Home Artists Posts Import Register

Downloads

Content

Breaking Point.

Probably only two more of these left.

Comments

Steven Stiring

Okay, now that I've had the chance to read the chapter I have some comments on it instead of the length of the story in general. Lee, as a writer and an English teacher I don't doubt that you are aware of the power of words, and because of your general intelligence level your words are more poignant then they are with most people. When you get aggressive or angry those words become sharp enough to neuter an insect. That is why people find your rants amusing on QQ as long as they aren't the target, and why seeing a Lee loose it on someone at the right time is great entertainment in your stories. Considering most of us would have lost it much earlier if for different reasons the timing was perfect. Then we get to the technique, and man did you put the perfect amount of irony in this scene. You used words to vivisect the diplomat who uses words not only as her preferred weapon as a pacifist, but to her the power of words are the pillars she has put her moral and intellectual superiority on while crafting her self identity. Then with L who has used her words to do nothing but harm others while she has lagged behind in ability for the first time in her life you showed her how little power her cutting wit had by gaging her and then dismissing her. This verbal and physical beatdown gets the chef's kiss of perfection. The scene with Kaylee will cement her as "best girl" for this story. First we see her being productive and cheerful in a time of crisis, something that earns her a boatload of points. We soon learn that it's at least in part it's a mask of "keep busy, don't think too deeply, stay happy because people like you when you're happy" she's using to not freak the fuck out and for my part she got more points for it. She gets into an argument with Lee, and shows that she's willing to give ground and admit when she's in the wrong. Not only that she does it in the most adorkable way by going "Oh Phooey" like she just lost a point in a game instead of what to outside observers would consider a very serious fight. Finally we get to the final fight, and it was glorious. Right off the bat we knew something fucky was happening because of what was sent out of the forest. I will admit my thoughts weren't traitor until Lee said it, I thought someone had detected the loops. Still, that final line makes me think. Is the traitor someone who's been written about already because they spend so much time around the cast that they have never gotten a chance to report until they took a vacation loop? After all this isn't the first time Lee has told the village what they will face, so that indicates that this foreknowledge was never reported before. Then again it could be someone that reported on the strength of the group they observed during the training time, and accurately reported each time what would be needed to kill them and the villagers. Personally I'm hoping for the first option, and that it's been set up in such a way that I can see clues with 20/20 hindsight that Lee has seeded the story with.

Steven Stiring

Man, I'm going to clog thigs up at this rate. I reread what I posted and realized I forgot to put in something that I told myself to put in. In the argument with Kaylee, Lee admitted he probably failed his Alchemy class in Basic. I think that is one of the better things introduced sense the concept of Basic itself. In the Company-verse the Lees and Cherico's have used Basic Training as the McGuffin to explain why they have skills and knowledge normal people don't, with the Lee's seeming to obtain a level of hyper-competence that is akin to the Barbies in Born to Ken. Lee if you're doing some worldbuilding behind the scenes where you're adding in "flaws" to your SI's not just in their interaction with others, but in the form of concepts they studied but couldn't quite comprehend in Basic Training it deserves a tip of the hat. Not only will this make your SI's more relatable (after all very few fully grasp every class they need to take for their college degree and more than a few have failed and needed to retake it), but it will also introduce more possible conflict points in the future for our reading enjoyment. Sorry for writing so much, I think I need to adjust my caffeine intake. It helps me focus on and memorize my schoolwork instead of the five screaming bundles of chaos (aka children) I'm cohabitating with. Also thank you for the steady supply of story chapters. They have been one of the few things helping my sanity instead of destroying it.

Rylando

He mentioned that he didn’t do well in the alchemy class in the marvel story. Something about Dwemer metal?