⛥November Q&A⛥ (Patreon)

The time has come... to answer your questions of the month. I've been struggling the past two weeks with either really bad mental PMS or the onset of seasonal depression and this is the easiest thing I can probably motivate myself to do while I wait for the coffee to numb my brain and make me less irritable. This morning I saw daylight for the first time in a while on my weekly appointment. It didn't go well for me so I noped out as soon as I got the bare minimum done. The thick grey clouds didn't let much of it through and it felt almost surreal. I fit in better when the weather is dark and gloomy. It matches my state of mind. I feel slightly less exposed. So I'm down for a morning (evening) of hiding in my bedroom and satisfying your curiosity. 

As a practicing witch/person who does witch stuff (sorry, I really don't know the right terminology here), how has that affected your life in both long-term and daily living, and what sort of reaction do you get from people when you mention it or if it ever comes up in conversation? Two really great questions in one, and some of my favorite ones to answer. How witchcraft has affected me - first of all, like most witches, I was drawn to witchcraft for the promise of personal power. Something I didn't have as the child of a narcissist, and something I wasn't permitted to have. My whole life was decided for me by my parents and what I wanted or how I felt didn't matter. I did myself a huge favor by failing at what they set out for me and also by taking up witchcraft at an early age. I'm a self-taught witch - I've never joined a coven or had a mentor of any sort. I mean, where would I even find one in Catholic Bavaria? The first flux of occult knowledge was awakened within me in early adolescence, let's call it intuition. I didn't "learn" these principles from anywhere. Suddenly there were things I "just knew". I started from there picked things up along the way from days spent in the library and on Pagan/Wiccan websites and forums. I made friends there, even if only short-term, learned how other witches practice their craft and was fascinated by all the different expressions of magic. Let it be said at this point that I'm not one to invalidate someone's craft just because it's not how I do things. There's nothing I despise more than elitist witches. There are as many different ways to practice as there are witches walking on this earth and I don't think there are "right and wrong" things to do in witchcraft as much as there are just things that work and things that don't work. Any successful spell cast in an unconventional way speaks for itself regarding that. Right, back to how it affected me... Obviously it affects me in how I spend my time even now. Learning about herbs and crystals for example, channeling information/ "reading the air", interacting with spirits, holding rituals, crafting spelled objects - are all things I do frequently that probably most people wouldn't know how. This is just life as I know it, and I tried to abstain from anything esoteric for a while, but it didn't go well for me. All it did was take away everything that held me above water in a life that was set up for depression, anxiety and suicidal tendencies. I'm nowhere near my best self without witchcraft. It's given me power when I was powerless because when you grow up in a world where you don't matter and have no say in anything that happens to you, controlling and influencing energy is the one sense of self-empowerment you can pursue. For me, it was the one thing that was mine. The one thing I got to keep that no one could take away from me if I didn't meet a stupid standard. The one thing no one could beat out of me. The one thing no one else owned. It was freedom in a parental prison. A breath of fresh air in a toxic world. And since I stumbled into it so early, it defined who I have become as a person. Just in case it needs to be said again, I'm not a Wiccan. Wicca is a religion. I don't follow any religion. I follow my intuition. Once you know what you know, there's no going back, you see. I can never be the person I was before I knew about the invisible web of life upon which this physical world is built. I can never un-know how much more there is out there than meets the eye. And while I can never know everything, I can't know less than I know now. I can only ever learn more. All of this changes how you view the world. The one huge argument I had with my ex was that she didn't want to believe in witchcraft, even though I proved to her that it's real numerous times. Between healing her, casting protection spells, herbal remedies, fucking exorcising her... She still refused to look at my craft as anything more than a "hobby". She didn't understand that it's not simply a pastime like collecting stamps or playing Cafe Land on Facebook or some shit. It's a way of living and a way of viewing the world that you don't come back from. Over the years I've found herbal remedies that are infinitely more potent than any medication I've ever had to have and on a day-to-day basis for fighting things like headaches, sleep problems, monthly cramps, acne, colds, allergies etc. it renders over-the-counter drugs obsolete. I get the feeling that when I talk about herbal remedies, people just think it's some make-believe hippie shit placebo, but I don't have the words to express how much more powerful plants are than the toxic drugs with engineered side effects that everyone prefers to take instead. I mean, it's ridiculous how much more useful lemon balm and lavender tea is than the most popular menstrual pain medication out there. I'd have to take 3x the recommended dose to feel any difference with those shit horse pills and deal with being tired and dizzy for as along as the drug is in my system which amounts to like 5 hours tops, when a few cups of tea make the pain go away entirely and leave me feeling completely fine for the rest of the day. On top of that, practicing witchcraft has without a doubt contributed to me being introspective and moderately self-aware. Nothing makes a spell backfire as fast as being unclear about your own subconscious motivations. You just can't get away with not being aware of everything that goes into your magic. Because every hidden intention influences the outcome. You can't lie to yourself and if you do, your own craft will bring that to the surface for you. That's why black magic breaks so many people. That being said, the occult can also be a huge open door to escapism. When you've learned to give up on life because people just kept taking your power away, you close yourself off from reality and rather than using magic to enhance your freedom in reality, you start to withdraw into it. It becomes your safe place. I developed a highly unhealthy obsession with the otherworldly that way and am working on easing back into real life. You see this a lot with witches who have a better life out of body than inside their physical embodiment. You can just tell that they've given up on life. They don't take care of their bodies. They let their lives wither away in favor of entertaining their desires in different realms. This could easily have been me. It's like an occult matrix that's the result of a global illness. For me it took a real good reason to start to differentiate between what's real and what's not. Life has failed us and it's important that we don't let our escapism consume us. I hope this gives you a rough idea of what it's like to be me. ---- On to the second question: To be honest, it doesn't come up in conversation much. I don't really go out of my way to tell people that I'm a witch. I also don't make a giant secret out of it, but I don't think I've been asked about my faith more than thrice in my life. I only really break it to people when I think they're gonna be important to me in my life. And then it's usually one of two responses. 1) They are also practicing witchcraft 2) I've just lost all my credibility to them and we part ways. For some reason, so many people just jump on the "magic isn't real" bandwagon without ever giving it a chance. And while I don't particularly enjoy being invalidated for my lifestyle and identity, I know there's nothing I can do to change anyone's mind. A lot of people are afraid of being ridiculed like I am by those who think they know everything because "modern science has all the answers" which it doesn't. They simply adopt the beliefs that will get them accepted by society, never questioning what they actually believe to be true outside of what they're "supposed to" think. I'm not gonna pretend to have compassion for them. I believe it's totally valid to abandon your truth in favor of being accepted by the herd, but I don't believe it's right. Maybe I've only reached that conclusion because nothing I ever did got me accepted by the herd, though. I didn't get a choice. I had nothing to lose by choosing my own path. If I did, I may have chosen differently. 

Also, as a corollary, would you ever be interested in doing a video that explains the basics of things like the use of spells, crystals, special dates, and ritual tools like athames if you use them - sort of "Daily Witchcraft for Beginners"?  No, I'm not really interested in teaching witchcraft. And I don't think I will be in the foreseeable future. I realize how hard it can be to gather useful information especially in the beginning, but I don't feel called towards teaching others. I wouldn't even know where to begin breaking things down because I've been in it so long, I myself am unsure what would be the best way to learn. It differs for everybody. There are just so many layers and aspects to the craft and the principles and so much knowledge to be obtained, bringing them all together in one teaching seems like a ludicrous idea. Also, I'm about as eclectic as they come with my craft, and elitist witches looooove to cast stones and call someone a faker if they don't do something the "traditional" way. And then there's the "witchcraft isn't real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" crowd. I'm not ready for that kind of exposure. I'm lucky if I can pass one off as a "Healing Roleplay for ASMR" without some douchebag commenting that "auras and chakras isn't real life". Which, admittedly, cracks me up. Once you know what you know...

Do you get books daily? I assume you're asking if I read books daily. No, not really. I'm way too busy to be doing much reading lately. Maybe once I clean up and declutter my life.

How many types of Baumkuchen are there and which is your favourite type? Where I live, there's the one with milk chocolate, the one with dark chocolate and the one with icing. The cake itself doesn't have much variation, but I like the one with milk chocolate. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVPpPBHIeZc 

What is your favorite flavor of cup noodles?  I don't like cup noodles, but I like this.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfTkxUn8XF4 

What is your favorite subject in school? English, Music

Aside from badminton, what other sports do you love watching? I don't watch sports. It's boring. Playing sports is more rewarding but most of it involves people and people suck. Swimming is fun aswell as most ball games as long as there are no rules because rules take the fun out of everything. To me, it's no longer a game if you tell me I can't do something. Also competition ruins it for me. If you're competing against another team to win something, that's not a game, that's war. 

What kind of superpowers do you wish to have? Invisibility. I'm so tired of every dickbag staring at me like I'm a two headed goat. And pyrokinesis to put out any and all cigarettes in my vicinity. It would be fun to watch the smokers get frustrated. Maybe clairvoyance for lottery numbers. But the other two definitely come first. 

Do you play any musical instrument? No. They tried to make me learn but I'm only really interested in singing. 

At what age did you decide to become a Goth girl and who was your role model? I've always been a darkling, I've just never had the money to buy and wear the kind of clothes I like. I still don't b/c saving, but I've always admired goth fashion for how intricate and beautiful it looks. I just make mine very practical and wearable for everyday. A beautiful dress is only as useful as I can move freely in it. That being said, my first encounter with a goth "rolemodel" was when I watched Witch Hunter Robin in my teens. Robin was the first character in anime I really related to, because of how introverted and isolated she is. We also looked a lot alike, right down to the eye and hair color. Of course, I loved her long black dress and the way she carried herself. She's obviously lonely, but quietly self-assured at the same time. That was literally me in my teens. Through this very opening song, I got sucked into J-Rock, found the Gothic Lolita aesthetic which is the epitome of gorgeous mystical girliness, found Kitade Nana who was the first real life person whose style I wanted to copy exactly, albeit the more alternative one - and now we have Instagram where everybody looks like that resulting in me wanting to look like literally everyone else. Though it wasn't until I started being more myself that my style has gotten progressively darker. It's just not easy to find stuff in black here and the really pretty stuff is still way out of my budget. Not to mention how even on EMP the XS stuff tends to run really large and doesn't fit me. But I try. 

What is your Myers-Briggs type indicator? They say I'm an INTP but what they say about INTP is nothing like me, lol. I mean I agree that I'm introverted, intuitive, thinking and perceptive as opposed to extroverted, sensory, feeling and judging... It's everything that comes after that that really highlights how quacky this test is. I'm not a "logician" or "architect". I'm an overthinker without a sense of purpose. 

Have you ever build a dreamcatcher? No.

And do you know if there is a spell to aid it's ability to catch nightmares? No, nothing that ever worked for me. Then again, my most impactful nightmares were caused by demons. I had a spell to get out of nightmares but it's been too long, I forget. 

Which fruits do you like and which you dont like? I like pineapple, berries, figs, all melons except honeydew, mangoes and all other stone fruit, star fruit, all citrus fruit and mandarin oranges, but only the sour ones we had in childhood, not the icky clementines that just taste like a sunkist injected ball of cardboard. [literally me at the thought of clementines] To be honest, I like most fruit, but I don't like things that are messy to eat and take a lot of effort to prepare. I'll eat just about any fruit if someone else cuts it up for me. But it's not really satisfying enough to justify washing, peeling, cutting and sticky fruit juice hands. 

Which vegetables do you like and which you dont? I like all vegetables except celery stalks and canned asparagus. Excluding the ones I've never tried of course. 

What do you think about electronic circuits? I don't understand the question.

Did you ever have a bike? No, never owned one. That shit is expensive. 

Have you ever been in a goth bar? If yes when was the last time? Never been to one. There is one solitary bar in town that occasionally caters to the goth crowd but someone I wish dead frequents it. (Not my ex)

What do you think about Irish pubs? Never been to one but I like deep fried bar food so I think I'd enjoy it. 

Do you know blackthorn cider? (Its one of my favorites since my holiday in scotland). Never heard of it, but it's cider, so I must try it. 

What do you think about roller coasters? Lame. At least I've never been on a really fun one.

Have you ever been at some mystic places? And if you could which ones would you visit?  Define mystic places? I'd like to see Stonehenge for starters and that one forest in Romania where the EMF is so THICC that people go insane in there. Fun. I'd also like to go to Teal's retreat in Costa Rica. I'd honestly like to go anywhere fun things happen. This place sucks. 

Do you watch your own videos? If you do, do you tingle from them? Hell no, I detest the sound of my own voice. Sometimes the triggers I use make me tingle, but not enough to warrant having to listen to my own voice for an hour. I watch every video I make once, for quality control, so I can correct mistakes I made before publishing the final video you see. It's a ritual we have where Jack and I listen to it together and he's supposed to help me pinpoint things I forgot to edit out, but mostly he just tells me it sounded really nice and relaxing. 

How did you get into witchcraft? See question 1

What was your first psychic experience and when was it? I really don't remember since it's always kinda been part of my life, but probably accidentally channeling a "higher consciousness" or whatever. That's always kinda happened to me when I would start to talk about something related to the otherworldly. Or, if you'd count that, at 5 years old my cousin was reading out of a horoscope and it said that Aries should trust their intuition. She asked me what I felt and I just intuitively answered I feel like we are being watched. We both looked over and my aunt was watching us. It was a fun moment but it made my little Aries heart feel special. Though I think I just said that because it sounded cool and mysterious. It just worked out for me lol. 

Do you prefer a real Christmas tree or a fake one? Always fake, if any. I don't believe that ritually killing trees every year just to display them in a corner of your livingroom for a month like a sick trophy before throwing them out like they weren't once a living creature is justified. It doesn't seem right to me. I am highly attached to trees. I mean, I'm moving to Missouri, so yeah, I fucking love trees. I don't like how people treat them like a disposable piece of junk at this time of year. Once you kill the tree, how do you honor it? Most people barely pay attention to it, but still want it to be there, like that decorative pineapple on the kitchen table that no one wants to cut up and eat. Are you gonna eat the tree? Are you gonna make it into a piece of furniture that will last a long time and be useful and appreciated? Will you cut it up and use it as firewood for your oven or fireplace to keep you alive through the winter? No? Then you have no business wasting a precious life. 

It seems like you've been trapped in cities youre whole life, would ya ever try country or smaller town life? I would love to live off the grid but my job requires me to have internet access. But I think small towns are worse than big cities in many regards. Small towns tend to be closed communities that aren't accepting of strangers like big cities are. In a way, the overwhelming poulation in huge places creates an anonymity that benefits newcomers. Small communities where everyone knows everyone can be damn near impossible to fit into whereas in bigger cities, there are so many people that you see new faces every day, it's something people don't really pay attention to. So it's easier to find a place and build a life there. Not to mention cults thrive in small communities. You could move right into a Mormon petri dish without knowing it. Country life sounds fun as long as it ain't farm life. I like animals, but I don't have to have a herd of each in my backyard. Then again it's a matter of finding open-minded people. At least in Bavaria, the more remote the place, the more judgemental and rejective the people are. For someone like me, who just somehow stands out without meaning to, it's a fucking nightmare. Imagine trying to have a life when everywhere you go people make it known that you're not wanted, for reasons they never disclose or define. I really hope it's different elsewhere, but I've never known anything else. 

Thank you for asking all these awesome questions. By now it's time to start getting ready for evening quality time with a certain beautiful twin flame of mine. I hope you enjoyed reading my answers and if you have follow up questions or newly inspired ones, I'll post the December Q&A announcement in a few days so you can ask away there. Thank you for letting me express myself here. I hope you all are well and taking good care of yourselves. 

//Ally