Chapter 232: Cream Puff. (Patreon)
Content
[Edward POV]
I woke up around 4 am after opening the memory I had gotten, the Mash Burnedead bodybuilding memory. I stare blankly at the ceiling for a while before I muttered in Japanese, “Asa okitara, kurīmu pafu ga tabetai (When I wake up in the morning, I want to eat a cream puff.)”
The upgraded Robin appeared next to my bed while squatting, looking at me intimately and affectionately as she placed her hand under her chin. “Good Morning Ed.” She said cutely as she tilted her head to the side.
However, all of the charm that Robin had learned was useless at the moment. I turned slowly with a blank face. Robin asked cheerily, “Would you like me to order you a cream puff right now.”
“Hai (Yes!)” I replied in Japanese again before rubbing my sore forehead. As Robin walked away with a spring in her steps, I sat up from the bed and took off my pajamas.
“Damn it. Why is that guy’s memory is only lifting weights, eating cream puffs, making cream puffs, surveying cream puffs, trying to make a cream puff protein powder. Who is even that guy? And why am I hearing a song in my head? Bling Bang Bang Born?” I muttered as I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and combed my hair into a mushroom head hairstyle at the same time.
“Should I eat the cream puff first, or should I go to the gym first?” I muttered to myself. My body reacted and I instinctively walked to the gym. I wore a black skin tight suit, and a white short to cover up the indecent area, and started working out.
“Robin, can you please record this? I want to get the message out there.”
“Sure Eddy~” Robin answered before she manifested a camera in her hand. The real work was done by the camera in her holographic projection, which could record a 4k video of the surroundings.
I sat on the push up bench seriously with my hands interlocked together in front of my face.
“Do you know why human beings have arms?” I asked seriously while I played a violin sound in the background.
“It’s so that they can hold dumbells.” Robin slowly zoomed the camera closer to my face and body as I sent out my message.
“Do you know why human beings have legs?”
“It’s so we can deadlift barbells.”
“Do you know why human beings have a brain?”
“It’s so that we can calculate how many reps we did when we’re lifting weights.”
“Do you know why human beings have a heart?”
“It’s so we can pump blood into our muscles…to LIFT EVEN MORE WEIGHTS!”
“MUSCLE IS POWER!” I flexed my biceps to the camera seriously. Then, I told Robin, “Post it to my social media Thank you RB.”
“Okay. I will.” Robin nodded seriously. I walked to the push up ladder, where I jumped upwards to grab the pull up bar. As I raised myself up on the bar, I needed to push the bar into another level– like a ladder. Sweat was dripping on my chin as I did it, but my face remained expressionless.
Robin included that footage into the video before she posted it on my Instagram on my behalf. Then, I finally snapped out of the memory remnants, “Huh? What did I just do?”
I thought about it, and figured that it wouldn’t be harmful to my image, so I just forgot about them and continued working out. The black tight was drenched after I did a full 2 hour high level strenuous workout routine before drinking the protein powder.
“I should really make a cream puff flavored protein powder, just as a tribute to that guy.” I muttered as I gulped down the big bottle of protein shake greedily.
After taking a shower, and putting some bandage on my muscles underneath, I asked, “Robin, did you get any of the ingredients I wanted?”
Robin replied as she pointed to the small wooden box next to my bed, “ It’s hard to collect them all. Some of them are still not found yet. But your staff members are working hard to get them all.”
“Alright. Let’s see. Hmm, a muscle soreness relieving pill would be great for me.” I muttered to myself. In the previous gacha, I had received 10 ordinary pills from a nameless alchemist. I have to say, it was honestly the best prize I had gotten in yesterday’s draw.
It took me half an hour to prepare the muscle soreness pills, and I took it instantly after that. All of the soreness from my excessive workouts this morning dissipated away, and I become more energetic now.
"I'm going to school today," I told my dad as I walked into the kitchen. I was dressed casually in a black long-sleeve shirt, jeans, and sneakers.
I glanced at my dad, who seemed absorbed in a newspaper, as I grabbed some bread to make myself a breakfast sandwich. I couldn't resist teasing him, "Why are you doing the crossword? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"
"Oh, Ed. Do you want me to drop you off?" My dad finally responded, his eyes glued to the newspaper. He let out a sigh and admitted, "Frankie mentioned that she does crossword puzzles a lot. I tried to impress her by saying I do them too, but now I'm regretting it."
"Okay, I get it," I nodded understandingly. We all want to impress our partners with shared interests or activities. This made me feel a bit jealous of my dad as he got to enjoy this. But, I still offered my help.
"Give me one you're struggling with." I said as I served my breakfast on a plate and walked to the table, sitting in front of him.
"25 across. Capital whose name means 'sheltered bay'," my dad asked eagerly.
"Honolulu," I promptly replied as I cracked an egg into the pan.
He checked the crossword with a serious expression and grinned, "It fits."
"Give me a tougher one," I challenged with a hint of smugness.
"Alright, 46 Across. Los Angeles fossil site. Six letters," my dad asked.
"LA BREA," I answered after contemplating for a few seconds.
"That fits as well. But that's it. I have to do the rest myself. Otherwise, it's cheating," my dad apologized.
I rolled my eyes at him and retorted, "You've already cheated twice."
Just then, Max walked in groggily and was shocked when she heard my statement. "Ted. For real? I never took you for a guy who would cheat. Poor Frankie–"
"ON THE CROSSWORD PUZZLE!" My dad interjected quickly to clear his name. "I cheated on the crossword puzzle!"
"Oh," Max exclaimed before grinning mischievously. "I'm still going to tell her." She then turned her predator-like gaze toward me, giving me goosebumps. The only reason she woke up early today was to continue what she was vying for last night.
"Robin, please lock my lab. Don't let anyone enter without my permission," I said. The Euphoria solution was stored in the lab, which made Max shout Pitifully, “NOOO!!!”
Robin, who had been upgraded and now had a full AI projection body, walked towards the kitchen. (See Blade Runner 2049 Joy AI) Her appearance was indistinguishable from a real human, with her face modeled after Sage– similar, but not the same. She wore a 1950s housewife dress, complete with a ponytail and a pearl necklace on her neckline.
My dad's eyes widened as he saw Robin and asked me as he stood up to offer her a handshake, "Who's this?"
"Mr. Theodore, you're a jokester. I'm Robin," she giggled, approaching my dad and placing her hand on his shoulder, which passed through his body.
Her playful demeanor made my dad's heart skip a beat. He quickly snapped back to reality, looked at me in disbelief, and asked, "Ed. What the hell did you do?"
“Max will explain it to you.” I said as I looked at the time. “I need to go now if I want to get to school on time.”
Dad looked at Max for explanation, in which Max replied, “Ed’s building a sex robot–”
“You know what Dad? I still have time, I’ll explain it to you now.” I stopped going away and walked to my dad before pushing Max away from him.
A few minutes later, as I walked out of the house with Max badgering me for a sip of the drink behind me, Randall appeared at the door with a box of cream puffs in his hand.
Panting heavily, Randall said, “I…I made…it… Now…Please don’t send me back to New York…”
Max saw Randall and was surprised, “Wait. Since he’s here, does it mean that I need to go back?”
…
It has been a while since I came to school. Crowd of fans waving banners of my name and my posters cheered excitedly as they saw my car pull up into the school’s ground.
Already prepared for this, Principal Brown has increased the security around the school campus, blocking out the fans and the paparazzis from entering the school block. Suddenly, the crowd went silent as they were planning something.
“1…2…“MUSCLE IS POWER!”!!!” They chanted as they flexed their biceps, which made me burst out laughing. I waved at them, and before I could go into the school compound, a few of them shouted, “ED! Can we get a picture with you!?”
“You guys know what? You made my day. So yeah.” I walked towards them, which made the fans exclaim excitedly.
While I was taking pictures with them, Principal Brown used his megaphone to talk to me, “Edward! You need to go in right now! You are already late for class! Go in Now– HEY! Who threw the soda can at me! Sto- Stop that–”
The fans threw several things at the principal as they heard him calling me. I smiled apologetically at them and said, “You guys heard him. I’m sorry. I need to go in. I’ll see you guys later.”
As I was walking to my class, I checked my Instagram account, and found out that my short video had gone viral. A lot of the gym bros were reposting my videos, and it was also mentioned in several talk shows this morning.
Several people tried to mimic the pull up ladder exercise that I had done, and found out that it was quite difficult to do. Only those with a great fitness level and a high reflex rate could do the exercise.
Those who managed to do it promptly praised me for being able to do so with an expressionless face as if the exercise was nothing for me. However, one interesting thing I saw on social media was, a lot of the gym goers were asking me if I would write or create a song that they could work out to.
“Hmm? Should I do that?” I muttered to myself.
Knock Knock
I stood in front of the door to Sage’s classroom and knocked on it gently. “I know I’m late, but can I come in?” I asked while flashing a charming smile. The students of the class had their faces beamed as they saw me. Haley and Tara excitedly called me to sit at the empty seat next to them.
“No. Go to the principal’s office to receive your disciplinary actions. Honestly, I hope you get detention.” Sage said coldly.
Me: …
Other students: …
Haley: …
I sighed and leaned at the door, “Is that necessary?”
“Or, would you rather I spank you right here right now?” Sage said with a slight smirk as she took out a metal ruler.
The class laughed in excitement. Haley stood up and shouted, “Spank him!”
I looked at her bewilderingly, which made her shrug and said, “What? I’m just giving my support to the teacher.”
“I’ll go meet Principal Brown.” I replied as I walked away, causing the students to exclaim in disappointment.
“Why are you here?” Principal Brown asked with confusion as I walked into his office.
“I’m late, so Miss Anna sent me to the Principal’s office.” I replied.
“Ah, right. Um…I don’t want to get killed, so I won’t give you detention. So, let’s do something else.” Principal Brown said, and then he stopped talking.
“Hmm?” I was confused, and stared at him, but he kept smiling and didn’t talk.
“What should I do?” I asked, trying to get him to continue. But he was still silent and just looked at me smilingly.
“???”
Suddenly, Amanda, the Student Council President, and the girl I met before during prom, knocked on the Principal’s office.
“You want to see me Principal Brown?” Amanda asked before she widened her eyes as she saw me. “Ed-uard–o”
“Eduardo?” I asked teasingly, knowing that she had messed up her pronunciation.
Amanda blushed in embarrassment and called out while waving shyly at me, “Edward Newgate.”
“Right, Edward, I figured out what to do with you. Why don’t you go and help Amanda paste these flyers for the school’s dance on the bulletin boards?” Principal Brown suddenly spoke.
“Took you long enough.” I retorted with disbelief.
…
Amanda and I went to the cafeteria to post the flyers on the bulletin board there. “So…I hear you’re throwing a party this Sunday?” Amanda asked, she kept avoiding her eyes from looking directly towards me, as if I was the sun during an eclipse.
“I don’t know yet. I might be.” I replied ambiguously as I stapled the paper on the board.
“You know, last time I threw a party, only…3 people were there…” Amanda said pitifully. She tried hinting at me, “I’m-I’m sure that you already have enough people already–”
“Aren’t you the student council president? Shouldn’t you be famous? Why did no one come to the party?” I asked with bewilderment. “Unless you were throwing a swingers party– In which, I could argue that more than 3 people still need to be there, cause you need even numbers and at least 2 couples.”
“I didn’t throw a swingers party. I threw the party and then Rebecca Johnson threw her 17th birthday party at the same time! So no one came to my party!” Amanda muttered aggrievedly, showing her dissatisfaction with her entire body.
I chuckled a bit and said, “Ah, so, lack of planning then. Are you even sure you’re asian?”
She rolled her eyes at me and pouted, “If you don’t want to invite me, that’s fine! You don’t need to make fun of me too!”
“Oh no-no, I’ll be sure to invite you, if the party is on.” I replied with a chuckle.
“Finally! It’s my last chance to become hip! And cool! And laid back! I need to show everyone else the fun side of me before I graduate!” She said as she wrote her number on a small notepad and ripped the page off before giving it to me.
“Who are you going as for Halloween?” I asked curiously.
“Ruth Bader Ginsburg.” Amanda replied excitedly. “What?” She asked as she saw I was looking at her weirdly.
“And you want everyone else to think that you’re fun?”
After biding my time in the slammer, I went back to the classroom, and went on with my day at school as usual. I stayed behind after school ended to join in the football practice, and hang out with my friends at a family restaurant nearby.
The couples were sitting next to each other at the edge of the table while Jenna and Enid sat right next to me at the center.
Jacob slathers his french fries with ice creams before eating it. Jenna looked at him with disgust before she turned to me and asked, “Ed, are you going to come again tomorrow?”
“No. I have to go to a film set. Wanna come with? It is a Disney set, so there’s a chance for you to get molested, but you’ll be safe if you stay close to me.”
Jenna rolled her eyes with disgust and said, “I’m not going!”
“I’ll GO!” Enid said excitedly. “I’ll risk it–”
I flicked her forehead and scolded, “Don’t willingly take that stupid risk.”
“What’s the filming for?” Finneas asked. Billie wasn’t around today as she has a slight fever.
“Wizards of Waverly Place.” I replied as I opened my mouth because Enid was feeding me some fries.
“Oh. Selena. Are you going to date her next after dumping her best friend?” Alex asked sarcastically.
I rolled my eyes and said, “I don’t think I’ll date anyone for the foreseeable future.”
“Why not?” Jacob asked.
I shrugged as an answer. Abraham suddenly changed the topic, “You know what will be pretty funny? You show everyone that you’re going to wear a Batman outfit, and then you wore Superman’s clothes during Halloween.”
I was seriously considering that suggestion when Enid exclaimed nervously, “NO! I have already bought a catwoman’s outfit! It’s very very hard to find too! Don’t change your outfit now! Screw you Abracadabra!”
“Hey! Screw you too!” Abraham and Enid started arguing. I looked at the time, and saw that it was almost 6 o'clock. “I have to go now. Who’s coming home with me? Enid and Finneas right?”
“What about me?” Jacob asked pitifully.
Elsa rolled her eyes and said, “You said that you’re coming back with me! We’re catching a ride with Jenna.
Jenna asked me, “Ed, can we change passengers? Everytime this dumb couple catches a ride with my mom, they will make out in the backseat.”
I nodded as I glared at the duo, “They are just like Alex and Finneas. The two of them can’t be stuck together too.”
“Hey that’s Slander! We kissed once!” Alex retorted.
I looked at Finneas teasingly and he shyly showed two fingers.
“Twice! You dog!” I teased him.
As I was driving home, I called Haley. “Hey, you know what? You win. The party’s on.”
“YES!” Haley exclaimed excitedly. “I’ll handle everything! You don’t need to worry about anything!”