Story 9 - Nothing Bad Ever Happens at the Alchemy Convention (Part 9) (Patreon)

I turned to Violet and smirked. “I’m just that good. Actually, considering your advanced age gave you a head start, isn’t tying a loss for you? You should have spoken less nonsense.”

Muahahaha! The look on her face was priceless. A vein popped on her forehead and she glared at me with such animosity that one of the Nascent Soul security guards had to take a step forward before she cooled her expression.

“You both tied,” Lina said, putting a stop to our argument.

Violet fanned herself. “Then, let’s have a tiebreaker since we still have some time before the Azure Pill Saint’s lecture ends.”

“What do you have in mind?” I needed to be extra careful here. Violet enjoyed setting traps.

“While a lecture is an effective way to teach many students simultaneously, it’s worthless if they learn nothing from it. So, we should compare our teaching abilities and let the discerning, brilliant minds of our audience be the judge.” She smirked. “Since I have more experience, and I’m better in every way, I’m certain everyone here will make the right choice.”

This bitch always tried to be superior to me at everything! She succeeded in my last life, but like hell would I allow her to do it in this one!

“If you believe that, then you severely underestimate my teaching skills.” I placed my hands behind my back like the little master I was and smirked down my nose at her.

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Violet chuckled while looking like she wanted to wrap her hands around my neck and squeeze.

Alright, before I agreed to this tiebreaker, I had to make sure of something.

I glanced at Little Spring. ::You’re sure what you found was nothing?::

::I already took care of it.:: He stood straighter and grinned, obviously proud of what he’d done.

I frowned. ::Then why did those two run off?!::

::The Pill Saint and our junior wanted to take a look.::

Well, if it was just that, then I couldn’t let go of my chance to earn high-tier spirit stones and fuck over Violet while I was at it.

“Alright,” I said. “Let’s do this: each of us will choose a student and have them tell us about a pill they’ve been having trouble with, then we’ll help them through the concoction process. Whoever helps their student the most wins.”

“Just what I was thinking.”

I knew this bitch’s disgusting thought process. Her age, wealth, and seemingly good — albeit deeply corrupt — business acumen had earned her many admirers. The fact that the surrounding crowd practically doubled in size since our first fight also meant that those new audience members hadn’t heard her nonsense lecture. If I let things continue, she’d have the upper hand.

“But,” I said, “we can’t be arbitrary about this. Instead of having the crowd vote, we should have a panel of judges.” I gestured to White Lily and Pill Otaku. “Fortunately, two excellent ones are right here.”

Violet’s lips twitched. “While I agree that Senior White Lily and Senior Ruthless Divine Medicine are very good, you have to admit that they’re fond of you and can’t be unbiased.”

“I assure you that I can be impartial,” Pill Otaku said.

I nodded. Both of them could, actually.

Violet shrugged. “Fine, but if you choose two judges, then I should as well.”

Frankly, I didn’t like that idea. It was a chance for Violet to fuck me over, but it would be okay. Aside from her, I couldn’t see anyone in the area who currently hated me enough to sabotage me since I was practically unknown in this lifetime.

I crossed my arms. “Then pick two from our current audience.”

Violet looked around the growing crowd. From her deepening frown, it seemed like she couldn’t find the people she was looking for, likely friends or acquaintances who owed her favors.

Of course, that was when Noxious Fangstrike, that stinking snake, stepped out from behind a few tall alchemists in the back. He sent me a look that was both amused and hostile. “I’ll judge!”

Fuck! I’d almost forgotten about him. When had this asshole joined the crowd? What the fuck did I do to him to have him repeatedly screw up my vacation?

“And who are you?” Violet asked him.

“Poison Master for the Irrepressible Beast Blood Sect, Grandmaster Alchemist Noxious Fangstrike.”

So he was a rare poison master. That was a subject that I had little experience with. In this universe, while every alchemist had trick pills for their own defense, actually mastering poisons was seldom done. In fact, by the time I tried to ascend, the art had essentially been lost. Mostly because only Unorthodox and Demonic cultivators practiced it and they had been almost wiped out by then.

While it had seemed like a good thing to get rid of the poisoners entirely, it actually wasn’t. Poisons were useful when used conscientiously. Like the Five Stages Bowel Clearing, Dan I created in my first alchemy competition which could clear out someone’s obstructed lower intestine explosively.

Of course, there were also poisons that could kill parasites while leaving the host unharmed. And if someone wanted to protect some endangered penguins on an island, a poison master could tailor a poison that could kill an invasive rabbit species.

They had many excellent uses. I just never bothered to learn in-depth about the subject until after the practice had already died out, and it was too late to study it from an expert.

Maybe I would take a decade off and learn it from one of the less-creepy unorthodox sects once I reached Nascent Soul.

The lion-eared girl strode out from behind those annoyingly tall cultivators and spoke up while sending me a vicious smirk. “I, Blazing Lion, also volunteer to judge. While I am not as good as my senior, I’m still a Golden Core medicinal Qi cultivator.”

And Violet must have spotted the hostility in the unorthodox cultivators’ eyes because she welcomed them with a smile.

“Of course. I’ll choose both of you.”

“Unacceptable!” I said. “Don’t expect me to agree to those two when they obviously hate me!”

Violet shrugged. “You wanted two judges you’re friendly with instead of a vote from the crowd. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t also get to choose two who were favorable toward me.”

This was idiotic! At this rate, we’d end up tying again.

Noxious Fangstrike straightened his spine and clasped his hands behind his back. “I assure you, I can be just as fair and unbiased in my judging as Ruthless Divine Medicine here.”

I was about ready to recommend we chose a panel of three random judges when Lina stepped forward. “Then I’ll be your fifth judge. My only allegiance is to the Alchemy Association, so as the neutral party, I’ll remove anyone who gives a biased opinion.”

Neither of us could disagree with that.

“Since you decided on this judging process,” Violet said, “I should get to choose my student first.”

She would probably lecture Bright Flame or one of the many Foundation Establishment cultivators here.

“Whatever.”

She gestured to Little Spring with her fan. “Fellow alchemist. I want you to study under me… at least for today.”

The fuck?

He pointed to his chest in confusion.

Violet nodded.

“You realize that Fairy Lin is my older sister, right? She’s also my alchemy teacher.”

That was what I wanted to say.

Her eyes sparkled as if she’d planned for this. “Then this will be a chance for you to gain perspective and learn from a superior alchemy master like myself.”

This fucking bitch… Also, didn’t she think we’d conspire against her? Because we absolutely could.

Then again, I could understand her considerations here. No teacher had a perfect student, and no student had a perfect teacher. By choosing Little Spring, it would allow her to expose any flaws in my teaching process and prove to the judges that she was a better alchemist.

Of course, that was if there were weaknesses in my methods. I was confident that the brat had learned everything he could for his current realm, and — this was the most important part — I taught him how to think things through logically.

That said, after having a lesson from her, Violet would be considered a half-teacher to Little Spring. Unlike in my past-past life, where teachers were neglected and had to buy their own fucking pencils, people in this universe gave them respect. It was one of the few truly good things about this fucked up world that the original author included.

But it would mean he’d show her respect if he learned something useful from her. I didn’t want to see my student do that. However, what I wanted wasn’t as important as what would be best for the brat’s alchemy. It would also allow him to realize how truly spoiled he was to have me as his alchemy teacher. Something that could be a defining step toward his further development.

That said, whatever happened needed to be his own choice.

Little Spring sent me a look. From this, he was either asking me if it was fine for him to go… or if I was okay in the head.

Shit, had I zoned out again? I thought I’d stopped doing that.

“Why don’t you decide for yourself?” Violet suggested while taking a step forward. “You shouldn’t let this opportunity pass you by just because your sister is against me.”

He scowled. “How could I ever help my sister’s rival?”

This brat was such a good kid.

She stroked her pill beast and smiled with the charm of a harem protagonist’s wife. “But you wouldn’t be fighting against her. You’d be learning from a wealthy and intelligent genius like me while showcasing your sister’s alchemy and teaching prowess... if she has any.”

Little Spring glared. “She’s the best teacher!”

Aww, this kid. How could he say something so brave yet so true?

Violet smirked as if she’d got him. “Then prove it. Come up here and be my student.”

Little Spring walked through the crowd to her side, taking her bait.

Goddamn it.

Well, this would be good for him. I just hoped that his fucking protagonist halo didn’t help that bitch.

Violet sent me a triumphant smirk.

Alright. If she was going to play it this way, then I could fuck her over as well!

I pointed to the only child around Little Spring’s age. “I choose Fellow Daoist Bright Flame to be my student for this lecture. Or, perhaps I should call you Five Leaves Bright Flame now that you’ve solved one of the great mysteries of alchemy?”

The child’s upturned eyes grew round, then darted over to Violet.

She looked like she had swallowed something sour, then she smiled humbly.

“Little Bright Flame did solve that problem. He is a true genius. But, of course, I was also there to provide input and helped him and my team come up with the completed solution.” The way she said that last part made it seem like she was just pretending to be humble in the same way she did for the Pill Saint.

His shoulders relaxed. Maybe slumped was a better description.

What exactly did she hold over him?

“We’re team members, but he can choose to do what he wants. That said, his alchemy issue is also a difficult one, but I haven’t looked into it much. I doubt Alchemist Lin here can help solve it in the short time we have, so I think she should choose a different student.”

I snorted. “My alchemy is logical and my logic can help anyone.” I grinned at the child. ‌”I have more experience concocting pills and finding solutions than you can imagine. All thanks to my master’s teaching method. I can help you. Violet can’t.”

She scoffed.

Bright Flame, however, walked over to me and bowed. “I hope you can, Senior Alchemist Lin.”

***

The convention staff, who knew us alchemy nerds well, had already set up isolation arrays in the rest area that just needed to be activated. These would isolate the cauldron from the crowd to prevent tampering and also protect the crowd in case of an explosion.

Bright Flame set up his cauldron and work table while Little Spring borrowed mine. Huh, I should make him his own set. It had never been an issue since we shared the alchemy equipment. And every time I asked if he wanted something, he asked for more cooking supplies instead.

Maybe if I ran into the right material, I could repurpose Old Smokey. But that would be for later.

I turned to this young genius.

“Violet mentioned that there was something you’re currently having trouble with.”

He nodded and brought out a nostalgic pill, the one I first learned the technique to solve Five Leaves Breakdown, the Calming Heart Yin Yang Pill. This was used to help some younger cultivators when they first learned how to meditate. It was essentially cultivator Adderall that rich young masters took if they couldn’t get into the cultivation mindset quickly enough.

The pill he had handed me was a cloudy lime green. The pinnacle quality version was supposed to be a clear chartreuse yellow. Because there were several issues that could cause this, I examined it with my divine sense to narrow the list.

Ah. As I suspected.

To think that this kid came up with the solution to Five Leave Breakdown, finally improving this prescription from ever getting above high quality, but he ended up only increasing its effectiveness but not its purity. Because of that, it didn’t reach its pinnacle quality like it should have. Bright Flame must have been very confused.

“Alright. I see where your problem likely is.”

“You do?” The child’s upturned eyes narrowed at me.

I grinned. “First, we have to rule some things out. Set your ingredients up and we’ll start.”

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Author’s Note: Thank you all for reading! You are the best readers a writer could ask for!

Please let me know if this chapter turned out okay!

This week has been crazy. My in-laws came to town without warning so I had to spend some time with them. They are really wonderful so this wasn’t a hardship but it did cut into the time I would have spent writing Tanking Hits (I’ll post at least two chapters of Tanking Hits sometime this week)... of course, they also tend to decide their schedule the day of so, I would have done things way differently had I known some things that happened but that’s life. It throws you for a curve every now and then.

I also ended up trying out a sleep apnea machine to see if that would help with my constant exhaustion. So far I feel like the sleep I do get is much more restful, but I’ve been interrupted more often this week because it’s difficult to learn how to sleep with it. This means that I’m even more exhausted than usual this week. I swear I went through most of Tuesday just sitting at my screen, willing myself to edit well, and being unable to think coherently. Now that I think about it, I should have just slept when I could. (T.T)  Damn it.

Anyway, I hope you all have had a more restful week than I have... and that this chapter turned out okay. I think it’s okay. Hopefully, I can get enough sleep tonight!.