Better, Brighter, Whiter 14 (Patreon)

“Alright, thank you Emily for your concise and accurate input on the matter, I do greatly appreciate the good work you’ve been doing to make our university a better and more successful place.” Professor Boardwell said, smiling politely before looking down to a piece of paper on the table in front of him and sighing. 

“Thank you professor.” Emily chirped. “I just want to make sure that Bright is a happy, healthy place for our students to grow without fear of gang violence.” She said, happy with her success in convincing the board to implement a more invasive and stringent screening process when admitting new students. She spun a professional, cleavage filled story about growing up in places with riddled in gang violence and the horrible things that followed. She then moved on to outlining a computer program that would sort applications in such a way that it would eliminate any candidate who could have an algorithm-detectable history or link to gang violence, especially for what she referred to as “ethnic” students, even joking that “Asians are already too smart for college” and that they could just throw out the first 500 Mendoza’s on demographic alone. Every one of the men on the board had eaten up everything she said with broad smiles on their faces.

“Emily, you’re going to hate me.” Professor Boardwell said with a smile that was equal parts smug and guilty. “The next order of business on the agenda has to do specifically with you, Emily. You now have some questions from a group called the ‘United Queens of Athena Feminist Front.’ Or OOHKWAFF for short.”

The poised bimbo’s eyes went wide with seeping anger as she looked down at her phone to check the time, then back up to meet his gaze. “I’m sorry, what? When did this happen? When did you know? Why did no one tell me?” She asked in rapid succession without really giving anyone time to answer, her irritated movements causing her plastic G cups to bounce slightly, threatening to fall out of a low-cut pink tank top.

“Malcolm, did YOU know?!?!” She demanded.
Malcolm smiled guiltily. “Sorry Emmers, you know I’m not allowed to give away confidential 

information. They wanted to remain anonymous up until just now. We technically can’t do anything about it. I know it’s stupid-“ He said, putting his hands up to try to calm his raging girlfriend down a bit before she interrupted him.

“It’s not stupid, it’s a fucking ambush! I’m your fucking girlfriend! YOU should have told me this!” Emily yelled, now more concerned with complaining about not receiving special treatment than making actually valid points regarding the injustice of having to actually having to perform her duties as the head of the ASB for once.

“Sorry Emily, but you’re going to have to deal with it. They’re coming in now.” Professor Boardwell said, now grinning casually at the display she was putting on.

“UGGGHHHHHH you guys are the fucking WORST.” She said, growling through her temper tantrum just in time for the door to open, revealing four teenage feminists with laptops and a banner that did indeed say “Queens of Athena United Feminist Front.”

The girls all walked in and sat down at a desk provided by the board and sat down with equally dour expressions on all of their faces. Emily rolled her eyes and sighed, pointedly NOT looking at the group of self-important teenagers that were now keeping her from seeing the Mario Movie with her boyfriend, opting instead to let her gaze drift to the very corner of her wing-tipped mascara on the left side of her face.

(1)

“Good afternoon, Miss Knight. We-“ 

“Morning.” Emily stated coldly. Her blank, hostile expression masked by her big, beautiful doe-eyed makeup.

“Um… What?” Asked dark-skinned Indian girl, instantly caught off guard.

Emily responded coldly with a passive-aggressive directness that she knew most people couldn’t stand up to. “It’s 11:50 AM. It’s still morning. I am also supposed to be out of here and sitting in IMAX theater 11, seat #H14 by 12:20, which would be both afternoon and the time I budgeted for before your little young democrats meeting held me up. I would appreciate it if you got to your point quickly. You have ten minutes and then I’m leaving.”

The girls all began murmuring and looking at each other nervously. 

“Um, that’s not enough time! We were told we would have half an hour to talk to you! It’s not fair!” The one blonde girl in their group cried out.

“First off, as feminists you should know that no one is entitled to my or any woman’s time no matter which man told them they were. Second, pouting is only going to irritate me so you can cry about your failure to properly research our time slots and account for changes or delays, but I don’t think you’re going to be satisfied by how that turns out. Nine minutes.” Emily scolded mechanically, drumming her pink acrylics on her podium impatiently.

“We are the Queens of Athena United Feminist Front-“ Began a skinny black girl before Emily cut her off too.

“That’s a weird name. Not really sure what a war goddess has to do with a monarchy. Especially one from a classical Democracy, but that’s fine. Anyways, what makes you queens?” The bitchy Barbie blonde snarked blankly. The girl took a breath and held strong.

“It has come to our attention that Bright University has implemented some unfair, blatantly sexist, and blatantly racist policies under your watch and we want to ask you some questions about them.” She said, masking her anxiety behind a composed face.
“Oh. I see. I mean, I guess you could do that but I’m not really sure why I should feel obligated to answer your questions since you blatantly ignored mine.”

The girl sighed, causing Emily’s eyebrow to pop up, a superior, judging expression on her face. 

“Oh? Problem?” She asked accusingly. 

“We won’t let you distract us, Miss Knight.” The blonde spoke up again. “We know all about your proposal to have Bright University basically blacklist anyone who isn’t rich or white from enrolling in school here. What was your motivation for prosing this bill if not to make an open declaration that people of color aren’t welcome at a modern-day Ivy-League university?” 

Emily finished unwrapping a piece of gum and popped in into her mouth before answering. “Well, that question’s a little moot at this point considering that my proposal was already approved and will be implemented next semester, but I’d be happy to answer any other questions you have.” She said, smiling sweetly at the blonde girl at the end of the panel. Everyone knew better than to believe she was being genuine despite her fairly convincing expression.

“Eight min- Ope! Seven minutes.” Emily smiled.
The high schoolers all huddled together for a moment before settling on a course of action. This time, an Indian girl was the one to speak up.
“Miss Knight, we have been made aware that you held public weighing ceremonies for members of your own sorority where you not only openly shame those who don’t meet your weight requirements, but you even force them to take behavioral modification courses for it.” She said defiantly.

Emily didn’t seem to care. “Oh please, that only happened like one time."

“Even so, WHY did it happen that one time?” The girl continued.

“Because I want my school and my household to be beautiful and prosperous, and I don’t find obesity very charming. Much in the same way that I wouldn’t want my school infested with spiders or dripping in slime or full of whiny, entitled brats with frizzy hair and a complexion that looks like rye bread.” She said, causing the girls to gasp and some of the board members to chuckle.

“EXCUSE ME?!” The Indian girl raged indignantly.
“You’re excused. Next question please. Unless of course, you’d rather bitch at me for the next…..five minutes.” Emily chirped.

With all three of the darker skinned girls trying to console each other over Emily’s racist remark, the blonde girl once again took the lead.

“So that’s it? Fat bad, no exceptions?” She asked.

“That’s it. No exceptions.” Emily responded, smiling condescendingly.

“What if it was you who had gained weight?” 

“It wasn’t.”

“What if she was just pregnant?”

“She wasn’t. And I’m becoming aware that you’re only asking about Sophie, who happens to be half Mexican, but you seem to have completely forgotten about Tori who was also weighed and made the cut and she looks just like you and me.” Emily said, further jarring the unprepared girls and disrupting their supposed unity. "Hell, Tori's already down 10 pounds and is off shopping for cosplay outfits in LA right now. She's been THANKING me for setting her straight."

(2)

“I’m nothing like you.” The girl said, refocusing the argument to the grateful affirmation and validation of her non-white teammates.

“Are you blonde?” Emily asked.

“Yeah?” The girl replied.

“Alright then. Looks we DO have something in common, so you're not NOTHING like me. You don’t have to pretend you’re not who you are to make your point, babe.” Emily said, grinning as she snapped her gum in amusement. “I mean, so far you’re the only one making any real points anyways. A leader steps up, and that’s what you’re doing. Being black or brown or yellow or whatever shouldn’t matter. Only racists care about race as much as these girls do.”

“That’s not true! Racism is unfair discrimination, not the acknowledgement of racial differences! What you’re doing to this place is INHERENTLY racist!” The young blonde said passionately.

“No, what I am doing is making sure that my school maintains healthy weight regulations in keeping with the nutritional advisements here at our fine university. If you don’t like our policies, then guess what? YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO HERE. I don’t actually even know why you guys care in the first place since you’re like…what? Fifteen?” Emily asked, now openly expressing her lack of seriousness towards the issues being presented.

“We’re seniors. And we already know better than to let people like you have their way.” The young blonde said, now the only one amongst her group still participating.

“People like me? Oh sweetie, let me help you.” Emily said mock-consolingly. “I am doing whatever I can to make things better for everyone. Don’t let the shirt and tits fool you, babe. I’m one of the good guys here.” 

The blonde stood still, unsure of how to respond to such bull-headed denial and manipulation. She felt her heart sink as Emily continued to stare at her, a pretty smile gracing her pink lips. 

“You’re fucking evil.” The girl said.

Emily rolled her eyes, now smiling so hard that her eyes squinted slightly, revealing a pair of cute dimples on both cheeks. 

“Aaaaaanywaaays....That was super fun and all that…” She said, her face spreading wide into a scarily genuine smile. “But I’m afraid your time is up. I have a date. Come on, babes!” 

Emily didn’t bother acknowledging any of the Queens of Athena save for an evil, flirty wink as she strode by in her sporty pink tennis shoes that added about an inch to her height. Malcolm followed closely behind, jogging past the girls and waving nervously as he did. With the other two gone, the board members began shrugging and casually murmuring to each other as they gathered up their things to leave.
The Queens of Athena United Feminist Front simply sat where they were, stunned at how poorly their stand against oppression went before the black girl said aloud the word

“Fuck.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Emily had rushed Malcolm to the theater and nearly barreled through the line to get more snacks than she needed, ignoring Malcolm’s advisement that she was breaking her own diet.

“What’s the matter, babe? Afraid I’ll get fat?” She grinned.

“I mean, if you keep eating like this then…maybe…”
Malcolm said, once again nerdily smiling from behind his glasses as his bombshell of a date leaned closer to him, exposing the massive canyon of cleavage housed within her shirt. 

“Well maybe I’m just pregnant.” She teased sexily, sticking out her tongue as she did and giggling as her boyfriend gulped and frantically eyeballing her to confirm whether or not she was telling the truth.

(3)

"Hm. That IS sort of a good point though, isn't it?" She said thoughtfully. 

"We do have a lot of sex....And I AM getting pretty over the whole condom thing. Whaddya think, babe? Would you kick me out of school if I got knocked up before I graduated?" Emily grinned, licking her lips evilly.

"Well...Um...I...Guess.....I suppose....not..." He said, clearly flustered.

Emily simply turned around, popping her butt out just a little to tease her man as she pushed through a pair of tall black men without even looking at them as they parted to let her through, eyes wide at the display of sexuality that had just shoved them aside.