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A/N: I've done it! This chapter is also a new record for length: 3.5k.

It always takes me longer than I plan. I didn't want to stretch the story for one more chapter when I only needed half. And cutting the story into chunks it's always awkward.

I'll try to get the epilogue out tomorrow, but it might also be on Wednesday, depending on how long it becomes XD.


https://www.patreon.com/file?h=103772129&i=18889530

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Kai faltered as the window into the Hidden Sanctuary stood before him. He had witnessed firsthand how dangerous spatial magic could be in his clumsy attempts at teleporting cups and shells. If Zervathi made a mistake, he would be turned into human mush before realizing it. 

 

Is it safe to cross? 

 

~Of course.~ Zervathi declered, seemingly offended. ~As safe as I can make it.~

 

That’s not the same thing. 

 

Kai glared at the shard in his hand, unsure where to direct his irritation. While the god remained quiet, the complexity of the portal reassured him somewhat. 

 

The filaments composing the frame were woven so tight, he would have assumed they were solid blocks if he hadn’t seen them form. Delicate runes lined the edge, morphing every time he glanced at them. One moment they were vaguely familiar, almost understandable, the next entirely foreign. 

 

Hmm… What language is this? 

 

Overcome by curiosity, Kai focused Mana Observer at a squiggly spiral on his right. It was made of six concentric squares, a seven-pointed star and a wavy sea, a broken fractal— 

 

A headache slammed into his brain, shattering his vision. When he could see again, his head rested on the mossy ground with his skill already deactivated. He stood up wincing and massaged his forehead to soothe the pain.  

 

I thought it was safe to look at it. 

 

~I said you could admire my art, not bash your head through it.~ Zervathi rumbled. ~Have you ever heard the concept: look and don’t touch? I didn’t think I needed to warn you that fire is hot. Mortal minds aren’t made to understand the divine, you’re fortunate your body has passable survival instincts.~

 

Thanks a lot. 

 

~You’re welcome, monkey elfoid child. Now, if you could hurry along…~ 

 

Bracing himself, Kai strode through the window into another world. The surface of the portal rippled and clung to his body with a tingle, but he was too committed to pull back. The silvery gate swallowed him into a frigid embrace, and he staggered into the Hidden Sanctuary.

 

Kai gasped, the cold air stung his lungs as he reoriented himself. He had crossed the incomprehensible distance between realms with a single step. The temperature drop was more than a side effect of the portal. Goosebumps ran up his arms and his breath condensed in a thin fog before his nose.

 

~Huh, it worked perfectly…~ Surprise turned into elation. ~Naturally those cursed shackles are no match for my brilliance!~ 

 

Kai ignored the cheering god in his head and wrapped his arms around himself. Even during a winter storm, the weather never dipped below freezing in the archipelago. This was likely the coldest place he had been to in this life. 

 

Thank the spirits I was born on a tropical island. I forgot how much I hated the cold. 

 

The glyphs and chains of inky splintered runes were the same ones he had seen through the window, only more ominous. While these didn’t morph under his gaze, he avoided looking at them with Mana Observer to be safe. 

 

He did a quick count of his fingers and toes, nothing was missing. His body wasn’t pulled into a million motes, he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even felt nauseated. Besides the chill in his bones and a slight itch, it had been no different than crossing a door. 

 

That wasn’t too bad. Is this how it usually works?

 

~Who do you think you’re dealing with, child?~ Zervathi sounded very pleased with himself. ~Even in my diminished state, I’m a god. Dimensional crossings are within my primary domain. I don’t make mistakes.~

 

Forgive my ignorance. Kai rolled his eyes. It’s my first trans-dimensional travel.  

 

~I’ve not studied you hummans for long, but your facial expression doesn’t seem to align with your words.~

 

You can see me? 

 

His eyes searched the space. A notification blinked twice as he had coded for feats, but he dismissed it. Apart from the enchantments and glyphs, the chamber was made of ivory stone without a single window or entrance. The only hint of color was the portal showing the underground at his back. 

 

~I’ve brought you beyond most of the shackles that bound my prison. I can see and hear everything close to my vessel.~

 

Just what I needed. 

 

~What did you say?~

 

Hmm… wait… why’s the mana so thin? 

 

It was more than just the cold, ambient essence was sparser than he believed possible. If he were to count the stray motes swirling around him, he might not reach a thousand. 

 

Coming from the Heart of Veeryd, the difference was stark. The air wasn’t filling, and his skin felt parched from seconds of standing there. There was almost physical discomfort, a knot in his gut as his body struggled to hold on to his mana.

 

~Not pleasant, is it? Try spending a few millennia here. Those heinous bastards sealed the chamber in every material, magical and metaphysical way they could.~

 

Sounds like a paranoid bunch.  

 

~Bah! They were barely competent, they were only lucky to catch me by surprise. Thank Order, they didn’t think to suck out the air already in the chamber, or your lung would have exploded from the lack of pressure.~ Zervathi chuckled. 

 

Hilarious. 

 

~No, it would be absolutely terrible.~ He thundered, any trace of humor gone. ~Do you have any idea of the efforts I went through to bring you here? To have all that wasted in some cheap and crude show. No…~

 

Zervathi was as self-absorbed as only a god could be, though Kai sincerely hoped he hadn’t gone mad. Eight millennia must not be easy even for immortals. He glanced back at the portal, just a step away. 

 

“Can’t you let in more mana and heat in here?” he spoke aloud. Since the god was spying on him, he'd rather keep him out of his thoughts whenever possible. 

 

~While the shackles are falling, there are still wards in place that would recognize the breach and obliterate your soul. But you need not worry. You shall be safe as a dragon egg in its mother's clutches if you follow my instructions. Given your lack of common sense, I shall remind you not to tamper with the treacherous runes in here.~

 

“What do I need to do?” Kai slowed his breathing to conserve the finite amount of air. Reaching the Hidden Sanctuary was the first part of their bargain, now he just had to assist Zervathi in escaping his shackles.   

 

~Come to the Altar where my vessel is imprisoned.~

 

Kai glanced at the shard in his hands with a furrow in his brow. “You mean…”

 

~The Altar of Communion is seventeen strides beyond the spatial gate.~

 

“Oh,” he walked around the portal, careful not to step on the dark enchantments. 

 

There was indeed a circular dais hidden behind the window. Chains of splintered runes converged on the seventh layer, becoming so dense that the ivory stone appeared like onyx. A pitch-black sphere rested on top, not much larger than a human head. It was so dark and muted, not a ray of light reflected off its surface like a hole in the fabric of reality. 

 

That’s odd… 

 

Every surface was visible though there wasn’t a light source anywhere, and the world dimmed when he looked at the sphere. “Is that ball your vessel…?” 

 

~Obviously not, the void crystal is the last layer of my prison. My physical vessel is trapped inside.~ Zervathi urged him forward. ~What are you waiting for? I’ve disabled the pressure component; you can step on the enchantments on the Altar.~ 

 

“What about the rest of the chamber?”

 

~I told you not to tamper with them for a reason. Even monkeys, children and peasants know not to step on defensive arrays.~

 

“Yeah…” Kai wished the god was free so he could strangle him with his own hands. Thankfully his paranoia had saved him once again. “That isn’t common knowledge where I come from.”

 

~May Order watch over me, civilization must have sunk to the foul depths in the last millennia. What wicked fate must have befallen my archipelago to house such a primitive race?~

 

“My condolences,” Kai snorted. He stopped by the edge of the altar where the enchantments grew too dense to proceed. Up close, he could see many white slivers cut into the stone of the altar, severing inky clusters of runes. The grooves were no more than a few hairs wide, reminding him of the spatial tears he had seen on Kawei. 

 

“Is there anything else I should know?” He’d rather not die because the god had forgotten to tell him something that was taken for granted.  

 

~Mhmm… Don’t activate your skills unless I tell you to and make sure your enchanted items don’t touch the Altar if they haven’t been shielded. Also, it goes without saying, that you must isolate yourself.~

 

“Remind me how that's done.”

 

Zervathi sighed deeply. ~Now’s not the time for jokes. Retract your mana from the outer layer of your skin and don’t absorb or expel any motes.~

 

“Of course.” Kai bobbed his head. “I just wanted to make sure we had the same definition.” 

 

Keeping his flow contained wasn’t easy when his mana desperatedly wanted to leave his body and fill the void around him. Kai methodically redirected his outer capillaries towards the main veins. It was awkward and uncomfortable to keep hold of so much essence, but he did what was needed. 

 

His shirt had a weak cooling enchantment. Ideal in the jungle, not so much in the freezing chamber. Kai stored it in his spatial closet alongside the wristband that hid his grade. “Will the ring be a problem?”

 

~Your humor is still lacking.~ Zervathi scoffed. ~I told you that shielded items aren’t a problem. Just don’t let my divine shard touch the enchantments, that could end badly.~

 

Kai cautiously lifted his boot onto the first dais, his toes poking out where the basilisk had clawed through the leather. He waited to make sure there was no reaction before switching his weight to keep climbing. 

 

With each step, his stomach twisted in anticipation of some death ray coming to reap his soul.

 

This was such a bad idea. 

 

~There is no danger. I— WAIT!~

 

Kai froze as he was about to touch the fourth layer, afraid to even breathe or speak. 

 

What? 

 

~I scratched the confines of my cage by accident. You’re free to continue.~

 

Are you fucking kidding me? 

 

~No, my sense of humor is superior to yours.~

 

He pressed his lips shut, his arms trembled— though not from the cold. The bone-deep irritation helped him climb to the highest platform of the Altar. Up close, his eyes struggled to cope with the tridimensionality of the sphere absorbing the light. 

 

“What now?”  

 

~Shatter it.~

 

“What? You want me to punch it?”

 

~If you like. I told you it’d be easy, break that vile thing and the bargain shall be fulfilled.~

 

“Won’t it explode or curse me? Can I smash the prison of a god that easily?” 

 

~Don’t flatter yourself, I’ve been working on weakening it for millennia. By now the void crystal is nothing more than a hideous paperweight, but these cursed wards prevent me from destroying it completely.~

 

Kai started at the ominous ball of evil. It was more than common rock, though at this point he didn’t have much choice. 

 

While Zervathi was hardly forthright in his explanations, there was no doubt that the inky runes belonged to the invading force. And Kai liked to believe the Great Spirits would have said something if he was about to unleash a malicious demon on the archipelago. 

 

“Can I use a weapon?” 

 

~Nothing that is enchanted. You can use your hands, head or any other part you deem up to the task.~ 

 

There wasn’t any weapon in his ring without a rune. He was about to use a journal when he got a better idea. “Hmm… Can I use your shard?” The Altar was pointy and hard enough to work as a weapon.  

 

~If you must subject me to this indignity, make it quick…~

 

Here goes nothing! 

 

Standing as far as he could, Kai slashed the ball with the shard. 

 

Crack! 

 

His arm swung in a wide arc, not finding the resistance he expected. A wave of darkness burst forth, stealing away his senses and burning his skin. 

 

In the time he blinked and shielded himself with his arms, the chamber was brightly lit. The pain was gone too. There wasn’t a trace of the black sphere, not even a glass shard or dust. Instead, a new set of cracks had marred the stone of the dais like a white starburst. A delicate white statue slumped in the center. 

 

“As I’ve said.” A voice chirped. The statue stood up in a flutter of wings and dusted itself off. It adjusted the oversized crown over his pointy ears before deciding to throw it off the altar, clinking on each step. “Even a trained monkey could complete the quest.” 

 

Kai stared at the palm-sized fairy, trying to reconnect the thundering voice to its acute chirping. “Is this your true form?”

 

“Don’t be an idiot, human. A vessel is just a means for gods to exert their power on the material realm, though it also makes them vulnerable. This one was a trap to mock and imprison me.” Zervathi glared at its tiny body and burst into manic laughter. “Those fools thought they could imprison me for eternity. They didn’t even predict that by sealing the Hidden Sanctuary, the mana density on my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail.” 

 

“I see…” Kai slowly retreated. The portal still hung across the chamber, showing the underground on the other side. He was glad it all worked out, but he’d rather get away from the unhinged doll. “If you would give me my blessing I would get going.” 

 

“Just summon your Guide.” The fairy scoffed.

 

Ding 

New Feat: Intrepid Explorer - As the first sapient to find the entrance to the Hidden Sanctuary after eight millennia. You are awarded: +10 Favor!

 

Kai gawked at the number. That was the notification he had pushed aside earlier. If his accidental prize was this high, he couldn’t wait to see the main course.

 

Ding

Congratulations! You’ve fulfilled your end of the bargain with the god of the Hidden Sanctuary, Zervathi! 

 

As reward for your efforts, Zervathi shall endeavor to not intentionally harm any human for one hundred years unless first threatened and grant you with strongest Blessing of your choosing he may bestow. 

 

Finally. 

 

“I would like another boost to my Space affinity, and what else did you say you could—” 

 

Ding

The god of the Hidden Sanctuary, Zervathi, has bestowed a blessing upon you to repay your clumsy efforts!

You are awarded: +2 Favor!

 

“That’s not what I asked.”

 

“You’re not very sharp, are you?” The fairy studied his dainty hand as if he could wish it away by staring hard enough. “You see, I’m a little short on divine power after my imprisonment. That’s the best blessing I’m currently able to bestow as per our agreement.”

 

What! You little

 

Zervathi waved him off. “You may go ahead and spread the glory of my coming. Just leave my divine shard behind before you walk out.” 

 

He had risked death more times than he cared to remember and gotten entangled with the Republic all for two measly points. Receiving Intrepid Explorer was the only thing that kept his simmering rage in check. 

 

“Aren’t you a god of Truth? You cheated me!” Kai clenched his fist.

 

“Lies aren’t part of my domain.” The fairy sneered, shaking his head. “If you’re so ignorant to have made false assumptions, you have only yourself to blame. You should be grateful to have received the honor of aiding me. The first blessing was already plenty. Now give me my shard before I lose my patience.” 

 

Hallowed Intuition had stayed silent since he had crossed the portal. Faced with the slew of esoteric enchantments, the yellow skill must have reached its limit. Though it had shown no reaction even after Zervathi had destroyed most of the runes with his emergence. 

 

Hmm… 

 

The god probably wanted to exhaust his powers before blessing him. The same reason why he only asked for the divine shard now. Kai would bet the artifact could be salvaged for power, or some other godly shenanigan. 

 

“No, I don’t think I will.” Kai marched towards the portal. 

 

“I order you to stop right now! Wait!” The fairy buzzed in front of his face with an irate expression. 

 

“Why?” Kai calmly smiled. “What are you going to do if I don’t? Smite me?”

 

“You dare anger a god?”

 

Kai strolled around the annoying bug. “You can’t do anything, right? You said you’re out of divine juice, and the bargain forbids you from harming humans anyway.”

 

“You, insolent monkey! That’s only valid for a century.” The fairy gave a slightly unhinged laugh. “What’s a hundred years after spending millennia imprisoned? I’m immortal, I can wait for as long as it shall be necessary.” 

 

I should have asked for a longer grace period, though a hundred years should be enough to find a solution…

 

“Huh,” Kai scratched his brow with the shard, no doubt the nosy god was still reading his surface thoughts. “Guess we’ll see each other in a century then. Good luck recovering without your magic rock.” 

 

“Wait!” Zervathi cried again, buzzing before him with his arms crossed. “What do you want in exchange for that shard?” 

 

“For you to stop the beast attacks on the archipelago and a better blessing when you’ve recovered.” 

 

“That’s a ridiculous price just to save me a short decade of toil.” The fairy sneered with a smirk. “And remember I can’t lie.”  

 

Damn, bug. 

 

“Then just stop the beasts from crossing.” The shackles that imprisoned Zervathi were the same that sealed the Sanctuary. No one could predict the consequences of freeing the god. If a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, it could turn into a massacre. There could be hundreds or more other beasts. No way he’d trust the Republic to handle it.

 

The fairy pouted. “That’s still too much.” 

 

“Aren’t you the god of the Hidden Sanctuary? That should be easy for you.” 

 

“At the peak of my power, you’d be correct. It would hardly require a thought. But as we both now know, I’m quite powerless in this state.” Zervathi gestured to his fluttering body with a scowl. “Doing what you ask would consume almost all the power contained in that shard, I’d be left no better off.” 

 

Kai chewed his cheek. “So you can’t stop the beast attacks?”

 

“Mhmm… I didn’t say that. I would be able to do it if I could spare my energies somewhere else.” The fairy chuckled darkly, pointing at the portal. “Carrying a being unharmed across dimensions is taxing. I’ve kept enough for a single trip since leaving you here would break our bargain. However, if you agreed to remain, I could use that power to save the archipelago.”

 

“You want me to freeze to death in this chamber?” Kai was willing to forgo his rewards and risk his life to keep the islands and his family safe, but certain death… 

 

“Don’t be silly, humman. I’m not that cruel.” Zervathi smiled, showing a row of pointy teeth. “I shall open a way out of here. The rest will be up to you. I can assure you there are other ways to leave the Hidden Sanctuary.”

 

“I— What chances would you give me to find them?” Disappearing would solve his troubles with the Republic. He would also bet his life again for the sake of the archipelago.  

 

“Hmm… Have you such little faith in your abilities, child?” 

 

I’m not a fucking child. 

 

“That’s not an answer.” Kai stepped closer to the portal. 

 

“I admit, you’ll probably die. But don’t you want the chance to prove me wrong?” 

 

“Not particularly. For all I know, you could open an exit into the den of another basilisk.”

 

“Fine, I shall sweeten the deal.” Zervathi counted on his dainty fingers. “I’ll ensure your safety out of this temple, and you may seek my help three times after. As long as your wishes don’t require more than a third of the power I’ve regained, I shall grant them. Take it or leave it, this is the best deal you’re going to get, child. You have my word.” 


You sneaky… 


Once more truth turned against him. The open-ended nature of the bargain would grant him a lot of flexibility, though the trick was also obvious: the longer he waited the greater the reward. During the first months, he’d be on his own or be forced to waste his requests with little value. 


“I can pick any reward if you’ve regained enough power?”


"I meant what I said.” The fairy enounced with condescending slowness. “Before you leave the Hidden Sanctuary, you may beseech me for anything within the established constraints."


“Hmm… Can you help me contact my family first?”

 

“No. They don’t know my name and I’ve never met them. Keeping the portal open is already draining me. You have thirty seconds to decide before I’ll be too weak to send you back and the bargain is off.”

 

The damn bug knew how to push his limits. If he had to decide between his family’s safety and their peace of mind, he’d choose the first. He had always been good at surviving. 

 

Glaring at the fairy, Kai offered him the shard. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”



Comments

Mark

Thanks for the chapter! “if could you” -> “if you could” “The fairly scoffed” -> “the fairy scoffed”

Jackjargon

Oh this might not be a good call... but better bellowing hope the 2 yeas stuck here is worth it kid. But uninterrupted time is a nice bonus enjoy the isolation kid!

Ripstick 12

This has gotten so very much complicated

Zero

Ngl kinda a trash deal. There is no way for him to know that he can get everything he needs to survive in the realm. And he basically got scammed and he is uncharacteristically okay with that.

Immutably Empty

Well he should gain some favor for saving people from the beast attacks at least.

Fleisch

I honestly don’t know what to think. I was expecting some awesome blessings which makes me kind of disappointed that he didn’t get something but this also makes it interesting. How much will he learn while in the hidden realm? Will he be able to swindle information about magic from Zervathi? One thing for sure is that I am looking forward to the adventure.

SP

I'm thinking that he will benefit a lot from the higher mana density, since it seems like it's all contained in the hidden sanctuary vs being out in the world. However, I wonder how that'll work with the republic gearing up to explore the place.

Marcosezno

Two years? One Piece taught us that surviving and thriving two years in a land full of monsters can be the best training method. Excited to see how Kai will come out of this!

Andrew

Great as always, thank you!

Jared

I don’t understand what Kai is being offered at the end here. Zervathi says he will guarantee and exit and Kai’s safety for three days after, but then that if he survives for a year he will tell him the way out? I don’t understand, is he giving him a way out immediately or not?

James Faulkner

Well time for one hell of a training montage, big bummer about the blessing though :/

Austin

No exit. Safety for 3 days. Kai can look for ways out and then the god will tell him directly.

Austin

I bet with the shard gone and the ruins destroyed it takes the Republic a while to set up to exploit the hidden realm. That's without all the internal politics we've already seen.

Morog T Tiny

This part doesn't make a lot of sense. he just gets 2 favor when he is supposed to get a blessing to his level of space magic. The level of the monsters doesn't make sense because every one of them has been week enough to be killed by the basilisk so far and it is dead and the Republic looked to me, to be sending some powers to the area which would fix the portal issue. I personally thought he would end up in the hidden realm for a good period of time but didn't expect a couple years. Meh. needs to be refined more. The only thing that makes sense is that he is gonna end up fighting a stream of yellow monsters which would be an awesome power up and put him way up in yellow by the time he was 14.

Austin

Nice were gonna find out what mackyn was hinting at about why hidden realms are important. Hopefully the time alone, greater mana and materials will let Kai hit yellow before 14 too. Ngl was kinda hoping he'd get a feat for 50 favor before 14. His family is going to lose it though.

Wiggles1

He's giving Kai an exit from the prison chamber to the Hidden Realm, with a way back to the real world after 1-2 years.

Derze

plenty of time to learn from a god. He has all the cards to succeed

Jared

I guess it wasn’t clear to me that the prison chamber is a separate space from the hidden realm

Silver Beard

well.. we knew hunting yellow beasts was good XP... now he's going to have to do it daily for a couple years. Grade yellow guaranteed. perhaps he can cull the numbers until it's not a problem to keep them contained.

Kyfe

There should be ways for someone more powerful than Kai to leave the Hidden Sanctuary. From how I understand it, the god is saying: "You can become powerful enough and discover the exit on your own, but if you don't and you survive for a year, I'll tell you how it's done. If you're still not powerful enough, and you survive another year, I'll do it for you."

James Faulkner

On the bright side we don’t have to deal with annoying ass characters for 2 years book time unless there’s a time skip lmao

IgnisPrimus

I mean what did you expect? Pardon my words. But Kai has proven time and time again that he is a bitch. Every time he had been wronged he had been at most a bit angsty. The only time he really planned on executing an act of revenge was with his father's killer. And the only reason he even did that was because of his sister and the killer bragging about it, which made him lose control of his emotions. As sad as this is, this is totally in his character.

Zero

Was that when he hid every important information he knew and actively spied on the republic and gave it to who ever hurts them the most and framed a scout of being a spy by planting evidence? He has been petty every step of the way with the exception of his family and Flynn.

Zero

Other then his father’s killer is been the republic that has actively done him any harm. And they are a bit too large for him to handle. But he has been petty at every other opportunity. But maybe you think it’s either bitch or murder then yea on that scale sure.

SkyGold

I think the problem is just how incompetent the Republic has been demonstrated to Kai thus far. Maybe the forces from the mainland will do their job right. - or maybe they'll be just like the other bumbling idiots he's been dealing with so far. And if the beast problem keeps getting worse, his family is at high risk. But I do think this line of logic could have done with a bit more emphasis to make Kai's decision seem a bit more considered

IgnisPrimus

With the mana density and the number of monsters in yellow rank, I think Kai might go into 2-star Grade yellow, or at least very close to it in the 2 years he will be stuck there.

IgnisPrimus

The author note a few chapters back said there will be a time skip.

Silver Beard

I have to wonder though- the Republic military know of the Sanctuary- they're going to be trying to get in while he's trying to get out. Going to make for some interesting times. I hope we can get an interlude from the Princess POV or Lou...

Silver Beard

Kinda sucks though... his mana mimic isn't going to get much use. Pretty obvious the GOD is not going to give him anything but a migraine. Coming to adulthood in a high mana dense area will absolutely mean good things for him and his class evolution just hope he can find a lake or something for the occasion.

Silver Beard

That actually sucks... I was looking forward to some serious skill grinding without annoying side characters.

IgnisPrimus

So what? That does not disprove my point. Only two times in this whole story had he seriously planned an act of revenge with only one completed and the other in the air if it works or not. And how many times has he been wronged where he let it go? 5 times? maybe 10? And being slightly petty is nothing compared to what other people have done to him. That is like someone punching you in the dick and you smurf-kicking them in turn. And you somehow think that is fair? That is beyond stupid.

Zero

What are you talking about? Tell me when he has been wronged enough to necessitate retaliation?

Silver Beard

I couldn't help spend more of this chapter wanting Kai to ask the GD... HOW OLD AM I? Seriously though... what godly being asks a 12-year-old to be his savoir? I think Z got the cake, icings, the works... and should be extra greatful Kai even exists.

Deinos

Another foolish deal XD, 3 days of safety could be for a multitude of reasons, eg air used up.

Adunn

It’s too bad that he left his Fate Fulcrum behind.

IgnisPrimus

I think it is good for him in the long run. Him bettering himself in other areas before he uses his probably main ability is probably a good idea so he does not become over-reliant on it.

IgnisPrimus

Him being beaten up so badly that he would have died was he not a Grade 3 red human? Have we been reading the same story?

Silver Beard

Little buggered that he's going into every thing alone. Z is not his friend and he's in 'enemy' territory without his alchemy set, or anyone to watch his back when he tries to craft. I expect a lot more deadly, reactive kai for any time-skip. Kill and ask questions later.

IgnisPrimus

No, I am talking about the time Santa beat him to near death for being naughty.

Zero

Ah yea that makes sense because why else have a hate boner for kids from 150 chapters ago

IgnisPrimus

Ahh, you are one of those huh? A moron being a moron for the sake of it.

Invalid Entry

Monster island power leveling to yellow before 14 :D. Tho I would expect the republic to break in pretty quickly. Maybe there’s time dial action. Or a legal fight between the governor and military over control of the realm keeps anyone from entering.

wanderer117

This is a hyperbolic time chamber arc, only without the time dilation (probably). It could have been handled better but this is a positive change for Kia, sacrificing for the good of others. Hundreds of people have already been killed by the beast outbreaks and they were getting worse.

IgnisPrimus

-Hoopsterben, I think you perfectly explained most of the problems I and probably a lot of other people have with the book. I don't think anyone that complains really hates the book in of itself, it just has some frustrating aspects that could have been handled differently. The book has a beautiful world/background and the power system is one of the best I have seen. The characters also feel very human. But as you have said. There have not been many if any moments where Kai worked hard and got a big reward for it. Sure he got some crumbs here and there, but not really anything that will stand out when this story is finished and you have read the whole story. All of it just feels grey, Even when he trained constantly 24/7 for years around at the mansion, at the end of that training/journey it felt like the MC/you barely got anything that was worth all that hard work.

Nurgle

Holy Shit, can the poor dude catch a break? The payoff to all that effort and the grand escape is getting scammed? At least he won’t be a kid anymore after this.

wanderer117

Monsters do rarely have mana biased abilities that can be copied but Kia isn't just in a jungle full of powerful monsters. He's in a jungle with ancient runic ruins full of powerful monsters. That's a great environment for training most of his skills, maybe not improvisation.

Silver Beard

IDK...the fate device seems like a win to me; the early profession has been a win. Yeah- the story has been a true slow grind; but his story it's over. Yellow grade before adulthood... let's see if the pace doesn't pick up now. I don't doubt it will still be a grind, but foundation he received will take him farther than any pampered idiot Still remembering that moment when he was being a 'real mage' in the ruins and everyone reacting is hushes like they'd never seen a real mage. Or Valera when he spoke of his Mana Sight skill over 90 and the way she shut up and stumbled.

wanderer117

If the beasts stop breaking through they lose access to the 'natural' portals. The summoning rooms in all but ?1? temple have already been destroyed so they can't risk destructive study methods. Green experts can probably still find the hidden realm with time and resources but it might take a long time. They also need to do that research while keeping the hidden real a secret or they will experience sabotage from other nations / powers.

wanderer117

He'll officially be an adult. Some of this last book has rubbed me the wrong way because Kia is officially a child but the world mostly hasn't treated him like a child. No consulting his legal guardian before having him sign magically binding work contracts. Threats of imprisonment and conscription etc. Interrogation without the option of his legal gradian attending. I know the rules are fast and lose in the archipelago but those are what I would expect from fast and lose rules with an adult not a minor.

Silver Beard

The problem there is until he upgrades to yellow he'd have to drop a skill to learn any space magic.. .likely more than 1. Drop improvisation would be my first choice. Who's he going to use it on in my Mystic Realm?

Silver Beard

I agree with wanderer117... Kai's bargain to stop the random openings will crucify the Republic's attempt to claim the realm but it will have consequences.

Silver Beard

That military BS was way below the belt. Really? If that's the new standard... then what can't you get away with? I try to imagine what the butler and his Lady would [will] do when they find out... and it's the stuff nightmares are made of. A new mystic realm... they are going to hear of it...and they are going to remember the apprentice they left behind. Or they should.

zeke hustwit

Might be good, he would probably almost never use it, so it’d take forever for him to learn how it works. But Flynn will have no issues doing so.

zeke hustwit

I think it’s fairly reasonable. He isn’t that far away from 14, maybe he is just a runt/late bloomer and people don’t have much of a reason to care.

MorningDawn

Isolated on an island learning to survive and level is usually one of my favorite parts of a story 😂 hope we get to see him a little, excited for the skip

zeke hustwit

Good way to stay out of prison. I would have asked for something mundane as extra. Like be my friend, or teach me while we’re stuck in here(maybe even about divinities). Something that doesn’t cost divine power. Also always ask someone who can’t lie if they are deceiving you in another way.

luke eustace

I'm sure will get to see what things are like and what's in the Hidden Sanctuary then get a time skip for the grinding.

Kris Piskorski

Zervathi is hilarious, especially that monkey elfoid child bit

Gio

Zervathi is trying to find out if Kai is champion material xD

Reodude

And maybe for increasing mana density of the archipelago if breaking the prison reverses the mana drain effect? It should have a dramatic impact on a lot of people which favour rewards

hello there

A little anticlimatic ending of book. Kai is leaving all his family and friends for up to 2 years, making them to think he's dead

hello there

If the portal to hidden realm had divine runes it's rather not probable that republic will manage to get it easier then kai to get out.

Connor Hinrichs

If Kai is going to spend 2 years in the Hidden Realm, then he will likely reach yellow grade relatively fast. So he will be able to pick up 7 more skills and level them up before leaving the realm. Then, Kai can go to that lady that helped Flynn discard his profession, and get a better one with requirements being fed from 21 high level skill slots, instead of 14 high level ones and 7 low level ones

hello there

Thats quite a bad deal, to be stuck in realm without mana for two years. As every skill and tier are mana connected it would actually mean that kai will stop his progress for two years, plus he can go insane.

Gwalmeich

The POV will probably be the epilogue instead of an interlude.

Gwalmeich

I think it's only the prison itself that doesn't have much mana, not the entire realm or else there wouldn't be all those yellow beast coming out of it.

Gabriel Medeiros

i think only the chamber zervathi was in lacked mana. The hidden realm is over flowing with mana.

Gabriel Medeiros

is it though? Kai gets XP from skill grinding and by acting according to his professional ethos-which is learning magic. He's not a hunter or a warrior profession. So killing yellow beasts gets him no XP besides the skill grind.

HunterIV4

I honestly laughed out loud. It's not the first time Zervathi screwed him over...the original deal giving Zervathi the right to take his body if he failed was essentially a trick. Zervathi is described as being like a fairy, and if you know any of the stories about the fae, they are beings who cannot tell lies but are also masters of deception. This is such a common fantasy trope (but executed well) it surprises me that so many people are shocked that the god was deceptive.

Game Devil

A good set-up for a time skip, I like it! Thanks for the chapter!

James Squibb

Get ready for a second training arc! Yellow before 14, and who k ows what else!

IgnisPrimus

What is your point my guy? You don't have to be a psychopathic maniac to rough up kids older than you that was ready to kill you. You are disagreeing just to disagree.

IgnisPrimus

- Silver Beard. That is a good some points, but you also have to think about how much more Kai has trained compared to anyone else. I mean, he has trained literally since he was born. And was trained by some very powerful people. And the "only" thing he got with all that hard work was being above average amongst common folk.

Bergil Melny

Let me guess: By the time Kai returns from the Hidden Sanctuary year or more later, there will be some inexplicable reason justifying how most of his friends ( and Valela ) made it to Yellow grade, as by now there was too much investment there and casting them aside would be very inconvenient for the story, while inventing new adventures or companions is too costly.

saltyApple

I got anxiety bc Fynn has had the fate fulcrum for a while now. Do we really trust him not to use it or is it only registered to work for Kai? This has been on the back of my mind lately.

Vamsi Yerraguravagari

Probably, that will be the reason zervathi interacts with fynn and he will know about kai deal with zervathi

kiewitz

Maybe? But with how affinities, skill slots and classes work they would be hardly useless to him, even with Kai at yellow 1 and them at orange 3 and decent processions in orange too

walid bennour

your reward system is very unbalanced, getting stiffed out of good work and rewarded generously for something as flimsy as crossing a gate is not exactly conducive for building a good MC

Immutably Empty

Hadn't thought about that. Quite possible since impact rather than pure knowledge or intention seems to be important to the guide.

Jared

I mean Valela and his giant friend making it to yellow wouldn’t be too big of a shock. They’re both older and Valela has more resources.

hello there

could be the case, but that actually would mean that Kai will be surrounded by army of yellow tier monsters or higher, assuming that exiting zervathai prison would be part of the deal (he is still in the middle of the cage)

Fleisch

I just realized that Zervathi never gave Kai a choice. I bet there are lesser blessing he can give and either way, who is he to choose what Kai wants. If Kai had a choice, he could wait until Zervathi was a little stronger to get him something better. Sure it would take a while but it would most likely be worth it.

Gromaul

This. Zervathi absolutely did lie. The key word was choice, even if the choice consisted of only one option, he needed to first present it to Kai. This was a rather ham fisted way of getting around Kai getting some overpower ability from him. I am fine with him not rewarding him now, but it should have gone as you said, Kai tells him he will decide on his reward later, when Zervathi has more power. The system by allowing Zervathi to just reward him broke the terms of the agreement.

FrozenSharkie (edited)

Comment edits

2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-15 17:50:34 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”
2024-05-09 15:02:26 “He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”

“He had witnessed firsthand” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “If Zervathi had made a mistake,” Delete “had” “he could be torn to mush.” Change to either “he would be turned into mush” or “he would be torn into pieces” “Zervathi spoke [x], seemingly offended” Insert “with confidence” at x “unsure [x] where to direct” Insert “of” at x “he would assume they” Replace “would assume” with “would’ve assumed” “if he hadn’t seen them form [x].” Insert “directly in front of him” “every time he glanced at them.” Change to “every single time he tried to glance at them.” “familiar, [x] understandable, the next” Insert “even” or “somewhat” or “slightly” at x OR Delete “understandable” “on a squiggly spiral” Replace “on” with “at” “A headache cut through his brain” Replace “cut through” with “slammed into” “When he could [x] see again” Insert “finally” “his head rested on the mossy” Replace “rested” with “lay resting” “and his skill had already deactivated” Delete “had” “He stood up with a wince” Replace “with a wince” with “wincing” “massaged his forehead to [x] soothe the pain.” Insert “help” “look and don’t touch” Replace “and” with “but” “you’re fortunate your body” Replace “you’re fortunate” with “fortunately” “has good survival instincts.” Recommend replacing “good” with something more arrogant fitting Zervathi’s demeanour. Perhaps “adequate” or “acceptable” or “passable” “stung his lungs as he found his balance” Replace “as” with “whilst” OR Change to “stung his lungs as he reorientated himself” “He had crossed” Replace “He had” with “He’d” “his breath concealed in a thin fog before his nose.” Replace “concealed in” with “concentrated into” “Surprise became elation” Replace “became” with “turned to” “below freezing point” Delete “point” OR Change to “below the freezing point” “This was probably the coldest” Replace “probably” to “likely” “place he had been in this life” Change to “place he’d ever been to in this life” “I had forgotten how” Delete “I had” “same ones he had seen” Change “he had” to “he’d” “he [x] avoided looking at them” Insert “still” at x “he didn’t fall into the void, or even feel nauseated” Change to “he hadn’t fallen into the void, or even feel slightly nauseated.” “The only note of color” Replace “note” with “hint” “he might not get to a thousand.” Replace “get to” with “reach” “every physical, magical and metaphysical” Replace “physical” with “material” (Alliteration as well as prevents physical being repeated twice) “they only got lucky” Change to “they were only lucky” “your lung would have” Change to “your lungs would’ve” “any idea what efforts I went” Replace “what” with “of the” “just a step away” Replace “just” with “only” “he'd rather get him out” Replace “get” with “keep” “there are still wards [x] that” Insert “in place” at x “could recognize the breach” Change to either “could recognize a breach” OR “would recognize the breach” “first part of our bargain” Replace “our” with “the” OR “his” OR “their” “assist Zervathi escape” Replace “escape” with “escaping” OR “in escaping” OR “with escaping” “sixteen meters” I’m not sure if the god knows the Metric System, maybe change it to an ancient measurement system Zervathi knows or something more vague like X elfoid monkey leg strides, paces etc. “careful not to step” Replace “not to” with “to not” “The chains of splintered” Delete “The” “reflected on its surface” Replace “on” with “off” “Is the ball your vessel” Replace “the” with “that” “That is not common” Replace “is not” with “isn’t” “sunk to [x] dark depths” Insert "the" at x Replace “dark” with “murky” “unless I tell you [x] and” Insert “to” at x “Just remind me how that's done.” Change “Just” to “Please” OR Delete "Just" “when his mana wanted to do nothing but leave his body” Change to “when the only thing his mana wanted to do was leave his body” “did what he needed.” Change “he” to “was” “spatial closet together with the” Replace “together with” with “alongside” “wristband that hid [x] grade” Insert “his” at x “his boot on [x] the first dais” Insert “to” at x “afraid to [x] breathe or speak” Insert “even” at x ““Don’t be an idiot, humman” Replace “humman” with “human” “physical realm” Maybe replace “physical” with “mortal”? “my archipelago would fall and make their enchantments fail” Change to “my archipelago would fall, causing their enchantments to fail” “That’s not what I asked [x].” Insert “for” at x “best blessing [x] I’m able to” Insert “currently” at x “bestow as by agreement.” Replace “by” with “per our” “Zervathi waved him on” Replace “on” with “off” “remember and got entangled” Replace “got” with “gotten” “Republic [x] for two measly points” Insert “all” “You dare to anger a god” Delete “to” “Zervathi were the same [x] that” Insert “ones” at x “If a single beast like the basilisk was released, it could turn into a massacre.” Change to “If even a single beast as powerful as the basilisk were released, there’d be a full blown massacre." “He couldn’t trust the Republic to handle it.” Replace “He couldn’t” with “No way he’d” “But as we’ve both confirmed” Change to “But as we both now know” This better fits in with Zervathi’s personality, showing he was hiding his current weakness. “I shall open you a way out” Delete “you” OR Replace “you” with “up”

ManguKing

I mean.. what's stopping the Republic from holding his family hostage? So no one knows that he will be inside some dimension? What if the republic enters and finds him?