Big Daddy Dispatch: January 2021 (Patreon)

Dispatch Fifty, January 4th, 2021



Hello WHM Family!

Holy crap it's over! Thank god it's over, but we had fun didn't we? We rang in the new year with the most content we've ever released including SUPER-SIZED We Love Movies episodes only you beautiful Patrons were able to receive. 2020 sucked serious shit, but we're proud as hell of the stuff we put out, and we're really thankful to have had you all come along with us, and the good news is, there's no sign of stopping! We've already recorded half of our episodes for January and we are stoked to have you listen. Beyond that we have a kick-ass virtual live show (see below) and some fun and exciting changes already planned for this year!

Psst! Also, the Listener Request Lines will open on January 12th, so you're gonna want to listen to the show that week to get all that info.

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  Muppet Hitchcock Presents by Felipe Sobreiro

VIRTUAL LIVE SHOW: TERMINATOR DARK FATE



Have you ever wanted to see us live and have lived in like, one of the hundreds of cities we never visited? Good news! We're doing a LIVE SHOW on January 15th that everyone on EARTH can attend! And we're doing it on Linda Hamilton's grand return to the Terminator franchise, Terminator: Dark Fate!

Join us from our individual homes as we do an entirely unscripted show, live, for you to enjoy! Bonus: You get to see how weird our faces look when we're doing the Arnold voice! Tickets are here! The show itself will be on January 15th at 9:00pm EST. However...if you can't make it live, you can still stream it for a full week after it's release! You do NOT want to miss this one-of-a-kind WHM experience! We're stoked, and we hope you are too!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 518 – Citizen Kane

Oh hi, how are ya? Da gang heads out to the arctic Midwest to join the hunt for Peter Stormare and noted funny-looking-fella Steve Buscemi with pregnant police chief Frances McDormand for Joel & Ethan Coen’s Fargo. Does Ethan Coen just go around correcting everyone on set? Has there ever been a better showcase for cozy dive bars of the 1990s? What do we have to do to get John Carroll Lynch to marry us, collectively, and make us some eggs before work? Whatever it is, he’s not asking enough, saint that he is.To kick off the 2020 We Love Movies month, the boys hit the campaign trail with Charles Foster Kane and survey the aftermath for Orson Welles’ little-known gem Citizen Kane. Is it not a bit gauche to not only have your own theme song but to also dance to it? Are there really people out there who haven’t seen this yet? The fuck kinda idiot amasses that much wealth and decides to move to a castle in Florida? Whatever fortune he built, it must pale in comparison to the riches that have been hoarded by Garfield creator Jim Davis.Episode 519— Fargo

Episode 520 – The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (PATRONS ONLY)

For our extra-long Patreon episode, Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve head out to Mordor with four tiny hairy guys, a handsome fail prince, an Islamophobic dwarf, a stoned wizard, and an immortal elf with a fantastic dick. Is this the role that they will use for Sir Ian McKellen’s "In Memoriam" slot? Did Gimli ever think to send like a crow or a pigeon or whatever to check in on his cousins? Is Eric still talking about the Balrog’s cock and balls? Sean Bean’s character is pretty obsessed with protecting his “White City,” isn’t he? Oh Jesus, Eric is still talking about the ash-and-fire dick!

Episode 521 – Batman Returns (with Jamelle Bouie)

The boys welcome back longtime friend of the show Jamelle Bouie of the New York Times to discuss Batman Returns, in which Batman and Catwoman desperately want to have very weird and hot sex but are constantly interrupted by bile-belching baby-murderer The Penguin. Is this the best Batman movie or does that distinction go to Batman Returns? Or is Batman Returns the best one? Who can say? Should the Oscars be done away with based solely on the fact that Michelle Pfeiffer wasn’t nominated for this? Did Batman have to move to Metropolis after the Ice Princess incident? May we all have the luck to survive multi-story falls by landing in cat litter.

Episode 522 – The Muppet Christmas Carol



Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric celebrate the holiday season with a bunch of animal-people puppets and Michael Caine, who is NOT dead, in The Muppet Christmas Carol. Did Jeffrey Katzenberg pull that song out because it featured a woman expressing her own independent emotions? Should not the Cratchit children be a horrid mixture of frog and pig rather than the beautiful puppet kids you see? Were Scrooge and the Marleys on the Epstein flight records? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go have further nightmares about the Ghost of Future Past in this movie.   


Episode 523 – A Nightmare on Elm Street

To round out this hellish year and the WLM month, the gang heads back to Elm Street to discuss the debut of one Frederic Milhouse Krueger in Wes Craven’s classic A Nightmare on Elm Street. Has there ever been a more divorced couple than Nancy’s parents in this movie? How good of a weld did Freddy put on those gloves? Isn’t there a decent crank dealer around to get these kids the good stuff? Did Nancy’s mom remember buying or installing those bars? Did she know these bars include no alcohol? All of this, plus a discussion of former blood geyser Johnny Depp.   WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: Well, December for me is generally a nice combo of re-watching trash Christmas movies, holiday classics, and desperately racing to finish my annual Best Of list. So I thought I’d give you a one film from each area: 

First up in the Trash Department, we watched a Lifetime Christmas movie called The Christmas Setup. While not the worst Lifetime Christmas movie ever made, it’s still a Lifetime Christmas movie. We selected this one because my wife is friends with one of the film’s stars, Blake Lee, so it was cool seeing someone she’s known since high school in a movie. Also of note: Fran Drescher playing a Christmas-obsessed mother. It’s still one of those insane Christmas movies where the protagonist gets a really incredible opportunity—this time it’s a massive job offer in London that would be perfect for him—and turns it down to spend more time with their new love in the town that is Christmas-obsessed. The weird twist to that trope in The Christmas Setup is that the film seems to think the city of Milwaukee is a small town because at no point does the film treat the city like anything other than a tiny, snow-covered, American village. Very odd choices all around.

We also watched Last Christmas which was pure shit. 

In the Holiday Classic Department, every Christmas Eve we watch Sofia Coppola’s A Very Murray Christmas. But this year it held even greater importance for us both. Every Christmas Eve for the last few years, Chelsea and I have gone to Bemelmans Bar on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. It’s a gorgeous New York City landmark, hidden away in the ground floor of the Carlyle Hotel. It has such a fantastic vibe to it and is one of my favorite places in the city. So this year, while we sadly couldn’t pull off our tradition of walking through Central Park, going to the Met, having a couple cocktails at Bemelmans, and then going home to order Chinese food and watch this great film, we still got the food, the cocktails (at home) and a trip to Bemelmans via Sofia Coppola’s most excellent holiday classic.

And in the Best of 2020 Department, just under the gun (and also on Christmas Eve), I finally had a chance to catch up with Sofia Coppola’s latest, On the Rocks. I thought it was absolutely fantastic. Rashida Jones and Bill Murray are great together and I thought Marlon Wayans delivered a really well done supporting turn. It was rad seeing him get back to dramatic work. It, like its spiritual predecessor A Very Murray Christmas, is another film that seems to be tailor-made for anyone currently missing New York City. I think there’s a lot of solid stuff going on in the film, but even if you enjoy it purely on a level of getting to vicariously bar and restaurant hop through New York City with Rashida and Bill, you’ll be sitting pretty.

For my full Best of 2020 list, click through to my Letterboxd.

Chris: As the year winds down, I was glad to finally catch up with Nanni Moretti’s Santiago, Italia, the first full-length documentary from the Italian master. Moretti’s films – many have been released stateside, few with adequate praise – are often deeply critical of Italian society as well as of a working life in the arts, even as he clearly relishes his occupation, but Santiago offers a rare glimpse of national pride from Moretti through the lens of a single event: the housing and protection of prominent Chilean leftists by the Italian embassy in Santiago following the military bombing of La Moneda and Allende’s subsequent (alleged) suicide in 1973. Moretti cedes the floor mainly to the survivors of the coup d’etat, who give startling detail to the well-reported events and emanate a warm yet skeptical view of the homeland they left, both in real life and in their memory, but the film is spiciest when the director confronts members of the fascist forces. When one attempts to talk about the killing and framing of thousands as the unintended result of tough decisions, Moretti pushes back, but when an officer tries to play victim after being jailed taking part in the slaughter, Moretti doesn’t allow him to excuse his behavior at all. “I thought this would be an unbiased interview,” the officer says, to which Moretti responds, “To be clear, I am not unbiased. Not at all.” Truly astonishing to watch a professional go for the jugular and not fall all over themselves to explain why the murderous, unrepentant fascist should be treated with respect.

Also, we will be getting into it on the show but there’s no way for me to concisely explain what an abomination Wonder Woman 1984 is on every level. There is no single successful part of the movie, unless you count the fact that they were, in fact, able to release the movie for the small price of helping ensure the collapse of theatrical exhibition and distribution. To attempt to talk about the film’s noxious political and social subtext in this newsletter would only result in a Pepe Silvia situation.

Eric: Well, I finally saw First Cow so that was good. However, I know you don't care about that stuff. You listen to this show! So let me tell you the usual toilet of trash I've been dipping into. Been going through erotic domestic thrillers from the mid 80s to the mid 90s lately, which kicked off with the truly bizarre Pacific Heights. Then came the superb madness that is the Rutger Hauer movie Past Midnight which supposedly Tarantino rewrote some of landing him an associate producer credit. Paul Giamatti is a young stable boy for a scene! Yes, it truly has everything. Also checked out early Curtis Hanson in the form of The Bedroom Window starring Steve Guttenberg. You've heard of Guttenberg, but see him here as he's Guttengood! Kinda odd to see him acting alongside Isabelle Huppert. Also Wallace Shawn as a hard-ass defense attorney. Might've been the best new discovery of the month. As far as holiday movies go, took in Christmas Evil (1980) which is kinda outstanding. In the truly bad movie department definitely take in Assassin 33 A.D. (2020) which is about Muslims using time travel science to go back in time and assassinate... Jesus Christ. It's a wild vile evangelical romp. 

Steve: It's been a while, dear reader, and I've watched so much crap! As you know (as I make you know) my wife and I spend most of December watching Hallmark, Lifetime and even weirder Holiday movies ad nauseum. It's a fun way to while the hours away as the world dies, and this year was no exception! The good one we watched was Happiest Season, on Hulu, which had a really strong cast led by an extremely sympathetic and like-able Kristen Stewart, and a legitimately funny Daniel Levy. So those are good things! It had a nice little message even though some of the characters are so vile, they are hard to forgive. Anywhoo, was it GOOD GOOD, like When Harry Met Sally? No. Was it good for these movies, absofuckinglutely.

On the flip side, we saw one of the craziest movies I've ever put in my eyes, A New York Christmas Wedding on Netflix, a MarVista Christmas joint, so you know it's going to be fundamentally unhinged. It's the story of a woman (Nia Fairweather) who's about to marry the wrong man when she has an It's a Wonderful Life kind of angelic intervention that shows her what her life would have been if she had told her best friend that she loved her. Interesting premise, no? Well, sure, but what if I told you that the woman she could've married is FUCKING DEAD in the current timeline, and oh, the angel intervening? He's just the ghost of the baby that woman aborted. So, yeah. Totally normal stuff from the MarVista folks. If you're looking for even more Christmas fair from old Sajdak, I'd invite you to listen to last month's Bad Romance podcast, hosted by friend of the show Jourdain Searles and the hilarious Brownyn Isaac. They had me and Jenn on to talk A Very Merry Mixup, which I assure you is a very weird one. 

In real movie news, folks...I didn't like Tenet. I just couldn't get there. A handful of exciting set pieces and a really fun Robert Pattinson performance does not a good movie make. It's my least favorite Nolan by a mile, and I don't know if repeated viewings will help and I found the overall conceit so convoluted and the world so dull I'm not hankering to find out.  I'll be tempted to scream "Inverted bullets my ass, McBain!" to a very confused Christopher Nolan if I ever get the chance to meet him. (To which I hope he says to his wife, "Emma, my stylish heart is breaking.")

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 
Jason in Bexley, Ohio, who asks: 

"What's a movie you've covered that has completely disappeared from your memory banks. You know you did an episode on it, but can't remember a thing about it?"

Andrew: I love this question because it’s another reminder for me that after doing this show for 10 years, I’ve likely forgotten much more than I remember. I had to scroll back through the episode list on our website to give me some ideas and here’s what I’ve got: I could not for the life of me tell you what the film Off Beat (episode 48) was about. I know Judge Reinhold is in it, but that’s about it. Similarly with Perfect Stranger (episode 75). I’m pretty sure Halle Berry and Bruce Willis are in it, but other than that I’m all out of ideas. Okay, here’s one final example: Don’t Tell Her It’s Me (episode 273). I’ve got no idea what the film is and have zero memory doing an episode on it. I just had to look this thing up on IMDb. The Goot was in it?


Chris: I am currently going through the list now and this is genuinely tough. Even if I don’t remember every minute of a movie, I tend to be able to recall the general outline and a handful of scenes. Extensive drug use has caused some bruising on my ability to remember things, but not nearly enough. That being said, I genuinely don’t think I remember anything about New Nightmare, aside from the cover art of the VHS box. The Wrong Guys and A Good Day to Die Hard would also be ones where I remember one scene or two and that’s just about it. I hope to forget more of this shit as the years go on and my doctors assure me that will be the case.

Eric: What's funny is I remember only so much about this podcast in general, like whenever I upload an older episode to YouTube or something I get a ping of "ugh, what dumb shit did I say about this movie?"  In terms of a complete memory bank wipe, I think Ultraviolet is up there. I cannot tell you a single thing about that movie today. I think that might've been part of the problem in the episode too? I have zero, absolute zero memory of the movie or podcast episode that is I Know Who Killed Me. A few other contenders: Anti-Trust, Winter's Tale, and 976-Evil. Thankfully there's no reason to ever go back to any of these movies. 

Steve: Oh lord, this is tough. So many to choose from! For one, it's funny scanning through the episode log on our website because, back in the OLD days not all of us were on every episode and there's some that are literal head scratchers like, Winter's Tale (#186)...what the hell is that? But that's not what you're asking Jason...

I guess the ones that pop out for me are Date With an Angel (#134) which is a case where I remember more of our Peter Falk jokes than the movie itself. Oh, and CONFESSION TIME. I'm pretty sure I must've been having a bad time personally that night we had to watch it but man, did Heart Condition (#77) rub me the wrong way...so much so, that I literally fast forwarded through parts just to make it through, so yeah. I don't remember a whole lot of that other than Kurt Rambis being strongly featured. It's the ONLY time in the show's history I ever did that and I think as punishment, Kurt Rambis went on to be one of the worst coaches in Knicks history. That's Karma, folks.

JANUARY SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out for (some of) The Worst of 2020! 

Episode 524 — Wonder Woman 1984

Episode 525 — Dolittle 

Episode 526 — Fantasy Island

Episode 527 — Bad Boys For Life


Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Birds of Prey: And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn

Animation Damnation — The Lego Star Wars Holiday Special 

The Nexus: TOS: "A Piece of the Action" (s2, e17) TNG: "Peak Performance" (s2, e22)

Gleep Glossary: Mister Bones

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION





If you're not subscribed to our Youtube Channel you are missing out on a ton of great content! We're going to be live streaming all Mailbags going forward (we'll be doing them on a semi-monthly basis depending on letters and our own schedule), last month we did a Holiday Mailbag with Santa hats and everything! We're also going to be extracting the VHS Trailer game from all episodes going forward so that they can live on their own with Felipe's fantastic artwork. Eric has also put out great clip packages like Muppet Hitchcock Presents, Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. You can also find full episodes like The Karate Kid, I, Frankenstein, and The Devil's Advocate! There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric and ben talk a low point of the show, Death on the Line! Also, did you know that The Current PRESIDENT stopped by for a full interview last month? It's a doozey! Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We've got awesome designs like The VHS Trailer Game logo, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more and more to come! 

That's gonna do it for this month's dispatch, thanks as always for your incredible support we're looking forward to having the best WHM year on record with you folks. Count on it! 

Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies