Chapter 270: College Experience (2) (Patreon)

[Edward POV]

Frankie and I went to a popular restaurant nearby, but by a lucky coincidence, it was the restaurant where the saying, “What Market Are You Shopping At!?” was born. 

“You seem really excited for some reason.” Frankie said after she saw my eyes scouring the venue after we ordered our lunch.

“I am excited.” I replied with a grin. 

Without a change of expression, Frankie asked, “Oh, really? Does it have anything to do with the group of people you’re talking about? The girl in the bright yellow sweater?”

Taken aback for a bit, I replied with a grin, “You meant the bright yellow ‘grandma’ sweater.” 

Frankie asked again, “Are you finally ready to move on?”

My excitement diminished, and I frowned,  “I’m not interested in Annie. And why would you think that in the first place?”

“It’s just that, you have…a specific…taste… From what I heard about you.” She replied.  Baffled for a second, I said, “Well, you don't have to worry about that.”

“Oh, but I am worried.” Frankie said decisively. 

She looked right at me and continued, “The last couple of weeks, you seem unlike your usual self. It made me worried about your well-being.”

Narrowing my eyes, I looked up to Frankie and asked, “Why are you suddenly getting into the topic? Can’t we just have a nice lunch?”

Frankie thought for a second before replying, “I feel, right now, you’re becoming one of my responsibilities as I could be seen as a mother figure. And one of the mother figure’s tasks is to make sure to ask their dependent about what is bothering them, and ensure that they could talk about it in a safe environment, especially if it was about their love life. So I took the initiative to ask.”

Her words made me stunned speechless for a minute. “Edward?” She called worriedly.

“S-Sorry, my mind blanked out when I heard about ‘mother figure’.” I said with slightly accelerated breathing. 

Inside my mind, I was racking my brain, wondering when did my dad and her take the next step in their relationship that she’s referring herself to my mother figure now. Will I have a stepmom soon?

 Frankie asked, “Would you like me to repeat–”

“No need.” I shook my hand quickly. “Now where is that damn quail?” I turned around to check if the food was ready, in an effort to change the topic of the conversation, but Frankie was relentless. 

“The waitress told us the food will be out in half an hour. We have, 25 minutes left.” Frankie checked her watch before adding, “Don’t worry about the food. We can talk without anyone bothering us.”

“Alright then, since you want to have a real conversation, let’s do it then.” I sighed as I gave up trying to avoid talking to her. “Just so you know, me being reluctant in answering any questions isn’t because of you. I actually like having you in my life.”

“Thank you for that. I like your presence in my life too.” Frankie smiled and replied. “Can you tell me, why do you seem like you are not willing to move on?” She asked.

I took a deep breath and said, “Shark Tales.”

Frankie was dumbfounded, “Excuse me?”

“Watch Shark Tales. Then, you’ll understand it.” I said with a smirk. “And don’t use ‘I don’t watch TV’ as an excuse. You can find the story on Netflix.” 

“Alright then.” Frankie smiled, “If that’s what it takes to understand your situation, then, I’ll be willing to make the sacrifice.”

I groaned before I chuckled, “Why are you watching TV like I’m asking you to save the world or something.”

After the food came, we switched to talking about Greendale college. Frankie said, “Do you know they have a class about ladders there?”

“There’s also a class called, “When is it okay to shake a baby”, “wand making”, “Baby talk”, “history of ice cream” – which sounds pretty awesome, and I’d like to get on that class.” I muttered.

“And for the ‘when is it okay to shake a baby’, the answer is never. It’s never okay to shake a baby.” Frankie commented.

I raised my eyebrow, “I know that.”

“There’s too many redundancies in the administrative process of the entire college. Like you planned, I leveraged our investment offer for an administrative consultant position, in which I’d be able to make some differences.” Frankie added.

I nodded and said, “We’re only here for 2 days, so just focus on the major part. Such as, the roof of the cafeteria is made of styrofoam–”

“IT’S MADE OF STYROFOAM?!” Frankie was shocked, her body jerked, which made her clinked her utensil on the plate. Her reaction made people turn their heads towards us for a second before continuing their lunch.

“Yeah. And they have a butt load of frisbee on top of the styrofoam roof, so that’s just an accident waiting to happen.” I shrugged casually.

As we ate the food, I received a notification from an agent stationed in the college. “Frankie, we need to hurry up. There’s going to be a performance there that I’d like to catch.” I said as I ate the food hurriedly.

Frankie however, continued eating at her own pace. I looked at her in confusion, in which she said, “Forcing myself to eat faster will risk indigestion, and if I want to fix the entire college in 2 days, I need to be in a perfect condition.”

“Alright then. No rush. I can miss the song ‘Britta You’re A B’. Wait, sorry, the song’s name is ‘Getting Rid of Britta.” 

“Britta?” Frankie asked, confused.

“You know, the blonde with a sour puss and leather vest. She was among the group of people I was talking with.” I explained.

“Are you familiar with that group of people? You just met them today?” Frankie asked with suspicion. “Why do you know so much about them?”

“Um…This food is delicious isn’t it?”

After we finished eating, we drove back to Greendale, arriving just in time for the performance.

[Getting Rid Of Britta Song]

Britta’s ex– Vaughn, sang the song with his band, and Pierce as the keyboardist/backup vocal. “♫♪ 'Saying goodbye to Britta Was the hardest thing to do. But when someone's a bitch and a liar. There ain't nothing left to woo. ♫♪'”

Frankie was shocked, “The lyrics are scathing.” 

“♫♪ I'm gettin' rid of Britta (she's gotta go) I'm gettin' rid of the B.♫♪” Vaughn sang the chorus, and Pierce added, “♫♪She's a no good B~”

Vaughn: ♫♪ I'm gettin' rid of Britta. I'm gettin' rid of the B♫♪

Pierce :♫♪ She's a GDB♫♪

Britta, who was listening on the side of the crowd, regretted having come to show her support for Vaughn. The song went on for a few more verses before it ended, and the crowd applauded Vaughn for his performance. Immediately after, the song spread to the entire school. Britta was dumbfounded and left the hall with a face filled with sorrow. 

"What is a GDB?" I heard Frankie mumble to herself. "From the context, maybe 'God Damn B'? Or it could be a Giant Double Burger," I replied casually.

Frankie snapped, "It won't be about a burger– Alright, I see the Dean coming here. I'll interject him halfway so that he won't see you." Frankie quickly rushed to meet the Dean, while I stayed behind to watch the performances. 

One thing that I’d never known before, the performances were part of a competition. Amongst the numerous challengers, only 3 people would be picked to perform at the ‘Picnic and Sing Along Underneath the Moonlight’. The crowd would vote for the best performers when everyone had sung their part. 

Stepping into the stage was Garret, a man who looked like an offensive caricature, and he yodeled on the stage. Soon, he was booed off it.

I soon became confused when I noticed Jeff and Abed watching the performance as well, just a few meters away from where I was standing. "Hmm? Shouldn't they be at the dorm right now?" I muttered under my breath. 

After all, Jeff had been recently homeless and was supposed to be bunking with Abed - a living situation that would undoubtedly make him miserable and desolate. Yet, as I observed Jeff, I couldn't help but notice a sly glint in his eyes as he scanned his surroundings.

"What's going on?" I asked in confusion. "Is this because of my presence here?" One of the agents had parked where Jeff's car should have been, which allowed Jeff to avoid getting his car towed, and as a result, he didn't have to move in with Abed.

Abed said to Jeff, "I don't think it's a good idea Jeff." Jeff replied cockily, "I think it's a great idea Abed. This can solve all of my problems at the same time. All I need to do is find him, and pitch him a story about my life. He'll buy the movie rights that’s for certain, and I can move back into my condo."

"I understand your plan. I just think the plot of a lawyer who cheated on his certification is overused," Abed added. "Really? Name one story," Jeff challenged.

"Liar Liar– A Jim Carrey film. It was revealed that Jim Carrey's character cheated on his bar exam. Catch Me If You Can– Leonardo Dicaprio became a lawyer there by faking everything, but in a plot twist, he passed the bar exam on his own. Like you did.”

Jeff was taken aback, and then he scoffed with shaky eyes, "I said one." He added defensively, "And there isn't a story where, um, the lawyer faked his ways into the courtroom by inventing a non-existent university to get his bachelors."

"Unless there's something that could captivate the audience Jeff, I don't think he's going to buy the movie rights," Abed said decisively. “Right now, your story doesn’t seem like a story great for film.”

“I’m not going to discuss this with you Abed.” Jeff said before he walked away to find me, unaware that I was standing really close to him. “I’m going to go get my money!” He said confidently.

Abed shook his head and said, “That poor guy.”

Abed stayed behind alone when I approached him and said, “His effort is futile. I’m already working on a TV series about unconventional corporate lawyers. One of the main characters is a guy who was hired despite lacking a law degree, but he passed the bar.”

His eyebrows were raised upward, and Abed slowly turned his head towards me. “It’s you again.”

“Hi.” I greeted. “I already know your name, and you know mine, so let’s skip the formalities.” I continued.

Immediately, he said, “Annie fainted after you left. She’s in the school’s clinic right now with Shirley.”

“I’ll visit her if I have the chance.” I said casually. Abed said, “That’s probably not a very good idea. She might faint again.”

“That’s true.” I nodded in agreement. Abed asked suddenly, “Why are you here?”

“Why? Is my presence here bothering you?” While we were talking, a familiar face walked onto the stage. “Hey, it’s Dylan.” I muttered with excitement. Dylan and a few band members get ready for their performance.

“Today I’m going to sing my original song. I wrote this for a very special lady in my life. And with this song, I hope that my feelings will reach her.” Dylan said to the crowd.

Abed continued, “I don’t have a problem with your presence, but I have some concerns about your plans for the college.”

I looked at him in confusion and asked, “What concerns?”

Abed explained, “The concept of Greendale is that of an unconventional, underfunded, and often chaotic higher education institution that serves as a refuge for a diverse group of quirky, misfit students who form an unlikely study group and navigate the absurdities of campus life together.”

“So, my intention in making it better will screw that up?” I asked knowingly.

Abed replied, “Yes.”

Dylan strummed the guitar, and a familiar melody resounded. It was his song, ‘In the Moonlight, or one might know it by its other name, ‘Do Me’.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcmuseErtbo&ab_channel=ABC ]

“Let’s talk after the song.” I told Abed, who accepted that casually, “Sure.” Both of us turned to the stage.

Dylan grabbed the microphone as he sang, “♫♪ The stars are falling from the sky… And you're the reason why♫♪” He pointed his finger to Anais who was watching from the side. She groaned but kept a smile on her face as she watched him perform. It was the first time she listened to the song too so she didn’t know what to expect from it.

“♫♪The moon is shining on your face… And I finally think it's found its place ♫♪” The rhythms became quicker as the song entered the chorus.

“♫♪ Cause maybe, baby, I just wanna do you, do you~ Do you wanna do me, do me~ Underneath the moonlight~ The moonlight tonight?” Dylan sang with a high falsetto voice. 

The crowd who were enjoying the music paused for a second. “Wait. What did he say?” Garret asked the guy beside him. Anais’s face froze and became pale. 

The crowd dismissed the lyrics as the song was quite catchy “ ♫♪ And now we're hiding in my car, I let you see my scars. Escape the dark for just one night, Your heart makes me explode with light♫♪”

The chorus repeated, and some of the crowd even sang along to the song. Even I sang along to it.

“♫♪ Baby, maybe!  Maybe I will steal you, steal you! Just so I can feel you, feel you! 

Maybe that will heal you, heal you! On the inside♫♪”

Abed commented, “This seems like a song made by a sexual predator.”

I defended Dylan, “He did ask for consent first in the other lyrics.” Abed thought about it and nodded in agreement. 

Dylan screamed “ ♫♪Underneath the willow tree!!!!! Wearing nothing else but me!!!!♫♪”

“Oh my god.” I burst into laughter as I saw Dylan grinding on the microphone stand. Anais covered her face, she couldn’t even look straight into Dylan. 

Dylan sang passionately, “Babe, I just wanna do you! Do you wanna do me! Underneath the moonlight?”

“♫♪Baby, Baby. This is why you need me, relieve me. Close your eyes and breath deep, breath deep. Let me set your mind free till the sunrise.♫♪”

As the song finished, the commenter said, “Incredible performance by Dylan Marshall who sang sexually charged lyrics from the bottom of his heart. It made us wonder if his girlfriend made him become involuntarily celibate for him to express himself in a song like this.”

Anais exploded into anger and throw a bottle to the commenter, “Fuck you dude!”

“Anais!” Dylan was shocked to see his fiancee getting angry. Anais stormed off the hall in humiliation, and Dylan quickly chased after him.

“I wonder what she's so mad about. He got into the top 3. He’s going to perform again tomorrow.” The commenter announced while rubbing his sore head.

I laughed and said, “This day just kept getting better and better.”

…

[General POV]

In the infirmary. Laying on the bed, Annie slowly opened her eyes. Shirley quickly stood up from her seat and held Annie’s hand.

“Annie! You made us all worried!” Shirley said. Annie held her hurting forehead and asked, “What happened?”

Shirley widened her eyes, “You don’t remember?”

Annie thought about it and replied, “I remember being in the study group, and there’s another guy there.” Her eyes suddenly widened as she remembered, “Wait. Did that really happen? He’s…really here? Oh no- I feel light headed again.”

In the administration building, Frankie led the meeting with the school board and Dean Pelton. She said, “The school will be closed for 2 weeks for the infrastructure improvement. It’s quite fortunate considering that it’s Thanksgiving weekend, so the students won’t miss much in their studies.”

“Um, school will end on 10 December. If they didn’t come here in the final week, then we would have to postpone the final exam.” Dean Pelton said. “Can we do the construction work after school ends?”

The bald dean wore a headband with Edward’s name on it. He was desperate to meet Edward, but Frankie wouldn’t let him do that.

“And risk the lives of the students? I don’t think so.” Frankie replied decisively.

The school board said, “We can opt for an outdoor style class. The students that need to take the exams can do it in the gym or the field or something. I think the more important question is, how much money will he donate to the school.” 

Dean Pelton asked, “And, does he need his own statue? I still have my contacts from when I made the Luis Guzman statue.”

Frankie replied, “You don’t need to worry about that. And for the budget, we’ll finalize the discussions first before we talk numbers. Let’s talk about the coyote problem. And here, I see that you have a stable?”

…

[Edward POV]

Abed and I moved to a lounge room as we continued our conversation about the school. 

Abed said, “In most TV shows, the change for the better happens at the final season. If you try to fix Greendale now, it’ll lose the thing that makes Greendale special.”

“I get what you mean.” I replied. “However, while resolving conflict early can diminish the story's appeal, in real life, everyone wants the change to come as fast as possible.”

Abed was silent for a while and asked, “So,resolving conflicts instead of dragging it out for multiple seasons is good? How can the audience be invested in the story then?”

“Focus on character dynamics and special theme episodes.” I replied. “You know, interesting episodes such as Treasure Hunting?” I pushed the vending machine away, revealing a trap door underneath the carpet.

Abed widened his eyes, and he said, “So, down there, there’s buried treasure?”

“Yes.” I replied. “Want to join me in the adventure?” I invited him.

Abed paused for a second before he said, “Be right back. I need to get a leather jacket.”

“You’re trying to be Nicholas Cage in ‘National Treasures’?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Abed replied casually. I sighed and said, “You have 5 minutes, then, I’ll do it by myself. Also, keep this a secret. Don’t tell anyone about this.”

“I won’t.” Abed rushed off to his dorm to get his stuff and came back less than 5 minutes after. Mimicking Nicolas Cage’s voice, he said, “I’m going to steal the declaration of independence.”