1.2.2 You don't get it, do you? (Patreon)

(1950 words. Revelations path 1.2.2, same start as the last one, but shifting to Steel instead of Ortega. Few minor variables.)

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*label chenfirst

*page_break A Knock On The Door.

"Go away," you say, because you're in no mood for visitors. It's late, if not in the middle of the night, at least too late for doctors. You've had your evening meal, you're supposed to be asleep now.

You was. Until you woke up, one restraint broken. 

$!{swear}. Of course someone would come. But why did it have to be Steel? You recognize that knock, too muted for flesh. It sounds like the hard, rubbery texture of modded knuckles. The door opens a moment later, and the Marshal steps through, closing it behind him.

"You're not in a position to tell anybody what to do right now." Trust Steel to point that out. Rub some salt in the wound.

"Thought you had planned to give me a few days before interrogation," you say with a tight smile. "Can't sleep either?"

"No," he admits. He looks around the room, eyes pausing on the chair next to the wall, but in the end he remains standing. "I should be at home. In bed."

*fake_choice

  #"And yet you're here," I say cautiously.

    "And yet you're here," you say, frowning faintly. You can't read him, not right now. "Is something wrong?"

    "I'm not sure." Steel stands straight, at attention. It's one of the things that always unnerved you about him. His body language at work is too similar to where you came from. Impossible to ignore the soldier inside the man. "But it looked like you were having a nightmare."

  #"Hard to sleep on a bad conscience," I tease.

    "Hard to sleep on a bad conscience," you tease. The look on his face tells you that your barb hit home.

    "It looks like you might feel the same thing," Steel retorts. There's a restless energy to him that he pushes back, standing at attention instead of pacing. The fact that's a natural stance to him tells you everything you need to know about the difference between you. One a soldier, the other a tool.

  #"Go back home then," I snap. "I don't want your pity."

    "Go back home then," you say, voice going harsh. "I don't want your pity."

    "I thought you might like my company." It's as much a question as a statement, and Steel straightens his back as he stands at attention. Hard to take the soldier out of the man, which is one reason you want him out of here. "It looked like you were having a nightmare."

"I've always had nightmares," you say with a shrug. "You think I slept like a baby back when I was a hero?"

"I... didn't know enough about you back then to hazard a guess." He looks down, though his body remains still.

"And you don't know enough about me now to pass any sort of judgement." You wish you didn't have to look up at him, but you can't look away. He still feels like a threat, and you prefer to have them under surveillance.

*if savedcivilians

  "I know that you put the lives of civilians before your mission, at least on one occasion." He meets your gaze.

  "They were innocents," you say, not looking away. "Or well, at least what counts for it among humans. They were just kitchen staff."

  *if massacre

    "You haven't given everyone that of consideration." Steel's voice is hard but not aggressive, as if he's more interested in your reply than to condemn you.

    "Maybe I know more than you about what kind of people that would be there." You wait for a protest, and when he remains silent, you shrug. "Not that it matters at this point."

*elseif massacre    

  "I know you've killed a lot of people." Steel's voice is hard but not aggressive, as if he's more interested in your reply than to condemn you.

  "So have you," you retort. 

  *if ((repentkill) or (stopkill))

    "And I don't do that anymore. Can you say the same?"

  *else

    "Probably more than me, and for worse reasons."

  "Do you think that matters?" He sounds tired, but you're running on adrenaline.

  "It doesn't matter what I think." The truth neither of you can look away from. "I'm not the one sitting in judgement here."

*else

  "I know you've thrown away what you fought for in the past." Steel's voice is hard but not aggressive, as if he's more interested in your reply than to condemn you.

  *if (((anarchist) or (prepare_them)) or (motivation = "justice"))

    "Have I?" You glare at him, not bothering to veil your accusation. "You have no idea what you're talking about. If you did, you'd realize who's the villain here."

    "I'm preserving the peace." Curt words. "Order."

    "I rest my case," you say with a sneer. "Good luck with that."

  *else

    "Maybe what I fought for in the past decided to turn around and rip out my throat." Your voice is hoarse, filled with pain. "Not that it matters. Not to the likes of you."

"You're making this complicated." Steel looks down, and this time his stiff stance breaks down into movement. Pacing. Maybe he just doesn't want to look at you.

*fake_choice

  #"The world is complicated," I say with a sigh.

    "The world is complicated," you say with a sigh. "And it doesn't matter if you try to make it simple with your rules and your lines. It's never gonna be black or white. Not for everyone. Not for people like me."

    "You're right." 

    "You can't just—" you start to protest, before you realize what Steel said. "I'm right?"

    "In this, at least." He has walked over to one of the side walls, staring at it as if he'd rather face that clean blankness of space that your complicated mess of a life. "The world is complicated. You are complicated."

  #"I am? You're the one that's standing here having doubts."

    "I am?" You can't help the incredulous look on your face. "You're the one that's standing here having doubts. Don't put that on my shoulders."

    "You're right."

    "I mean, you—" you start to protest, before you realize what Steel said. "I'm right?"

    "In this, at least." He has walked over to one of the side walls, staring at it as if he'd rather face that clean blankness of space that your complicated mess of a life. "I'm the one who is overthinking this."

  #"It's really not," I say firmly. "And you know it."

    "It's really not that complicated," you say firmly. "And you know it. Either I'm just another villain and it shouldn't matter what happens to me, or I'm not."

    "You're right."

    "See, that's—" you start to protest, before you realize what Steel said. "I'm right?"

    "Yes. You're not just another villain." He has walked over to one of the side walls, staring at it as if he'd rather face that clean blankness of space that your complicated mess of a life. "And I can't treat you like one."

"But in the end that doesn't change anything, does it?" You look over at his back, but it reveals even less than his face would have. The dense storm of dampeners makes his mind as unreadable as Ortega's.

"It shouldn't," he admits. 

*if steeldoubts < 40

  "I can't let the fact that you used to work with us color what you do now. What you're doing is wrong."

*else

  "Regardless of what points you've made, the way you are making them is wrong."

*fake_choice

  #"Hypocrite," I snap. "You do that all the time."

    "Hypocrite," you snap. "You do that all the time. Look at Argent. Look at Ortega. You know what they've been up to, and it's not all by the book."

    *if ((blinded) or (argent_marks))

      You touch the bandage covering your eye. "I bet she's not even getting a reprimand."

    "That's different," Steel retorts, but you can hear the hesitation in his voice as he turns around to face you. 

    "Is it?" You gesture with your bruised hands. "Because they're Rangers? Because I'm not even human?"

    *if ortega_relationship = "Re-Gene copy"

      A bitter laugh. "Ortega doesn't even think I'm me."

    "They're not—"

    "Killers?" you interrupt. "Breaking the law? Hurting people?" Your laugh is bitter. "If you disregard me being a Re-Gene, the only difference between them and me is goverment sanction. You know that."

    "I do." Steel looks down, shoulders slumping. "But that is a big difference."

  #"I know," you admit. "But it's the only way."

    "I know," you admit. "I know the things I do are wrong, and trust me, if I had options I would take them. But I don't have that. This is the only way."

    "That can't be true, we—"

    "We? You don't get it, do you? I couldn't crawl back to the Rangers for help because I couldn't be sure I wouldn't end up exactly where I am now. Trapped and waiting to be sent back to the people I escaped from." You barely pause to draw a breath. "You might talk all you want about morals and law and order but in the end this is about protecting a system that will have me dead or dehumanized. Or both."

    "I didn't say I agreed with all parts of it." Steel looks down, shoulders slumping. 

  #"Then tell me what to do instead," I snap. "What options do I have?"

    "Then tell me what to do instead," you snap. "What options do I have? An escaped Re-Gene? What would you have done if I came to you right after and asked for help?"

    "I wouldn't have turned you in, I—" 

    "You wouldn't have helped me either!" You raise your voice. "Because that might have inconvenienced you and your career! What would you have told me? Hide and keep my head down for the rest of my life? Ignore what was done to me to stay safe?"

    "I wish I could say you're wrong." Steel looks down, shoulders slumping. "That sounds like something I might have suggested."

"So then you know how useless this conversation is." You slump back in bed. "All you're doing is keeping us both awake."

"I suppose so." He slowly walks over to your bed, doing his best to refasten your cast to the support wires. "Maybe I felt that I owed you one last time to set the record staight before things become offical."

"Did you honestly think I'd go down that easy?" You speak through gritted teeth, that hurt.

"I suppose I didn't." The smile is hidden, and could just have easily have been your imagination. "But in the end I am doing this for my conscience, not yours."

"Keep telling yourself that." You sink back in bed. "Now let me get some sleep."

"Do that. I think we both need to rest up." Steel pauses at the door, turning around as if he's about to impart some sage advice. In the end he settles for a cryptic "Good luck." before he closes the door.

Leaving you to your nightmares.

*set cstag true

*goto firstnext