The DOCTOR WHO Rewatch Project - Season 5 (Patreon)

And just like that, we enter the Moffat Era.

As with any grand sea change, it’s one of the most argued about aspects within the entire fandom. They’re always asking which showrunner do you like better? Which doctor? Which companion? Etc. Etc. And as much argumentation as there has been around these subjects, there’s been a quasi-consensus in conventional wisdom that has crept up that “Moffat is undeniably good at singular episodes, but Davies was better at season arcs.” And over the course of the following articles I am going to try and make a two pronged argument: 1. I do not think this is true whatsoever, especially in terms of capability of construction of season-long setups and payoffs. 2. I still understand the conventional wisdom of why it can at least FEEL that way - but I want to get to the bottom of both.

I also understand that my general take of “I like them both in different ways” is, well, boring. But whenever I think about choosing I simply can’t because in terms of general story craft, neither is better nor worse than the other and we have plenty of evidence of the capabilities in such regard. No, I think the reason it feels so different to some has to do with deeper mechanics of how we each relate to the show. Specifically, their fundamental difference for how they use the doctor, what they want the audience to feel from him. With that, there is also a stark difference in generally how ahead or how behind the Doctor is relationship to the information the audience has at hand (and one of the many reasons I’m adoring the rewatch is because I can see all the mechanics and dynamics more starkly).

But more importantly, in any discussion of comparison there has to be an innate understanding that change is always good for this show. It’s not only this way of bringing freshness, verve, and a roundness to the proceedings, it is also what helps feed our understanding of “what we want from the show” as well. And while it might be easy to feel a little bit hyped OR cynical with the nostalgia-bait of Davies coming back, I genuinely think he’s going to be a different writer with a different viewpoint all this time later. Moreover, it will look radically different with Ncuti Gatwa in the lead. Because there is always one simple truth at the heart of this show…

What a difference a Doctor makes.

Matt Smith - And I will say, that difference is more stark and sharp than I remembered. Smith rolls in hot and bothered, at once confused and confounded. He’s put off, but saucier about it. And he certainly yells a lot more than I remember (this gets tamped down on in subsequent seasons). But it all feels there somehow. Even if culling and gelling. As he says clearly, “I’m not done cooking yet” and when asked of any noticeable changes in his demeanor he playfully replies, “no, this is recent.” Tennant often had to remind people he was an alien, much to their disbelief, but with Smith? The alien-ness comes out in his very nature. And where Tennant played the genius with a certain, playful braggart, Smith goes right inside his head with a seemingly aloof-but-genuine affectation. He’s all “putters and murmurs” as a certain podcast likes to call it. With Tennant there was definitely more emotional availability, an intrinsic humanness at his center. But with Smith? It’s harder for this weirdo to access. Plus, he’s a little bit of a stinker. But by season's end the clear nature of loving humanity comes together with greatest sense of charm (and I’m in season six now, where he’s firing on all cylinders).

Again, these are the tangible comparisons between the two, but I argue the whole thing is not “better or worse” but how they might help explain WHY you might gravitate toward one or the other. Because these are two very different dynamics. Tennant has this straightforwardness you could glom onto. A certain “can do” spirit (that even feels almost nationalistic at times). And his companions felt more like genuine partners. But Smith? His Doctor is more the kind of figure you marvel AT, especially as he’s off prattling about in his own world. And his relationships are back and forth affairs, glorious, yet full of withholding and guardedness. Much of which defines his push / pull with the person who ends up being more than his match, River Song. The simple and irrevocable truth is that as much overlap as these two characters have - the differences highlight the different ways we relate to / are drawn to people. But not just that - it’s also how we relate to the people THEY relate to within the show…

Amy - I love all the companions in so many ways, but Amy will always be one of my favorites. She doesn’t just stand out as this tall, pale, dreamy gal, but there’s something so inherently awkward about her. Not just the way she stands, poses, fumbles, and mucks about. It’s the way her eyes dart about nervously as she comically takes in her surroundings and casts amusing judgment. It’s the way she stays mum, or tries to get out her frazzled lines, often before exploding with the honest bits she doesn’t mean to say. The Doctor calls her “the girl who doesn’t make sense,” but you can always see the machinery moving in her brain, no matter how scattershot the end results. And her relationship to The Doctor is confused because, well, it’s confusing. But what I love about this season is how much it is about moving her core relationships into the most assured places possible. Including none other than…

Rory - Ah, the boy who waited. I love how much of Rory’s entire arc just sneaks up on you. At first you think he’s a random nurse, but then slowly his standing with her is more and more revealed. As important as it is to have those initial adventures with Amy and The Doctor happen alone, it’s not until Rory joins that the whole dynamic of the show starts to flesh out. Namely, in that you understand the capacity of who he really is inside. Because as much awkwardness and insecurity as comes out on the surface (and always for comedy's sake), there is just that basic decency at the heart of his behavior. One proven ten times over in the course of his actions (especially cause there can be a lot of not so great depictions of pining, but this is not that). But really it’s how much the three of them work in tandem with The Doctor playing the world's wonkiest-but-still-effective relationship counselor, all coming together beautifully over time. It’s not just that I love Rory, nor Amy, nor the Doctor.

It’s that I love the three of them together.

EPISODE REACTIONS!

The Eleventh Hour - Now THAT is how one does an introduction. From minute one, Moffat doubles down on the thing he is interested in, namely how the weirdly logical / practical things about time travel would have a terrible effect on relationships. Especially the loose way The Doctor does it, where hey, if you can hop around the span five million years or so, what is it like to get a few things wrong here and there? But suddenly there’s a misfiring Tardis and the arrival of an off the wall, still-cooking “raggedy doctor,” who endears himself to a young Amelia Pond - and just like that, she packs a suitcase and becomes the girl who waited - and thereby also a girl who is left questioning her sanity for 12 years. Everything about the episode is that perfect combination of endearing and scary. The interplay between them, the nagging feelings of cracks and prisoners and empty rooms, and of course, the fish fingers and custard. But every single set up lines up so beautifully with the episodes that come at the end of the season, only we don’t realize all that yet.

Mostly because The Doctor has a world to save! The Prisoner Zero adventure is interesting enough, if a little casually achieved. You see these little niggling things about Moffat’s old schoolish thoughts, whether it’s porn shaming or condemning people using *checks notes* evil video phones, urrrrrgh! But holy crud I forgot this was Olivia Coleman’s pre-super-fame appearance in the show! BRING HER BACK FOR SOMETHING BETTER. But all of this is cresting to that incredible moment. To have The Doctor stave off the invasion and then CALL THEM BACK is what is referred to as a “baller move” and the way it leads up to the speech confirming who The Doctor is to the world (and ending it on “basically, run” is goosebumps inducing stuff) . But really it’s all a meta way of declaring, this is me, here, now in such a beautiful way that every new Doctor needs. And I gotta say that Murray Gold’s INCREDIBLE music cue for Matt Smith’s doctor is 25% of what makes both him and the big moments feel so damn amazing. Seriously, that music theme is INTRINSIC to how I feel about this era. And it’s the spark you need for all going forward.

The Beast Below - Ah, the traditional “first space adventure for a new companion,” which are all designed to get the character used to how the Who universe operates! The truth is I get what this episode is after, but in Moffat seeming like he’s on his “best behavior” he penned one of the most weirdly clunky and inelegant episodes of his own personal stockpile. It’s a good metaphor, of course. Exploiting the world to propel a society and constantly choosing ignorance over acknowledgement - it’s all very Snowpierecer come to think of it. But it’s a weirdly awkward episode that doesn’t quite feel, as the doctor says about himself, “fully cooked yet.” And definitely full of some forced moments and speeches. Nevertheless, it sets up the dynamic about helping / interference and what’s at the heart of both characters, as much as they may be in denial about their super-humanist leanings at the moment.

Victory of The Daleks - Ah the traditional third episode of “now we go back in time to see how our actions can affect the future adventure!” And it’s mostly just okay! I mean, the final stand-off with the “Power Ranger Daleks” (a Landon called them) getting reborn and peace-ing out is a little clunky. And the ending space battle is also a little “episode one: the phantom menace,” (which is kind of endearing now). But there’s at least a lot of fun that leads up to it. Because the idea of Dalek being “a good British Soldier” is just a very, very, very good bit. And it’s funny that the solution to the Robot man’s humanity is just being super horny (also in retrospect, it’s a very good plant to the robot stuff that comes later). But overall it’s an episode that feels a little off in the ratio of “explaining in the moment” versus good setting up. But it’s still fun enough.

The Time of Angels / Flesh and Stone - Okay NOW we start cooking. We also start getting the River stuff for the first time since The Library and it’s VERY good (I also forgot how careful they were at first before things go hog wild in season six). But let’s also acknowledge that it is a huge gamble to come back to one of the most iconic one-off villains of the show with the Weeping Angels. Because there’s no doubt that it can NEVER be as good as that initial episode. The law of diminishing returns will ALWAYS apply. So how do they do? Well, there’s some fun chases and moments and inversions and countdowns and stand-offs, but the most successful example is absolutely that scene with Amy and TV. Just such good horror stuff. Plus we have Iain Glen AKA Jorah Mormont (I don’t know why I’m shocked there's so many Game of Thrones vets on this show as the cause for overlap should be pretty dang obvious). But everything with the guys walking into the crack and people forgetting is very good, too (and again, GREAT season set-up stuff, especially the feint with The Doctor “remember” moment, that gets revealed later). Which sort of gets at the interesting thing about this two-parter. While so many Moffat episodes are designed to be dazzling rug-pullers, this one is more of a foundational two part episode for everything the finale will end up  doing later. And for that I appreciate them far more after the complete rewatch of this season.

Vampires of Venice - It’s funny. When you’re doing these big rewatches it’s actually really nice to have these fun palate cleansing episodes. Here we are once again doing a “supernatural myth is actually aliens” story with the titular Vampires of Venice, but the mechanics are at least pretty fun. Plus, we got a bunch of good guest stars like Lucian Msamati (from Game of Thrones and No 1. Ladies Detective Agency) and Helen McCrory (AKA Narcissa Malfoy). It’s not a perfect “fun romp” episode, but there’s enough to go around. You get to see Amy and Rory be bad actors and there’s that great gag where Lucian is wearing Rory’s shirt. But really, the episode is about setting the tone for what will be the three-way dynamic going forward AKA how Rory is invited along / fits into the mix. As I said, it’s terrifically entertaining to see The Doctor effectively be a “bad relationship counselor” and there’s also that great introspective moment where Rory pushes back and questions The Doctor’s morality with that great line of, “you make people not want to let you down” and showing his anger within. Because The Doctor knows he’s right. Again, it’s funny to see this angry streak in season one because by season's end it will be tampered down. Overall, it's a good foundation that sets up the better episodes of the three of them like…

Amy’s Choice - “Hold on tight, this is gonna be a tricky one.” I genuinely forgot how much I liked this episode. For it’s the kind of one-off where they find a broad, playful, yet tactful conceit that brings us right into the main character’s central dilemma (think something like, say, “Turn Left” from prior seasons). But Amy’s choice is very clearly getting at the mix of feelings she has inside and the push / pull of her attraction / friendship with The Doctor along with the push / pull of her feelings about Rory. There’s some shenanigans from the great Toby Jones as The Dream Lord (and chases with old people are always fun). But, of course, the nature of the situation is that BOTH scenarios are about getting into their psyches and basically ends with “we accidentally drugged ourselves with space dream dust” like it was the PCP on the Titanic set. But right when you think it’s an episode about Amy and Rory, it turns out it’s really about The Doctor and all the various ways he hates himself - along with how he keeps running from those same reasons, which ends up being really pointed stuff. Just a great one-off episode.

The Hungry Earth / Cold Blood - Here we go, returning to some Chris Chibnall episodes! Which we can use to help diagnose the future problems with his era of the show! And I’ve realized the essential issue at the heart of what he’s doing here… He’s writing “Bad Star Trek” episodes. If you’ve watched basically any of that property, you know the good ones and the bad ones. The good ones are witty, character-centric, playful and sometimes devastating. And the bad ones are the ones where you meet this other society and there’s a clunky social framing device and all this ham-fisted relativity that sort of just ends up sitting there like a stale fart. Don’t get me wrong, the good ones (and good Who episodes) can definitely touch on societal themes! But it needs tact and elegance, done less with a “dOnT yOu gEt iT?” construction and more the occasional, well-observed line that pins the theme of the conflict accordingly. Anyways, we get a forced stand-off between two sides at “war” and the clunk abounds, full of contrived occurrences, and speeches full of grand cliche statements like “we have to be better than this!” and “an eye for an eye!” etc. Even the little writing things feel off. Pep talks come at completely unneeded points. The voice over comes out of nowhere. And the grand reveal between the two parts (of the big underground city) isn’t even a reveal from a misdirect, but a rote non-change “escalation” that doesn’t actually counter our expectations in any way. We knew they had some society down here, it’s just a bit bigger I guess! Moreover, it doesn’t really affect the story that unfolds because we don’t even get to meet THAT many new characters (nor even get a LOOK at the scale of the army). Similarly, the big “all your friends are going to die!” moment has a video drop out and then some other guy comes in and is basically like “hey you! were you trying to do a WAR again? Aw, shucks!” In writing, we call that “fake conflict” for a reason.

I know I’m being hard on it but I’m trying to explain why certain episodes end up having low energy, fail to grab you, and get middling responses. And the answer is these fundamental problems in the set up. Sure, direction can manufacture tension in the edit - but it can’t manufacture tension in the drama of the situation itself - which always does the most work for a viewer. By the time you get to the emotional goodbyes with characters staying below you’re like “wait, wait, wait” because it’s classic Chibnall thing where there’s no actual set up for WHY we’d care about this relationship, nor why it’s ending. It just expects all the nice texture of the moment to do the work (think of the same problem of the two spouse astronauts in space in “42”). But hey, almost every Doctor Who episode has something to like. Like Robert Pugh AKA Mr. Allen in Master and Commander! And of course, the big ending moment where Rory is hit and then sucked into the crack, where he is promptly and heartbreakingly forgotten by Amy. It’s just such a sudden and affecting moment. And little do we realize it, but it’s the kickoff…

To arguably the best run the show ever had…

Vincent and The Doctor - You know I always love the playful history episodes, but I also really do love Van Gogh on top of things. It was probably just one of those arbitrary things you pick when you’re young, but I had this phase where I went down the rabbit hole with his life and work and it’s probably the only real classical art study I ever did (because that and classical music are massive blind spots for me both in the NYT crosswords and LL). Anyway, it just means I was probably primed to love this episode, even if it DIDN’T nail the ending and become a classic. Because at the start you get all those jokes and him putting coffee mugs on top paintings he doesn’t understand that will be priceless. And I love the VFX trick of using the mirror with the invisible monster (which is a good metaphor for the ravages of depression). But as much as we could talk about the build-up, we all know that this episode is about that stellar ending. One which most people don’t remember is primed by that beautiful sequence of how Vincent shows them how he sees the night sky. But then the ENDING ending that comes in and exemplifies all of Richard Curtis’s best abilities - something grounded in fundamental sweetness and yet bittersweet loss - all with a more humane understanding of the kindness involved in the relationship between the two. It’s also a perfectly directed sequence. Needle drops are not an easy business, but the way the sound drowns out as the Athlete song slowly comes in? I honestly well up just thinking about it. And Tony Curran is an incredible performer because it is so hard to show a sheer overwhelmed response. One which the show actually makes all the more powerful by recognizing the over the top emotion of the moment, with Smith asking “is it too much?” as if understanding the power of this act. And more than anything, the power comes in the heartbreak of the way that episode confirms that no, not even this moment of grace can save someone from the depths of psychic pain (particularly in the days of unmedicated depression). But it can be a meaningful kindness. And one returned. “For Amy” indeed.

The Lodger - So let’s talk about the hard part first. Yes, this is the episode that is unfortunately responsible for helping propel James Corden into more fame, particularly with Americans. And well, we all know where THAT went. But the real problem in watching this all these years later is… he’s pretty good in this! Which is double funny because the episode is ALSO playing with an incredibly tricky trope of “guy likes his long time friend” but luckily it’s one of those stories where they both love each other and both too shy to say it (thought we know how often these situations are… more asymmetrical and can feed a lot of bad viewpoints). Anyway, the whole thing about this episode is that it is mostly a showcase for Matt Smith’s emerging Doctor comedy and him realizing how far he can push his zany antics and mannerisms. And the answer is “very far and wonderfully.” It’s like every line and beat is good, from him cooking, to talking about never having worked before, to roping Craig into the alien antics with a headbutt transfer. But the way it then reverses the metaphor with Craig giving HIM a permanent set of keys to the apartment, as opposed to how it usually works with the TARDIS? It’s all so lovely. And a delightful little pit stop before it’s time to learn why…

The Pandorica Opens - So I loooooooove this two part finale. I love the way it starts with the game of telephone throughout all the friends we’ve made along the way this season, starting with getting the message from Vincent to The Doctor - all the way to the incorporation of River Song. It all feels so giddy. There’s Romans, The Underhenge, and a literal Pandora’s box! When you watch it again, it’s one of those things that feels so obvious because Moffat lays every single possible clue. Because how did something that powerful get trapped in the box? Simple: “a wizard tricked it.” Followed by River saying she hates stories of “wizards in fairy tales, they always turn out to be him” (AKA The Doctor). It’s TELLING YOU exactly what’s about to happen. It’s going to be him and he’s going to get tricked into the box. It's such a perfect set-up, but then things immediately start rolling. There’s some great fun and games, like when The Doctor hasn’t put it together that Rory’s BACK. Plus Amy’s amazing face when she gives the double thumbs up while screaming. And the creepy skull in the cyberhead feels right out of an old Spielberg movie. But as we know, the real fireworks come at the end. Like Amy’s happy tears but not understanding where they’re coming from. Or the heartbreaking callback to the Dalek-built robots. Along with the final tip-off that Amy’s life doesn’t make sense and there’s too many rooms (which is when we can put it together that her family got taken).

But most of all, the thing we all remember about this episode above all else… The Pandorica speech. Which is a tour de force that shows EXACTLY what Matt Smith’s oddball rhythms can do (I even remember some people who never watched Doctor Who stumbling across clips of that speech and being like “who the hell is this guy?”). Because that’s what acting electricity looks like. And then it all goes wrong. He’s gotta go in the box. Because you have to slap your forehead. Who else would be the most feared thing in the galaxy? And of course, that fear is the very thing that ends the world because he’s not there to prevent it. The lights go out. The world ends. But hey, Moffat doesn’t just love writing himself into corners, he loves going out with…

THE BIG BANG - “Okay kid, here’s where it gets complicated.” Hahahaha what a turn on expectation and I mean, what a damn delight. Maybe it could be overwhelming, but coming back years later and knowing what to expect? It’s a damn delight. Plus, the fun and games of this episode worked just as amazingly well for Landon on first time watch so cheers to that. But I also love how seamlessly the emotions slide in. For we get the touching power of “the lone centurion” AKA Rory who protected the box for nearly 2000 years. And you get the fun of the Dalek pleading for mercy from a not so forgiving River Song. But once again, we see Moffat challenging himself on how much he can play with the fun and games of time travel - from the pockets, to the fez, to the “i’m thirsty” moment, which is my personal favorite version of it. Sure, Moffat tells us “time traveling! Can’t keep it straight in your head!” but having watched it again, you see it’s all right there. Just a perfect little series of set-ups and punchlines (again, Landon was screaming) all in service of rebooting the damn universe. But all of which is just preamble to the big emotional payoffs that come in its wake.

To go back to that popular belief that Moffat isn’t as good at season arcs as Davies (and we'll talk about some of the later seasons), but I watch something like this finale and I’m just, like, “WHAT are you talking about!?!?” Because the final series of rewinds don’t just reconfigure some of the big moments, but are full of the most emotional feelings, too. From the pleading of “you have to remember,” to the reveal of Amy’s tiny dad, to the beautiful “bedtime story” as The Doctor’s goodbye (because “were all stories in the end”), one that even lessens the heartbreak of the night she was left waiting outside. You just get this beautiful little look at a Doctor letting his work be done, and the gorgeousness of soon being remembered back into the universe (one which was beautifully set-up with the Rory storyline which led into it). And of course, being done with that brilliant little line of needing The Doctor and the TARDIS to be there as “something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.” It all characterizes the elegant way that Moffat, at his best, is so good at being fun and heartbreaking at the same time. And with one dance-filled wedding, it is now sending us off into the next adventure. Put simply, I adored these episodes then.

And somehow adore them even more now.

LANDON’S BEST QUOTES

5. *the TARDIS lands in the year 2020*

Landon: “oh nooooo!”

4. Landon: “I don’t like that this show is making me feel pathos for James Corden”

3. *sees famous character actor Toby Jones*

Landon: “Oh, it’s that guy!”

2. Landon: “her name is Mrs. Pogget!?!?”

Me: “yeah why?”

Landon: “POGGERS”

Me: “….”

Landon: “You know, like Poggers.”

Landon, minutes later sing song voice: “What does Mrs. Poggers want!??!”

1. *Sees Rory The Roman getting reintroduced*

Landon: “HAHHHH HHAHAHAH IT’S THE BOY - HERE COMES THE BOY!!!”

THE 25 BEST QUOTES / JOKES

25. The Doctor: You’re Amelia!

Amy: You’re late!

24. Atraxi: You are not of this world.

The Doctor: No, but I’ve put a lot of work into it.

*cool montage of past deeds on video as he walks through it*

The Doctor: Hello. I’m the Doctor. Basically: run.

23. Amy: I started to think you were just, like, a mad man with a box.

The Doctor: Amy Pond, there’s something you better understand about me ’cause it’s important. And one day your life may depend on it. I am definitely a mad man with a box.

22. Amy: One little girl crying. So?

The Doctor: Crying silently. I mean children cry because they want attention. ‘Cause they’re hurt or afraid. When they cry silently it’s ’cause they just can’t stop.

21. River: “I absolutely trust him”

Cleric: “He’s not some kind of mad man?”

River: “[awkward pause] I absolutely trust him.”

20. iDalek Indigo: Scan reveals nothing. TARDIS self-destruct device non-existent.

The Doctor: Alright, it’s a Jammie Dodger. But I was promised tea!

19. The Doctor: A Weeping Angel, Amy, is the deadliest, most powerful, most malevolent lifeform evolution has ever produced and right now one of them is trapped inside that wreckage, and I’m supposed to climb in after it with a screwdriver and a torch and—assuming I survive the radiation long enough and assuming the whole ship doesn’t explode in my face—do something incredibly clever which I haven’t actually thought up yet. That’s my day. That’s what I’m up to. Any questions?

18. The Doctor: Rory! That’s a relief. Thought I’d burst out of the wrong cake. Again. That reminds me, there’s a girl standing outside in a bikini. Could somebody let her in and give her a jumper? Lucy. Lovely girl. {whispering} Diabetic. Now then. Rory. We need to talk about your fiancée. She tried to kiss me. Tell you what though, you’re a lucky man. She’s a great kisser. {silence} Funny how you can say something in your head and it sounds fine.

17. Dream Lord: If you have any more tawdry quirks you open up have a tawdry quirk shop. The madcap vehicle. The cockamamie hair. The clothes designed by a first-year fashion student. I’m surprised you haven’t got a little purple space dog. Just to ram home what an intergalactic wag you are.

16. The Doctor: Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly. In the right order. There’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an unpunctual alien attack!

15. Rory: You know what’s dangerous about you? Something you make people take risks is you make them want to impress you. You make it so they don’t want to let you down. You have no idea how dangerous you make people to themselves when you’re around.

14. Van Gogh: Hold my hand, Doctor. Try to see what I see. We’re so lucky we’re still alive to see this beautiful world. Look at the sky. It’s not dark and black and without character. The black is in fact deep blue. And over there! Lights are blue. And blue in through the blueness, and the blackness, the winds swirling through the air… and then shining. Burning, bursting through! The stars, can you see how they roll their light? Everywhere we look, complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes.

The Doctor: I’ve seen many things, my friend. But you’re right. Nothing’s quite as wonderful as the things you see.

13. The Doctor: You graffitied the oldest cliff face in the Universe.

River: You wouldn’t answer your phone.

12. The Doctor, Angry: They usually say bigger on the inside… I always look forward to that.

11. Amy: So you were right. No new paintings. We didn’t make a difference at all.

The Doctor: I wouldn’t say that. The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and… bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. And we definitely added to his pile of good things.

10. The Doctor: Come along, Pond.

9. The Doctor: There was a goblin, or a trickster. Or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it or… reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.

Amy: How did it end up in there?

The Doctor: You know fairy tales. A good wizard tricked it.

River: I hate good wizards in fairy tales. They always turn out to be him.

Amy: So it’s kind of like Pandora’s Box then. Almost the same name.

The Doctor: Sorry, what?

Amy: The story. Pandora’s Box. With all the worst things in the world in it. That was my favorite book when I was a kid. {the Doctor is interested} What’s wrong?

The Doctor: Your favorite school topic, your favorite story. Never ignore a coincidence. Unless you’re busy. In which case always ignore a coincidence.

8. Roman: “Hail caesar!”

The Doctor: “… Hi”

7. The Doctor, to Amy: “you’re dying”

River: “Doctor!”

The Doctor: “Oh yes, if we lie to her she’ll get all better!”

6. The Doctor: It’s a fez. I wear a fez now. Fezzes are cool.

*Amy grabs the fez off his head and throws it in the air so River can shoot it*

*The Doctor wakes up later, reaches for his fez and notices it’s gone*

The Doctor, shrugging: “I can buy a fez.”

5. Dr. Black: Well. Um, big question, um, but to me, Van Gogh is the finest painter of them all. Certainly the most popular great painter of all time. The most beloved. His command of color, the most magnificent. He transformed the pain of his tormented life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificence of our world. No one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again. To my mind, that strange wild man who roamed the fields of Provence, was not only the world’s greatest artist but also one of the greatest men who ever lived.

4. The Doctor: Geronimo!!!!

3. The Doctor: It’s funny. I thought if you could hear me I could hang on somehow. Silly me. Silly old Doctor. When you wake up you’ll have a mom and dad. And you won’t even remember me. Well. You’ll remember me a little. I’ll be a story in your head. That’s okay. We’re all stories in the end. Just make it a good one, eh? ‘Cause it was, you know. It was the best. The daft old man who stole a magic box and ran away. Did I ever tell you that I stole it? Well I borrowed it. I was always going to take it back. Oh that box. Amy, you’ll dream about that box. It’ll never leave you. Big and little at the same time. Brand new and ancient and the bluest blue ever. And the times we had, eh? Woulda had. Never… had. In your dreams they’ll still be there. The Doctor and Amy Pond. And the days that never came. The cracks are closing. But they can’t close properly ’til I’m on the other side. I don’t belong here anymore. I think I’ll skip the rest of the rewind. I hate repeats. Live well. Love Rory. Bye bye, Pond.

2. *Rory decides he’s going to stay at her side, a plastic man, for 2000 years*

The Doctor: “Why do you have to be so human?”

Rory: “Because right now I’m not”

1. The Doctor: Hello Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica takes the Universe. But bad news everyone. ‘Cause guess who! Hah! Listen, you lot, you’re all whizzing about. It’s really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I. AM. TALKING!

*the all halt in their tracks*

The Doctor: Now, the question of the hour is, who’s got the Pandorica? Answer: I do. Next question: Who’s coming to take it from me? Come on! Look at me! No plan, no back-up, no weapons worth a damn, oh, and something else. I don’t have- anything- to-  lose. So if you’re sitting up there in your silly little spaceship with all your silly little guns and you’ve got any plans on taking the Pandorica tonight, just remember who’s standing in your way! Remember! Every black day I ever stopped you! And then! And then! Do the smart thing! Let somebody else try first.

*the aliens all slink away at the grandeur of his speech*

The Doctor, immediately undercutting: “That’ll keep them squabbling for half an hour.”

*turns to impressed soldiers around him*

The Doctor: Romans.

LAST LOOKS

After all the madness of the Big Bang you might expect Moffat to try and calm down from the breakneck pace of this surely-impossible-to-beat whirlwind. But no…

He’s about to step on the fucking gas.

<3HULK