Donkey (Patreon)

This is me and Donkey just before deployment. He was called Donkey even before being recruited. The fate of a guy with clueless parents naming you Donald Keynes. Ironically it became the perfect nickname after he got the "wrong" vaccination shots and got a human-size dose of the growth serum they experimented with on military dogs. I'm still not sure if it was a mistake or not. I can totally see someone willfully, possibly unsanctioned, swapping out the syringes, but from what I've seen of the military my bet is on a genuine fuck up. Took a while for them to discover and acknowledge too, as it doesn't work that quickly. Fortunately, or good planning, he was out of basic training before he started to really explode in size and mentally decline. He's an excellent grunt, but dumber than a box of rocks now. The decision was made to keep him in the ranks, despite no longer meeting the requirements. Some lawyer came to the conclusion that intelligence doesn't need to be reassessed for eligibility once successfully completed and approved, despite him not knowing half of those words anymore.

But I'm happy to have him as partner. He knows the basic shit like Forrest Gump, happily carries anything I point at, and lying next to him in the field saves you from lighting a fire.