The Great Wall of Po (Patreon)

The Dragon Warrior has, over his journeys, learned that true power comes from with-in. Now, as he's tasked with guarding China from Hun invaders, he learns that even though huge muscles aren't necessary for kung fu, they're still legendarily awesome! Thanks for the support to our Big and Bigger Patrons!

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For all his travels with the Furious Five, Po had never seen the Great Wall of China outside of paintings. Sprawling across the hilly countryside like a stone serpent, the Great Wall stretched in either direction farther than Po could see.

“How cool is this, guys?” Po asked, standing up in the cart. The panda’s full weight made the boards creak from the effort. “The Great Wall! It’s the sight of so many legendary kung fu duels.”

“It’s also the main line of defense for all of China,” Tigress said sharply. The feline kung fu master had spent most of the trip in solemn meditation- it kept Po from talking to her too much that way. “And the reason we were even called out here, to face an invasion.”

“The Hun war party is expected to arrive as early as tomorrow to demand a surrender from the wall guards,” Mantis reminded Po. “I think we might have to hold off on any sightseeing until after that’s taken care of.”

“Oh, well sure, but c’mon, guys! The Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five, bound by honor to defend China- when have we ever not saved China?” Po responded. 

“He’s got a point,” Monkey grinned, before Tigress’ withering glare wiped it off his face.

“Have we ever fought Huns with Po?” Viper asked.

“What’s to know?” Po shrugged. “They’re bandits, right? We’ve fought bad guys like them plenty of times.”

Master Crane tilted his head. “Well, the Huns are from outside China, and they want nothing more to get inside to raid and pillage. You either have to be clever and outflank them as quickly as possible, or-”

“Or, you face them head on, crushing them with overwhelming strength,” Tigress interjected.

“Oh… well, still. We’re awesome heroes of China and Kung Fu masters! The Furious Five can take on a whole army, and the Dragon Warrior’s fists will always hunger for justice!” Po declared, the round panda thumping his chest. “We’ve got this, right?”

The Furious Five exchanged looks before turning back to Po. “Well… yeah, sure, but we can always start congratulating ourselves after the Huns are turned back,” Crane said. 

Po was frowning, but he wasn’t looking at the Five. “Hey, guys… silly question, but does the Great Wall have holes in it?”

Tigress clicked her tongue. “It wouldn’t be much of a wall if it did, would it? Why would you… Oh. Oh, no.”

As their cart crested a hill just before the approach to the Great Wall, they saw afternoon sunlight streaming in from one section of, showing a hole blasted out of it- large enough for invaders to stream through.

By the time the Furious Five and Po reached the Wall, they saw soldiers swarming over it like ants, scaffolding covering one section as shattered bits of stone were carted off.

Tigress leapt from the cart, approaching a pig in metal armor. “Are you Commander Ping? We came as soon as your summons reached the Jade Palace- what happened here?” 

“Ah! The Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five, thank heaven!” the Commander sighed with relief. “Our resident Alchemist, Fen Han,” the pig cast a withering glare at a goose in robes administering a poultice to a wounded soldier, “let an experiment go awry, and blew out an entire section of the Wall! Just as the Huns are on the march- we hoped the Dragon Warrior and Furious Five could serve as a shield as our workers try to rebuild- at least until the repairs are sturdy enough to give us a defensible location.”

“Oh, don’t worry Commander!” Po palmed his fist. “Wherever villains dwell, the Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five are there to dish out justice!”

A warhorn trumpeted across the wall, as a soldier came rushing up to the Commander. “Sir! Huns are attacking the southern quadrant! They’re laying siege and are preparing to mount the wall!”

“Dash it all!” Commander Ping snorted, thumping his fist against his breastplate. “It looks like you will get a chance to serve justice sooner than you think!”

Tigress frowned. “Wait, Commander- this might be a coordinated attack. They might hit here as well, if they know about the hole. I propose we split our forces- I’ll lead the Furious Five to deal with the immediate threat, but the Dragon Warrior can stay here to support the soldiers.”

Commander Ping nodded. “A sound strategy, I approve.”

“Wait, what?” Po’s jaw dropped. “You guys are just going to ditch me while you go defeat the Huns?”

Tigress placed a hand on the rotund panda’s shoulder. “Po, it’s nothing personal- we can’t leave this section undefended, and you’re the Dragon Warrior. Right now, we don’t know if the Huns main force will be attacking here or at the southern quadrant- the Five will go on the offensive, but these soldiers need you to shield them. You can hold out longer than any of us.”

Po, swallowing his indignity, nodded and puffed up his chest. “Alright, Master Tigress. No one will get past me.” He brought his hands together and bowed. “I’ll keep the soldiers safe.”

“I know you will,” Tigress managed a grin, delivering a playful punch to his belly. She turned on her heel, racing to the south; Monkey clambered up the wall with Viper coiled around him, while Crane took to the air with Mantis. Po waved them off, then turned to the Commander.

“Alright, you’ve got the mighty Dragon Warrior at your disposal- what do you need me to do?” Po asked.

“Actually…” Ping narrowed his eyes, and bid for Po to lean closer. “I want you to keep an eye on our alchemist.”

Po glanced down at the grey-feathered goose, still tending to a few sick soldiers. “Why him?”

“Han caused the explosion- he claims it was an accident, but who knows what he’s been concocting in that lab of his?” the pig shook his head. “I need someone watching him. What if he’s working with the Huns?”

Po arched a brow as he glanced back at the goose, who reminded him of his father. “...Really? Are the Huns known for hiring geese?”

“Well, he’s weird,” Ping muttered, narrowing his eyes. “He stays in his lab, working on things. Potions, recipes, spells… I don’t trust him. I’d rather have a man’s man at my side, a fighter like you, Dragon Warrior!” the Commander grinned, slapping Po on the back.

The panda frowned, glancing back at the goose. “Uh, yeah… thanks.”

The first night came, and Po took it upon himself to watch over the wall. From his post, he could see the hinterlands that laid beyond China; rolling plains and, far in the distance, craggy mountains and parched, sandy deserts. 

“Some refreshment for the Dragon Warrior?”

Po struck a defensive pose, but was met with the unassuming form of the alchemist Fen Han. Grinning awkwardly, the goose held out a porcelain cup filled with a dark, aromatic liquid. “I thought you might want something to warm you up- it’s the least I could do, since you’re giving some relief to us all here.”

“Oh, tea? Thanks.” Po grinned, then drank it down in one gulp. “Hm! That’s got a nice kick. What’s in it?”

Fen Han twiddled his feathers. “Oh, my own blend- some cinnamon, a bit of orange rind… ancient crushed jade augmented with fermented dragon scale…”

“...I’m sorry, what was that last one?” Po asked, blinking. Before Fen Han could respond, there was a deep, rumbling growl coming from the panda’s stomach. He felt his thick middle tighten, and he doubled over, grunting from the strain as the feeling spread throughout his body, then the feeling passed. Po blinked- something felt different. The panda stood up straight, and frowned. Did Fen Han look smaller? The goose was looking pretty excited, all the same.

“It worked! I can’t believe it- I-I mean, of course it worked! I’m an excellent alchemist,” Fen Han announced proudly, puffing up his chest.

Po shook his head. “What worked? What’d you do to… woah.” Looking over himself, Po saw he was different- his arms had thickened, hardened like lacquer, and the muscle underneath bulged impressively as he bent them. His shoulders had broadened, and for the first time since… well, as long as he could remember, when he looked down, he was not met with his round belly, but by his own thick, armor-like chest. “That’s… new.”

“I apologize for my subterfuge, Dragon Warrior,” Fen Han bowed respectfully. “But I had a hunch- the tea was a potion of strength, used by ancient kings and warriors in ages past. I just had to see if it would work, and I thought who better to make use of added strength than one of China’s mightiest kung fu masters?”

“Well…” Po scratched his chin, bicep bumping against his chest. “I suppose I am pretty awesome… but why didn’t you just ask me to try it up front? I’m down for trying anything that will make me better at kung fu.”

Fen Han removed his silk cap, holding it in his wings as he looked down. “I saw you talking to Commander Ping. I figured he had warned you against me, and I- I just wanted to do my part.” The goose sighed, turning to face the wilds beyond the wall. “You don’t know what it’s like… to want to be a part of something so bad, but be so… woefully ill-equipped for the task. I was actually inspired by your story, you know- the fabled Dragon Warrior, rising up to defend China from humble origins. I just wanted to help defend my adopted homeland, but I’m no fighter… I grew up out there, in the Steppes, learning from mystics from beyond China, merchants, Huns…”

“Wait, you learned from the Huns?” Po arched his brow. “The people trying to invade and conquer China?”

Fen Han cringed, not able to look the Panda in the eye. “W-well, yes, but it’s only- Po!”

The panda’s senses were honed- he felt the fur on the back of his neck stand on end, and he swung around, blocking a blow from a masked foe at the last second. With a powerful strike, the muscles in his newly augmented arm tensing, Po sent his opponent reeling back. “Fen! Ring the alarm bell, we’ve got intruders!”

“R-right! Yes! I can do that!” Fen Han scrambled, tripping over himself as Po fought with the masked assailant- dressed in black, and standing no taller than Fen Han, the mysterious assassin was dwarfed by Po, but made up for it with lightning speed, striking at Po like a python.

But Po’s new strength and stamina served him well- he remained on the defensive, blocking blows and kicks that glanced off his thick, wide torso. All he needed was one opening- but then he spotted torches in the night, dotting the landscape beyond the Great Wall. Archers!

“Fen, about that bell!” Po shouted.

“I-it’s broken!” Fen groaned.

“What do you mean it’s broken?! How do you break a bell?” 

Po had to dodge the arrows peppering the wall, now- no easy task, as he was far from a small target, moreso now. Holding firm against the assassin, he waited for his time, puffed up his enlarged chest, and struck with all his might. His palm connected with the assassin’s right arm with the force of a battering ram, sending the masked assailant grunting in pain as Po heard the crunch of bone.

“Gotcha! Don’t mess with the Dragon Warrior, because- right, right, arrows!” Po ducked, running to the safety of the lookout post close to him as another volley of arrows rained down on the wall. In the distance, he heard another bell ring; the alarm had gotten out after all. 

“Huns! To the north! Dispatch the archers!” a guard shouted.

“Whew…” Po slumped, sinking down to the floor as he leaned against the wall. “That was a little close.”

Fen Han was crestfallen. “I’m so sorry, Dragon Warrior, I didn’t mean to… I messed up again, curse me for a fool!”

Po furrowed his brow, studying the goose; he was, not surprisingly, struck with memories about what his first days of Kung Fu training were like. “Hey, Fen my man, you’re good in my book. You’re doing your best- that’s all anyone can ask for.”

The goose perked up. “What- really? You mean it?”

Po smacked Fen Han on the back- probably a bit too far, as the goose went sprawling forward, causing him to wince. “Er- sorry. But yeah! That potion you made is awesome. It’d make anyone strong enough to face the Huns. But if you want to make it up to me… maybe brew me a whole pot?”

The goose beamed. “Absolutely! Thank you for this chance, Po- Dragon- Sir! I won’t let you down!”

The following morning, Po reported to Commander Ping’s quarters. The officer was looking over a map, his arm in a sling. Arching his brow, Po asked, “What happened to you?”

“Hm? Oh.” The pig looked down at his arm. “I was hit by a Hun arrow. What happened, by the way?” Ping cast his eye on Po. “I thought you were watching the wall.”

The panda furrowed his brow. “Well, I was talking to Fen Han-”

“Ah, you see? I knew it!” Ping thumped his fist against the table. “He was distracting you!” The pig looked the panda’s bulkier frame up and down. “And he probably charmed you with one of his potions, didn’t he? Don’t get used to that- it’ll be gone by tomorrow. Trust me, several foolhardy soldiers that thought they’d been turned into titans learned that the hard way.”

The panda sighed, shrugging his soldiers. “I don’t know. He seems eager to help but hasn’t found his way yet, and I know what that’s like. He just doesn’t seem like the type to, y’know, hatch an evil scheme.”

“But that’s the perfect cover!” Ping countered. “That nonsense about ‘breaking the bell’? It’s all a lie. He’s using you, Dragon Warrior, and if you care about the men here protecting China, I charge you with arresting Fen Han for treachery!”

The panda wasn’t sure what to say. He had gotten pretty good at sniffing out the bad guys, and Fen Han hadn’t given him any hint about being bad. But as he thought, his eyes shifted to Ping’s wounded arm. His right arm. And how did he know about Fen Han breaking the bell?

Po couldn’t be sure; he needed to talk to the alchemist, first. “Right. Yeah, I’ll… go dispense justice.” The Dragon Warrior flexed his arms, thumping his chest before leaving Ping. He found Fen Han preparing the potion, bent over a teapot and carefully dropping in exactly measured amounts of strange ingredients. Taking a deep breath, the panda slammed his fist into the wall, cracking the stone and making the goose jump.

“O-oh! Po! I’m surprised to see you here so early, but I’m happy to report-”

“Can it, minion of evil! Justice has come to make you pay!” Po announced loudly. Puffing up his powerful chest, he easily subdued Fen Han, holding the goose fast against his bulky side. He then punched a crate, just to make some noise.

“Wh-what’re you doing?! Stop!”

“A true warrior never stops in his quest- for justice!” Po shouted loudly, and then pulled the goose closer, lowering his voice. “Alright, Han- I’ve got two questions for you. One- are you working for the Huns?”

“Never!” the goose hissed emphatically. “And if I were, why would I make you, the Wall’s best chance at survival, even stronger? I’m here to defend China!”

Po nodded. “Alright, I believe you- but Ping is trying to frame you for last night’s attack, and I think he’s the traitor, here. So I’m going to send you to the Furious Five until this blows over.”

Fen Han nervously cleared his throat. “A-and the second question?”

Po glanced over to the potion still brewing in the teapot, smirking. “How long until that tea’s done brewing? I’ve still got a thirst for real justice.”

The Dragon Warrior put on a show of arresting the alchemist, sending him under armed guard to the southern section where his friends were. Then, he prepared for Ping’s next move: he hid Han’s potion in the room provided to him in one of the wall’s outposts, went about his business of watching for the Huns, and waited.

The alarm bells woke Po on the next morning, as a soldier cried out, “The Huns are attacking!”

Leaping to his feet, the panda was ready, as a shadow fell upon him from his open bedroom door. The assassin from the night attack stood there, a dagger in his hand.

“Well hi there- Commander Ping,” Po said, readying his stance.

Narrowing his eyes, the assassin pulled down his mask, revealing the pig’s face. “Hm. You’re not nearly as stupid as you look, Dragon Warrior.”

“Why’d you do it, Ping? Why would you betray your men, and all of China?”

The pig scoffed. “Simple. The Huns pay better than the Emperor. And now, even if the attack is repelled, I can still see to it that the great Dragon Warrior is an unfortunate casualty.” Ping pulled out a dagger with a serrated, curved blade, the metal tinged with an unhealthy green glow.

Po gasped. “A scorpion dagger! Made by the dreaded Scorpion King, filled with his venom to kill enemies with a single blow! How’d you get one?”

The pig shrugged. “Like I said, the Huns pay well. Hiyah!” 

Ping lunged for Po, but the panda deftly sidestepped him, turning to face the pig’s back. A well-aimed kick to the propelled Ping away, but the pig jumped off the opposite wall to launch himself at Po again. Swinging ferociously at Po, faster than the panda could manage, Ping put his opponent on the defensive. It was all the Dragon Warrior could do to keep up with the flurry of blows, backing himself into a corner.

“W-wait! Wait! Timeout!” Po shouted, catching his breath. “I could really use a drink before we continue,” he said, grabbing a teapot and gulping down the contents.

“Tch,” Ping scoffed. “Rumors of your gluttony were sadly understated, Dragon Warrior. You don’t… have a… chance…” Ping trailed off, finding he had to look further and further up to keep eye contact with Po.

The panda could feel the welcome, electrifying sensation coursing through his body; his black and white fur bristled as he was filled with a burgeoning strength and energy. His arms and chest swelled, biceps eclipsing his head, arms growing larger than Ping’s entire body, and his chest blossoming into a canyon of girthy muscle. His tectonic shoulders surged to keep up with the rest of him, slowly eating up his overly thick neck. His back responded, flaring out wide as a sprawling black valley, and his thick middle now sporting stone-sized, snowy white abs. His legs expanded, as well, but the panda was undoubtedly top-heavy, like an inverse mountain. 

“Oh, sorry Commander, did you want some?” Po traced his feet into a fighting stance, raising up his titanic arms and flexing inflated biceps. “It’s Fen Han’s specialty- really packs a punch.”

A stammering Ping panicked, leaping at Po to slash at him, only for the assassin’s dagger- and his hand- to get stuck in the plunging crevice of Po’s pecs.

“Yeah, I don’t think that sewing needle’ll do much to me anymore, nice try, though,” Po smirked. He flexed, his chest surging in size until Ping released the dagger as his hand was crushed, followed by the sound of grinding, crunching metal. “Oof, that itches… ah, I’ll pick that out later.” He leaned forward, a quivering Ping dwarfed by the now-massive panda. “And as for you?” He grabbed the pig by the finger. “You ever heard of the Wuxi Finger Hold?”

“You wouldn’t dare! I- I am an officer in the Imperial Army!” Ping quavered.

“Yeah, well… consider this an early retirement. As for the hold, I can’t wait to see how it looks now,” Po said, bouncing his enormous chest, his pecs cresting like waves. “Skadoosh.”

What exactly happened to Ping, no one garrisoned at the wall could say- all they knew is that there was a surge of ki energy followed by the entire section of the wall rumbling like an earthquake. As the dust settled, and the Huns and soldiers again returned to battle, fighting over the crumbling stones of the wall’s ruined section, the entire hole was filled by a black and white behemoth, casting everyone in his shadow. 

“Alright, Hun villains!” Po shouted. “Who’s ready to dance?” A Hun warrior, a mangy looking wolf armed with a spear, came running forward. The hulking panda tensed his immense arm, shield-sized triceps rippling and fighting against his swollen bicep as he struck the ground, cracking the earth and throwing the Hun back.

“Ha! Oh wow, I didn't think I’d be this awesome!” Po laughed, and effortlessly cut a path through the Hun line, smashing their ranks. With a simple curling of his arms, a bump of his hill-sized shoulders, or flexing off those foolhardy enough to clamber up his mountainous back, Po was unstoppable. The battle ended in minutes, with the Huns rushing in a panicked retreat.

“Oh yeah! All of China will know that the Dragon Warrior is its new Great Wall!” the panda boasted, taking in the cheers of the soldiers. “I can’t wait until Master Shifu hears about this.”