Echoes (Patreon)

It happens less and less often, but it isn’t any less jarring whenever it does happen. I hate the feeling. It’s like a different person is clawing and screaming inside of me, trying to take over not just my body, but also my mind. A few times I’ve even feared I would lose control and he would take over completely, pushing me out or locking me away forever. I’ve never told anyone that part, that I’ve actually feared for my life. Few know about my mental issue to begin with. My parents, and like two friends. Coach Andresen knows though.

He has to know, because wrestling is one of the triggers. Well, not wrestling in itself, but things around it. Like when I take the supplements or when the sports psychologist Johnson is doing his hypnosis. That’s when most of the attacks have occurred. Once during hypnosis apparently I lost it and ran crying out of his office, rambling about that this wasn’t me. That my parents had destroyed my future just because they wanted an athlete son. I wouldn’t have known anything about the episode if Mike hadn’t recorded it, just before Johnson had me injected with a sedative or something. I had to let Mike in on the secret as well, when he asked me the next day what the fuck he had witnessed. He promised to delete the video and never tell anyone else, including my parents. I don’t ever want them to see me during such a hurtful outbreak. But as I said, it happen less and less often.

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