Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (Part 12) (Patreon)

Blazing Lion smiled. “While Fellow Alchemist White Lily did make some excellent points, I don’t agree with her.”

White Lily crossed her arms under her chest and wore an expression that sent so much shade toward the unorthodox cultivator that she’d be living under it for weeks.

“She knows Alchemist Lin well, but does she realize how difficult it is for most alchemists to grasp logical alchemy? According to some of my seniors here, back before Immortal Zhenren ascended, no one could understand his logic. His lectures were widely attended but not a single cultivator could improve their own Dao using anything he spoke about. Seeing that she shares her master’s way, why would anyone be able to learn Fairy Lin’s Alchemy when they couldn’t figure out her master’s? It’s too divergent.”

Ah, this foolish side character decided to aim at Sword Within the Light of Virtue’s alchemy. Something even Noxious Fangstrike barely touched on. Dumb move on her part.

Little Spring crossed his arms. “My sister’s lecture isn’t about our master’s Dao! I don’t see what relevance this has. You’re supposed to judge who gave the most useful lesson, not who might give the worse one later.”

“You’re right. Maybe it’s because I’m from an unorthodox sect, but I just can’t help but consider the future.” She paused. “For instance, while Lin’s lecture was able to help Blazing Flame now, I don’t believe it will benefit him much after today.”

“Actually.” The child took a step forward to bring everyone’s attention to him. “I think Senior Lin’s lesson on the Yin and Yang levels in each spiritual plant will be something I’ll use constantly.”

Would you look at that. Young Bright Flame appreciated what I did for him enough to interrupt this senior alchemist.

Blazing Lion, to her credit, didn’t get angry at him. But she did wave her hand at him as if dismissing what he said. Her lips twisted into a knowing half-smile. “You would have naturally figured something like that out eventually. Nearly everyone does. Meanwhile, Little Spring here learned about a serious flaw in his understanding that could have caused him to create massive explosions later. Possibly killing off one of the most talented young alchemists I’ve ever seen.”

Little Spring scowled. “My sister already taught me how to avoid explosions!”

She smirked. “Your sister who is not much older than you? Listen here, learning how to solve mistakes without blowing yourself up takes a lot of trial and error. I’ve spent more years than she’s been alive studying how to mitigate alchemy disasters and I can tell that you dangerously lack practice.” She placed one hand on her hip. “Tell me, how many batches of pills do you waste when trying to create a simple Healing Dan?”

“Maybe one out of every one hundred?”

She coughed and stared at the brat in disbelief.

Actually, everyone in the area, besides myself, had similar expressions, even Pill Otaku.

He shrugged. “It’s probably less than that.” The crowd seemed to sigh in relief. Most of these guys trashed one set of ingredients for every three or five successful ones.

The kid smiled sheepishly. “I rarely waste a batch, so I forget to keep track.” This sounded like he was bragging, but he was actually being very humble and low-key. A few people even rolled their eyes. They did not understand the horrors of this little protagonist’s skill.

If he wouldn’t brag about his accomplishments, I’d do it for him. I smirked. “If you want the actual statistics, it’s about one every three hundred batches. Which are rookie numbers for logical alchemy.”

Several coughs of disbelief came from the crowd. The unorthodox cultivator stared at him, along with everyone else. People whispered, asking where this unparalleled genius originated from. Some others said that it was no wonder he was Immortal Zhenren’s disciple. The compliments continued, but this was normal in the dumbass original author’s universe. At least, when it came to its protagonist. It was so bad, the kid’s ears turned red.

Blazing Lion smiled. “You’ve proved my point for me. How is this child supposed to practice fixing mistakes if he hardly makes any?”

“If I don’t make errors, why should I practice fixing them?”

I barely stopped myself from facepalming.

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I thought this fucking brat was trying to be humble! When did I teach him to be this stupidly over-confident? I certainly wasn’t that arrogant, so he couldn’t have learned it from me.

“This is why he needed Violet to show him how very wrong he is. I don’t know how it is in the orthodox sects, but to us unorthodox cultivators, mistakes are important. We improve our understanding of, not only alchemy but the individual plants better by seeing how they don’t work. That is why Violet’s lesson is so thought-provoking and essential… Even if the point is lost on him right now. And that is why I think she should have the lecture spots.”

Fuck. Her explanation was more convincing than Noxious Fangstrike’s. Even I was slightly convinced the brat needed to fail more.

Whatever. I was still the better lecturer.

Lina spoke up, “So, that is two for Violet, one for Lin. With a single judge left. Alchemist Ruthless Divine Medicine, you’ll decide if Alchemist Violet Pill is the winner, or if I’ll have to step in and break a tie.”

Everyone turned to Ruthless. He stood with his hands clasped behind his back, long black hair gently floating in the light breeze.

“We’re alchemists. In the end, our goal is to make perfect pills. Or as perfect as possible. So, let me see them.”

Little Spring handed Ruthless the jade bowl with his batch of Seven Circles Breath Expanding Dan.

Ruthless studied them for a bit, looked like he’d eaten something sour, and tossed the bowl back to the kid who awkwardly caught them with spiritual energy and sent everything into the space.

“What do you think your quality would have made if Violet Pill Fairy hadn’t messed with your concoction?”

Little Spring swallowed. “Well, this is my first time creating this batch so, most of the batch would have been high quality.”

Pill Otaku grimaced, like it physically pained him to hear that.

Next, Bright Flame handed over his batch.

Pill Otaku spun the pills in the bowl to examine them visually and even gently inhaled above them. As if coming to a serious conclusion, he nodded. His eyes then narrowed on each of the judges who came before him. “All three of you are missing the most significant point. You were all talking about who gives better or lasting advice, but that’s not important. What I care about is who can help make my pills perfect. And what I trust is my eyes and divine sense.”

He held up the bowl. “This is the most beautiful batch of Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill I’ve ever seen. Not only was it concocted using the new solution to the Five Leaves Break Down, but it is a pill created to pinnacle quality. Don’t you all realize that a Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill like this has never existed before? This is the first! It is a historic pill! And Little Bright Flame and I will talk about how much he wants for these after this lecture duel is finally over.”

Bright Flame’s ears became red, but he nodded confidently.

Ruthless moved one fist behind his back and peered out at the crowd. “In this battle of lectures, we have one person who created a historic pill, and another who turned a high-quality batch of pills into something middling at best.

“The evidence is clear. Only one individual lifted an alchemist up past their block, allowing them to concoct at a higher quality. The other not only did not, they ruined a batch of high quality pills.” He stared out into the audience as if daring them to tell him otherwise. “Should I say more?”

Well said! I knew I could count on Pill Otaku to review the evidence, get to the heart of the matter, and choose wisely.

Lina stepped in. “You’ve decided on Alchemist Lin. Leaving us with a tie and forcing me to break it.”

The woman showed her professional smile to the crowd. Everyone turned to her.

I had confidence that a neutral party like the Alchemist’s Association would be able to see past Violet’s bullshit.

“Before I decide, I’ll ask you both again if you’d be willing to lecture together much like you did here and split the spirit stones evenly? This battle was far more interesting than most of the lectures put on today. I know that others would like the opportunity to see it for themselves. Imagine bringing in a crowd rivaling the Azure Pill Saint’s. Possibly making both of you more spirit stones than if you were lecturing by yourselves.”

I glanced at Violet. She was a consummate capitalist. I couldn’t imagine her passing up the chance to make more money even if she had to work with me to do it. Though I was sure she’d stab me in the back as soon as she could.

Contrary to my thoughts, Violet glared at Lina, and said, “I refuse.”

Was she really that overconfident?

Violet continued, “I want you to choose who you think had the best lecture. Because I don’t believe my chances are less than Alchemist Lin’s,m. Besides, I can fill the main hall without her!” She arrogantly threw some of her long hair behind her.

Apparently, it wasn’t Little Spring who needed some setbacks to grow from the experience. Or maybe she thought her benefactor would help her.

“Are you sure?” Lina asked.

After standing straight and clasping my hands behind my back, I said magnanimously, “I would be willing to lecture with Violet. But since she’s not, then I agree to give the time slots to whoever you think is the better lecturer.”

Lina’s professional smile turned into a wide grin as she said, “Then the two time slots will go to…” She paused. I thought she was doing it for effect, but she tilted her head slightly as if listening to instructions. “Our Guest of Honor, the Azure Pill Sage!”

“What?!” both of us said.

Et tu Lina?

I pulled out my sword hairpin and got ready to enlarge it and beat a bitch. She better give a good explanation.

Most of the people in the crowd cheered. Fucking traitors! They listened to us for at least an hour, but now they were choosing the damn Azure Pill Sage? Did they think he was the god of alchemy or something?

Then again, someone had spread rumors that alchemists could have epiphanies from listening to his lectures. No alchemist would pass up that chance.

“That wasn’t what we agreed on!” Violet said. Her face turned red, and a vein bulged on her forehead.

“I agree with Fellow Alchemist Violet Pill,” I said, barely believing I’d actually said it. “While I’m not a Pill Sage, I am still a respected alchemist who solved a plague. You can’t take my time slot away from me!”

“Calm down. And I’ll explain the Association’s reasoning as they are aware of what’s going on here.”

She suddenly flew upwards several feet and peered down at the crowd below. Frankly, she looked a lot like a puppet being held up by strings. What realm was she in, exactly? I thought she’d been a mere Foundation Establishment cultivator, but if she were hovering like this, then she had to, at least, be at Nascent Soul.

“The Azure Pill Saint asked for more time slots. He noticed that the line to see his lecture was so long that it would fill up the main hall two more times. The Association suspected that this might happen, but wasn’t entirely sure. So they scheduled two very young cultivators who normally wouldn’t have a chance of speaking in the main hall, believing that they’d be willing to step aside… with some compensation, of course.”

Those Motherfuckers... This was so like this goddamn Xianxia world!

The weak and young must always step aside so the old and powerful could take what they wanted. Step aside or get crushed.

This reminded me of how I had, only a few years ago — from my perspective anyway — been the one on top of the world. The respect and honor given to me was something I deserved… because getting to that level of strength was a bitch.

Frankly, when I first arrived here, adapting from Earth to this fucked up universe was beyond difficult. I had to crawl tooth and nail to get to the top of the world. Except that I never fully stood above everyone thanks to Bloodsword and his braindead wives! And Violet was the worst of them since she always won against me.

Because I was no longer the near-immortal badass I had been, I would have to continuously adapt. I had to be realistic — or as realistic as I could be considering the fucked up fictional universe I lived in.

And I knew, for things like this — as long as the elder wasn’t an unreasonable pig’s asshole — he would compensate his juniors well. I just had to make sure the benefit was worth the loss.

“What’s the compensation?” I asked Lina.

She smiled down at me. “I’ve been told that you both will have four time slots in the main hall at the next Alchemy Convention, and we will consider your lecture battle here as if you were in a small hall. Considering the number of people listening, you’ll get two hundred high-tier spirit stones to split evenly between you.”

That was barely enough spirit stones to get Little Spring and me to the middle of Golden Core.

But if they gave me that many time slots at the next Con, I could make so many spirit stones that reaching well into Nascent Soul wasn’t impossible. And that would be after I’d become a famous alchemist because I was just so excellent that my name would spread across the world. I would fill those seats, without relying on the Azure Pill Saint.

If I thought about this with an open mind, it wasn’t a bad deal. I didn’t need all those spirit stones immediately. I could just consider this as an investment where I had the possibility of a four times return in ten years.

Not ideal, but better than having a target on my back from carrying around thousands of high-tier spirit stones while being a mere Foundation Establishment cultivator. Even someone with backing as strong as mine could become a target.

“I’d rather have my original slot!” Violet crossed her arms under her large chest. Her white pill beast glared at Lina. It even opened its fuzzy mouth to hiss.

Was this dumb bitch trying to ruin our compensation?

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Author’s Note: Thank you all for reading! You are the best readers a writer could ask for!

I am exhausted. But I finished the audio edits and it’s now ready to read! After this part, I think there are only a few more parts left of story 9, and trust me when I say that the next several parts are going to be crazy.