Improvement Chart (2010 - 2018) (Patreon)

CRISP, CLEAN, AND MORE ART!

I would like to offer my apologies before I get started with more summaries because the last few years things kind of end on a dour note. A lot of stuff happens and has left me feeling bleh and some of those events still kinda linger now <3

BUT LET’S GO TAKE A TOUR OF MY ART HISTORY

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2010
So I was still a big nerd for Naruto and practicing daily so I could capture the style just right. Though I remember Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Complete was released not too long ago and little by little all the new additions at the time were coming out of the woodworks. And as a fan of the game since I was twelve I had to dive back in and look over old characters and their stories. With all this new canon info my brain was like “I WANNA FIT MY OCS IN THE STORY PROPER”

2011
As mentioned briefly, I was doing this Days of Agra project where I talked about the development of my first DBZ oc, Agra. With each entry I made, new ideas started coming to me. Then I was rewriting character stories and creating new stuff. I remember how happy I was about it too! I just kept drawing CANT STOP WONT STOP :D

2012
This year was amazing for me. I couldn’t stop creating comics. The ideas came to me and it felt great to have the energy to carry out those ideas onto paper. I even colored most of them with markers and watercolors. My largest and one I’m most proud of was about my Saiyan God, God of Eat, called Don’t Fear the Reaper. It took me four months to finish but it was such a wonderful experience.

2013
Of course I was slowly burning low on that creative energy. I struggled finishing my last comic in a timely manner (but I did finish it!) and it was around this time I started getting into Mass Effect. After playing the second game, it was just in time to dive into ME3 and be part of the fandom hype for better or worse. And the krogan really spoke to me, especially Bakara’s character. But since there was so little about their culture and world, that’s when I created Branka to fill in the gaps for myself. This was the year I jumped into the MERP scene on tumblr. Had some good experiences, and some really bad ones, and I had a taste of what abusive friendships were like and mustered to courage to cut them off.

2014
Which leads to why I was feeling lost this year. The blog I had for Branka was a huge creative outlet for me, and to close it down, and shut her off from everyone was really hard and it was like I was stagnating while everyone around me continued to write their stories. Between ’13 and ’14 I had barely started my Scribe of Tuchanka blog, but was wary about posting too much in fear that these abusive ex friends would find me. And I had this terrible anxiety that other, kinder people, associated me as a toxic person because of my affiliation with these bullies. So I piddled around, tried to practice and continued to work on my style.

2015
I joined CDN and that ended up being the creative boost I needed <3 There were so many kind people, and amazing characters that I wanted to draw all the things. It was the year I broke my foot, so I spent a lot of time bedridden but it was also a good opportunity to work on my digital drawing skills. I learned new techniques, and used different brushes that helped my confidence in drawing digitally. This year had been one of my most productive years since my DBZ craze!

2016
And this is where things start getting a little grim so fair warning <3 

I had to cut a friend off after some hurtful revelations about their behavior. I felt stupid, and I felt like it was all my fault. And I took a huge dive to the point where I was planning out my suicide. It was difficult to deal with personally and finding people I could trust enough to confide in without feeling like I was being a burden. It was an extremely sensitive time and I was angry because it felt like my creativity was ripped away from me.

2017
This year was supposed to be about recovery but then life kicked my butt! I struggled a lot with shame, and feeling like everyone around me knew and hated me for what I contemplated. And I went through a break up that was a huge change in my life. My mom had a terrifying cancer scare, and we both ended up with Tuberculosis. I was difficult towards the friends who did offer and ear. And all the while I kept thinking if I keep drawing then I’ll be of use to others. But there were a lot of days when I didn’t draw because of all these mentioned issues so that really hit the ol’ self-esteem rather hard!

2018
I was starting to feel really good at the beginning of this year. I was doing a lot of commissions and got a boost financially! My mom and I finally recovered from TB and got a bill of clean health and then BLAM! More family drama that was hard to cope with. I went back into isolating myself, started thinking like I did back in ’16 and feeling awful. I couldn’t write happy stuff for my characters on the CDN boards because I was so sad all the time. I participated in the yearly Inktober hoping it would give me a creative boost but no such luck. So I was poking around other fandoms to get a little breather and stop trying so hard.

LIKE I SAID IT GOT REALLY HEAVY THERE but I wanted to be open about these events which definitely affected me as an artist. For better or worse, there they are <3

This year so far hasn’t been super productive, but it’s been due to the lack of energy or time. My brain is filled with ideas, and little by little I’m trying new things. Such as painting with gouache, and going back to traditional works. Because looking at this chart, a lot of my marker work was so vibrant compared to most of my digital pieces where I opted to go with orange and brown tones. And once again I’m diving back into the DBZ fandom thanks to the release of the new Broly movie XD

I do miss drawing for others. I miss that feeling I had when I first joined CDN. And I miss that energy I had back in 2011. Not sure what I could do to get it back though.

I’ll have to work on making a list of art problems, what I can do to fix/approach them, as well as some personal art goals!