⛥April Q&A⛥ (Patreon)

At long last, recovered from the previous BTS post, fueled by caffeine and protein bars (really helps with ADHD!) and still fidgeting in my chair because sitting down for a long time makes my body temperature drop to an unhealthy level and I'm cold... It makes the most obnoxious noise and I hope my neighbors suffer while I negate some excess energy into my limbs and read through your wonderful questions. You guys just never disappoint. Answering these posts is one of the most enjoyable things I have going on for me. I'm supposed to be rewarding you for giving me $6+ but it feels like I'm rewarding myself. Is this even work? It's too much fun. 

Do you enjoy hugs? I enjoy hugs from people I'm intimate with and very, very occasionally from others when I'm in one of my rare sociable moods. So about once a year. Think of me as a cat - I will only be touched freely by my human (Jack) and only tolerate touch from anyone else when I'm in the mood for it.  I like touch and my body needs it, but due to my toxic upbringing I associate touch with very negative, emotionally abusive, manipulative, guilt trippy, narcissistic things so I'm highly selective with who gets to touch me. I'm known for smudging the fuck out of myself after an unsolicited hug just because it makes me very uncomfortable to have a stranger's aura on me. 

Do you believe that everyone has a hidden talent? Yes, though I can see why you would ask that because 'everyone' automatically includes people I'm not so fond of, like my ex or her obnoxious crackhoe neighbor. I thought about this before and I have concluded that they also have hidden talents. Even if they're really stupid talents, like exclusively befriending people who exploit them while neglecting everyone who's good for them in any way or convincing everyone they're the victim when they in fact set people up with malicious and manipulative intents. In that way, yes, I believe everyone has a talent they are not aware of, but it doesn't necessarily have to be a useful contribution. 

What do you think of exotic pets? (Anything other than dog, cat, fish, rodent). I feel pretty meh about exotic pets but I guess it depends on the pet. Big cats I could see being fun companions and I relate to lizards on a personal level to the point where I have concluded I am probably part lizard. Think about it - can't regulate body temperature... head-bobbing... sitting with an open mouth for no apparent reason... I digress. Personally I could see myself having a pet bat just because they're so cute and cuddly and relatable. (In case you're just starting to notice, I relate a lot more to various animals than humans.) ... And then there's things like spiders. I don't see why anyone would want a pet spider. Or a bug for that matter. Like, there's enough of those flying in your fucking face everytime you leave your house April-October. Why would you deliberately put one IN your house? I know that different people have different tastes, it just doesn't make sense to me personally. 

Coffee and chocolate - you have to give up one, but get an unlimited supply of the other; which do you pick?  Easy. Coffee. Chocolate is a luxury - coffee is a necessity. 

What's something essential you do every day that you think other people would benefit from doing? Self-care. Ever since I hit a wall with trying to drag myself through life and work and trying to punish myself into being better, I discovered the rejuvenating world of self-care. I think that most people don't even know how to care for themselves due to the improper/inadequate care they received in childhood. We learn that shit from our parents, from watching how they treat us and how they treat themselves. If our parents (attachment figures) are attuned to our needs and meet them to the best of their ability, well, that's fucking brilliant. Out comes a healthy adult equipped with the tools they will require to maintain their own precious selves. But for most of us, that's not what we experienced, is it... No, we grow up being punished for having needs, being chastised for having fun and being cornered into associating relaxation and fun with slacking and being a despicable waste of human flesh. We are made to think we shouldn't require love and care because for whatever reason our attachment figures fail to give us these things or only partially meet our emotional needs. Many people don't even recognize emotional needs as real needs! If your parents were anything like mine, they just assumed if they so much as feed and clothe you, you'll turn out just fine. But self-care is not a natural impulse so much as it is a learned behavior. And it's a behavior, a skill that can make or break your entire life. It's literally life or death, because it's the difference between wanting to live and not wanting to live. If you, at any point, have struggled with allowing yourself the care you require, let me say to you right now... No wonder you're suicidal! No wonder you're depressed! No wonder you can't work up any interest in your life and neglect aspects of it if not all of it! It's not you. It's not a character flaw. You had a less than optimal upbringing and now you're suffering the effects. You may struggle to think you're worthy of things any human should take for granted. You may be afraid of what will happen if you stop being hard on yourself. I know what it's like, I've been through the same thing. It doesn't work. As time goes on, you'll just grow to be more and more miserable and you think that's just life when in reality all that happened was you were denied the development of basic life skills. I cannot stress enough how important it is to give a shit what you want and need and let yourself have it! You may tell yourself you'll be fine without that particular thing - and no, you won't die if you don't get it. But you'll remain unhappy and unfulfilled. And this doesn't just pertain to material things. Because life is not about material things - it's about experiences. Life is a series of experiences and your emotions, your feelings are an integral part of that experience. If you feel like no one cares - do YOU care? Learn to care. Learn to give a shit. Do something that makes you feel good every day. Your life depends on it. Honestly. The quality of your life and subsequently your will to live depend on the simple act of going out of your way to do stuff for YOU. Drink good coffee. Take dessert-scented bubble baths. Take frequent breaks. Enjoy nature. Buy that book. Buy comfy clothes. Pay attention to how you feel. Pay attention to YOU. Get to know YOU. Do nice things for YOU. Amen!

Have you ever thought about doing a non-ASMR spinoff of something like the shiki series (a day in the life of a shiki or something similar)? Not until you mentioned it but it sounds fun! 

What is your favourite food? Boy do I ever love any and all food, it's hard to pick a favorite. I'd say, at least for now, it has to be Vietnamese summer rolls. The traditional kind they make all over town is a flavor-fest of savory shrimp, egg omelette and vermicelli noodles with a fragrant kick from the lettuce and cilantro. The perfect balance of healthy, light, fresh and savory. I'm basically living for that flavor profile. They serve it with a lemon-chili dipping sauce but I adore them just by themselves. Now I'm sorely tempted to order some. But I have so much food, I remind myself, as if it'll last that long with my PMA = pre-menstrual appetite. 

Do you have a favourite place in your Sims game and if yes, what is it? Probably every new really cool place I build. Lately my Sims have been hanging out in The Mad Llama, an arcade I built that serves as a social hangout. I like the arcade because you can take anyone there and they're guaranteed to have a blast. Plus, playing arcade games with someone is a stupid fast way to improve your relationship with them. Unless you're a vampire, in which case you'll starve. Somehow, as a vampire, it's ridiculously difficult to advance relationships. Whereas a human sim could meet anyone, hit it off with them and make a friend in a couple hours, my vampire Sim has to constantly talk to people and hasn't made a single friend in two weeks. And you need Sims' consent to drink from them so you have to befriend them before they will allow you to feed on their plasma. You may have vampiric superpowers that I think were supposed to help, like reading Sims' minds to find out their traits and making them think about you, but half the time when you do that, someone will come up to you and accuse you of being a vampire and then they'll fucking hate you and you have to apologize just to not waste weeks of trying to befriend them. And I don't see why, as a vampire Sim, I'm being made to apologize for who I am so of course I refuse and just end up making enemies all over town and casually sipping on packets of plasma fruit juice. Sigh...

Whenever you did your Gentlest Spa Massage video, was it a man or woman you were giving a massage to? A woman ;) (Before anyone spills their beverage all over their keyboard in shock - I create massage sounds by setting the microphone up at the right angle and massaging my own legs. I am a woman. I am massaging myself. I have to shower afterwards because I end up using a lot of oil to get the nice smooth, slick sounds. Fun.)

How have you and the other alters been feeling? I don't think you've posted an update about D.I.D. in a while I hope everything's all right. We've been ok, I think. No one's fronted during the winter when my depression got incredibly overpowering but since I've been better it's been long intervals of being alone with occasional interruptions of co-consciousness. I don't post about it anymore because I'm not ready to be attacked for it quite yet. At least by now I've made it to a more or less stable state of mind and am no longer doubting what is happening to me. Everytime I get to be co-conscious with someone, my brain accepts that as proof that they are indeed real because I'm clearly here and I can conceptualize of myself and they are also clearly there and they can conceptualize of themselves. I'm not sure how to explain this phenomenon to someone who might not know what it's like, simply because I take it for granted. I don't know what it's like to live without it. Most of the time I'm not really paying attention and just trying to manage my life because in the end that's all I can do. Occasionally a past trauma will randomly hit me and demand to be processed. But I think I'm handling it quite well considering. 

How have you developed your english to such a good level? I think I'm just a natural. I've been more than interested in English ever since I was a child and it's always been fun to me. We were taught some basic grammar in school and I went through a phase in like 8th grade where I refused to speak German whenever I could get out of it and would talk to my "friends" (they considered themselves my friends, I didn't consider them friends. ask me about it next time?) in English which pissed them off. The only one who didn't mind was my best friend. We would just converse back and forth in our most comfortable languages. I'd speak English, she'd speak German and we understood each other and responded in our own language. It probably sounded funny to people who overheard our chats though. We still do that and last time when I got to hang out with her and meet her boyfriend we'd speak some of both. I just switched to speaking predominantly English a long time ago and by now it's become the default language my brain uses. I know that because one time I got blackout drunk (thanks to my stupid ex) and when I woke up in hospital I forgot how to speak German. All I could think and all that came out of my mouth was just English. It took me like half a day for my brain to recover the German.cache out of the intellectual paper bin. Everything I do is in English. Watch shows? English. Write posts? English. Listen to music? English. Chat online? English. Talk to myself? English. I basically hear and speak it all day every day which really does override your first and second languages. I think a huge part of it was watching a shit ton of YouTube, so I suggest watching a shit ton of YouTube and listening to random people chat about all kinds of shit if you want to improve your English. 

What is your favorite music genre? Metal. 'nuff said. 

Well, that was a blast. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed answering your questions. As always, save your follow up questions or newly sparked questions for the May Q&A I will be posting next week. Yes, questions about Jack are allowed. Yes, questions TO Jack are allowed. We reserve the right to skip some if they end up too saucy ;), personal or touchy. But in general we're willing to answer any questions you may have. Having him here live may be a refreshing change of pace from just hearing about me from me. 

Bonus question: Which protein bars were you eating between posts? [link opens image] 

They taste ok. It's definitely more of a supplement than a treat. Protein really helps me focus and they're healthy, vegan and organic so no guilt. One bar contains 10 grams of protein. I ate three. They were on offer. The apple-cinnamon variety tastes pretty good, but comes with a drawback of no added protein powder. And I want them gainz! 

I hope you have a lovely rest of your day and I'm looking forward to your questions next month!