A Feast of Songs- Part 2 (Patreon)

Kass' culinary adventure comes to an end as he searches for inspiration in the finest food in Hyrule! Check out the first part here if you haven't read it yet: https://www.patreon.com/posts/feast-of-songs-1-40687989

Thanks for your support, everyone!

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Kass was leaving Zora’s Domain as something of a celebrity. Everywhere he went in the city, the zora cheered and hailed him, asking for a song or plying him with free food- his preferred form of payment. It had an obvious effect on the rito; his travelling gear had to be refitted twice to accommodate his increasing appetite for all the fine food Hyrule had to offer. But there is only so much seafood a person can take, and Kass’ inspiration was running a bit stale.

“Fish and guests stink after three days, so I better take my leave, pah,” he said to Kayden, gathering his things. Not used to his extra weight, his belly pressed up against the zora innkeeper as Kass tried squeezing by.

“Oof!” Kayden chuckled good naturedly, presenting Kass with a carefully wrapped packet. “Well, this fish won’t turn so quickly. Some provisions for the road, to keep up your strength. And a reminder whenever you’re craving seafood again- the Seabed could be world famous with such a talent frontlining it! Think on it, friend.”

Kass grinned, dimpling his newly round cheeks. “Well, thank you, friend- may the winds favor you!”

The now heavyset rito made his way out of the zora city, bumping into well-wishers- literally, he hadn’t quite realized how big his belly was- and then reached the open sky again. Flexing his winged arms, he breathed in deep, and leapt into the air, only to trip over himself.

“Gah!” he gasped, pulling himself up. Grimacing, he patted his belly, now serving as a heavy weight. “...Alright, it’s alright. I just need to get used to the extra weight, is all. Oh, dear… Amali will be shocked to see me like this,” he muttered. Bracing himself, he summoned all his strength to take to the air, and thankfully, felt his feet leave the earth. Finally airborne, he breathed a sigh of relief- but it would be the last easy breath he took until he was on the ground again. He could only just keep himself above the tree line, his feet and belly sometimes scraping against the canopy of the forest. He wheezed from the exertion, and found himself having to rest frequently. What should have been a single day’s journey to Kakariko Village took three, and he was gasping for breath as the sun set over the Sheikah village when he arrived just before dusk. 

Kass lumbered towards Shuteye Inn, the one place he knew of that would be fit for his needs; not only were the Sheikah a long-lived people and masters of strange magic and ancient lore, their food was said to be some of the tastiest in Hyrule- it could be the perfect place for Kass to hatch his masterpiece. The sleepy-eyed Innkeeper, Ollie, led Kass to a comfortable room, where the rotund rito promptly slept for the better part of the day to recover from his excruciating flight.

When he awoke, his stomach roiled. Frowning, he grasped the large, feathery ball girded at his waist and shook it. “Quiet, you! You make more noise than my accordion these days.” 

It growled again in response to being shaken. 

“Fine, fine,” Kass sighed, surrendering to a growing sense of hunger. “Let’s see what they have here for breakfast…”

Hefting his overfed body out of bed and making himself as presentable as possible, Kass stumbled into the main dining room of the Inn. Ollie and a few other Sheikah stared at the bird as he moved to the bar, his belly pressed against it. “So, what do you usually serve for breakfast around here?”

Ollie’s eyes widened as he sat up a little straighter; in all his years, he had never seen a rito so large! “Ah, well, honored sir, in Kakariko, we have a varied diet- several traditional dishes for the, erm, discerning traveller… dumplings, meat skewers, some very fine, savory stews, noodles…”

“Excellent!” Kass exclaimed, thumping his feathered fist on the bar. “I’ll try one of everything you have.”

Ollie’s eyes bulged. “I- I’m sorry sir, but that would be… enormously expensive!” 

“Not to worry,” Kass reached for his rather tight belt, dropping a bag of coins. “I can cover it. I hope zora currency is accepted?”

The Sheikah glanced inside the bag, gasping softly at the sight of gold. “I dare say! Please, sit anywhere you like, honored sir, we will prepare you a feast right away!”

The rito nodded with a smile, settling down by the fireplace and a large table. He waited, a table knife in one hand, quill and paper in the other as, very soon, Sheikah attendants brought out an enormous amount of food- plates piled high with dumplings, bowls of stew and noodles, and skewers laden with meat- all of which was larger and more generous in serving size than he anticipated. Clearing his throat, Kass patted his belly. “Well, friend… you have your work set out for you.” He glanced at his blank paper. “And I have mine.”

He grabbed for a dumpling first, biting into it, the taste of spicy beef and a rich, creamy sauce dancing on his tongue.

“Mm! Yes, yes…” Kass muttered between bites. “Savory… made with care, carefully chosen ingredients… sworn to tradition… some small hint of the fall harvest…” Nodding to himself as his cheeks billowed out, crammed full of dumplings, he began to write. Line after line filled the page as he went from dumplings to skewers, biting into grilled mushrooms and tender meat, picking the sticks clean. His first page was soon full of musings on the changing seasons and tradition, times passed by and ancient stories. He tipped bowl after bowl of stew back, careful not to let any spill on his notes. Kass grunted softly as his belt felt even more tight, his stuffed belly spilling over the top of the table. He was feeling full, but it was of no matter- he came here to finish his song, and he would do so, here and now!

Mouth still full of noodles, he reached down to undo his belt as it became hard to breath, but as the buckle unfastened, Kass squawked in surprise as he was jolted back- his overly full stomach billowed forward, knocking him back as the sudden movement made his long suffering chair buckle and crack as Kass hit the floor, his fall cushioned by his wide, round rear.

“O-oh my!” Ollie leapt to his feet after having dozed off, rushing to Kass’ side. He snapped his fingers, as an attendant came to help Kass to his feet. “Good sir, are you alright?”

“Oh, pah,” Kass tried laughing it off. “It’s nothing! Only wounded my pride, haha.”

Ollie picked up the scattered papers, unable to keep from reading the first few lines. “Oh my… sir! I didn’t know you were a poet. These are excellent, if you don’t mind my saying so.”

Kass breathed a sigh of relief; he may be in for the nagging of a lifetime from Amali, but at least his magnum opus was finally finished. He puffed up his plush chest with pride. “Oh, well I am a bard of some renown, actually. I’ve come here to write the finest ballad in Hyrule!” 

“Ballad?” Ollie asked, cocking his head as he handed back the papers. “I don’t know about that, sir, but these are some of the best haiku I’ve ever read.”

Kass blinked. “I- I’m sorry, what?” He looked at his papers, shuffling through them. “Haiku? What do you mean?”

“Oh, I would hope I would recognize haiku when I see them. These are all very fine, you should be proud!”

Kass’ heart sank. “In the roaring wind, trees dance to an unheard song, and sway to the tune,” he muttered. It was poetic, to be sure, but the rhythm! It was all off. He glanced at another. “The vibrant season, chroma of amber and rust… no, no, no!” He squawked. “This is all wrong! This doesn’t fit the metre, the tempo, the melody!” He slumped, belly pooching out even further. “This is all useless! I wouldn’t even know where to start to put this to music.”

“Oh, er, well,” Ollie awkwardly patted Kass’ shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as all that. It is very fine poetry…” he cleared his throat. “Should I get the rest of your order, then, sir? You’ve already paid for it, after all.”

Kass looked past Ollie, then down at his own belly, now so large his feet were only a memory to his eyes. What had he done to himself, and for what? “Yes, please. I… I should be heading home, now.”

The rito left Kakariko Village despondent, his beak resting against a second chin. He looked up to the sky- perhaps it was time to head home, and think about what he was going to say to Amali. Spreading his arms, he flapped hard, then harder still, grunting from the effort as he tried to will himself into the air, before a dawning realization hit him- he was too fat to fly.

“Oh… oh no. No! This is calamity!” Kass cried. He anxiously looked down at his belly, then at the sky, then at the road ahead of him. He took in several deep breaths to keep from panicking. Amali wouldn’t be happy, no- but now he had to walk home, and he had no idea how long that would take. Scowling at his bloated middle, he muttered darkly, then began waddling down the road.

The next few days were some of the most miserable in recent memory for the bloated bird. Trudging down dirt paths was no way for a true rito to travel, and he was so very, very slow. At first, he thought at least he might lose some weight from all this strenuous, grueling exercise, but that was a fleeting hope- by the end of a week of hard travelling, whatever dent he had made in his excess weight was hard to distinguish. His gait was still excruciatingly slow as his chunky thunder thighs rolled off one another, and the state of his feet was still a mystery to him, shrouded by a blubbery mass of yellow feathers. He was close to collapse when, at last, he saw shelter. Dragging his ponderous pudge to the door of a Hylian stable, he gasped for breath.

“Please… good sir or madam… tell me… you have sustenance… for a poor traveller!”

Seeing a gasping rito fill his doorway, a male Hylian rushed to Kass’ side. “Goddesses be good, friend! You look like you’re about to faint!” He tugged at his arm, leading him inside. “Please, please sit by the fire. I know just what to get to revive you.”

“Something… light!” Kass gasped, cradling his belly as he slumped down. “I’m on a diet.” He looked around, realizing that he had absolutely no idea where he was. “Just… whereabouts am I, anyways? I’m afraid I got lost on the road…”

“East Akkala Stable,” the Hylian responded, emerging soon from a back room with water. “We’re actually somewhat famous… hold on one moment!” Again, he disappeared into the back, only to poke his head out. “We’re famous for our Akkala buns- bound to revive you and give you plentiful stamina, they are a carefully guarded secret, however, so I must ask that you keep your eyes closed while eating them.”

Kass, desperate for any food at this point, nodded, opening his beak. Something large and round, roughly the size of a Kakariko dumpling, was placed in his mouth. It crunched, but the inside was soft and chewy, airy, but slightly sweet and salty. There was something else to it, however; he felt a surge of enthusiasm and energy, something that was decidedly… heroic!

He opened his eyes wide, as his muse came back to him in a blaze of glory. Struggling to reach over his own love handles, he grabbed his pen and paper, and with his free hand, yanked the Hylian bun chef, pulling him into his plush side. Setting down the paper, he shoved the last of his money into the now thoroughly confused chef’s hand. “I’ll take every bun you have!”

Amali was starting to fret as she went about the market in Rito Village. The last letter Kass had sent was now over a week old, and he had sounded defeated. Where could he be, that he couldn’t send any further word? She might have to go after him soon, if she didn’t get another letter…

Lost in her thoughts, she didn’t realize the crowd growing until someone shoved into her. “Hey! Careful!” she squawked at a young rito.

“Oh, sorry, Miss Amali!” the young bird tweeted. “We’re all trying to see what’s coming up the lift.” 

“What do you mean?” Amali asked.

“I dunno! The lift’s ropes sound like they’re about to break, so whatever it is, it’s big.”

Amali quirked her brow, craning her neck as she neared the crowd. The groaning of wood and creaking of rope whined over the buzz of the crowd as rito began peering over the edge of the platform to get a better look. Then, accordion music began to play- very familiar accordion music.

“Kass?” 

The rito that was being carried on the lift was easily five times the bird Amali had married- his yellow plumage covered a billowing mountain of a gut, sprawled across the wooden planks as he plopped down on the platform to the shock of the crowd. Kass had eaten himself into being the biggest rito in living memory- perhaps of all time! His limbs were swaddled in reams of fat, legs smothered by the apron of his belly, leaving his taloned feet to hang listlessly. His tail feathers did little to hide a truly enormous rear that looked like it would overfill a bench. Amali was feeling so many different emotions; relief that he was alive, shock at what he had done to himself, and a creeping sense of dread at what their grocery bill was going to look like from now on.

Kass smiled sheepishly as he spotted Amali, his beak nestled amongst several flabby chins, his round cheeks dimpled. Then, he began his accordion anew and sang, his voice as sonorous as ever. “A ballad of my own composition, to commemorate the hero of Hyrule!” he announced.

“Oh, how long were the days of a man.
When he strode upon the broken land.
He sailed as far as a man could steer.
And he never wished to lose his fear.
For the fear of man is a thing untold.
It keeps him safe, and it proves him bold!
Don't let fear make you cease to strive,
for that fear it proves you remain alive!
I will walk this broken road, and I will carry a heavy load!
So come at me with your awful lies,
I'm a man of truth and I'll meet your eyes!”

There was a stunned silence that fell over the crowd, all of them staring at Kass. Feeling every eye on him, he gulped- would they laugh at him, for the bloated, fat blob he had made himself? Then, he heard a single pair of hands clapping- it was Amali! She gave him an encouraging smile as others began to clap.

“Quick!” one of the rito shouted. “A beer for Kass, Bard of the Rito! He definitely looks thirsty!”

“And hungry! Let’s welcome him home, if he’ll play us another song!”

Kass breathed out a sigh of relief, grinning in spite of himself. Softly patting his belly as he prepared his next song, he felt it might be worth it, lugging around a belly the size of a wagon. For all the songs he had written on his travels, the other rito didn’t seem to care about his size; least of all Amali, who quickly grew fond of cuddling against his soft, expansive bulk. Music would fill the rito village in the years to come, and as word spread throughout Hyrule, travellers from every province came to hear the biggest songbird in the kingdom- at the price of a snack or two, of course.