#How2Hogan Notes (Patreon)

Andre the Giant’s manager = Bobby the Brain Heenan 

he looks aroused 

and also on a lot of drugs 

he’s such AN UNCOMFORTABLE COLOUR! like purple brown 

weird hotdog man 

“now I’m gonna show you some real weird ones” - that wasn’t weird????? 

hogan tears his t-shirt off - he makes it look like it melted off him, is it really weak material? 

he’s balding 

it’s a really slow match 

hogan avoids an attack and the crowd shit themselves with excitement 

like calm down 

andre leans against hogan, squeezing him for around a minute atm. reckon andre might have fallen asleep 

two minutes now 

hulk hogan’s unconcious 

then he lifts his fist up in the air 

this is so boring 

if I set this to classical music it would be very dull 

they bash into each other at one point and fall over and everyone freaks out again 

I think if they saw adrian neville I think they would actually die 

hulk does the shakey thing again which is apparently referred to as “hulking up" 

like the actual hulk? like the green angry man? 

apparently that was regarded as the best match ever for ages????? 

WrestleMania 9 - Bret Hart vs Yokozuna - 1993

This is Hogan after he’s left to become an actor and he’s returning from that 

End of the main event at WresleMania 

Hogan runs in 

Yokozuna challenges him to fight 

they fight briefly and Hogan pins them and he wins the belt?????? 

Promo bit - WCW Hogan turns heel - 1996

he looks so trim! 

the crowd start throwing stuff onstage 

he says ‘brother’ a LOT 

“hulk hogan you can go to hell. straight to hell.” do not pass go, do not collect £200 

Summerslam - Hulk Hogan vs Shawn Michaels - 2005

"Legend vs Icon" 

the music post-betrayal is RIDICULOUS like an angry choir of angels 

does he wear a bandana because he’s balding? 

shawn michaels makes a digging motion during hogan’s entrance he’s gonna “bury” him 

shawn michaels just keeps overselling EVERYTHING 

every tiny hit gets a ridiculous backflip and roly poly 

hulk cuts his forehead and there is blood EVERYWHERE 

it is very harrowing 

shawn has him in a headlock and there it literally so much fucking blood 

it’s like something out of the saw movies 

TNA - Hulk Hogan vs Sting - 2011

hulk hogan has had back surgery like 6 times at this point and also a hip replacement 

this is really sad 

it’s like two dads trying to wrestle 

except one of them has a bad back so he can’t do much but he’s really trying because his son is in the audience and he doesn’t want to let him down 

like your rich friend’s dad, the one with the alcohol problem no one acknowledges on account of him being mega rich, ric flair takes off his jacket and uses it to attack sting 

this could also be compared to a pantomime, full of dads who refuse to believe they’re too old to be famous anymore 

hulk hogan does the ric flair walk thing and looks like it’s too much work and he might fall over 

With regards to “hulking up” - is this something he can control? like he has a magic power? 

or is it something that overpowers him, like the hulk’s thing 

hulk refuses to wrestle shorter or smaller wrestlers. why does it matter if they’re short? they should make the ring smaller so they look big 

perspective innit 

hogan ridiculous wizard promo: it’s like a REALLY BAD b movie 

“I’m ashamed as a wrestling fan to have shown you this"