Roomie 2.0 (Patreon)

 Chapter 1 - Joe

He had been dreaming about a bunch of frat bros messing around on someone’s driveway. Ostensibly it was some sort of basket practice, but most of the time was spent talking smack, or trying to hit each other. He vividly remembered the flutter of loose tank tops across tanned, chiseled chests as they tried to feint. Their legs with colorful baller shorts or baggy cargo shorts in one end, and white socks and sneakers in the other. If they ever had any faces in the dream, he could no longer remember them. But he knew he was part of this group. Playing with them. Joking with them.

He was waking up confused, with that feeling of almost headache, trying to figure out what was wrong. As the dream slowly melted away, that feeling of belonging, being one of the frat boys lingered. As dream and reality finally parted he realized he had earbuds in his ears, playing a rhythmic loop of “Sup, bro? Yo! Bro!” over and over at low volume. This must be another of Mike’s or Josh’s “hilarious” practical jokes. They must have put them in after he had fallen asleep. It was his earbuds, but they were connected to a small iPod he didn’t recognize.

“Hey, bro! Stop fucking with my stuff!”

No response. Not bothering to put anything else on, he stormed out of his room, wearing just the boxers he’d slept in, and into the kitchen. Mike and Josh lounged around the kitchen table, barely clothed as always, both looking guilty and something else. Surprised? Smug?

“Hey, roomie. What’s up?”, Mike asked.
“Stop messing with my buds, bro!”

Mike and Josh exchanged glances. “Nothing else is up?”, Josh asked. Realizing that if they been in his room, placing the earbuds on him, they might have done other things as well. He rushed back into the hallway to have a look in the mirror. No sharpie dicks as far as he could see. No pink hair either. Somehow something was different. He didn’t recognize the haircut, but he could certainly remember requesting a high and tight fade from the barber. But still, it was like he had never seen it in person. So weird.

Slowly he walked back into the kitchen and sat down in his chair. He couldn’t figure out what was going on. Perhaps Mike and Josh were just pretending something was up, as a new way to mess with him. If it wasn’t for the dirt-cheap rent he would actively be looking for another place. They weren’t bad guys, kept the place tidy, did their dishes, but oh how they obsessed over sports. Football that, protein this, push-ups whenever. Even scrubbing the floor was a competition. Somehow they felt he was required to be as interested as they were, just because he lived with them. Join this, watch that. An ever-escalating series of pranks when he chose to study or game instead.

“Hey”, Mike startled him out of his thoughts. “We’re sorry we’ve been teasing you a bit lately. Perhaps we could start over? Josh and I were just wondering if you wanna join at the gym after breakfast.”

He couldn’t quite explain it, but he felt a rush of excitement. He’d never set foot in a gym before, not counting PE, but now it felt like there wasn’t anywhere else he would rather be. “Bro, I’m in!”

Under the table Mike’s and Josh’s fists met. There was still a long way to go, but it had started better than either of them had expected.

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