Constants (Patreon)

You’ve always been a baby. Right? All boys have always been babies. You’d always been in diapers, you’d always been changed into and out of them… Right?

Constants

Diapers. The one constant of your life.

You’d worn them from the moment you were born into this world. As you’d grown you’d bought larger and larger ones, designs changing and adjusting to popular cultures slow and steady movements. Each day you’d go through five or six, keeping yourself clean through a regular and consistent diaper changing routine that was easy to do while indoors or out.

This was, of course, no different to any other guy. Every man needed them. It wasn’t as though you’d find it strange that diapers were everywhere.

Would you?

Your brain begins to wander slightly, imagining a world without them. On the edges of your mind you could’ve sworn that this world existed, like this was a memory rather than a daydream. But that was ridiculous. You’d always worn diapers hadn’t you?

“Dearie, are you alright?”

You look to your right, seeing a mother with her toddler in a stroller. Her husband was next to her, dressed in short-alls and a cute onesie. He’s rocking the stroller back and forth, keeping an eye on the sleeping child inside it.

You go to respond but find yourself struggling to find the right words. Mommy’s were like this, always looking out for guys who were out on their own. You’d just gone out to some errands for your own Mommy, she’d needed some groceries and she trusted you enough to go get them. You always felt a sense of pride when you came back and she gave you a chocolate bar from the fridge.

“Looks like you’re a bit distracted today hmmm? Honey can you keep an eye on Tracy, this little guy is gonna need a change soon.”

You stop, thinking about what she just said. She hadn’t checked you, how on earth did she know…

You feel your fists balling up, your body reacting to the cramps that suddenly hit your gut by squatting down. This wasn’t an unusual feeling to you, after all that’s why your diapers were there. Your bowels moved with their own timetable, your breakfast of formula that your Mommy had fed you a few hours ago having finally worked its way through your system and turning into a load of mush that now started to fill the back of your padded underwear. Your butt starts to feel the mess move around as it adjusts to the shape and and space in the diaper, a little involuntary wiggle coming from it as it tries to find a more comfortable way to let it all out.

“Oh dear me, you really had to go didn’t you sweetie?” the mother ruffles your short and fluffy hair. The sense that something wasn’t right about all this once again forced its way to the front of your mind. Had you really always needed these diapers, had you really always had to poop in them like a baby?

Wait, “A baby”? All men were babies, you’d be told that every day by your mommy right? That was just how things were. Why would you need to compare yourself to them?

“Hmmm… Baby, I think this little one is getting a bit of a fresher. Can you take Tracey over there for a bit while I help him with his diaper?”

“But Mommy! I need a change tooooo!” he whined. The man was clearly annoyed at the attention being given to you. You felt a small amount of sympathy well up inside you, knowing how much you hated your Mommy doting on other men. They seemed to get some special time with her whenever you were out together, while she would ask you to do all sorts of boring things. This guy was clearly feeling the same way.

“Ok baby, why don’t we all go to get changed hmm? I’ll take the both of you to the changing room, I’ve got the diapers to spare” she takes your hand. You feel an instant sense of trust with her, your face breaking out into a smile as she leads you towards the changing rooms nearby. Your fellow husband was also looking much happier now that he was getting similar treatment, taking the stroller with him as you all entered the bathroom.

“Now, I’m going to do this little one first, ok hubby?” he nodded, accepting the compromise. They couldn’t leave the toddler alone and it wouldn’t really be suitable to have her present for changing another man.

You take her hand as she leads you through the large door to the changing room. The entire place is decked out with every imaginable piece of furniture that a big baby like yourself could need. There was even a bouncer in the corner in case there were two such babies that needed a change and one needed to be kept safe.

You loved bouncers. At home your Mommy would put you in one when you’d been good for her. It was your special bouncy time. You could just bounce up and down…. Up and down.

“Come on little one, let's get up on the changing table” the motherly tone of the woman was something you obey instinctually. You hoped up onto the table and lay down on your back, looking up into the large mirror above you.

Your hair was particularly matted today, a result of towel drying after a quick bath time that your mommy had given you rather than the full deal. You’d had a very soggy night, but given the state of your diaper now it was understandable that you didn’t need a big scrub down. After all, that was when you’d messy and squirmy all through the night, smushing it about. This was going to be a relatively calm clean up, a quick wipe down to keep your bottom from getting all rashy before you headed home.

Your thumb finds its way back into your mouth as you listen to the humming of the woman now sifting through her diaper bag to find you your new diaper. Another thought worms its way into your brain, telling you that you shouldn’t be letting another woman touch your private parts. They were for your wife… your mommy. Yes, mommy… right?

The mother looks down at you with a look of concern on her face and starts to rub your tummy. She lays down the changing supplies next to you, apparently wanting to coddle you a bit before-hand. You groan a little as the motions make your muscles start to noticeably loosen up, allowing your legs to go to the jelly like state that your mommy loves when she changes you.

“Such a good baby. Because that’s what you are isn’t it? Just a little baby boy?”

You start to respond, your brain actively wanting to resist. You’re not sure why but this scares you a bit, a feeling not unlike panic starts to build. You feel the front of your diaper warm again as you pee without control, your body tightening again for a brief moment.

The mother starts to heft the full rear of your diaper under your shorts. You’d made sure to wear an easily removable pair in case your diaper leaked. She pulls them down off your legs, rubbing the inside of your upper thighs, using her fingers to pull at the leak-guards.

“Dear me, such a soggy little baby. Guess you must have really soaked this… and what’s this?” she patted your rear, smushing the mess inside around. You moaned, your body responded by loosening up again as if desperate to feel more of it.

“Looks to me like you’ve been poopy as well! Goodness me!” her rubbing of your tummy stops as she puts her hands on her hips and looks down at you “Well, I guess that’s what’s to be expected, after all, it’s not like you’re an adult like your Mommy or me. You’re just a baby boy aren’t you?”

You feel like a fog is clouding all of your thoughts, deliberately and forcefully worming its way around the crevices of your mind. You know that she’s right, your surface level consciousness is telling you so, to listen to her voice and the words that are bouncing around in your skull. But there’s something deeper, a memory, trying to push its way to the front of your mind, each second that passes making it feel like it’s getting closer to the surface.

The look on the woman's face goes from one of concern to confusion. You didn’t understand what was wrong, why wasn’t she just changing you? You were just in need of a change, a new diaper, to be relieved of your full and soggy Pampers and let back out to go see your Mommy. But this Mommy was clearly thinking about something else.

“Hmm… Let’s see…” she rummages around in the changing bag “Ah, I’m sure my little one won’t mind you borrowing this for a few minutes” she pulls a pacifier with a large bulb out from the bag and pushes it forcefully into your mouth. As you start to suck on it the memory starts to get more agitated, more desperate. It’s a voice that you feel you know, that used to have a place in your mind before…

Before you were a baby…

That thought triggers something else. You start to squirm on the table, your mouth still suckling on the pacifier but your movements turning into those of an escaping convict. You try to roll off the table, you need to escape, to get back home and get out of this… this…

“Baby stop!”

Too late the woman realises your intent. With a sudden rush of energy you throw yourself from the table, pushing forward and letting your shorts fall to the ground. You kick them off, like you do at home before playtime, and start to run out of the changing room.

“Oh my goodness! Stop you’ll hurt your…”

You ignore the Mommy that just tried to change you and bolt off through the door, right past her baby boy and the toddler he’s pushing in the stroller. As your eyes meet his, a look of understanding flashes behind his iris’ but is quickly extinguished. You don’t have time to talk to him, after all, he’s just a baby. You’re not a baby. At least, you’re not supposed to be.

Your little Velcro shoes squeak on the floor as you spin round the corner of the grocery store, heading towards the exit. You notice a couple of large female guards looking shocked as you speed out, carrying nothing but your baby fat that was bouncing a little in your short-alls.

“Stop him he’s…”

You hear the voice of the woman who tried to change you, but it fades out of your hearing range as you head down the street. You know where your home is, it’s only a short walk. Mommy would never let you go on the bus, or in a taxi, on your own. Too many other babies who could… no… you weren’t a baby! They were babies, but you were big! You could go on a bus if you wanted to!

You continue to run. Your messy diaper was now chafing the inside of your thighs, the squished up mass inside it from the pre-change play had now started to cool and itch a little. You feel your hand move down to adjust and find the poppers of your short-alls still undone. You’d run out of the store with your full and drooping diaper on full display, faded babyish designs all but vanishing in a sea of soft yellow that now covered the front. You daren’t even think about the colour the back must be.

You turn a corner onto the street where you live. The houses around you feel like somewhere that you used to know better, people you used to visit for dinner. But without Mommy. On your own with no supervision from any Mommy. You remember wearing something… smarter? Like what Mommy wears to work before she drops you off for day-care. A… a suit! That was it! With a tie and pants and… and…

You feel a trickle going down your inner thigh. You’d wet yourself again, apparently from excitement, but your already thoroughly used and squished up diaper wasn’t able to take the strain of another flood. Pee was running down to your adorable little socks and into your shoes. You needed to get home and change! Not into a new diaper, but into the big boy clothes you knew you used to wear!

You finally reached the path up to your home. You knew Mommy would be inside, that she’d want to ask where her groceries were. But you were a big boy, you’d realised that now. It didn’t matter that you were in a poopy, leaking diaper that really needed a change, or short-alls with adorable designs on the front, or Velcro shoes. You were going to walk inside and tell her that, that you remembered you were big!

You go to open the door but it’s locked. Of course it is, Mommy made you ring the bell each time. You pressed the button and waited, squishing your thighs together as you felt your diaper continue to dribble. It would be off soon, and you’d be in big boy pants soon anyway.

“Hello swee… Oh my goodness baby what happened?!” There she is. Your loving and caring Mommy, the one who changes you and breast feeds you, who lets you watch cartoons before bedtime even though she has a strict time for it. The best Mommy in the whole wide world. She’d understand!

“Mommy! I’m big!” you shout at her, the pacifier spiralling to the floor as you put your hands to your side in a superhero style pose “I remember! I was big! I wore big boy clothes and big boy pants, I didn’t wear silly diapers! I didn’t go poopy in them, I used the big boy potty and… and…”

You realise as you're doing this that Mommy is smiling. It’s a caring smile, one that you see from time to time when you do something clever, or draw something that goes on the fridge. You smile back.

“Oh sweetie, come on, let’s get that BIG butt of yours inside and get you out of those icky clothes hmmm?”

You nod vigorously, running back through the house. Your room was just ahead, decorated exactly how Mommy had wanted it. As you entered your eyes met with the huge crib, your favoured place to sleep when you didn’t doze off during cartoons in the afternoon. Your changing table, packed high with diapers, was against the wall. You ran up to it and looked up and down for your big boy pants. But they weren’t there!

“Mommy! Where are my big boy pants!”

Mommy has followed slowly behind you and is now standing in the doorway, letting you go through the various drawers.

“Honey, we need to get you changed, hop up on the table and I’ll help you ok? Can you be a big boy and do that for me?”

Her voice worms its way into your head, loving and soft. You respond instantly, looking at the top of the table and jumping up onto it, it’s plastic vinyl crinkling almost as much as your diaper. Though that was mostly squishing by this point as Mommy came over and started to rub your tummy.

“So, you’re a big boy huh?”

You nod again “Uh-huh! I’m big I don’t need stupid diapers! Or watch cartoons, I wanna do a job like you do!”

Your Mommy just smiles and continues as she pulls your short-alls over your head, leaving you in just your onesie and diaper, the poppers still undone. She pulls that off as well before pushing you onto your back slowly.

“So, if you’re big, can you tell me what this is?” she starts to smush the rear of your diaper. Your mind immediately remembers the events of the changing room, and starts to go through the same motions. This wasn’t right…

“It’s my diaper” you respond, blushing a little instinctually.

“Your diaper huh?” she asks, starting to undo the tapes “Well, if you’re big, this diaper should be all dry shouldn’t it?!”

You nod again. Of course it would be, only babies use diapers and you weren’t…

“Oh dear… looks like your diaper is all poopy!”

You look down. Sure enough she’d opened it up and you could only grimace as you saw the full diaper presented to you in all it’s stinky glory. Your hairless groin also met your gaze, your little bits that your Mommy started to wipe down all carefully softened with lotion over many changes.

“Well, I’m not sure that you’re big if you’re in poopy diapers!”

You huff and cross your arms “I am big! I don’t need…”

“Honey, you pooped yourself” you can’t even respond to that. She was right. You had pooped yourself at the mall.

“Do big boys poop themselves?” she asks as she balls up the old diaper and throws it with a large pile of wipes into your nearby diaper pail.

“No…” you reply honestly.

“Well then, how about we get you in a little boy diaper for now, and when you feel like you want to be big, you tell me ok?”

You smile back at Mommy. That… seemed ok. Your mind still felt like it wanted to revolt, to say no, but Mommy was being so nice. Not like that mean lady in the mall who just wanted to put you in diapers forever!

“So, here’s your new diaper!” she shows you the front of a new huge diaper as she pops it under you and pulls it up your front, powdering your groin and taping it nice and securely to your tummy.

You giggle as you shift around in the new crinkly undergarment. Another memory of this pops into your brain, as though this has happened many times before, but you shake it off as Mommy helps you off the table and takes your hand.

“Next time, Mommy will go with you to get groceries. I think my BIG boy needs me around a little more doesn’t he?”

You nod again. Mommy wanted you to be a big boy, even if you had to wear little boy diapers.

Mommy just smiles again as she takes you to the playpen, looking down at you as you go to find your toys. You’d always been a tough little guy to keep down, but sometimes about that made her even happier. Just a little spark, the special something that made you her baby boy… forever.