Big Daddy Dispatch: February 2021 (Patreon)

Dispatch Fifty One, February 1st, 2021



Hello WHM Family!

We are knee deep in sorting through your Listener Request Month calls, and we gotta say, we had no idea that you all liked the Kangaroo movie, Warriors of Virtue so much. We're just glad we've created a community where you freaks feel safe enough to call us and let us know that you are the ONLY PEOPLE ON PLANET EARTH that have ever heard of that movie. Kidding, kidding of course! You all are wonderful and we're sure that movie is...great! Just an FYI, if YOU want to know what gets picked this year, you're going to want to tune in to our YouTube Channel on Friday, February the 10th at 5:30pm Eastern Standard Time. We'll pull out some names outta the hat and do a mini-mailbag. Should be fun! 


Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  David! by Nacir Emichi

BRAND NEW PATREON TIER: THE WALSH

You asked for it and now it's here! The grand return of MelR0210! It's back, in pod form! Well, it always was in pod form, but you get the joke. 

Starting this February we'll be releasing a brand new Nexus style (covering one episode of each show) episode each month. We already recorded our inaugural episode and with no false modesty, we can say this is a SUPER SIZED, BARN BURNER to get started on. To make sure of this we jumped forward a few episodes in each series to pick up on a pair of bangers. You're not going to want to miss this!

This will be on our $10.00 tier, and the exciting thing is, it won't just have MelR0210. Our $8.00 tier was bursting at the seams, so while all the perks and show recaps that you loved on that tier will stay there, ANY NEW TV Recaps and Special Presentations will be put on this new $10.00 tier. We have big some plans coming and we can confidently announce that the Disney+ Ben Kenobi recap show will be on this tier, as well as a The Book of Boba Fett recap show, and...and  coming in March we'll be releasing our take on HBOMax's Zack Snyder's Justice League! This tier will also feature the long-awaited Once in a Lifetime, a show where we go through a different Lifetime movie every episode—this show will drop every-other month starting in April!

Rejoice MelR0210 Fans and Fans of more WHM content in general! Sign up today!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 524 – Wonder Woman 1984 with Angelica Jade Bastién

The gang heads to jolly ol’ England to catch up with what we’re assuming is a Welshman of some sort named Doctor Dolittle, who is roused out of retirement by a shit lad to help save the Queen and find the fabled Eden Tree. Is this really what Robert Downey Jr. imagined himself doing after Iron Man? Was there no better man to handle this material than the director of Syriana? Why the fuck do all these animals have deep psychological issues? And that’s not even getting into the magic dragon and its aching asshole.Happy 2021! How about a movie that makes you wish you were dead? The boys welcome back Vulture critic and Wonder Woman expert Angelica Jade Bastién
to talk about one of the most baffling and repellent blockbusters to ever see the light of day, Patty Jenkins’ Wonder Woman 1984. First and foremost, what the fuck? How large or well-wielded is Steve Trevor’s dick that Diana Prince has been hung up on it for over half-a-century? Did you really want the logic of wishes to feature so prominently here? How important is it to make your movie totally awesome 80s? Also, have you heard of these things called Pop Tarts? They’re fantastic.Episode 525— Dolittle 

Episode 526 – Fantasy Island 

The boys head off to Michael Pena’s inexplicable, internet-invite-only island of horrors in JASON BLUM PRESENTS A BLUM PRODUCTION OF BLUMHOUSE’s Fantasy Island. In which five people have a severely bad trip or come under the sway of a magic rock in conjunction with an insanely intricate revenge plot. Why did they cast Mr. Cardboard as one of the leads? Why do people continue to cast Lucy Hale? Can we just stay in the Ryan Hansen/Jimmy O. Yang storyline? Is this the kind of job Kim Coates is currently looking for? I went to Fantasy Island, Paul, you know, I got there, and I started fantasizing about leaving. Fantasized about leaving.

Episode 527 – Birds of Prey (PATRONS ONLY)

For the January WLM, Eric, Andrew, Chris, and Steve head back to a sunnier part of Gotham to see how Harley Quinn does post-breakup in Birds of Prey. Isn’t nice to have a movie not centered on whether or not the world is going to end? How did they avoid having so little Batman references? Can we get an Alex Jones-esque figure in the Gotham-verse? Also, let it never go unnoticed just how incredible Margot Robbie is in this role.

Episode 528 – Bad Boys For Life



Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric head back to Miami with Mike and Marcus to battle the cartels and an all-powerful witch in Bad Boys for Life, the third and somehow not final Bad Boys film. No, that wasn’t a typo, there’s an actual fucking witch in this movie. Are we all excited about Bad Boys spin-off number two, AMMO? Is Will Smith okay? Has anyone done a wellness check? Can anyone point us to the legislation where squibs were made illegal to be used on-screen? Also, get ready for TV’s latest, greatest daytime talk-show host, David Lynch!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: Right at the tail-end of January, I started watching films “at” this year’s Sundance Film Festival and (at the time of this writing, anyway) I saw some pretty stellar stuff—along with some disappointments.

One doc that’s already one of my favorite films of the year is Questlove’s Summer of Soul (...Or, When the Revolution Could Not Be Televised.) It tells the story of the totally forgotten 1969 Harlem Cultural Festival and features stunning performances from B.B. King, the 5th Dimension, Pops Staples and the Staples Singers, Mahalia Jackson, Stevie Wonder, Sly and the Family Stone, and more. I had goosebumps pretty much the whole run time.

Other stand-outs (as of January 30) include: Rodney Ascher’s A Glitch in the Matrix, Peter Nicks’s Homeroom, and Jonas Poher Rasmussen’s Flee. Some duds I took in were Jakub Piatek’s debut misfire Prime Time, and Frida Kempff’s too familiar psychological thriller Knocking.

Two short films I’d also recommend you seek out are Jason Park’s BJ’s Mobile Gift Shop and Topaz Jones & rubberband.’s Don’t Go Tellin’ Your Momma.

Chris: Seeing as there are no real big movies to speak of right now and Sundance screeners have only just started to pour in, I have been focusing on certain release years that I feel I haven’t fully explored. Recently, most of my attention has been on 1984, following a good friend’s insistence that I finally sit down and watch The 8-Diagram Pole Fighter, which is indeed about as thrilling and bad-ass as everyone has told me it is. (It’s currently on Amazon Prime, but only in dubbed English, which it seems most of their pre-90s Chinese titles are, unfortunately.) There is a lot of ass-kicking but also stark, lacerating moments of pain that the director, Lau Ker-leung of The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, does not merely let drift by as character details. The aftermath of war and familial death are things that Ker-leung clearly takes as seriously in his images as landing just the right flying jab in the choreography.

The 8-Diagram Pole Fighter is a rare and rejuvenating sort of action film, and the same adjectives could be used to describe the teeming melodrama of Paul Mazursky’s Moscow on the Hudson, starring the late, great Robin Williams as a Russian saxophonist who defects to America on a work trip playing for the visiting Russian circus. This movie portrays the story of cultural assimilation so vividly and convincingly that it damn near ruins all other big-studio attempts at conveying the bitter blend of acute pain and overwhelming exhilaration that comes from leaving a beloved homeland in the hopes of finding a better home and personal liberation. Mazursky is really the director that I see Apatow attempting to be, but this movie specifically reminded me of a recent episode title: Steven Spielberg’s The Terminal. Both deal with jazz-obsessed Eastern-European transplants whose attempts to find a better life become a political and personal crisis of sorts. In a way, Mazursky’s film makes The Terminal a little bit more interesting, particularly in the differences between how the directors treat jazz as a form of expression and labor. That is usually the sign of a great movie: when it makes you see a substantially worse film in a different, if not exactly better or enlightening light.

Eric: What am I watching? Well, gentle reader, besides my nightly doses of Late Night with David Letterman on YouTube and my work for the show: only a few things that stood out to me in January. One of them is Warlock starring Julian Sands. I cannot believe I waited this long to dig into this franchise and hope to at least watch the one sequel Sands appears in soon. I felt like I finally saw representation on the screen in this: a man with long blonde hair, black clothing, who constantly wants to talk to the Devil? Wow! Some of the effects are terrible and some of those “horror” elements don't work quite as well as they should, considering this is a horror movie. However, it is eluded to he killed and skinned a kid in order to cast a flying magic spell which is great. My favorite part of the movie is the brief fish out of water stuff, like him just crashing through a lady's living room window and her and her roommates assuming he's a local drunk, or when the little kid tries to talk to him about football. So while fun, Warlock isn't a good movie or anything, and it's likely a future Spooktacular contender. However, what does rule? And rule hard? Excalibur (1981). I had an excellent time with this one and I did not expect it to go through basically everything King Arthur. Already was a big fan of Point Blank and uh, sure, Deliverance, too, but I am now eager to explore more John Boorman movies. Zardoz, anyone? Can we get an order of Zardoz for the table? Stay tuned.

Steve: I've been been pretty successful at making my way through some newer movies that I missed last year. So here's a quick round-up:

I'm Thinking of Ending Things: I truly didn't expect this to be my favorite movie of the year, but here we are. I read the book and I completely hated it. I thought it was a shallow horror novel that builds to a cheap twist that completely obliterates whatever was likable about the earlier bits of the book.

So, I fully intended on skipping the movie, but then all these great reviews started piling in and I felt like I was going insane. HOW COULD THE MOVIE BE GOOD WHEN THE BOOK WAS SO BAD? The answer? Charlie Kaufman uses the very spare prose of the book as a skeleton on which to layer on existential essay that is funny, moving, and completely original. It feels like the culmination of his earlier films and screenplays, where the weirdness is so bold and upfront, it never feels quirky, it's absolutely essential. The ending is somehow audacious, poignant and bitterly funny.  Also, I don't know what the Oscar race looks like but you can make a convincing case for Jesse Plemmons, Jessie Buckley, Toni Collette and David Thewelis to sweep. 

Lovers Rock: Wow. This movie was just a perfect magic trick. SEVENTY EVER-LOVING MINUTES. In and out, and you get a beautiful, (mostly) joyous hang-out film that invites you to the best party I've ever seen captured on screen. Anchored by a warm and inviting performance by Amarah-Jae St. Aubyn, a terrific soundtrack, and cinematography so luscious you can smell the room...this movie is going to be my argument for shorter films for years to come. 

Possessor:  This is probably the coolest movie I've seen in a good long while. A sleek and exciting sci-fi movie that, had it come out in 1999, I would've already seen 400 times. Which I'm glad I didn't because I'd be a much weirder person because this film is also a white knuckled harrowing affair. Andrea Riseborough fucking rules in this. No two ways about it.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 
-Tyler in Ypsilanti in Michigan, who asks: 

"What kind of apocalypse survivor would each one of you guys be? I figure with quarantine everyone has more data to work with these days."

Andrew: Oh, I wouldn’t last long in a post-apocalypse situation. I think as soon as the last of the Taco Bells closed up, I’d go walk into the ocean. Or maybe I’d join Chris in his basement/bunker and we’d just toke and talk about the Good Old Times until the sun finally exploded. Keep reading for more info about Chris’s basement.

Chris: I see myself as squirreling away in the basement of some large building and beginning the long arduous task of setting up traps, making a bed out of wet cardboard, and writing my many thoughts and feelings on the wall with my own excrement. Of course, that is an extremely optimistic view of what the apocalypse would look like. In reality, I would’ve died off well before we start roasting kindergarteners for nourishment, either by my own hand or in attempting to secure the last of the rotten-yet-edible Lunchables from a ravaged Stop & Shop.

Eric: Apocalypse survivor? You best start believing in apocalypses, cause yer in one! If COVID-19 is an apocalypse I am a reluctant survivor quested to drink himself to death. At the heart of this question brings us to: what isn't apocalypitc? Climate crisis running out of control right now. Likely 500K or so dead in the United States from an avoidable pandemic. I don't know, man. Even life back when things were “normal,” where this podcast pays literally more in taxes than Amazon or the former President, it's a farce, man. The Apocalypse is Now! I think myself and my co-hosts are that perfect age where we're born and we witness the government outright fail us at every turn while patting itself on its back and giving money away to people who are already wealthy while we all anguish. THANK YOU for supporting this show by the way, otherwise I'd be on the street. That's not that much of a joke either. I guess to play this question in a fun way, I sometimes wish 9/11 or COVID-19 were a nuclear attack instead. That way we would not be tethered to the old world at all. I'd be dead already or I'd have a gnarly scar down my face, steal a pick-up truck, and become a mountain marauder. In all seriousness though, I could see myself actually living off the grid, doing my own farming, having weapons for “when the time comes” because you know the time comes for us all. If I had enough money saved up, I'd actually do exactly that. This apocalypse question somehow turned into my retirement answer. I honestly want a piece of land in the middle of no where and to disappear completely. 

Steve: So, the obvious answer is one of the oldest jokes on the show because....fuuuuuuck that! I'd go to my bank, see that my account is no longer valid or whatever, and...that's the news, and I am outta here! 

 However, since you are paying customers I'll give you another picture. I feel like, IF I were to be able to push through the rough patch and the easy answer, I can see myself being some kind of toady for my local warlord. As this show's success proves, I'm a pretty good hang. That literally is the only thing resembling a skill that I bring to the table. So yeah, I can see myself as a post apocalyptic Salacious B. Crumb.

FEBRUARY SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out in the month of February!  

Episode 529 — The Karate Kid Part II

Episode 530 — P.S. I Love You 

Episode 531 — Mr. Nanny with Clint Worthington

Episode 532 — Live Wire (1992)


Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Gremlins 2: The New Batch

Animation Damnation — The Popeye Valentine's Day Special: Sweethearts at Sea (1979) 

The Nexus: TOS: "The Immunity Syndrome" (s2, e18) TNG: "Shades of Gray" (s2, e23)

Gleep Glossary: Oola (The Dancer at Jabba's Palace)

Melr0210: 90210: "Spring Dance" (s1, e21) Melrose Place: "Single White Sister"  (s1, e19)

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION




If you're not subscribed to our Youtube Channel you are missing out on a ton of great content! We're going to be live streaming all Mailbags going forward (we'll be doing them on a semi-monthly basis depending on letters and our own schedule). We're also doing periodic Green Room episodes, and last month we did a four way episode! We've also been extracting the VHS Trailer game from all episodes  so that they can live on their own with Felipe's fantastic artwork. Eric has also put out great clip packages like David! Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. You can also find full episodes like Wonder Woman 1984, Thinner, Knowing, Cool as Ice, and The Devil's Advocate! There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric and Ben are joined by friend of the show Sean Sullivan to talk about Romano going undercover as a male stripper! Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome designs like The VHS Trailer Game logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more and more to come! 

That's gonna do it for this month's dispatch, thanks as always for your incredible support and we're excited to keep putting out content for you fine folks!

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies