CHP 25: Uncomfortable Day (Patreon)

Have I ever talked about things I don't like?

Of course I haven't, I'm a benevolent and highly tolerant person who never holds any grudges and doesn't even know the meaning of the word spite.

No, I didn't adopt Caren just to fuck with Kirei.

I will deny the allegations until the day I die.

Anyway, back on topic, one of the few things I don't like or tolerate is being interrupted when I sleep.

My peace and calm is one of the reasons I conduct suicidal experiments, the other being my own pleasure and need to get back at the world for not giving me magecraf- EHEM... my need to see humanity progress because I definitely care about other people.

Sleeping lets me forget for a second that I'm in a world where some Demon God can just decide to erase humanity or a particularly emo Indian hero can reset all of creation... or moving away from that, the fact that the Church is after my ass and the Mage's Association will be too eventually.

Also the fact that there's an Evil God hibernating under where I'm living that can burn away half the world before anybody could do something about it if he gets out.

Anyway, my point is, I like my beauty sleep.

And I, reasonably, hate when somebody interrupts it.

So, when I felt my comfy futon move in the middle of the night, I was understandably upset with whoever the fuck thought it was a good idea to mess with me. 

My eyes shot open to see a pair of golden ones staring back at me in the dark room... from right above me.

And no, I definitely wasn't scared for even a single second.

"Caren, what the hell do you want? Do you know what time it is?" I sat up, rubbing my groggy eyes.

The latest addition to the Matou family stared at me for a few seconds before tilting her head like I was the stupid one, "You took me into your family for a reason, right?"

She's got the most problematic personality out of all the people around me.

What? Don't believe me?

Gilgamesh himself steers clear of her, avoiding her like the plague.

Does that tell you what you need to know?

"Yeah?"

"Then do it. Or are you such a wimp that you can't even follow through with your words? Perverted and beastly as they might be?"

Bro... it's the middle of the night and I have no idea what she's on about.

"What?" I asked, genuinely confused.

"Why else would you save me? You want my pure body, right?"

Pause.

What the fuck is wrong with her?

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

She's eight, I'm sorry, but no, please grow out of... whatever the fuck this is supposed to be. It's making me extremely uncomfortable.

"But you said you wanted me? You said it yourself."

Nah, I'm not dealing with this in the middle of the night.

She smiled sadistically, "Or are you a scared little boy, afraid of taking what he wants even when it's being given to him?"

The kid of a psycho is also a psycho, who'd have known?

I took a deep breath and put both my hands on her shoulders, "Get help please."

"So you're asking me to help yo-"

I deadpanned and threw her out of the window, into the yard before slamming the window shut behind her and locking my door, then I reinforced the door with nanites just to make sure.

"Stupid kids, trying to make me into Rudeus or something. The only grooming that'll be happening here is to me, from a big titty onee-san." I got back in my bed, threw on my sheets and looked the other way, "I wasn't a NEET before I came here and I'll be damned if I'm interested in some kid."

I refuse to see children that way, anyone who does can tell me and I can personally arrange a meeting between them and the God they prefer.

Though annoyed, I was also pretty tired from the day and drifted off to sleep sooner than I'd thought I would.

-

When I woke up in the morning and entered the lively living room, I could see a faint smile on Caren's usually inexpressive face, "You're messed up."

"Says the person that was so terrified of insects, he tried to kill himself. The Lord frowns upon such things, life is a gift. I hope you can get over whatever trauma plagues you." She quipped back in that usual tone of hers, cutting up a pancake with a knife, "But, maybe taking a look in the mirror will help. You'll realise the insects and you aren't so different after all."

I was... frankly, speechless.

She was snarky before but... this is a whole new level.

"Shinji, you'll be going to school with us, right?" Shirou asked from the attached kitchen, busy with housewife stuff, "We missed a few days cause of the... trip."

Dear Shirou, get it through your thick skull, school is a prison meant to suppress genius minds like mine.

"No, my money problems are solved. I don't have any reason to go. You can take over my candy empire if you want." I answered calmly, waiting for my own breakfast.

I've moved on to greener pastures.

Forget schools and candy, I can move Adderall in universities and colleges.

A market with a greater profit margin than the average pleb would expect, not me of course, since I'm so smart and all.

Sakura perked up at my words, looking at me with... sad eyes, "You're not... going?"

Dear sister, your stray puppy antics will not work on me.

"No I'm no-"

"...Really?" She asked in a small voice.

No, I'm not, I will resist your cuteness.

It won't work on me.

I'm immune.

"Umm... okay." She went back to her breakfast.

Damn it.

"Fine, I'll go. But only today and to turn in my resignation."

I swear I could see her light up.

"What will I do then?" Caren asked monotonously, peering over at me.

"Whatever you want?"

Why does she look so confused?

"You're not leaving me to clean? Wait, forgive me, I forgot." She cut herself off before I could answer, "You don't have the guts to order someone around. I hope the Lord blesses you with courage."

Damn.

I'm a mad scientist, my shtick revolves around minions and stuff like that.

"And you don't have the mental capacity to do something without being ordered to, NPC." I quipped back, glaring at the table.

Why can't we have this replaced?

"Yes..." She leaned into the 'insult', smiling like she was deriving some sick pleasure from messing with me, "So stepbrother, what do you want your naive little sister to do for you?"

I assert again, I don't like this at all.

It's not funny, it's not amusing, it's just uncomfortable.

"Leave me alone." I spoke quietly, putting my head in my hand and looking away.

She paused for a moment, "How can I when... you do that?"

Do what?

Do what?

"Tiamat, Caren's grounded for the week. Take away her money and phone."

"Okaay~."

Rue the day you messed with me.

"Because that will accomplish so much." She spoke monotonously, "I'll find other ways to get what I want."

"Come back when you're legal, go to horny jail." I smacked her forehead and left the room, “And channel your sarcasm against your enemies, not me.”

I'll just eat out.

...Today's starting off on a rather uncomfortable note.

-

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