July Vlog! (Patreon)

Hey everyone, it’s vlog time! Last month I finally decided that I needed a little bit of a break. There’s a lot of important and ongoing work happening just dealing with what’s going on right now in the world, but as I was trying to process all of the emotion coming out of the reckoning I realized that I still hadn’t managed the space and time to process everything that had happened in January, February and March! So I took a week to just make some space to process my emotions. 

I’m pretty bad at “taking breaks” so in that time off I still managed to finish several pages of AMA comics. But at least those were a change of pace and weren’t under a lot of pressure to be ‘perfect’, so it felt ok. I still had to work full time, but I was less strict about chores and “extra” tasks. I was also less strict about exercise and socializing. I spent a lot of time lying down, to be honest. 

One week wasn’t nearly enough time to process everything that has happened, but even one week of focusing on it made a big impact. There’s a lot of grief for what the pandemic wrought on my year, a lot of grief for what I’m not going to be achieving this year. A lot of trauma and fear due to the nature of trying to prevent the disease itself, losing my grandmother, dealing with shortages, enduring isolation… it’s not a small thing. The fear and uncertainty due to what may be to come… Failing to process emotions properly can result in them flaring out in unexpected and unpredictable ways. I was doing relatively well early in quarantine because I just knuckled down and did what had to be done, but by the end of May I had cracked one of my teeth in half, sprained my groin muscle, my stress-induced hypochondria was a bit out of control, I had forgotten what food is again and was just trapped “doomscrolling” all day. 

This month I’m trying to recalibrate. Making art is an essential part of my overall health, happiness and life satisfaction. Making art is what helps me get through difficult times. Dedicating myself to a daily practice and making sure I have space for art every day is important. 

Sometimes it does feel a little bit “forced”. The art that I’m making doesn’t feel aligned to the moment, and it doesn’t seem to matter, and I’m unhappy with the result. And that’s ok. Creativity seems to come to me in ‘seasons’. There are seasons when I’m focused and prolific, and other seasons where I’m stuck and trudging through. I try not to stop completely when things get tough, but even stopping for awhile is ok. I try to just set small interim goals on the projects I’m working on. I try to switch things up and draw things that make me happy, so that I can rediscover the joy in the craft. I also try to spend time doing basic drawing exercises and otherwise improving my craft. 

I would love to take a more purposeful break. It’s hard to see how I’m going to be able to make that possible within my current reality and with my current resources. So, in the absence of this I’m just doing the best I can. Lots of thinking, lots of reflecting. Lots of just keeping on and keeping calm. We’ll get through this thing, and then the next thing, and that’s the way life goes!

Stay safe out there <3