Big Daddy Dispatch: December 2020 (Patreon)

Dispatch Forty Nine, November 27th, 2020



Hello WHM Family!

We did it! You people said it couldn't be done, but we did it! A whole month of podcasts dedicated to the memory of Anthony Wilford Brimely (Tony, to his friends)! A whole month of "surl," a whole month of "goddamn-oot" and a whole month of that beautiful mustache. So, that just brings us to the month of December, which...hmm...is December special? Well, there's Christmas, and Hallmark movies, and OH YEAH, WE LOVE MOVIES MONTH!

With no false modesty, that we unveil the biggest and dare we say, best month of programming in the show's history! From stone cold American classics to lens-flare-ridden big budget blockbusters, this December has it all! 

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit:  The Brimley Shredder by Felipe Sobreiro

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 513 – My Fellow Americans

Josh Lewis of the mighty Sleazoids podcast stops by the pod to discuss this gem from the Cannon Group’s extensive Bronson catalog, in which the Death Wish legend goes on the hunt for a literal lady killer while also dealing with a new, stuffy partner. Is Brimley the only man Bronson respects in this world? What are the real dangers of being a murderer who works strictly in the nude? Is it not just a bit gauche to be talking about your dead daughter’s sex life at her funeral? Does the partner ever get his nose out of Bronson’s ass? The short answer is no, and the long answer is also no.Happy Election Day! Hail Mammon! And So On! Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve go to the polls with America to see whether Jack Lemmon or James Garner is a better near-corpse/future leader of the free world in My Fellow Americans! Co-starring Wilford Brimley cast against type as the head of the DNC. No, seriously, is Brimley really supposed to be the head of the Democrats? Okay, whatever, movie! Does the secret service always fumble domestic assassination attempts this badly? Why isn’t Walter Matthau here to be the horny president? Are they seriously talking about Dan Quayle again? We’ll see how this all goes, folks! (Update: We are marginally less fucked for the time being…arguably!)Episode 514 — 10 to Midnight

Episode 515 –  Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins

The gang heads straight towards a collective aneurysm as they discuss one of the most requested titles in the show’s history, Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins, starring Fred Willard as the titular would-be American James Bond. Was Hollywood’s long history of racism not storied enough without Joel Grey in this movie? What’s with all these boring-ass training sequences? Are these Kate Mulgrew scenes really supposed to be from the same movie? Have the guys ever cumulatively disliked something as much as this in recent memory? And honestly, Joel Grey, what the fuck? We simultaneously need answers and do not want them at all.

Episode 516 – The China Syndrome (PATRONS ONLY)

For this month’s WLM, the boys go back to the 1970s to worry about nuclear meltdowns and expose cover-ups with Jack Lemmon, Brimley, and Jane Fonda in The China Syndrome. How hard is Lemmon’s character trying to score with Fonda’s hard-nosed reporter? Will the government find out about Brimley’s controversial second lunch protocol? Did Adam McKay rip-off about 34% of this for Anchorman? Sit back, grab yourself some hand ham, and enjoy!

Episode 517 – The Firm



To end our grand send-off to Sir Wilford Brimley, Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve come back around to his biggest hit, Sydney Pollack’s long-as-fuck adaptation of infamously normal man John Grisham’s tale of a young, hardscrabble East Coast lawyer who takes down a deeply corrupt Southern tax-law firm, led by Brimley, Hal Holbrook, and an extra-horny Gene Hackman. Is this episode seriously as long as this fucking movie? Could we get a lot less Terry Kinney and a lot more Brimley and Gary Busey? Does anyone in this movie have a normal goddamn name? Prepare yourself for many, many shots of fax machines.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew: Last week I procured a PS5 so a lot of my time has been dedicated to playing Bugsnax incessantly. Gotta say, it’s the exact right balance of totally bizarre story, kind of adorable characters, pretty gross body horror, and super chill soundtrack. I just finished it a couple of nights ago and it was a ball. 

On the film front, I’m currently doing a little Bondvember for myself. I have the 50th Anniversary Bond set on blu-ray so I’ve been going back through those—at a snail’s pace though. At this rate, I’ll be celebrating Bondcember as well. I’m going in order and am up to one of my favorites, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service with George Lazenby. For the uninitiated with Bond, that means I’ve already watched (chronologically) Dr. No, From Russia with Love, Goldfinger, Thunderball and You Only Live Twice, which definitely does NOT hold up in parts, including Bond being “turned Japanese”— YIKES! 

I also picked up the John Wick Trilogy on 4K UHD and I’ve so far gone back through the first two and had a blast. I remembered really liking John Wick, but taking issue with John Wick: Chapter 2 in several places. However, this time it was all gravy when I watched both back-to-back. I think I’m currently at a place where I’m fine with these movies just being Keanu killing endless assassins and hit-peole. I don’t care. It’s fun. You wanna run around Italian catacombs killing people, John Wick? You go right ahead. Stoked to revisit part three also. 


Chris: Certainly not watching that fat piece-of-shit president anymore! Well, maybe a little, when he’s really sad, but that’s it! Anyway, on with what really matters: sweet, sweet content.

As we are gearing up to release our episode on Citizen Kane, I took the chance recently to take a look at the few scattered Welles projects I wasn’t familiar with, most prominently his final official movie, The Immortal Story, which is a little over 60 minutes long and encapsulates a cornucopia of feelings and ideas about the nature of adaptation and, well, death. The story is short: an elderly wealthy man in Macao asks his accountant to procure him a woman who would serve as the mother to a child that will inherit his fortune, as well as a young man to provide the, er, ingredients, in an attempt to recreate a well-known fable told by fishermen. It’s gorgeously shot and includes a solid late performance from Welles as the old man and from the incomparable Jeanne Moreau as the woman who takes the job, but what Welles accomplishes in this modest runtime is remarkable. He does nothing short of lay out a spiritual guide to filmmaking, demonstrating that merely retelling a story is not (and cannot be) the vocation of any artist, that the details of class, nationality, and intimate personal experience cannot be withheld from art, even if the main reason for its existence is to provide a living legacy to capital and the men who best consolidate it.

As for more recent releases, it’s been bleak out there, folks. I was mildly surprised by Freaky, Chris Landon’s peppy, generously gory spin on Freaky Friday, mostly for the invigorating kills and Vince Vaughn’s acute and shockingly funny performance. If Landon ever learns how to do any visual world-building and make his films feel like more than a collection of scenes put in vague chronological order, he could really prove to be a force to reckon with. I have less kind things to say about Fatman, the blue-collar action-hero Santa movie starring noted anti-semite Mel Gibson as King Klaus himself. It’s the kind of movie that vaguely criticizes corporatization, technological supremacy, and governmental control but also seems to view them as necessary evils that you can only grumpily huff at, whereas the shitty-ness of "Kids These Days", pride in any accomplishment aside from business ownership, and protestants are things that must be snuffed out at all costs. The sad thing is that Gibson still has presence ultimately and makes this thing watchable where a Seagal or a Van Damme or even a Statham simply would not be able to prop it up. Even so, unless you are a Walton Goggins completist, I would suggest skipping it.

Eric: I recently did a bit of catch-up and finally sat down for Happy Death Day and Happy Death Day 2U, gotta say, I really dug it. It was a fun double feature and the first film was superior but I definitely appreciate the moxie 2U has in that it's a bit of Primer mixed in there. If you haven't yet, I recommend watching them back to back. I feel like I would've been chasing my own tail remembering things from the first movie without ha, the primer. But now I am talking about primer like a paint and not the major motion picture. 

I also saw Unhinged. Uh, I'll have what he's having! Fun, fat maniac movie. Speaking of fat maniacs, I also have been watching the absolute worst shit ever for no reason. Maybe we'll get to these on the podcast when we run out of movies in 2055: Ticker (2001) with Dennis Hopper, Steven Seagal, a brief Ice-T moment, Tom Sizemore, deep cast and yet terrible and oh, don't forget I watched The Double O-Kid with Corey Haim, John Rhys-Davies, Wallace Shawn, and Brigitte Nielsen. The best part of Double O-Kid was when they drove by a marquee for Batman Returns. 

Steve: Barnes and Noble did their semi-annual 50% off Criterion Collection sale and I needed shit to watch as my life continues to whittle away in quarantine, so i went hog wild! As mentioned on our China Syndrome episode I did a blind buy of Klute and folks, I was not disappointed. It's a beautiful piece of filmmaking anchored by an astonishingly lived in and realistic performance by Jane Fonda. Just a WOW, kind of a film. Also, watching young Donald Sutherland makes you realize what a complete PIECE OF WOOD his son turned out to be, acting wise. The apple fell very far from the tree indeed, Mister Wayne. Yeesh. 

I also gave Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai another spin, which is just a beautiful piece of idiosyncratic filmmaking that only Jim Jarmusch seems capable of achieving. It's a perfect love letter to the diversity of East Coast cities, specifically the accepted strangeness you happen to find when living in close quarters and seeing the same folks wandering your streets week after week. "Oh, that's that crazy Haitian ice cream guy, who'll talk your ear off even though he knows you can't understand him, there's that big fat guy that thinks he's a Samurai, what's up Ghost Dog! And of course, there's those old Italian guys smoking cigarettes outside of a Chinese restaurant...how's it going, the mafia!" Also, what an absolutely tremendous presence Forrest Whitaker has in this film. Just wow! But would it kill you, Mr. Jarmusch, to let him use that Samurai Sword on one gangster? Just one beheading? Please! 

On the other fronts, I just finished Hari Kunzru's Red Pill which I firmly don't recommend you reading when I did, before the election, but after the election and specifically the last week or so, yes, please read. I prefer White Tears, ultimately, but this is a perfect encapsulation of the sneering, "You mad, dude?" attitude of the Alt Right that makes any sensible, caring person want to pull their hair out. A real triumph in so many regards. Please read it!

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

It's the Holiday Season, so let's do two questions this month!

The first comes from Jaime in Mobile, Alabama, who asks: 

"What’s the best fan experience you’ve had? A fan of WHM approaching you or emailing you etc."

Andrew: I don’t know if I can name a favorite fan experience, but I’ll tell you the kind that always gets me: whenever I hear from someone that the show has helped them through some sort of hard time or bad situation. Any time I’m told that this ridiculous endeavor we started ten years ago is in any way helping someone or making things just a little bit easier, even if it’s temporary, it’s still surprising and totally humbling to me.

Chris: I don’t have a singular event. I must say, it is very nice when people hand you are handed free rare film paraphernalia, booze, and random intoxicants, and highly encourage further actions of that sort. That being said, the fan experiences that convince me that what I am doing is not, in fact, a highly complicated variation of jerking myself off is reading letters from workers. We get a lot of mail – some of which we’ve read on the mailbag – that comes from warehouse works, cubicle jockeys, and all other sorts of laborers who write about us getting them through grueling hours at jobs they usually don’t like. If I am able to see any sincere worth in what we do, it comes from the comfort and humor we afford people who are genuinely struggling to get through the day. As someone who has hated 90% of the jobs he’s had, I know the worth of good distractions.

Eric: Every one of those moments rule. I don't have many friends outside the guys on the podcast so when someone walks up to me and knows me extremely well, uh, hello new friend! Absolutely do not have to catch this person up on my life, welcome! 

I particularly remember meeting @SzyszkaFanatic the guy on Twitter who runs the account that quotes me. He's been doing it 5 years? Maybe more? I think people used to think I ran that account. That'd be far too up my own ass, I couldn't imagine. At least not without a flashlight! So this buzzed up hellion approached us backstage at the Gramercy Theatre in New York and asked for a photo with me, and we embraced for a picture. He never said who he was and I had to find out from Twitter it was the Fanatic! See for me that's like realizing that guy Bruce Wayne I just met is also Batman. Shocker! 

Steve: I've had a real blast meeting anybody that's ever stopped me in person to say "hi" it's always welcome and always is a highlight of the day. Specifically, I guess I'll call out this guy that approached me and my wife and my mother-in-law at a James Joyce event in Philadelphia. He was an incredibly nice guy but also was a good way to show my mother-in-law (who's super supportive of all this), that people do actually listen to this show. Not bad!  Also I will echo Andrew here and say that any time someone has written in via email that we've helped them through an emotionally tough time, it's just totally staggering. It's not something I ever expected to happen, but I'm very lucky that this incredibly stupid enterprise has been able to, in any small way, make someone feel a little better while going through something shitty. It's a huge honor and one I take really seriously.

Our last question of 2020 (God that was satisfying to write) comes from Anthony, in New Castle, California who asks:

"Hey I’m a senior in high school and am applying to SUNY Purchase for filmmaking. I was wondering if you guys had any advice or anything you’d like to share from your time at that school?" 

Andrew: Well, reading this question instantly made me feel so old that I immediately died, so my skeleton will be answering the rest of this. No, I dunno. Wow, congrats on considering Purchase! I’ll say this, I had an absolute blast all four years I was at that school and I don’t know what I could’ve done differently to make it any better. It was a stone cold blast. Tips to consider would be: Your first week on-campus, find the person on your hall that has a car and befriend them immediately. Also, make sure you wait 30 minutes after eating at the dining hall before doing anything else. It’s a literal crap shoot as to whether you’ll need to hit the can after eating. And finally, take it easy on your first Culture Shock. Those weekends gets fucking crazy, so don’t over-do it on fried Oreos and beer like I did.  

Chris: Make sure to have something to work on, whether that is a long book/series of books, a list of movies you’ve meant to get through, a top 100 records of the 70s list, or something similar, for when you are not working on your own artwork and filmmaking. It was helpful for me to have my own small project in the back of my mind to go back to when I was overwhelmed or bored or what have you. Also, the bathrooms in the music building are the nicest and were the easiest to grab free toilet paper from in my experience. Things may have changed, however, so keep your head on a swivel and keep an eye out for good toilets, which is probably the best advice to give for life in general.

Eric: Yo, does Terre Ve still make those garlic/white pizza slices? Let me know when you get there. I think that was the food spot next to the uh buildings, kinda near the mall but kinda near the dorms?  (EDITOR'S NOTE: Campus Center South was the building)

Also do not make the mistakes I made in college. Honestly, I remember trying to get my life together upon moving to college and some people on my hall freshman year mocking my intent to go to the gym so then I just like didn't go? Until like 2 years after college? Anyway, focus on yourself. It can be like anywhere a bit 'high school'-ish, but just do you. DO YOU. Also yeah, masturbate of course. Another don't from my time at SUNY Purchase is vote for John Kerry. Man, what a disaster that turned out to be. I don't think I voted in the Democractic primary in 2004 but I remember that election so keenly because it was the first Presidential race I could vote in. 

If you do get into the film program, don't be a snob to media studies or cinema studies folks. That's an important rule right there. A lot of smug shit-don't-stinkers around the conservatory, but let me assure you, Anthony! Your shit stinks! I can smell it from here. Also take over the campus Film Society which is a club WE founded that I think is still going. Anyway, I also co-sign Andrew: it is a blast. You can find a lot of fun there. I am personally thankful for having the college campus experience vs having gone to somewhere like NYU where you're just loose in a city. City will always be there. Campus? My friend, you can't loiter years after you graduate turns out! 

Steve: The only advice I can give is get the hell out of your comfort zone. I was a fairly insulated Bronx kid, going to my first ever non-Catholic school, and I have to say everything I learned outside of the classroom was more important than anything I learned in a lecture hall, and almost, almost makes that crippling debt worth it! I got to meet a ton of different folks and made friends and saw a bunch of new shit that I never would've been exposed to otherwise which 110% made me a better and more interesting person. So do that. See stuff and do stuff that you might've been afraid to try before. I decided to get out of my shell, act a bit, help start a sketch comedy team that's the beginning of a straight line that leads right to this podcast and this mailbag. Crazy stuff.

DECEMBER SCHEDULE

Say what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're putting out for WE LOVE MOVIES MONTH! 

Episode 518 — Citizen Kane

Episode 519 — Fargo 

Episode 520 — Batman Returns with Jamelle Bouie

Episode 521 — The Muppet Christmas Carol

Episode 522 — A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)*


Patreon Episodes:

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring**

Animation Damnation — Batman: Mask of the Phantasm 

The Nexus: Star Trek (2009)

Gleep Glossary: Yoda

The Mandalorian Half-Hour: Chapters 14, 15, and 16

Patreon Exclusive Synchable Commentary: Die Hard

*I can't believe we have to write that. Fucking remakes. 

**Some people have asked if we're going Extended or Theatrical here, the answer as of November 25th is...kind of both? Some of us will have seen the Theatrical, some the Extended, but we'll probably be talking mostly about the Theatrical. 

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION



Just a reminder that we are donating 100% of all profits we receive from our Tee Public store in the year of 2020 to great causes supporting the Black Lives Matter movement, combating Police Brutality, and supporting racial justice. You can donate directly here or you can donate by buying some SICK WHM merch like our newly designed Egg Lawyer T-Shirt, or for the VHS Trailer Game (pictured). 




If you're not subscribed to our Youtube Channel you are missing out on a ton of great content! We're going to be live streaming all Mailbags going forward (we'll be doing them on a semi-monthly basis depending on letters and our own schedule), last month we did an EXTRA SPOOKY mailbag, which featured Eric in a full Krennic costume! We're also going to be extracting the VHS Trailer game from all episodes going forward so that they can live on their own with Felipe's fantastic artwork. Eric has also put out great clip packages like Egg Lawyer, Lak Sivrak, the Wolfman of Star Wars, Peyton Manning V. Alien V. Predator, , President Nerd, Michael Biehn at Comic Con, Loose Loomis, and many more! Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. You can also find full episodes like Urban Legend, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday, and The Devil's Advocate! There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

This month on Hooked on T.J. Hooker: Eric and Ben are back and making fun of the blue! This month that rotten son of a bitch, Stephen Sajdak joins the crew to talk about Tom Atkins and a mother-fucking BATTLE VAN! Listen here!

That's gonna do it for this month's dispatch, thanks as always for your incredible support throughout this deeply shitty year. Here's wishing you and yours a very safe and healthy Holiday Season and New Year!

Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies