TMI version:

My mom was sick for a while before she couldn't hide it anymore... We noticed she was losing some weight and eating less, but otherwise she was still active, going to church, driving around visiting friends and even going to the clinic for regular check ups, we told her to get the weightloss checked out and when she apparently did she relayed that is was her getting old (she hit her 70's) But then in March the country started lockdowns so she wasn't as active, so between April and June it was very noticeable that she shed weight like mo'fucker and was asleep for most of her day, THAT's when I decided to take her to a private doctor myself

The doc said that rapid weightloss is a big red flag at her age and we went to get some tests and an ultrasound done, to mom's chagrin as she gave me hell just to go get them done, and when we eventually got back to the doc, lumps in her colon...
That was a surprise to me but I'm sure there's no way her other doctors missed something like that...

Anyway, Doc suspected case of colon cancer and organized for her to get a private colonoscopy asap, but the asap was 2 weeks away, in that mean time mom just slowed down to the point of being on the couch unless she had to use the bathroom, eating less again, STILL complaining that's she's 'fine' and then the surgeon let us know that she'd need a check up before the colonoscopy, come the day for the check up, mom refused

She refused to go to the check up, she refused the colonoscopy altogether, we called back the doc to talk with her, but she wouldn't budge, the doc told us get her to a hospital, again she refused, we said we'd carry her and bring her right back, nope. We said we can get an ambulance for her. nope. (they can't force a patient to get in the ambulance) my dad and I got frustrated and tried physically lifting her up and carrying her but she pulled away and pushed our arms off her to the point of begging us not to carry her, so we stopped stressing her out, I went to another room and cried... full on sobbing because I had the gut feeling that was it.

I still wanted to try though... I wanted to selfishly save her somehow even though that's not what she wanted, everyday i'd ask to get her medical help and she'd say no and rub my arm and smile at me which was my cue to let her sleep... had another doctor make a house call anyway who suggested a CT scan to her face but in private told me it didn't look good and prescribed A LOT of tramadol for her

So, after a while of back and forth with her and with her doc and a palliative care doc, we just made sure she was comfortable.
September was especially rough, hence the 1 update at the end, had to take care of feeding her liquid meals and changing her and bathing her and just sorta, letting her waste away basically, I guess she knew it was the end for her and wanted to be at home with us and not in a cold hospital ward around strangers, which I can understand but not understand why you would want to go through what she did...

On the night of the 8th I gave her a dose of tramadol, kissed her on the forehead and told her I loved her just as I did the weeks before, she weakly moaned in response and I turned of the lights to her room, but that night was the first time in a while I genuinely prayed, I just asked for mom not to suffer anymore, and on the morning of the 9th, my brother found her.

She looked like she was just sleeping. I was half expecting her chest to move while I was staring at her. Even when I actually touched her face and felt that it was cold it didn't hit me. When the doc came to confirm and needed help to straighten her body out before it got too stiff, I legit said "Oh...She feels like plastic..."

So yeah...since the Friday when she passed we've had people in and out of the house with well wishes, same with phone calls, had the funeral last week where the tears flowed and even with restrictions she had a big turnout, visit and calls have died down tho there are still a few people finding out now and contacting us , I guess it'll be like that for a while, in the mean time I'm just trying to go about how I usually do, trying not to dwell on it, making sure my dad and brother are doing alright, such is life I suppose

If you made it all the way down here, thanks for reading my venting I guess lol, It'll be back to lewds in here soon : D