1.2.2 Propaganda (Patreon)

(1.2.2 continuing from the first one, Rangers capture, this time with Herald flavor. 8100 words, few minor variables yet)

*label heraldfirst

*page_break A Knock On The Door.

"Go away," you say, because you're in no mood for visitors. It's late, if not in the middle of the night, at least too late for doctors. You've had your evening meal, you're supposed to be asleep now.

You was. Until you woke up, one restraint broken. 

The door opens despite your command. Just another sign that you really have no power here. Helpless. Captive. Hating every second.

"Are you okay?" Herald steps inside, cautiously, as if he's... what? Afraid to intrude? Afraid of you? It's surprisingly hard to tell now that you don't have his mind to flavor his expressions.

He looks... older? Maybe? It feels like watching a different man, someone who's aged a decade in the days since you were captured. Or maybe it's the face that he doesn't smile, or that he's lost the barely concealed admiration when he looks at you. Or maybe it was never there, not on his face. Just in his mind. And now you're left with a surface shell as unreadable as Ortega's.

*fake_choice

  #"Of course I'm not okay," I snap.

    "Of course I'm not okay," you snap, words harsh in comparison to his. "You tell me exactly how I could be okay considering the situation I'm in."

    "I was thinking about your leg." Herald doesn't latch on to your need for an argument, instead he walks, yes walks, over to the side of your bed.

    "So what? Is that really something you should be concerned about, or were you just sitting there spying on me, looking for an excuse to lecture?"

  #"No," I admit. "I don't think I've been okay for a while."

    "No," you admit, too tired to make an argument about his intrusion. "I don't think I've been okay for a while."

    "Your leg support snapped." Herald doesn't meet your gaze, instead he walks, yes walks, over to the side of your bed.

    "Were you keeping watch?" It wouldn't surprise you, it makes sense that the Rangers would have someone on call in case something happened. You hope you've scared them enough for that. "Or were you coming here to lecture me?"

  #"Why wouldn't I be?" I smile grimly. "Best possble care."

    "Why wouldn't I be?" You aim a grim smile in his direction, but he avoids meeting your eyes. "Best possible care, no expense spared."

    "Your leg support snapped." Herald walks, yes walks, over to the side of your bed.

    "Were you keeping an eye on me?" It wouldn't surprise you, it makes sense that the Rangers would have someone on call in case something happened. You hope you've scared them enough for that. "Or are you here for a lecture?"

*if endstate = "guiltyheraldtalk"

  *goto heraldnewtalk

*else

  *goto heraldbigtalk

*label heraldnewtalk

"I'm not here to lecture you." He cautiously leans down to check your leg, finding where the restraint has failed. "You must have been struggling in your sleep, it's slipped." He reconnects the restraints, carefully raising your leg back to its original position.

"No, I suppose you already did that." You grit your teeth at the movement, but it doesn't hurt as much as you feared. 

"I wouldn't call it a lecture." He steps back once he's done, unwilling to sit down. "I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have cornered you when you were that out of it."

"I wasn't as out of it as you think." You gesture to your legs. "I'm not human, remember? I operate differently." These days it's mostly a lie, but there's a certain flavor of truth to it. You're too used to being a mess.

"I don't think that's how it works?" But you can see how unsure he looks. "You're still flesh and blood."

"I still meant what I said." You keep looking at him. "It wasn't some drugged ramble."

*if herald_relationship = "disappointed and betrayed"

  "You didn't make much sense," he says with a sigh.

  "Only because you don't want to think about it."

  "Think about what?" A confused frown.

*else

  "Are you feeling better now? I saw on the charts that they've tapered down your pain management some?" The hurt is there, though he's trying hos best to hide it behind caring.

  "I'm as fine as I can be." You swallow down whatever emotions you can. "You should worry more about yourself. You're still ignoring the real issues here."

  "Which is what?" A confused frown.

*fake_choice

  #"That I was capable of lying to you and hurt you," I explain

    "That I was capable of lying to you and hurt you." Of course that would not make sense to someone who sees the best in people. "And I'm not the only one. You trust people too much. You're a pawn in a bigger game that you know of, and you'll remain one until you start to figure out the rules."

    "You don't make sense." Herald looks like he's thinking hard about your words but doesn't like where they lead him. "I will admit I didn't see your betrayal coming, that I let my... admiration cloud my judgement, but I don't prescribe to your world view."

    "Did you think I made a fool of you for fun?"

    *if herald_relationship = "disappointed and betrayed"

      "Yes." The answer is quick and without thought. "You've given me no reason to think otherwise. I trusted you once, I won't fall for that so easily again."

    *else

      "Yes—" he says, then quickly adds "—no." A shaky breath. "I don't know. It's not hard to think that was the reason, I certainly feel like one. But—" he gives you a stern look. "—I won't fall for that again."

    "Keep telling yourself that," you say with a shake of your head. So naive.

  #"That I made a fool of you for so long," I mock.

    "That I made a fool of you for so long." He thinks he can read people, and you showed him he could not. "And I'm not the only one pulling your strings. You're a pawn in a bigger game than you know of, and you have no idea what the stakes are."

    "Do you really think you can hurt me anymore? With words?" Herald shakes his head. "I'm a fool, I'll admit it. I didn't see your betrayal coming, I let my... admiration cloud my judgement."

    "Judgement?" Your smile turns vicious. "You don't have any. You believe everything people tell you as long as it agrees with your world view. I didn't lie to you, you lied to yourself."

    *if herald_relationship = "disappointed and betrayed"

      "Shut up." He's glaring at you now, hands balling into fists. "Maybe I want to believe the best in people, that's not a flaw. That's a strength."

    *else

      "I did," he admits with a deep sigh. "But I think you're doing the same now." A shaky breath. "I don't think it was as much of an act as you make it out to be."

    "Keep telling yourself that." I sneer.

  #"That the world is a lot murkier than you want to admit."

    "That the world is a lot murker than you want to admit." Of course that would not make sense to someone who trusts the system. "Just because you're one of the lucky ones doesn't mean the world is just. All it means is that you've got the luxury of ignoring the hell it is for everyone else."

    "I know I'm lucky, but that doesn't mean that what I stand for is wrong." Herald looks like he's thinking hard about your words. "I know the world isn't perfect. I know you think I soar above it all and don't see the shadows, but I see more than you think. But I don't think that the way to change anything is to start by betraying and manipulating people. Nothing good can come of that."

    "Do you honestly think anybody would listen to me if I played by the rules?"

    *if herald_relationship = "disappointed and betrayed"

      "Of course." The answer is quick and without thought. "I know you don't trust people, but that doesn't mean they are untrustworthy. If you had started by talking to us, we would have listened."

    *else

      "Yes—" he says, then quickly adds "—no." A shaky breath. "I suppose you have a point. I know I'm too quick to believe the best in people, and that doesn't always work out. But—" he gives you a stern look. "—the way to go about this is not turning against people who could have been your allies."

    "Keep telling yourself that," you say with a shake of your head. So naive.

  #"That I might be [b]right[/b]," I say with a growl.

    "That I might be [b]right[/b]," you say with a growl. "You're sitting there on your high horse, no, worse, soaring above everything and everyone and you don't understand. You don't even want to understand."

    "Understand what?" Herald has raised his voice as well, matching your frustration.

    "That you're living a lie built on other people's bones. That you and the rest of the Rangers shore up a system where people like me are not even allowed to be [b]people[/b]!" You stare him down, and to his credit he doesn't look away. "You're nothing but a glorified prison guard, and this city is a prison. You're just to naive to see the bars."

    "Having ideals is not wrong. Yes, maybe I have put my trust in the wrong people on occasion..." he gives you a glare there. "But that is better than never trusting anybody. I know the world isn't perfect. I know you think I soar above it all and don't see the shadows, but I see more than you think. I just don't think that the way to change anything is to start by betraying and manipulating people. Nothing good can come of that."

    "Do you honestly think anything will change if you play by the rules?"

    *if herald_relationship = "disappointed and betrayed"

      "Of course." The answer is quick and without thought. "I know the system has flaws, but that doesn't mean it can't be reformed."

    *else

      "Yes—" he says, then quickly adds "—no." A shaky breath. "I suppose you have a point. I can see why you'd want to tear it all down considering what's been done to you, but—" he gives you a pained look. "—the way to go about this is not whatever this is that you've been doing."

    "Keep telling yourself that," you say with a shake of your head. So naive.

"You weren't always like this." He takes a step closer, pleading to a self you've long since abandoned. "You've saved people, you were my hero—"

"I wasn't," you interrupt sharply. "Someone you saw on television was. You get that, right? That the person you admired in the past wasn't real."

"What you did still happened. You can't tell me that it didn't. You saved people." He looks at you as if he's trying to find your face behind the mask of his hero.

*fake_choice

  #"And then they made me part of the propaganda machine."

    "And then they made me part of the propaganda machine," you admit with a grimace. "Whatever they showed in the news wasn't the truth. It was there to impress people like you. Young. Naive. Impressionable."

    "But Ortega..." Herald drifts off on his own accord, as if he's realizing that Ortega is not the world's most reliable narrator. "I see what you mean."

  #"They sold you a fiction, not the truth."

    "They sold you a fiction, not the truth" you say with a pained shrug. "It had nothing to do with me. All they took was the suit design and some quips to make me into what they needed to make the Rangers look cooler."

    "Was there really nothing of you in there?" Herald looks at you as if hoped you would assure him that there was. But as you meet his gaze, he looks down with a sigh. "I guess I should have realized that long ago."

  #"You needed a hero to look up to, so you made one up."

    "You needed a hero to look up to," you say with a pointed look at him. "So you made one up. Whatever you took from the news and TV shows wasn't me."

    "I didn't..." Herald starts to protest, but you can see the realization growing on his face. "I was a kid. You're right. I shouldn't still make a big thing out of it."

*set propagandahero true

"You have this—" you gesture "—idea of the world. Of how it's supposed to be. Of how the people around you are supposed to act. But that's how the real world works."

"And this is supposed to be that?" he looks down at you, and you can see the desperation written on his face. "Real?"

"It hurts too much not to be, doesn't it?" You certainly do, matching his emotional distress with physical. What is he even doing here? You need to sleep.

"I feel like an idiot." Short, terse words.

"Remember that feeling the next time someone wants to sell you a cause." You lean back against the pillow.

"I don't understand you." The admission is a frustrated one, and you can feel that he wants to. He's just not equipped for the job.

"Then get out and let me sleep. Neither of us are getting anything out of this." You look up at the ceiling. "Maybe do some thinking. You're not gonna get any of your precious answers once they drag me back to where I came from."

"That won't happen." He sounds so naive. So protective despite what you have put him through.

"Keep telling yourself that. Now get out."

You keep expecting him to say something else, but instead he turns and leaves. Heavy footsteps. But the door closes behind him.

Finally.

*goto firstnext

*label heraldbigtalk

"I'm not here for a lecture." He cautiously leans down to check your leg, finding where the restraint has failed. "You must have been struggling in your sleep, it's slipped." He reconnects the restraints, carefully raising your leg back to its original position. 

"They have nurses for that," you point out.

"I know." He takes a step back, unable to figure out what he wants to do with his hands now that he's helped you. "I guess I wanted to…I needed to…"

*fake_choice

  #"To see if it was true?" I tense up, defensive.

    "To see if it was true?" you say, tensing up. Defensive. You expected him to confront you sooner, that he's waited means you're less likely to predict how he'd act. "Did you hope it was a mistake? That I'm not what you feared I was?"

    "I'm not that naive. And I'm not here to scream at you." Herald runs both hands through his hair, looking toward the door, then back at you.

  #"I am so sorry," I apologize, voice cracking.

    "I am so sorry," you interrupt, your voice cracking with emotions you can't stop. You're too hurt, too shaken by forgotten nightmares, but you can read the expression on his face clearly. And what's written there hurts.

    "So am I." Herald runs both hands through his hair, looking toward the door, then back at you. "But sorry doesn't really fix things, does it?"

    "There's no way things can be fixed." Not you. Not what you've done. Not what was between you. "Just look at me. I am what I am. No changing that."

    "You sound so sure." His sigh is as heavy as yours.

    *set villainy %- 10

    *set hsorry true

  #"To gawk at the caged beast?" Anger helps.

    "To do what?" you interrupt, going on the offensive. "Gawk at the caged beast? Wasn't fun enough through the cameras? Did you need to smell the desperation firsthand?"

    "Is that what you think you are?" Herald runs both hands through his hair, looking toward the door, then back at you. 

    *set herald_friendship %- 10  

"Let's not mince words here," you say, looking at your broken legs.

*if herald_limp

  Ironic. Maybe he appreciates that.

"I'm ${villain_name}. Not your old hero."

*if heraldregenereveal

  "I know. I've had a few days to think about that." He swallows, looking down at you. "And about what you are…" His eyes trail down to your bare arms.

  "A Re-Gene. You can say it out loud." It's understandable that he doesn't.

  "I want you to know I'm not furious with you because of that." He clenches his fists, looking down at you where you lie. In judgment? It sure looks like it. "But because of what you've done."

  *set heraldregenereveal true

*else

  "I know. I've had a few days to think about that." He swallows, looking down at you. In judgment? Sure looks like it. "And I want you to know I'm not furious with you because of that, but because of what you've done." 

*fake_choice

  #"Come on," I taunt. "Get it all out there."

    "Come on," you taunt. "Get it all out there." You look up at Herald, effortlessly heroic in his uniform even at this time of night. Can you make him lose his temper? Would he hit you?. He won't, of course, but it feels better to imagine he might.

    "Do you want me to scream at you? Is that it?" Herald raises his voice, a frustrated cry. "I wouldn't believe Ortega when ${he} first told me ${villain_name} was you. In what world is this a good idea?"

    *set drive %+ 10

    "Not saying it's a good idea," you snap. 

    *if (((h_friends) or (h_like)) or (h_hot))

      "I thought we were friends." Herald doesn't look at your face. Just your legs.

    *elseif ((h_coach) or (h_useful))

      "I wanted to be like you, you know?" Herald doesn't look at your face. Just your legs. 

    *else

      "You were my childhood hero." Herald doesn't look at your face. Just your legs. 

    *if trainherald

      "You were training me. Helping me become a better hero."

      *if herald_weaken

        "I was trying to break your confidence," you say with a frustrated huff. "Don't you get that?"

        "Why?" His eyes widen in surprise, but there's a look on his face that tells you he's starting to add things up.

        *set herald_friendship %- 20

      *else

        "You were too green," you say impatiently. "I wanted a challenge."

        "So you taught me because you wanted me to put up a fight?" He doesn't look like he expected that, but the grimace tells you that he's starting to add things up. "Why?"

        *set herald_friendship %- 10

      *fake_choice

        *if (herald_weaken) #"Because you're my enemy. Don't you get that"

          "Because you're my enemy," you say with an incredulous look. "Don't you get that?"

          "I can't..." Herald hesitates, and you can almost imagine the words he swallowed. He can't accept that. He can't believe that. You can't read his mind, but his face is wide open. Just like his guard used to be.

          "Get used to the fact. I'm here for a reason." You try to square your shoulders, be the dangerous captive villain, and not the pathetic, broken loser you feel like. "I manipulated you. Don't blame me for your ignorance."

          "And you're trying to manipulate me now." He looks upset, you've ruffled some feathers. 

        *if (not(herald_weaken)) #"You're my enemy, I like a challenge."

          "You're my enemy," you admit with a thin smile. "I like a challenge."

          "That's absurd." Herald hesitates, and you can almost imagine the thoughts tumbling around in his head, unable to come to terms with the fact that you are two very different people. You can't read his mind, but his face is wide open. Just like his guard used to be.

          "Do you really think you pose a challenge to me even after training?" You try to square your shoulders, be the dangerous captive villain, and not the pathetic, broken loser you feel like. "I'm here because of bad luck and Charge. Not because of you."

          "You're trying to get a rise out of me." He looks upset now, so it seems to be working. "It's not going to work."

        *if (herald_weaken) #"Because I wanted you to quit. Before it was too late."

          "Because I wanted you to quit," you admit with a sigh. "Before it was too late."

          "Too late for what?" Herald's face has gone pale, as if he's starting to realize this isn't a nightmare. This is the real world.

          "You're not cut out for this. You're going to get yourself and your friends killed, what I did to you was a mercy." Your smile is grim and dangerous, you can see it reflected in the way he looks at you.

          "You're wrong, and I'll prove it." He looks upset now, you've ruffled some feathers. "Just you wait."

        *if (not(herald_weaken)) #"It was either that, or watch you get killed."

          "It was either that, or watch you get killed," you admit with a sigh. "Or get someone else killed."

          "Do you really have that little fath in me?" Herald looks angry, which is not a good look for him. Or for you, trapped in bed as you are.

          "I have no faith in what I saw when I fought you. I took you apart, and you know it." Your smile is grim and dangerous, you can see it reflected in the way he looks at you.

          "Just because I lost doesn't mean you're right." He looks upset now, you've ruffled some feathers.    

        #"I'm not going to give you any answers."

          "I'm not going to give you any answers," you say with what amounts to a shrug. "You need to learn how to think for yourself."

          "I can do that." Herald looks as tired as you feel. "But that doesn't mean I don't want to try to understand."

          "Understand what? Me?" You gesture to your broken body. "The world?" You gesture to the room. "Try starting with yourself."

          "Just because what I think doesn't agree with what you think doesn't mean that I'm ignorant." He looks upset now, you've ruffled some feathers. "Just that we hold different views."

        #"It doesn't matter anymore," I sigh. "I'm sorry."

          "It doesn't matter anymore," you say with a deep sigh. "And for what it's worth, I am sorry."

          "So am I." Herald looks as tired as you feel. "I feel like I should have seen this coming."

          "You're not as good at reading people as you think." You look away, because right now you can read his face all too clearly.

          "Maybe I am naive," he admits. "And maybe I keep looking for the good in people." He looks upset now, you've ruffled some feathers. "But that doesn't mean I'm wrong."

          *set hsorry

    *else

      "I wasn't," you protest. "Someone you saw on television was. You get that, right? That the person you saw wasn't real."

      "But that doesn't mean ${che} wasn't important to me." He looks at you as if he's trying to find your face behind the mask of his hero.

      *fake_choice

        #"They made me part of the propaganda machine."

          "They made me part of the propaganda machine," you admit with a grimace. "Whatever they showed in the news was there to impress people like you. Young. Naive. Impressionable."

          "But Ortega..." Herald drifts off on his own accord, as if he's realizing that Ortega is not the world's most reliable narrator. "I see what you mean."

          *set propagandahero true

        #"It had nothing to do with me."

          "It had nothing to do with me," you say with a pained shrug. "It was fiction. All they stole was the suit design."

          "Was there really nothing of you in there?" Herald looks at you as if hoped you would assure him that there was. But as you meet his gaze, he looks down with a sigh. "I guess I should have realized that long ago."

          *set propagandahero true

        #"You needed a hero, so you made one up."

          "You needed a hero," you say with a pointed look at him. "So you made one up. Whatever you took from the news and TV shows wasn't me."

          "I didn't..." Herald starts to protest, but you can see the realization growing on his face. "I was a kid. You're right. I shouldn't still make a big thing out of it."

          *set propagandahero true

    "You have this—" you gesture "—idea of the world. Of how it's supposed to be. Of how the people around you are supposed to act. But that's how the real world works."

    "And this is supposed to be that?" he looks down at you, and you can see the desperation written on his face. "Real?"

    "It hurts too much not to be, doesn't it?" You certainly do, matching his emotional distress with physical. What is he even doing here? You need to sleep.

    "I feel like an idiot." Short, terse words.

  #"I'm sorry." I don't know what else to say. 

    "I'm sorry," you 

    *if hsorry

      repeat,

    *else

      say,

    not sure what else to say.

    *set hsorry true

    "You and me both." Herald's voice is tired but steady. "But that doesn't really matter, does it?"

    "I know I'm not getting a happy ending if that's what you mean." You let out a sigh, scratching one of the scabs on your hand. Nails digging in. Focus on the pain. 

    *if train_herald

      *if herald_weaken

        "I'm sorry for making a mess of your training. That wasn't you. I was trying to make you quit."

        "You were trying to..." Herald frowns, as if trying to understand the implications.

        "Yes, it would have simplified everything." You shake your head. "For you too. You're going to end up dead if you keep pushing yourself."

        "That's my choice though."

        "Is it?"

      *else

        "For what it's worth I really did try to train you to the best of my ability."

        "You helped. A lot." Herald shakes his head, frustrated. "That's what I don't understand. Why you would do that."

        "Maybe I just didn't want you to end up dead." You look away, there are too many answers there that are dangerous. This is the safe one. "If you keep making thse kind of mistakes, you'll end up dead one day."

        "That's my choice to make."

        "Is it?"

    *else

      "I tried to stay away from you." As much as you could.

      "After what you did at the gala?" Herald frowns, it's not a bad guess but you don't like the implications.

      "Many reasons," you admit. "Like it or not, you're insignificant to my plans. You should keep it that way. If you start looking into things you shouldn't you might end up dead."

      "That's my call."

    "Is it?" You give him a tired look. 

    "I'm a hero." He does his best to sound determined. "And so were you."

    "What do you know," you protest. "The only thing you know about me is what you saw on the television. A character curated to get the right message across. You get that, right? That the person you saw wasn't real."

    "But that doesn't mean you weren't a hero. And even if they exaggerated some things, you were important to me. What you stood for." He looks at you as if he's trying to find your face behind the mask of his hero.

    *fake_choice

      #"They made me part of the propaganda machine."

        "They made me part of the propaganda machine," you admit with a grimace. "Whatever they showed in the news was there to impress people like you. Young. Naive. Impressionable. I'm sorry, but they are very good at their job. Don't blame yourself for falling for it."

        "But Ortega..." Herald drifts off on his own accord, as if he's realizing that Ortega is not the world's most reliable narrator. "I see what you mean."

      #"That Sidestep had nothing to do with me."

        "That Sidestep had nothing to do with me," you say with a pained shrug. "I'm sorry, but that's the truth. It was fiction. All they stole was the suit design. Didn't even look like me."

        "I know, but was there really nothing of you in there?" Herald looks at you as if hoped you would assure him that there was. But as you meet his gaze, he looks down with a sigh. "I guess I should have realized that long ago."

      #"You needed a hero, that's what they gave you."

        "You needed a hero," you say with a pointed look at him. "And you were't alone in that. They game you one. Whatever you took from the news and TV shows wasn't me. It was tailor-made to appeal to your demographic."

        "I don't think..." Herald starts to protest, but you can see the realization growing on his face. "I suppose you're right. I was a kid. I shouldn't still make a big thing out of it."

    "You have this—" you gesture "—idea of the world. Of how it's supposed to be. Of how the people around you are supposed to act. But that's how the real world works. It's not kind, or decent."

    "But it should be." He looks down at you, and you can see the desperation written on his face. "And I want to help make it that."

    "Do you really think you can make a difference?" You shake your head. "All you will do is make another legend for young kids who will fall for the idea that there's justice in the world."

    "I feel like an idiot." An exasperated sigh.

    *set propagandahero true

  #"This wasn't part of the plan," I try to explain.

    "This wasn't part of the plan," you say, looking at Herald's chest. Better than his face. He's in uniform. In some ways, that makes this easier.

    "What plan?" Herald shakes his head. "Turning yourself into a villain and beat up the people trying to be your friends?"

    "Don't try to make this about you," you snap. "There's more to this than hurt feelings and old friendship."

    *if h_coach

      "I trusted you." Herald doesn't look at your face. Just your legs. "You were my hero, and you were teaching me how to be a better one."

    *elseif h_awkward

      "I admired you." Herald doesn't look at your face. Just your legs. "You were my hero."

    *else

      "I thought we were friends." Herald doesn't look at your face. Just your legs. 

      *if train_herald

        "You were my hero, and you were helping me become a better one."

    *fake_choice

      *if ((train_herald) and (herald_weaken)) #"No, I was undermining you all the way."

        "No, I was undermining you all the way," you say. "I was trying to break your confidence." The truth is out, so you might as well reveal everything.

        *if h_hot

          Well, except that you're attracted to him, your libido has nothing to do with this.

        "Why?" Daniel doesn't look like he expected that, but there's an expression on his face that tells you he's starting to add things up.

        "You're a hero. I'm a villain. It's not exactly rocket science."

        "I can't believe this." But he can, there's that flush of shame and embarrassment you're so used to being the cause of. "I feel like such an idiot."

      *if (train_herald) #"You were going to get yourself killed."

        "You were going to get yourself killed," you say impatiently. "I couldn't let that happen."

        "Why?" Herald doesn't look like he expected that, but there's an expression on his face that tells you he's starting to add things up.

        "You're a good man. A good hero. But you could be better."

        "What are you talking about?" You can see the frustration written clearly on his face. "You're a villain. I should have known. I thought something was wrong, but I couldn't..." an annoyed huff. "I'm such an idiot."

      #"I wasn't your hero, just part of the propaganda machine."

        "I was never your hero, just a part of the propaganda machine." You can't stop the pained grimace. "It wasn't me. The Sidestep they showed in the news was there to impress people like you. Young. Naive. Impressionable. I'm sorry, but they are very good at their job. Don't blame yourself for falling for it."

        "But Ortega..." Herald drifts off on his own accord, as if he's realizing that Ortega is not the world's most reliable narrator. "I see what you mean."

        "You have this—" you gesture "—idea of the world. Of how it's supposed to be. Of how the people around you are supposed to act. But that's how the real world works. It's not kind, or decent."

        "But it should be." He looks down at you, and you can see the desperation written on his face. "And I want to help make it that."

        "You can't do that." You shake your head. "All you will do is make another legend for young kids who will fall for the idea that there's justice in the world. heroes doesn't change the world, they just uphold the status quo."

        "I feel like an idiot." An exasperated sigh.

        *set propagandahero true

      #"Hate me if you like, but I do what I think is right."

        "Hate me if you like, but I do what I think is right." Any means necessary. It might be your Farm training shining through, but wouldn't it be poetic justice to use that for your own purposes?

        "I don't believe that." Herald frowns, and since you can't read his mind, all you get is the disapproval of his eyebrows. You can handle that.

        "I don't care what you believe," you say coldly, because this is the truth. "You don't [b]know[/b] enough of the world to have an informed opinion. I don't cater to dreams." Or dreamers.

        "You can't just..." but the more he meets your gaze, the more you can see his face fall as he realizes that in this, you have a stronger conviction that he does. He's not sure he's right. You are.

        "Don't blame me for your own inability to see the truth." You stare him down, and he evades your eyes.

        "I feel like such an idiot right now."

"That's something you've got to deal with yourself." You know you sound harsh, but it's the middle of the night and you're hurting. You really don't feel like coddling anybody.

*if villainherald_relationship = "afraid"

  "You know something? I used to be so afraid of you." Herald has started pacing,

  *if herald_limp

    the slight limp there if you know how to look for it,

  a haunted look on his face. "I had nightmares for months."

  "I know," you say coldly. "You're good at reading people. You should be afraid of me."

  "I trusted you." He shakes his head. "I admired you. And all the time you were…" A shaky breath, and he stops to stare at you. "Why did you do it? Turn yourself into that…thing?"

  *set herald_friendship %- 15

  *set herald_relationship "nemesis"

*elseif villainherald_relationship = "nemesis"

  "I was so determined to stop ${villain_name}." Herald has started pacing,

  *if herald_limp

    the slight limp there if you know how to look for it,

  shaking his head as if he still can't believe it. "It was my one goal. I couldn't let them continue like that. 

  *if villain_name = "Sidestep"

    Take your name and drag it through the dirt.

  That's why I wanted you to train me. Help me be a better hero."

  *if train_herald

    "I know," you sigh. "That was obvious from the start."

  *else

    "I know," you sigh. "Why did you think I said no?"

  "I never guessed it could be you. I admired you, and then…" A shaky breath, and he stops to stare at you. "Why did you do it? Turn yourself into that…thing?"

  *if ((villain_name = "Sidestep") and (not(massacre)))

    *set herald_friendship %- 5

  *else

    *set herald_friendship %- 15

    *set herald_relationship "nemesis"

*elseif villainherald_relationship = "humiliated"

  "I wanted a rematch so badly." Herald has started pacing,

  *if herald_limp

    the slight limp there if you know how to look for it,

  shoulders hunched in frustration. "You humiliated me on national television. They were running that footage for weeks. That's why I wanted you to train me. Help me be a better hero."

  *if train_herald

    "I know," you sigh. "That was obvious from the start."

    "I never guessed it could be you." He shakes his head. "Were you laughing at me when you trained me? Were you thinking of the next time we'd…" A shaky breath, and he stops to stare at you. "Why did you do it? Turn yourself into that…thing?"

    *set herald_friendship %- 10

  *else

    "I know," you sigh. "Why did you think I said no?"

    "I never guessed it could be you." He shakes his head. "Were you laughing at me when I asked you? Were you thinking of the next time you'd…" A shaky breath, and he stops to stare at you. "Why did you do it? Turn yourself into that…thing?"

*else

  "I wanted a rematch so badly." Herald has started pacing,

  *if herald_limp

    the slight limp there if you know how to look for it,

  not looking at you. "Not just for my sake. For the team. That's why I wanted you to train me. Help me be a better hero."

  *if train_herald

    "I know," you sigh. "That was obvious from the start."

  *else

    "I know," you sigh. "Why did you think I said no?"

  "I never guessed it could be you." He shakes his head. "You were one of us. A hero, and then…" A shaky breath, and he stops to stare at you. "Why did you do it? Turn yourself into that…thing?"

  *set herald_friendship %- 5

*fake_choice

  *if (suit_terrifying) #"I wanted people to fear me," I snarl. 

    "Because I wanted people to fear me," you snarl, and Herald takes an instinctive step back. "Because I was so tired of being on the run. Being the soft one. The target. I'm the predator now. The monster. The one that gives people nightmares."

    "$!{name}…" 

    "$!{villain_name}, you mean." You have no vocal distorters, but your voice has dropped down into that register anyway. "That's who I am now. $!{name} died a long time ago."

  *if (suit_imposing) #"I needed to be taken seriously," I say.

    "Because I needed to be taken seriously," you say, straightening your back. It's hard with your legs at this angle, but you know you still have the presence, even in this state. "I was nobody. Nothing. Now I am. Now people listen to me when I speak."

    "$!{name}…" Herald takes a step closer.

    "$!{villain_name}, you mean." You have no vocal distorters, but your voice has dropped down into that register anyway. "That's who I am now. $!{name} died a long time ago."

  *if (suit_mysterious) #"I needed to be a ghost. A mystery."

    "Because I needed to be a ghost," you say with a shrug. "A mystery nobody could solve. I was already dead. Why not build on that?" Herald keeps looking at you as if you were spouting gibberish. "I couldn't afford to be found, and obfuscation was always my greatest talent. Made sense to stick to form."

    "$!{name}…" 

    "$!{villain_name}, you mean." You run your hand over your face. "Helmet or not, that's who I am now. $!{name} died a long time ago."

  #"It was my only chance to do what I needed to do."

    "Because it was my only chance," you say with grim determination. "To do what I needed to do." Herald keeps looking at you as if you were spouting gibberish. "I was officially dead, and since my enemies were with the government, it made sense to switch sides. They'd name me a villain anyway. I was just one step ahead of them."

    "$!{name}…" 

    "$!{villain_name}, you mean." This is how it has to be. It's almost a relief to have it out in the open. "That's who I am now. $!{name} died a long time ago."

  #"Why not? Being a hero didn't do me any good."

    "Why not?" you ask with a shrug. "Being a hero never did me any good." Herald keeps looking at you as if you were spouting gibberish. "I tried to be the good guy. I was a hero. Saved people. And in return, I spent five years in hell because I had the temerity to pretend I was people."

    "$!{name}…" 

    "$!{villain_name}, you mean." This is how it has to be. It's a relief to have it out in the open. "That's who I am now. $!{name} died at their hands."

  #"Because there's something wrong with me, don't you get that?"

    "Because there is something deeply wrong with me." You look up at Herald, equal parts pain and frustration. "Do you get that now?" 

    *if hsorry

      You blink hard to keep your eyes steady.

    *else

      A twisted growl. 

    "They broke me. Or maybe the Heartbreak incident did. Or maybe I broke myself to get out of there. I don't even know anymore. I don't recognize myself." 

    "$!{name}…" He looks at you with something akin to pity. You hate it.

    "$!{villain_name}, you mean." You look away. "That's who I am now. They killed ${name} a long time ago."

"Did they?" 

Herald's question is naive, and you can't stop the laugh. The villain laugh. This is absurd.

*fake_choice

  #"What do you want me to say?"

    "What do you want me to say?" You let out a sigh of frustration. What is he going for? You're feeling a trap, but you don't understand it. "I'm a liar that put on a mask and beat you up. I beat Ortega up. I played the Rangers for fools. Doesn't sound like good old ${name}, does it?"

    "No, it doesn't." Even Herald has to admit that. "But I have to think that there's a reason behind it. A reason you would—"

    "Maybe I was like this all along." Ortega wouldn't fall for it, but Herald might. "You've been listening to secondhand stories from someone who's guilty ${he} got me killed."

    "I don't believe that." But there's no certainty in his eyes.

  #"I'm the villain here, that's what you need to remember."

    "I'm the villain who beat your team and sent you and Ortega to the hospital." You meet his eyes, willing yourself to be hard, lips pulled back in a snarl. "That's what you need to remember."

    "You keep saying that." Herald looks like he's not sure what to say, playing the eternal optimist is getting difficult in the face of your wrath. "Why do you keep pushing so hard?"

    "Maybe because its the truth." You let out a frustrated groan. "Maybe because I hope you'll finally get tired and get out of here. There's nothing for you here to save."

    "I'm not so sure of that." But there's no certainty in his voice.

  #"They might as well have. I don't even remember how it used to feel."

    "They might as well have," you say, letting out a tired sigh. "I can't even remember how it used to feel. Being a hero."

    "You can get back to that again," Herald says, eternal optimism though it's falling flat against the truth that is the two of you. Hopeless. You bet that's what he's thinking. "If you just—"

    "No." you stop him before he can finish. "You can't just walk in here and think you can make a difference. That you can save me. What kind of ego is that?"

    "It's not ego," he protests. "It's hope." But there's no certainty in his words.

"You really don't get it." You're voice is flat now, tired and hollow. "You keep talking about me, and you haven't even asked me about [i]them[/i]." 

"I wasn't—"

"You're afraid," you interrupt. "Because if you start asking why I'm doing this, what I'm fighting for, what I'm fighting against... well, then you might have to accept that the world is a little more complicated than black and white."  

*if massacre

  "Maybe I don't want to know." He looks down. "How you could justify killing all those people." A quick glance at you. "Did you ever think about that? That maybe I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt?"

  "Coward." You don't look away. "Do you think I need you sitting here making up reasons that would make it [i]palatable [/i] to you that I killed people?"

  "I guess not. I just didn't want to think you were that…evil." There's a crack to his voice. 

  "Evil is a human word." You dig into that crack and stares him down. "It doesn't apply to me."  

*elseif knownkill

  "Maybe I don't want to know." He looks down. "You're a murderer." A quick glance at you. "I don't want to know how you could ever justify that?"

  "It was necessary." You don't look away. "You know how that works. The end justifies the means."

  "I don't subscribe to that line of thinking." There's a crack to his voice. 

  "And that's why you'll never be able to change anything." You dig into that crack and stares him down. "You need to be ready to do what needs to be done."  

*else

  "Maybe you've got a point." He looks down. "You've hurt people." A quick glance at you. "You've hurt me. Maybe I'm afraid to ask how you'd justify that."

  "It was necessary." You don't look away. "You know how that works. You're still alive and wiser for it."

  "You can't tell me that's the only way." There's a crack to his voice. 

  "I do. This is why you'll never be able to change anything." You dig into that crack and stares him down. "You need to be ready to do what needs to be done."  

"I don't understand you." The admission is a frustrated one, and you can feel that he wants to. He's just not equipped for the job.

"Then get out and let me sleep. Neither of us are getting anything out of this." You throw back your head, looking up at the ceiling. "Maybe do some thinking. You're not gonna get any of your precious answers once they drag me back to where I came from."

"That won't happen." He sounds so naive. So protective despite what you have put him through.

"Keep telling yourself that. Now get out."

You keep expecting him to say something else, but instead he turns and leaves. Heavy footsteps. But the door closes behind him.

Finally.

*goto firstnext