Anime Expo is Everything Comic-Con Thinks It is (Patreon)

The idea of a convention is to be amongst people who love what you love.

To see and experience new, shiny things first hand. To get some kind of magical object or experience that you would not be able to otherwise. And to share in the joy of those things with others. That’s the theory at least. In practice it tends to be… kind of intense. But I’ve been to a lot of cons at this point. We’re talking about a whole range of major city comic-cons, along with vidcon, E3, etc. Sometimes my going has been work-related. Sometimes you have projects there. Sometimes you’re covering it. Sometimes you’re just supporting others who are working / having projects there. And, yes, a lot of times growing up I was going just in order to go, as I was still fresh-faced and full of excitement. But throughout all those experiences you get used to certain rhythms and behaviors that come with the con experience. Certain things just get “baked in” to your set of expectations, many of which I wasn’t even really conscious of until you notice their absence.

Speaking of which, about a month ago Landon mentioned how he just got his badge for WeebCon and I asked, “uhhhh, what is that?” And the second he explained about LA’s Anime Expo he asked “omg you want to go?” Aside from the fact the word weeb still feels weird to me because I don’t understand its proper use in social context, I did a little chuckle of resignation. Because of course I was going to go. After two years of watching anime, it felt like the exact right time to come face to face with so much of the culture around it. Besides, I was just plain curious. I like knowing what everything is like. So I went and spent all day on Friday at the con and I came to a pretty succinct conclusion...

Anime Expo is everything Comic-Con says it is.

Or thinks it is. Or wishes it was. Put it however you want. But there were so many things that hit me dead on about the meaningful differences between them. Granted, I understand that much of this is all “first impression” type stuff because I’m coming into so much of this understanding very little about the community itself. Outside of a few friends, most of my interactions with anime fans have been here in the comments or with people online and thus I know very little of the “who they are” behind avatars. When you look at the swirling mass, who makes up the community? In finally coming to the con, some things stood out immediately. Because all the other big time comic and video game cons? They are sooooo predominantly white and male. But this was jaw-droppingly NOT THAT by comparison. To some of you, that observation might be the most obvious thing in the world. But going in I genuinely had no idea who was going to be there. And it’s not just because of the fact that we’re talking about art forms coming out of East Asia, but we’re talking about radically different demographics across the board. There were so many Black, Latino, South Asian, and European people there, along with so many from all over the world. I heard people speaking Spanish, Japanese, French, Mandarin, Italian, and either Thai or Tagalog. Moreover, I was unprepared for how amazingly queer the expo goers were. Not just as was seen in the couples lovingly holding hands, but whole spectrums of gender, which often played so many ways in terms of their cosplay. The queerness dwarfed any other con crowd I had ever seen BY FAR.

I want to make it clear that the diversity of all this is not just some “neat aspect” of the enterprise. It affects everything about the crowd’s behavior, mostly because it decentralizes the main viewpoint. For example, if you walk around San Diego Comic Con you’ll probably see 40 white dudes in black T-Shirts with their favorite whatever on it, skulking the floor and often complaining. When it comes to crowd interactions they’re often either smirking extravagant robot cosplay OR gawking at the few scantily clad female cosplayers going the rounds. If you’ve been to these cons, you know what I’m talking about. You FEEL the weird power dynamics at every point. Often it’s not even insidious, but the message that gets put out again and again with these dynamics is “this is all for us.” But at Anime Expo? That collective viewpoint is decentralized. Moreover, I would say the percentage of people cosplaying is INFINITELY higher. I felt like almost EVERYONE was dressed up. And even those who were scantily clad ran across the gender spectrum (for instance, I can’t tell you how many rad shirtless folks were cosplaying as Luffy from One Piece). Please know I don’t look at any of this as some fetishistic curio. Instead, all of this makes me feel more at home. Because everyone felt like they were having fun, being adorable, and living their best life. Even in behavior, everyone was patient, not-pushy, and often pretty normal volumed. There was just this palpable lack of entitlement to everything I saw in people’s interactions.

It’s as if the comparative mantra was, “This is for all of us.”

To be clear, I understand this is a broad strokes characterization where I am making a comparison to other very-white-dude-heavy cons. And I imagine that like with any group, there were people at Anime Expo who ranged from curt, to selfish, to awful. And even if it is decentralized, I know the entitled behavior that whiteness can bring (we’ll come back to an example of this). But at all the other cons, the problems I’m talking about don’t just feel like a bug, but a feature. And in spending that day, I did not feel the same issues here. As I moved around I really had the simple realization of: “everyone’s really here to do their thing.”

Including me.

* * *

On Being A Guest -  My friend Theo and I have big theory about “the art of being a guest.” Yes, it is all the same lessons of staying at other people’s houses and being respectful just applied more broadly. Anytime you walk into a subculture, you are a guest of that subculture. You are not there to prove how good you are AT the subculture. You are not there to show you “belong.” You are not there to prove anything. You are a guest. You are there to enjoy what they offer adn be gracious in return. And since I am new at this convention, I’m constantly mindful of how much I am a guest here. And even in doing my best, I worry I will get something wrong in the writing or characterization of it, but know it is because I have deep respect for the thing itself.

Meanwhile, Landon is being an outrageously good host. Especially because I’m literally just asking him questions all day, namely “who is that?” when I see a cosplay I don’t recognize... Which is most of them. Naturally, he begins keeping a running tally of costumes I actually recognize (turns out playing every final fantasy game helps a bunch). But there aren’t a lot of costumes for the older shows and instead a lot of the newer / still going stuff I haven’t watched yet. But soon I learn to recognize popular recurring costumes from shows like Demon Slayer, Attack on Titan, Jujustsu Kaisen, My Hero Academia, One Piece, etc. But everyone dressed up seems genuinely excited to answer questions or pose for pictures. I mention this on all on twitter and one person replies with this genuine insight: “What's neat about most cosplayers, if you go "Awesome costume, I haven't watched much anime, who are you?” Most are extremely happy to explain who they are.” It feels like the least gatekeeper social con experience I’ve ever been a part of. To wit, I have a brief interaction with two figures hosting an event (which I’ll get to in a second) and Landon explains that’ only been watching for the last couple years and the attitude is immediately “oh my god, welcome!”

Also, people asked if I cosplayed for the event and not only does that seem like a lot of work I am utterly incapable of executing, I don’t even have any good anime shirts. The most appropriate thing I had was my cherished Kate Beaton shirt of Napoleon eating a cookie.

As we approach LA’s downtown convention center, it becomes clear that getting in is kind of an organizational nightmare. There’s lines for badge pick up, then covid wristband line, then entrance lines and some are way longer and way shorter than others, and no one really knows what to do or where to go, but we everyone helps and does their best and it all works out in the end.

Which means it is time for the first event…

The Butler Cafe - I’m so thankful I made it through the labyrinthian entrance process (shout out to the random dude who told us about the side entrance by the garage) in order to make it to the first / my favorite event of the day. That’s right, we went to “The Butler Cafe.” Now, I had heard of maid cafes before  and how they offer alternative forms of intimacy in a changing social landscape. And I want to make something clear from the start as I talk about this stuff. Because there is this tendency for people to make fun of places like this or find them sad and if there’s any lesson I’ve learned in the last 12 years of writing on the internet, it’s let people do what they fucking want. It’s not only not hurting anyone, it seems to help people feel better. What is the formality that bothers people? In America there are a million restaurants, bars, and social places that hold the same exact kind of communal function, just with less formal structure. And despite the assumptions, Maid Cafes aren’t even about sex work, but even if they were *taps the sign* WE DO NOT CRITICIZE SEX WORKERS IN THIS HOUSE IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM.

Anyway, the second I was pitched on the idea of going to the Butler Cafe, I was like “oooh, of course that’s a thing!” and wanted to see what it was about. The expo pitches it thusly: “The Butler Cafe is a show and interactive experience, featuring a group of talented performers ready to make your hearts go doki-doki. With a wide array of entertainment, including dances, musical performances and photo ops, the Butler Café is the perfect place to grab a snack and a drink with some friends, plus make some new ones! In addition, butlers will be available to chat with attendees and play games.” … I just looked up doki-doki and a big thing I keep learning is how many Japanese phrases rely on onomatopoeia.

The truth is the whole thing is much more loose and playful than you might expect, and certainly put on with a knowing wink. After all, we are not in some glamorous locale, but instead a convention space with the familiar blank walls and tables dressed with table clothes and felt roses. But that doesn’t dampen the enthusiasm. We were among the last to arrive and so we were seated at a table with only six of us, including two butlers, and two guests who dressed as cow maids (another thing I learned exists). We are all asked to share our pronouns (a first for me in any con setting, good job) and will become fast friends over the course of the hour. If you are curious as to “who signs up for the butler cafe?” and somehow expect a rigid audience full of shy girls, it’s not. I look around and the audience is evenly distributed with every kind of person you can imagine, which a hugely queer codified streak. I also spent some time looking around at the cast of Butlers, all of whom seemed college aged or under 25, very few were white, and moreover, their gender seemed irrelevant as there were a whole spectrum of people who either exist in or are playing in the masc space. They are also incredibly energetic and well-trained. As we begin with icebreakers and introductions, you quickly realize their job is to make people who may not be the most socially comfortable, feel comfortable. And they do. That’s what all of this is really about.

Naturally, I have a million questions for them that I didn’t get to ask, namely what makes them want to volunteer to take this job. They all have a little bit of the theater kid energy, or maybe it’s magician energy where they can’t wait to show you a cool, but it’s also pure musician energy as we will learn when they begin putting on a variety of dances and musical performances.  The quality of which kind of hits this endearing sweet spot. Because no, these are not super pros with high end resources. But they are way, way better than your standard talent show fare. They have all put A LOT of effort into what they are doing and you can tell they actually care. It’s a hard thing to make something both winking and sincere, but they hit that exact right energy and it makes me curious about the “Dark Romance” option for later shows, where you can “indulge on the more sultry side of the Butler Cast with Butler Cafe: Dark Romance. Guests are invited to enjoy musical performances, dances, and much more! The Dark Romance shows will have you appreciate a little more skin and a little more playtime with this special 18+ interactive experience.” But alas, I cannot say how it goes (if you went, sound off below!)

But at one point, something miraculous happens. Throughout the show we have spent a lot of time between performances playing party table games where the loser gets a “punishment,” which is probably the most G-Rated and innocent thing you can think of (there’s a lot of going and handing a rose to the Butler of your choice, for instance). But at one point someone suggests we play Jenga and one of the Butlers gets this glint in his eye. Because it turns out he is INSANELY good at Jenga. He starts doing a little bit of showboating and pulling out two pieces at once, etc. At one point there is this absurdly janky setup where he asks what two pieces he should grab and we identify two that would cause the entire tower to have to fall three flights and fit perfectly into the askew pieces below, like the most insane game of tetris. That’s when I see this first look of nervousness in his eyes. He knows he can’t do it. We all know it’s basically an impossible move and thus, we build it up for a solid minute and come up with the punishments we will make him do… then finally… click. The entire janky tower falls lands perfectly into place. Our entire table and surrounding areas lost their shit and ran around the room and I swear it is one of the most impressive acts of coordination I’ve ever seen (Landon can vouch).

As punishment, we all had to do the Naruto run around the hall. Which is something I knew thanks to the “Storm Area 51 Using The Naruto Run, They Can’t Stop All of Us” meme.

On Capitalism - In spirit, we know that cons are about fans coming together to share in like-minded love of things. In reality? Yeah, they are about selling stuff. I don’t say this cynically to any party involved. It’s part of the invariable reality of capitalism that we’re all trying to survive. At so many cons, it feels really heavy. Heck, SDCC feels like an assault, completely with objects that cost more money than most of us will ever make. But even though I’m told that Anime Expo is one of the more commercial cons, it honestly feels like a nice little community gathering by comparison. For instance, I can’t get over how many spaces there are to just hang out and play shit. But back when we were approaching outside, Landon looked at a big video screen outside and said “it honestly feels weird to be seeing anime sold on that.” Normally it would be a Nike ad. But today is anime’s day. And lord knows there are enough booths making sales.

But I want to clarify that all this is a product of two things. The first is the role that tangible visibility plays in marketing when it comes to corporate interests. The idea is for working people in marketing, even if it fails, you can go to your boss and still justify your work: “Look at all this stuff we did, we were everywhere!” And yes, you can guess how many times people place billboards in locations that they know are on their bosses' drive home. There is a point to this visibility. At the same time, you have working artists who are just trying to get by and a good con can genuinely help them pay their rent for a bit. And the last couple covid years have been BRUTAL for people whose income largely came from cons. Sadly, I did not buy anything. But the thing that most had me tempted?

Sometimes I wish I still worked in an office cause I’d put it up there.

On Crowd Control - So early in the day I get all these texts about how people hope I’m safe because the crowds look insane and I’m like, “huh?” Turns out most people are reacting to some tweets that went viral because one section had opened up, but hadn’t opened its exhibit hall and so there was a sudden log jam, which don’t get me wrong, not great bob, but it got fixed like 15 minutes later. But all day people are texting worried, which is one of those things that shows just how much one little internet thing can color what an experience looks like. But at the same, yeah, even though we (and many others) are masked the whole time it’s still a convention and there’s a lot of people and most of the time it looks like this…

However, when things hit Saturday and Sunday with the busy weekend times, apparently Artist Alley got “osha violation for CO2” level swamped and that’s not even taking the covid factor… Eep.

The Floor - So much of Con experience is just walking around and looking. Whether its exhibits, toys, demonstrations, there’s always something to gawk at. I took a bunch of (bad) pictures of stuff, but please know that I mostly took a lot of videos I wanted to share, too. But Patreon doesn’t host videos that are not linked from something else and I REALLY WISH I FREAKING KNEW THAT BEFOREHAND. Anway, here’s some highlights of things I liked.

This giant Luffy (which I learn is pronounced Loofie). I never knew his name and he is 100% the most popular masc costume at the con.

These people lined up for the Yu-Gi-Oh booth! And all I know about it is Griffin McElroy’s bits about his Yu-Gi-Oh! Cards… Edit: I literally made this joke and then found out the creator Kazuki Takahashi died today :(

I love how many spaces there are for just people to play games, whether video games or table tops or anything else. We will come back to this.

There’s this rad Hatsune Miku race car in the middle of the floor… Speed Racer 2 idea?

One thing I like is this Joker statue from Persona 5. But my favorite part is when the two young guys next to me call him THE Joker, which I find hilarious and hope that this is either done on purpose as a matter of preference OR they have no idea who Batman is.

There’s also these neat backgrounds for cosplayers to take pictures in. I’m so mad I can’t share this one video because I make a funny joke where I say the two genders in anime are “cherry blossoms” and “nuclear apocalypse.” Nothing like a sentence where you tell someone they would have laughed at a joke you made!

There are many body pillow stands and people ask if I’m going to buy a body pillow. I make a joke asking if they have any of Joe Biden. The second I do I realize the horrible fact that he went from being a go to punch-line as a tag along dumb guy to becoming the most ineffectual leader ever who I resent with a firey passion. Anyway, Body Pillows brings us to saucier topics.

Waifu Labs - I’m seeing ads for this everywhere and it's like “Win a Free Waifu Wall Coupon!” Again, this is the kind of thing that’s easy to make fun of and I wish the opposite. People should just do their things. At the same time I wanted to understand what this service is actually offering https://waifulabs.com and I genuinely can’t figure it out.

During all this we met up with a couple of friends and we decided it’s high time to go into the…

18+ SECTION - Ooooh, shrouded in mystery, what could be beyond flimsy black cloth walls! I imagine if I was like 12 or something this would be the most tantalizing place in the universe, but now it just feels amusing. It’s only about a 10 minute line and we get through and once again, I’m instantly hit by how much queer stuff they have, along with how many queer people are inside. I keep thinking all day about how much the “toxic fandom” of anime unfairly dominates people’s assumptions and how little of the queer side is visible to those on the outside.

Pretty soon we found the “yaoi” section and I have since been going down the rabbit hole of learning about it since. As a person, I cannot tell you how it took me YEARS to be comfortable being outwardly queer. But there’s something so different about this space in comparison to so many other spaces I’ve been to. Or maybe I’m just different? I don’t know. But all feels a part of that mantra: “everyone is here to do their thing.”

At one point we pass something called the “Cosplay Deviants” section which I learn is “an adult-entertainment platform that empowers cosplayers around the world through natural beauty and body positivity. Our platform encompasses an ever-growing community of geeks from around the world  who gather to celebrate their favorite fandoms and interact with some of their favorite cosplayers.” Good for them! But the amusing thing is when I’m walking by and this nice woman says hello, then looks me dead in the eyes and points to one naked person in the portrait and with a kind of stoic, unblinking seriousness says “that’s me.” I’m so taken by her candidness, the most I can muster as my head goes back and forth between her and the picture is, “oh… uh… good… good job!” But as I give a little nod to leave, she hands me a little advertisement for the Cosplay Deviants After Party... Once again, she is good at her job.

Meanwhile, the main feature of the 18+ section seems to be this giant line where people can line up to have VR sex with anime people. Once again, it’s the kind of thing that could be full of judgment. You could picture Triumph The Insult Comic dog coming in during the early 2000’s and doing some bit… But I have none. But I also admit I had this initial instinct to understand it and to ask people questions. As if it backs up some notion of what “journalism” is supposed to be??? But quickly I realize the faulty nature of that instinct. Sometimes it’s seeing that people are in line just to be in line. They are not here to be picked apart or asked. They are here to try something they’re curious about. That’s it.

On What I Actually Avoid - I have this thing with some live / live TV events where the second hand anxiety is excruciating for me. At one point Landon shows me the description for a panel called “Make Weebs Laugh” which is “a live ‘try not to laugh challenge’ game show where each participant will go through three one-minute rounds against our top comedians, who are all going to try and bust your sides with laughter. For each round you get through, you will win a price! Get through all three 3 rounds and you will win something special!” All the power to anyone who went, but I’m pretty sure attending this event would kill me.

I also avoid this because holy shit I don’t even want to know.

“Just Like The Manga” - At a certain point we make it over to the manga lounge, which is literally just a library where you can go through their extensive collection of rare manga and read to your heart's content. I think this section is completely awesome and Landon and I just walk around, look over titles, and I ask about all the funniest titles I can find (they don’t allow photography, sorry).  But the experience also reminds me of something. Because earlier in the day I was having a conversation with someone and they were talking about their new favorite anime (I’m sorry I can’t remember which one) and they loved it because they said it was panel-to-panel faithful and “just like the manga come to life!” And I want to take a second because this is a thing I’ve been talking about forever with regards to adaptation. Because different narratives have different requirements. And a lot of times hyper-faithful adaptation can please the fans that know the work so well, but not others because it makes the actual product worse. But to me, the deeper question is “why do the fans want that recreation so bad in the first place?” The manga is what they loved, right? Well, it gets into my thing about how film is the most powerful medium we have. It’s the thing that GENUINELY makes you feel like you can disappear into another life and feel something outside yourself yourself. It’s the thing that makes it REAL to so many people. So of course they want the staged reading of a manga, because it’s the thing that will finally take that feeling inside and make it “real” to them. And sometimes they *think* that depends on being as literal as possible.

And ooh, speaking of movies, I happened to see one that day as part of the expo!

Mini-Ani-Me #27: Goodbye, DonGlees! - So I went to the western premiere of Director Atsuko Ishizuka’s new film Goodbye, DonGlees! And I was so excited to do so because I loooooooved A Place Further than the Universe. Her direction is just so vivid and earnest and full of life. But the new film? Yeaaaaahhh, it’s beautifully animated and feels really nice and sentimental, but I’m not gonna do a whole Ani-Me post about it because it doesn’t quite work. It’s reaching for a lot of the similar themes, sense of adventure, and youthful spirit, but it just messes up some real important setups for the payoff. Honestly? This is why I talk about the basic tenets of writing all the damn time. This is Ishizuka’s first script and she is so good at interiority and she has her finger on the pulse and she understands her characters’ headspace. But the film doesn’t know how to structure itself at all so that the film’s final act pay offs can properly hit you. But A Place Further Than The Universe was so good at making me cry every damn episode because it nailed these amazing payoffs to the conflicts they introduced each episode. Granted, writer Jukki Hanada is an old pro who has done so much work (including Princess Jellyfish) and I just want these lessons to pass on. For directors, there’s so much you need in terms of insight and what you want to say, and who you want to be as an artist. But you’ve also GOT to understand those little story sense things of how to make your audience want X to happen in order to properly achieve the moment of transcendence. I realize that might sound a little patronizing, but these things are so so important.  I was really bummed it got bungled :(

But onto brighter moments. Like the fact that…

Landon Gets His Ass Beat - So, like, Landon is stupid good at most video games, specially Smash Brothers (he says he’s not but he’s comparing himself to, like, pros). But since all those stations were full we played Windjammers 2. Neither of us had ever played, but I beat his ass. Repeatedly. Then we tried Pokkén Tournament and I got two seconds into it because it didn’t pass the blink test. Then I went back to beating his ass at Windjammers 2. I just want the record to be clear.

Then as the sun crested over, it was time to get in line for some…

AMV Time -  So this is when I learned all about the world for AMV or Anime Music Videos. To be clear, I already knew about fan videos / shipping videos, but the second it was explained I was once again like “Ohhhh yeah, of course that’s a thing, too.” But basically, fans make music videos about their favorite shit. So we take our seats and get ready for the AMV Competition! The only show that democratically matters and where everyone can vote on their favorite AMVs! There are seven categories (drama, action, sentiments, fun and play, rhythm and beat, comedy and humor, and commercial and movie trailer parodies) each with five nominees. There’s even an emcee who is taking us through without much flare, but a gentle smile and it prompts me to observe about everyone working there “No one’s really funny, per say but everyone’s genuinely nice?”

But as we went through, the thing that was odd though is that each section had a CLEAR winner in a way that I don’t think was entirely fair. Because every category was composed of videos that did the traditional job of evoking their favorite shows in a very straightlaced way. But within each category, there was one video that created something NEW to say in terms of how they combined ideas. For instance, In the action category, one did a really great fan edit where the characters of My Hero Academia had to fight all these characters from other shows (including finally getting their ass beat by the Dragonball Z gang). And the first category had one video that messed with the animation to make characters lip sync to Britney Spears’s “Hit Me Baby One More Time.” Another had disney villain songs set to various characters the lyrics applied to. Another category had a queer shipping video between characters who hated each other with, complete with an edited-in animation of the characters kissing. The fans went wild for all of these. And the whole lesson of this stuff is clear: Honoring things is nice, but when comparing, we like when the act of re-mixing actually creates a new fun statement.

Also, this is potentially an erroneous observation, but something kept happening during the AMV showing that had kind of been happening all day… Why were people at Anime Expo bad at knowing when to clap or respond to crowd prompts? Like, I’ve been to a lot of live event things and have kind of never seen anything like it before. I was just curious if this happened to be the day or if this was, like… a thing?

Parting Thoughts Of The Window - So we made it most of the way through the AMV’s before walking in the night air and ruminating on the day. It was a full day. One where it feels like I did so damn much and got to actually see a community of fans in their element. But in the end, it was just a small “window” into something I only have a small sense of. There’s never going to be this point where I’m like “aha! I understand anime now!” It’s all just a process of getting to see more and more. As such, I keep checking in with Landon for the next few days as he continues attending and as I write this column. He sends pictures of a guy with a sign saying: “emo car guy in a banana suit seeking goth girlfriend.” I see tweets like these sonics atoning for their sins. But mostly I think of how many people just seemed genuinely happy to be there. And how seemed to think everyone else was cool, too. But mostly I think about this one person in particular. It was when we were heading in. They had these masc features, but dressed in full maids costume, skateboarding down the street with an old Sony walkman and I instantly said:  “that’s the coolest person I’ve ever seen.” And I meant it. They somehow felt emblematic of all the joy I discovered in attending.

And it also radically contrasts with another group I saw there.

Because near the end there was this group of, well, for lack of a better way of putting it, “comic-con dudes” who I am so familiar with from other cons. White dudes, black t-shirts with traditional superheroes, and they were walking through the floor and there was this little commotion as one of them was holding up a sign saying “Wear deodorant, you’re making us look bad!” And he had this bemused look on his face. This kind of “yeah that’s right I said it,” and they were all being so loud. And I just felt this mix of anger and disappointment.  First off, I’ve been to a LOT of cons and guess what? This one smelled infinitely better than the rest (I mean it’s not spring flowers, but come on). And second off, it was such a stark example of everything that I abhor about those other con experiences and the central viewpoint of those who attend them. For one, it's an insanely judgmental thing to write on a sign. Second, it’s combative, presumptive, and aggressive. Third, it’s that white myopic thinking I was talking about. They thought this was funny and were acting like they were the center of the world (no wonder they were the loudest group I ran into all day). And who is the “we” here? Who is the one judging them? Is it not a clear and obvious attempt to separate yourself from the group? Is this not about their own internal feelings of shame and the way they project it outward onto a group that could not give less of a fuck? Worst of all, is it not proof of the instinct to police the group around you. It’s everything about white entitled fandom in a nutshell. And I can’t help but think…

Are these the anime dudes who are yelling at me online?

Because for so long on twitter I would have these really odd interactions with people who were the loudest and would come into these film conversations and were just really obtuse. But then I actually started watching anime and becoming friends with people who work in animation and following artists and there’s this mega-inclusive, wholesome community. That’s the group I saw in literally 98% of people who attended Anime Expo. And for those who do not see this group? I cannot tell you how much the loud, shitty ones dominate your perception of anime culture from the outside. Granted, I know how much overlap this has with so many subcultures and social media, whether it’s film twitter or what have you, and the toxic instinct to police people’s opinions. Which is my favorite thing about Anime Expo is that it brought me face to face with the loving, rad, queer world that actually defines this space. The 98% part of the community that doesn’t make a judgmental sign. The part that defines itself by guesthood, hosting, autonomy, decentralizing the viewpoint, and making you feel safe. All because they’ve just been enjoying the thing they love. I realize deeply that this is all the obvious and reductive findings of someone who is new to something - a something you have likely spent time living in - but it’s an earnest and open hearted one. Because in attending, I probably learned more in one day than the last couple years in whole. Which is all testament to a single, simple idea...

Making our window bigger.

<3HULK