STAW Vol 1. pt. 10 (Patreon)

((2 of 3! I technically haven't slept yet, so this still counts as the same "day" of work. Little editing will be done for this chapter and the next one until I am up later, though, so consider these very rough drafts.))

Every evil overlord needs henchmen.

Seven hours pass by before my borderline-useless assistant returns.

The doors to the manor open to show Lilith and seven… creatures behind her. Now, since it would be rude to stare and I want them to realize that what they look like doesn’t matter, I greet them with opened arms and ask them to follow me.

“He is just a human,” one of the creatures tries to quietly point out from behind me. It is either trying to be quiet and is too stupid to realize that humans have functional ears that, or it wants me to hear it undermining me.

I lead them into the throne room and ask them to sit in the chairs that I have prepared. I was hoping for more, so there are a total of twenty chairs prepared and facing the throne, but only seven of them get occupied.

What is with Lilith and groups of seven?

Now, as for myself, I sit in my chair. That’s right, my chair – not my throne.

Job interviews work both ways. Neither party is higher than the other, so to sit in an elevated and grandiose throne would be widely inappropriate and make me feel even more narcissistic than I already am.

A simple, wooden chair no different from the rest of the ones the creatures are sitting in is directly across from the group.

“Lilith, watch me, because I may need you to do interviews for… no, never mind. I could never trust you to accurately judge somebody’s character. Rather than pay attention, go and make us some food and get us all something to drink,” I order Lilith.

“Bu-but, Milord, there isn’t much to…” Lilith mumbles off, most likely ashamed of what pathetic reserves of food are in the kitchen.

“Make it work.”

“Uu…” Lilith mopes off into the kitchen.

I am relieved to see that annoying attitude of hers from earlier gone.

Now then.

“This is a group interview, so I will be going through you one at a time. I expect you to behave yourselves and act appropriately,” I tell them.

I start at the left end of the group. Standing up, I walk over to the odd thing sitting in the chair and stick out a hand for a shake.

This tentacled, purple and yellow creature pokes my hand with a few of its tentacles before retracting them.

“Your name?” I ask it.

It replies in garbled, guttural noises while the three eyes on top of its body—which looks like it is covered in putrid warts—roll around and struggle to focus on anything.

Well, this thing might be useful as Charlie food, though if the goblins weren’t healthy for Charlie, I really don’t think that this one will be of any use.

The next interviewee is a tall, lanky demon with pale skin, only one of his arms and eyes, and hair in desperate need of a good bath and combing. “Name?” I ask. He has a nice beard at least.

“Azmolan, sir,” the demon replies in a deep, yet classy sounding, voice.

We shake hands and then I move onto the next one.

“Name?”

A short, small creature hidden by a red cloak pulls back the cloth to reveal a face that is more like a single, giant mouth full of gnashing teeth rather than an actual face.

It hisses at me.

More food for Charlie.

“Name?”

“Please – please let me – let me work for you, please?” a small boy asks, looking up at me.

He has the eyes of serpents and his skin is covered in random patches of scales.

A young boy to raise and train could work out well. So far, only two of these seven are any good.

“Your name?” I ask again.

“S-sorry! It’s – it’s Miyael,” the boy, Miyael, answers.

Three left.

Unfortunately, the three left are all useless. I already know exactly who I am going to hire, so I lead the five—one at a time—that I have no interest in through the kitchen and into Charlie’s domain.

When I lead the final disappointment to Charlie, Lilith has some bowls of mixed snack food and glasses of water for the only two survivors of the interview process.

The two of us return to the throne room.

“Am – am I next?” Miyael asks.

“No, I will not be feeding you to the manor’s cellar,” I answer.

“Wh-what do you mean feed me to it?”

“I mean we have an odd monster living beneath the kitchen that eats anybody and everything that has the misfortune of going down there. Those five were worthless, but there are two gems needing polished before my eyes,” I explain as I had the bowls over to them. “Please, eat up and relax. I will not be disposing you even if things do not work out here.

Something burps loudly enough that it shakes the entire manor, and it comes from below.

Miyael is the first to react to it with a boyish giggle.

One would think that somebody at a job interview would be more concerned after five other interviewees were sacrificed and just burped up, but then again, I am dealing with demons here.

“Azmolan, tell me about yourself,” I request.

“Yes, sir. My name is Azmolan V’Trin. I am the second born of my family, but am now the only one left. I previously served as a caretaker and guardian for the Black Scale tribe, but after neglecting to finish my duties on time due to illnesses, I had my arm, eye, and family taken from me,” Azmolan explains.

“I see. Now, Miyael, tell me about yourself.”

“Umm… I was tossed out because my - my parents thought my eyes were creepy and nobody wanted to be around me,” Miyael answers.

“Why?” I ask.

“Milord,” Lilith interjects, “he has cursed eyes. Those eyes are said to befall misfortune around all who stay near them. I am sorry for not noticing his eyes sooner,” she explains.

“Don’t be. You just brought me my future hero killer,” I say.

“What do you mean, Milord?”

“I mean that I am going to keep him and raise him properly. A boy who is so ‘cursed’ is surely powerful or has the potential to become so.”

“Are – are you sure, Milord? Having such a boy around—”

“Are you doubting me?”

“No, Milord!”

“That is what I thought. Now,” I pause, returning my attention to the two sitting across from me, “Azmolan, this manor is in desperate need of a thorough cleaning and reorganization as well as somebody to answer the door when people knock in the future. Your pay will include free food, drink, and board as well as the honor of serving under the soon-to-be dark lord.”

Both of the interviewees’ eyes go wide when they hear of my intentions.

“You – are you a candidate?” Azmolan asks.

“I am, and I assure you that I will be the one to succeed. I already killed one high devil since my arrival, and I am just a human. Is there anything else you would have?”

Azmolan shakily gets up from his chair and knees down in front of me.

“No, my lord. I am honored to have been given this opportunity, and I will see to it that I serve you to the best of my abilities,” Azmolan declares, not daring to raise his head anymore.

“Get up. I do not care for kneeling. If you wish to show your respect, you shake my hand,” I say, offering my hand once more to him.

Azmolan wastes no time listening to my words and helping himself off with my hand, shaking it as soon as he is standing upright.

“Now, for you,” I pause and look at Miyael, “you will receive the same as well as an education by me to become perfect for future uses. You will do what I say, when I say, and you will be taken care of as a reward. Most of your work will be assistant work such as what I have Lilith there,” I point at Lilith, “do.”

“Yes! I – I ‘d do it even without any of that! I just want… I just want to be part of so-something!” Miyael explains and excitedly holds out a hand for a shake.

“Look, you are already learning quicker than she is,” I say and shake his hand while Lilith pouts in the background. “Here,” I pick up two stacks of papers that have been sitting on the throne this entire time. “Carefully read through these papers and sign your name on the lines. I made them general enough to cover whatever your potential jobs may be, so once you sign your names, you will officially be my employees.”

The two quickly take the stacks of papers, read through them as fast as possible, and sign their names on every single line that they see. They don’t even bother reading most of what I wrote for them, but then again, nobody ever truly reads all of something like these.

Have you ever read all of a company’s terms of service, rules, and policies?

I didn’t think so.