⛥ April Q&A (Patreon)

Is it my favorite time of the month?! Well, yes, but actually no. It is the time of the month that I have to fend off excruciating cramps, but also I finally get to answer your questions. I haven't checked the comments on my OG post since I posted it and a first glance made me a little giddy and oddly touched that you have so many questions for me again. I honestly dread the day that I completely run out, but I have backup ideas for slow months. After all, I understand you have lives to live just like I do and that keeping tabs on the Patreon accounts you support is not usually the top most important thing you've got going on. Nonetheless, whenever this post may catch your eye in your inbox, I hope it will be a good read to you. Let's bring it. 

Did you and Jack came up with the April fool's instagram post together? No, I thought of it all by myself after seeing a funny post by someone I follow. Seems it was a great success!

Is Ash a playful or laidback cat? Ash is an absolute spaz. She does not seem to tire of playtime and requests attention pretty much all day. Providing adequate enrichment to this animal is a full time job. 

How did you get started with ASMR? Or what inspired you to start? It was a simpler time back then. Fresh out of the clinic, I had the brilliant idea to search for guided meditation videos on YouTube. I was certain someone somewhere must have uploaded one. Funny enough, it was more difficult to find guided meditations than it was to browse the "related" tab filled with old school ASMR creators' roleplays. A haircut roleplay by The Water Whispers piqued my curiosity enough to click it and I found it beyond enjoyable. Before I knew it, I had fallen down the rabbit hole of relaxing roleplays. It really was a simpler time back then because YouTube was still mostly normal people posting whatever they wanted. It was easy, it was welcoming and it was personable. Nobody made any money from it yet and everybody was doing ASMR for the love of it. That's what made it easy to just go "oh... can I do this? I'm just gonna go ahead and do it..." and that was that. Video creation was an outlet for me where I could have fun because most creators who start out paradoxically assume that no one is gonna end up watching what they make. It was all new and exciting and there were none of the drawbacks of the cliquey-ness and hypercriticism and comparison we have today. Just people doing stuff. And so it came that I just ended up doing stuff - and that's the stuff that people liked. 

Have you read the Outlander series? Never heard of it. 

If you were a time traveler which century would you rather visit? What are my options? I think I'd be most likely to visit the far future to see if there's been any positive change because so far it's all garbage everywhere. Just throw it all out. Start over. I'd be searching for a timeline where people have learned to be less hostile for no fucking reason. Beyond that, as a woman with a healthy reproductive system, I am quite comfortable in the age of civil rights and contraception. 

Do you have any experience with herbal remedies? Some, sure. I take hawthorn extract to support my circulatory system as sometimes low blood pressure and anemia can hit me harder than I'd like. I've previously taken valerian for anxiety caused by insufferable neighbors. And generally I have an interest in kitchen witchcraft and herbalism for mild health issues (melissa and lavender for monthly cramps, cowslip for headaches), but my experience is as limited as my years. 

Was Jack playing Goragoa when the floofcat played with the stick, if not, what was the audio that was playing from? I don't think so. I put my money on Outward as he was playing that around that time. 

Will you go blonde? I have no desire or plans to go blonde. If my hair looks blonde, I'm either in between colors, or it's green but the camera filters it out. 

Are you lonely? I am living with my best friend and the man I married (they are the same person), so no. 

What did you get for your birthday? My husband got me Planet Zoo and now has to put me in rehab for it. In this game I can blink and 8 hours have passed in real time. He also got me an EMF meter to go with our haunted mansion adventure. It was a little less haunted than I'd like. I want to capture shadows and see things levitate damn it. 

Do you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert? I'm clearly introverted, though I can act extroverted. Though I'm not sure sometimes if I am naturally introverted or if I've just been bullied enough that I keep to myself. 

Have you ever dyed your hair auburn? Not intentionally. I have always been rather experimental with my hair, so it wouldn't surprise me if I accidentally ended up auburn when trying for a different color at some point. 

If you were an author what kind of books would you be writing? Self-help. But stuff that actually works, not that cringey "train your mind to become a millionnaire" or "solve your problems by pretending you don't care about them" shit. Like teach people how to love themselves and care for themselves, how to be human and deal with emotions. Either that or poetry. But poetry has to be one of the most gatekeepey genres out there which makes it a little more vulnerable. I don't know how I'd deal with pretentious shitheads tearing apart something that I created straight from my soul. 

Do you do much improvisation when you record your videos? I used to... It was an easier time then. Now, my perfectionism won't allow room for mistakes. Sometimes it still is appropriate, like improvising hand movements or melodies when creating a video. But definitely no improvising lines or script. I don't know if you knew but I am terrible at talking. I have to practice my "human scripts" regularly just so I can even respond to people and not just blank face stare at them. Been like this since I was a child and ever since I learned there's consequences for being this way in front of others I've just been winging it. I still get it wrong sometimes when I'm overwhelmed or don't pay attention and recite the wrong script at the wrong time. You guys don't even know how much work goes into appearing "human" and "genuine" and ... dare I say... "normal". It's actually absurd. If I were actually genuine I'd be blank face staring at people and taking several minutes to respond to a single question. Or just walk away ruminating. Most people don't have the patience to deal with that. 

What kind of cat is Ash? She looks like she has American Bobtail genes, with the tiger markings and the stubby tail. But we're not sure as she was a random farm cat. 

Have your Patreon page and YouYube channel always been called [Esc] reality? No, but it will be. 

Does Ash like to jump up and try to open doors? We have door knobs here so she just meow motherfuckerly.

Do you believe in therapy? I believe it can improve people's lives. The trick is making sure your therapist isn't a sociopathic narcissist. No, but seriously - a lot of people swear by therapy and I recommend for anyone who can afford it to at least try. Where else are we supposed to learn the human shit no one teaches us? School? I don't think so. If you can find a good therapist it can really make a difference. I wasn't all that lucky in that regard but my situation is a little unique. My general opinion is: Normalize therapy so we don't need therapy to deal with the people in our lives who won't go to therapy. 

What is the longest you have ever let your hair grow out? Technically I used to have butt-long hair in my early teens. 

Got any tips on dealing with noisy neighbours? I got one that is really loud and I just could explode sometimes cause of it. Let me rephrase the question. How to deal with stuck energy in the body, especially anger? I feel your pain. Some people are truly oblivious to how noisy they are. I'm sure some of you remember my rants about my neighbors who won't shut their crotch goblins the fuck up. My suggestion is: Move. Or make them move. You can manage and channel your anger all you want but if you don't fix the source of your anger, it'll just continue to grow. In the meantime, have you tried valerian or another mellowing herb? I could also suggest complaining to the landlord but depending on the landlord they're just not gonna give a shit. Mine didn't. I used to have to play really loud music every day just so I wouldn't have to hear their shit. Like I used to wake up multiple times a day from the vibrations of the rogue crotch goblins jumping and kicking things while using ear plugs, valerian and loud music every day to sleep. I know "move" is never what people want to hear and I always urge them to take any chance they can get to get out of a toxic situation. Literally search high and low for solutions. If you can't find anything, at least you can honestly say you've tried. And there's no harm in trying and continuing to try to find another place to live. Because choosing to continue to put yourself through that bullshit breeds self-hate. Taking yourself out of a bad situation is infinitely more self-loving and empowering than "dealing with anger". Remind yourself that you have options, that you can walk away. Spend as much time away from the fuckers as you can. And look for solutions. If it doesn't seem viable, at least give it your best shot. You'll be shocked what that does for your anger levels. Because you don't have stuck energy, you have frequently recurring triggers. It's not energy you can't let go, it's energy that other people cause in you every day. The only effective way to release it that I know of is to remove the trigger from your life. And invest in the most heavy duty ear plugs you can get your hands on. (Sorry, again, there's no spiritual shortcut for this shit)

That was it for today, thank you so much for your questions and your patience. I will have the May Q&A post ready here shortly in case you thought of something else to ask. I'm about to kick off with some editing and witchcraft the next few weeks but I'll do my best to get to your questions in a timely manner. Take care of yourself