CHP 26: Live Testing (Patreon)

I understand that Warframes are weapons of mass destruction that can decimate entire armies by their lonesome and I made Gauss Prime as both a nuclear deterrent and answer to threats, to be used only in said situations.

But can you judge me for wanting to take it on a test run?

No, you can't.

You'd do the same thing if you had a speedster suit just lying in your basement... The problem is, you don't.

But, I do.

"All systems online."

Cortana's voice buzzed in my ear as I looked down at my 'hands'.

They were dark metal, lined with shining gold and hummed with power... I clenched and unclenched my fists a few times to get a feel for this body. 

I reckon I'd have the biggest grin on my face right now if Gauss had the capacity for it.

Stretching my arms, I could hear the machine I was piloting whir and hum, "This feels pretty great."

For one, I'm much taller than child Shinjiberg in this body and I have superpowers... sci-fi superpowers to be exact, none of that magical jazz or whatever.

"All systems are operating at optimal capacity. I detect no problems."

Of course you don't. A problem could only be there if someone made a mistake, and geniuses don't make any.

I looked to the plastic chair at the lab's main computer and walked over to it with heavy footsteps, flicking one of the drones in the room away.

There, in the chair, sat my main body in all it's glory, wearing a headset that could be deactivated with a thought and bring my consciousness back to it.

As always, it's coded to work for me and me alone because I'm an asshole like that.

I have no intentions of sharing my inventions with anybody, not even as bargaining chips or favours to friends.

You can hate me all you want for not trusting others with my stuff like an idiot but you can't really do anything about it.

I put a hand to my chin, "Hmm... I really am a cute shota."

But I can't say I'm attached to the prospect of being a kid, I'd rather grow up so I can take advantage of my company in a different way, "And that hair looks weird."

...Maybe I should dye it? Or pull an Archer and just drain all the colour from it?

"I find it unique."

Dear Cortana, that's the fucking problem.

Where I come from, it's the trademark of a certain kind of people that are a little TOO unique for me to associate myself with them.

"Well, we can see about that later. Let's test this out."

"Godspeed, father."

Heh.

Godspeed indeed.

I carefully made my way out of the lab so as not to accidentally go off and blow through everything I'd built up till now. Thankfully, all I had to do was jump out of a hatch and I arrived at the shitty storehouse Shirou keeps for some reason.

I offered to renovate it, you know?

He just said he liked it the way it was.

How odd, a selfless heroic nut shouldn't be sentimental about material things.

The Sun had already set and I'd ultimately ended up blowing off school about halfway through, instead spending the time I'd waste there cooped up in my lab designing other weaponry.

Remember kids, contrary to what people say, school isn't as necessary as you think, especially not when you have an all-powerful AI at your beck and call hoarding money from a number of pyramid schemes and investment scams 24/7.

"Hm~?"

I turned around to spot a curious Tiamat staring at me with a tilted head, she was even poking her cheek all cutesy like... Awkwardly, I took a step back and slightly waved my hand, "Hello there."

"Shinjiii? Is that your new... invention?"

Aww, she remembers how I didn't like her calling them toys and started calling them what I do.

Wait no, I'm getting distracted by her cuteness, how the hell does she recognise me?

I pointed a hand at my face, tilting my head in confusion.

"Yes, Shinjii?"

Well, that's not worrying at all.

The only thing in this suit should be my conscious.

"I'm... gonna go try this thing out." I bent my knees and made a small running gesture with my hands.

Come on, don't stop me.

Piloting something like this peak male fantasy.

She smiled fondly and waved back, "Have fun and be safe~."

...She has to stop that.

It's not good for my dickhead heart.

I gave her mock salute before running at the wall and vaulting over it in a smooth motion.

The world slowed down to a near complete halt as I shot through the mostly empty streets of Miyama Town, even if there was somebody, all they'd really see was a faint blue blur left by the lights on the Warframe... I doubt even that though.

Seeing an intersection come up, my legs whirred as I made a smooth turn and shot down the left road before leaning down slightly and leaping into the air. I flailed my arms around as I moved through the air and landed near a forest.

I didn't stop my movement there though and bolted through the dark forest, making the natural wildlife scurry away from sheer instinct.

...I have to say, this is fucking exhilarating.

It's the most awesome thing I've felt ever since I came to this world.

Eventually, I came across a shady mediaeval castle standing out in the forest... but even that couldn't stop me, I ran up the wall without regard for gravity and stopped only when I reached the top of one of the lookout towers, slamming my foot down on the stone floor.

You see, there's a certain problem that comes with moving incredibly fast.

It generates an insane amount of momentum, and while this body can easily handle the air resistance and what not that's produced by the rapid movement, the force it releases when it comes to an abrupt halt is enough to blow through just about anything in the way.

In a fight, this serves as an amazing way to attack.

Normally, the in-built kinetic systems can absorb the momentum and use it to power the Warframe... but I may have been a bit too excited and lost myself for a moment when I kicked at the tower.

As a consequence, the whole thing had a hole blown through it and started crumbling apart like it was hit by an Earthquake.

...At least the castle was unscathed... relatively.

Now that I pay attention, isn't this the Einzbern Castle that said family's used as a base of operations for all Holy Grail Wars to date?

I figure they won't appreciate it when they find out what I did... but they can't connect it to me cause the bums won't use cameras.

Putting a hand over my mouth, I studied the destruction I'd caused and the people I could have harmed by doing it.

Maybe it's time to put this suit away.

I can't have people in dang-... SIKE! YOU THOUGHT!

NAH! I AM HIM! 

PROPERTY DAMAGE IS THE NEW BIG THING!

I shrugged my hands and turned to stare at the moon like an emo protagonist... You can't deny it's pretty as hell when there's no clouds covering it.

And... it looks a lot bigger than I'd have thought.

But then again, last time I really looked at it, I was seven.

A genius like me doesn't have the time to idle... Well, didn't.

I don't really have as much responsibility as before, and a lot more free time... I can't say I don't like it even if I do slightly miss the sense of a purpose I could unhealthily devote myself to.

I am a good boy after all, I was a junior doctor... only because my mom asked me though... I definitely didn't become one to help people.

Sitting down at the wall cross-legged, I stared at the moon in contemplative silence.

"Say Cortana, how do we feel about a moon base?"

"It is a splendid idea, father. You can remove yourself from the influence of these monkeys and work in silence."

Thank you for the input, racist AI.

Wait, that gives me an idea.

"Cortana, let's make flappy bird."

The time's come to undertake my first great feat as a mad scientist and unleash one of the Great Evils.

Unlike the original, I won't be taking it down either.

I was interrupted again, but this time by... moans?

Is somebody banging in the forest at this hour?

...The dude sounds like a dying pig.

I put a hand over my eyes and narrowed them towards the source of the noise to spot... are those zombies?

...Where the hell did zombies come from?

That's not right, is it?

I'd get it if this happened during the upcoming Holy Grail War but... there shouldn't be any creatures like these in Fuyuki at present time.

Wait, wait, wait a second.

"Cortana, check the airport databases and mark down everyone that came to Fuyuki from Europe or America after we killed Zouken."

Zouken Matou was the Fate Diddy and a fucked up individual but his presence alone served as a deterrent for a lot of 'harmful' elements.

"Very well."

This city has a magical leyline under it, and rich in magical energy that can be used for large scale rituals with little in the way of security.

Zouken used to be enough and with him gone, there's no one to protect it officially.

The Tohsaka family head also isn't here, while the Matou head is a child... The Mage's Association has no presence here and while Kirei is here, he's only one man.

Damn, this city is practically a hotspot for all sorts of idiots in over their heads... with a ton of civilians for their rituals and whatnot.

I leapt off the wall and landed in the forest with a thud.

But, they'll regret not paying attention to the existence of Shinjiberg.

Even the leaves falling from the trees seemed to slow to a halt as I ran straight at the zombies, blowing through two... Damn, that was nasty.

They just exploded.

I grabbed another by the shoulder and ripped it's head off before throwing it at another like a baseball... that ripped through it's chest.

I kicked another one from the side and sliced it in two.

All this time, I've been moving so fast that they don't even know what's happening.

I grabbed the last one by it's head and raised it to the air.

When time 'resumed', all the zombies were shredded apart by the momentum of being hit at incognisable speed.

"I'm coming for you." I crushed the creature's head in my hand.

These guys think of kids as prime research material... they need to go.

Dear magi, respectfully, you guys are soooo fucked.

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