Big Daddy Dispatch: December 2019 (Patreon)

    Is this email not displaying correctly?
View it in your browser.                            
Dispatch Thirty Seven, November 25th, 2019
 

Hello WHM Family!
 

What a crazy and productive month it's been for your favorite movie men  (maybe second favorite? We'll take that too.) We played four incredible  shows for four incredible crowds, many of whom will be receiving this  newsletter. On our feed we put out two more entries on the amazing &  cursed Terminator franchise, started a new bonus show re-capping The Mandalorian, dropped a long forgotten synchable commentary on Revenge of the Sith, and also found the time to re-visit Adam Sandler's shittiest film. Whew. Even writing that was exhausting.
 

But we're just getting warmed up for the BIGGEST month in show history,  you're gonna want to scroll down and peep your eyes on our schedule for  December and We Love Movies month, cuz it's gonna blow your ass away  like a thermite rocket hitting the side of Alkatraz Island. 

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro
Image Credit: Jack Nicholson in Kindergarten Cop by Josh Kampf
 

LAST MONTH ON WHM 

Episode 451 – Terminator Salvation with David Sims
 

The gang welcomes friend of the show David Sims of The Atlantic and Blank Check with Griffin and David into the studio to talk about McG's ridiculous Terminator  sequel, featuring Christian Bale yelling and whispering a lot as John  Conner. Is it really supposed to be a secret that Sam Worthington is a  robot? Did John Connor start the first podcast? Why do some of the  terminators have costumes? Could Bryce Dallas Howard have been replaced  by a big cardboard sign that says 'wife character? ' They should have  kept Bale's behind-the-scenes flip-out in the movie, honestly. 

Episode 452 – I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry
 

The  boys tango with arguably the worst of all the Adam Sandler turds, in  which the Sandman must get married to oafish fellow firefighter Kevin  James to ensure James' kids get his benefits if he dies. Who thought it  was okay for Adam Sandler to drop this many F-bombs in 2007? More  pointedly, who thought that you could do that and then end your movie  with a condescending call for gay rights? Has Tom Wilkinson finished  making his Eternal Sunshine machine so we can collectively  erase this movie from our minds? All this, plus yet another inexplicable  Rob Schneider appearance.
 

Episode 453 – The Terminator (PATREON EXCLUSIVE)  

 For this month's We Love Movies, Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric revisit the OG Terminator, just in time for the horrid Terminator: Dark Fate. Why does Paul Winfield know exactly where  Tech Noir is? Can we see Arnold's flopping manhood amongst the shadows  in the opening minutes? How much does it cost to get your picture taken  with Michael Biehn? How many times can a crushing-factory manager turn  down a man who wants to have his balls popped by an industrial press?  Didn't see that last one coming, did ya?
 

Episode 454 – Kindergarten Cop (Live in Portland!)
 

Recorded  in Portland's beautiful Aladdin Theater, the boys go all-in on Arnold's  first pairing with Ivan Reitman for the family-friendly story of a  bloodthirsty cop who goes undercover in a kindergarten class to hunt  down a witness against a murderous drug trafficker. Is their any  precedence for how hard Arnold cucks his nemesis in this movie? Will  Steve ever be reunited with his ex-wife and child? How do we attain the  parallel universe movie where Jack Nicholson plays Kimball? Watch out  for rogue Jesse Ventura impressions! 

Episode 455 – The Karate Kid (Live in Los Angeles)

Recorded  at the Hollywood Improv to close out the West Coast tour, the gang hits  the mats to talk about the biggest sensation of 1984, The Karate Kid, in which a despicable child learns karate by becoming the volunteer superintendent of an old man's  house. How much faith does LaRusso's mom put into swimming pools to  heal the ills of the world? Who could possibly stand listening to  LaRusso talk for longer than 15 seconds? Are they seriously doing all of  Pat Morita's lines in Peter Falk's voice? Yes. Yes, they are.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?
 

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies  related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month:  TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.
 

Andrew: Like  I'm sure many of us are, I've been hitting the Disney+ lineup pretty  hard the last few days. After being on the road recently, it was great  to come home and just settle in with the warming, glowing, warming glow  of nostalgia by watching a crap-ton of old shorts and cartoons from my  youth. I have to say, if you're using Disney+ on Apple TV—and this may  be the same for other platforms as well—if you go to the search function  it actually brings up a bunch of different categories you can pick from  instead of searching for one single title. One of these categories  that's totally invaluable is called "Disney Through the Decades" (or  something like that) and it maps out shorts, films and television series  by decade which has allowed me to really dive into some of those shorts  from the '20s and '30s. I had no memory of how truly fucked up Steamboat Willie was  until I watched it in its entirety the other night. Sure, we all  remember cute, little Mickey Mouse steering that steamboat's wheel and  whistling a jaunty tune. But does anyone remember the part where a cow,  strung up by some bizarre harness, shoots a bunch of hot milk in  Mickey's face? Or how about the part where Mickey grabs a goose by the  belly and starts pulling on its neck, effectively playing it like some  fucked up bagpipe? I absolutely love dated, weird cartoons and so yeah,  Disney+ is kind of my heaven right now.   

Chris: Well, folks, I started watching Succession,  and I mostly like it. The show is riveting in terms of performance and  dialogue, and a staggering mediocrity in almost every other sense.  This  tends to be the case with every HBO dramas/dramedy that I don’t  outright love—shows like The Wire, The Sopranos, Deadwood, Six Feet Under, Boardwalk Empire come to mind—so  that’s not to be taken as a major slight. Certainly not as bad as when I  say that about a movie. It is an outright triumph of casting, in that  every single character seems to immediately meld with the performer and  feels instantly lived-in, which is quite a feat considering the  genuinely outlandish way these characters tend to talk. There's not much  world-building, but they do a good job of detailing a compelling  version of Our Modern Day and the inner workings of media conglomerates.
 

It's very fun to watch but it doesn’t stay with me the way the  aforementioned shows do, and I think that has a lot to do with the way  the show looks, namely like garbage. The production design and wardrobe  are superb but there's no weight to any of the images, even when the  actors are conveying tremendous emotional turmoil or the rare roaring  gasp of joy. Armstrong and the series' directors choose the Steadicam  look, which allows for more freedom, improvisation, and urgency, and  though the show regularly evokes of the last of those three, the other  two rarely come up. There are no shots that surprise me or make me  investigate the entire image, not just the person or object at the  center of that narrative moment. There’s plenty of compositional acumen  at play, but it's nearly always in service of the larger narrative  rather than nuances of character that go beyond the immense skills of  the performers. You might say that the best thing to do when you have  great performances is to stand out of the way and just give them the  space. Fair enough, but truly great shows are able to do both.
 

Otherwise, the movie year is coming to an end, and I've seen most of the  movies I've wanted to see this year. There are few majors that I  haven’t screened yet – Little Women, Marriage Story, Uncut Gems, Rise of Skywalker, and Richard Jewell  are my big blind spots – but the end of the year is often a lot more  about the mediocre stuff that might get Oscar/Globes nods than actual  good movies. I saw Waves, which is mostly good but also a bit empty, which has been my feeling for most Trey Edward Schults movies. Jojo Rabbit made me feel nothing mostly, with a few blips of outrage scattered about, which is more than I can say for the abhorrent Terminator: Dark Fate,  the worst of the franchise by a country mile. To avoid this being  mostly negative, I will say I really enjoyed both Craig Brewer's Dolemite Is My Name and Eric Notarnicola's Mister America,  two strong comedies given considerable extra oomph from mesmerizing  lead performances by Eddie Murphy and Tim Heidecker, respectively.
 

Eric: Well, as you fine folks know, we're re-capping The Mandalorian  on this very Patreon! So far, I'm happier than a pig in shit over this  show. If you haven't heard our main feed freebie on Chapter 1, check it  out, and then jump into Chapter 2 which is on Patreon at the $8 level—I'm sure there's a Chapter 3 ep up by now too. So with that and all other Star Wars mania going on, I have begun rewatching all the Star Wars films and so far I'm through the entire prequel trilogy about to ride into Solo and Rogue One then OT and the rest of the ST. I've issued this hot take on Twitter already but I now firmly believe The Phantom Menace  is the best prequel. A good lightsaber fight goes a long way, and you  get Ewan McGregor interacting with Liam Neeson which is great because  he's a physical human being and not a CG Gleep Glop like that  unforgivable Yoda. Other than all THAT, I saw The Lighthouse which I really dug. I also saw Doctor Sleep which, while enjoyable, I think falls into those IT movie traps of being overlong and overstuffed. JUST GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY ALREADY! 

Steve:  Lots of what I've been watching will be gracing year earbuds in the  near future because it's just that kinda month, but I did have time to  squeeze in some other stuff worth mentioning.
 

When I was in Los Angeles I skipped the Terminator: Dark Fate screening with the rest of my compatriots and instead checked out Noah Baumbach's newest Marriage Story at the Vista Theatre—which I can't recommend enough—and I really loved it. I haven't done a proper top 5 or 10 as it's a bit premature for the year (and I feel like Uncut Gems  is gonna upset that apple cart in a big, bad way next month) but that  certainly would be on it. It's a great 70's throwback in the best of  ways, just these two huge star performances battling against each other  with big monologues and moments that made it feel even-handed even if  was mostly about Adam Driver. It's also nice to see actors that I like  play real people with real emotions that have nothing to do with Thanos,  the Force or pretending to be an Asian woman for no reason. Stay in  your lane, ScarJo, cuz I want you to be good! 
 

I started HBO's Watchmen and three episodes in ... I think I  like it? I'm giving it a wide runway. I love the actors. I'm really into  Jean Smart playing Laurie, giving that character the nuance and depth  that she deserves at last (with zero apologies to Malin Ackerman) and I  also kind of love whatever the hell Jeremy Irons is doing as Adrian  Veidt. It's just a batshit and ballsy performance and you can tell he's  having a ball, and as a general rule whenever Jeremy Irons is having fun  I'm sure to follow suit. For new characters I think Regina King is  killing it as Sister Night and Tim Blake Nelson is really fun to watch  as well.SPOILER ALERT HERE: Don Johnson was gone too soon for my tastes but I'm sure there'll be a flashback or two.  So the acting: Great! The story: is...unfolding, but I alternately  think it's a really cool and smart way to contemporize the material and  make it it's own thing. Then another scene happens and I'm like, "is  this the stupidest show on television??" Time will tell dear readers!  Time will tell. Oh and don't shout out spoliers to me on this one on  Twitter because I'm constantly running 2 or 3 episodes behind.
 

Oh, and in comic book news I just picked up the trade of Tom King's The Vision run and read three issues and I'm already in fucking love.
 

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND     
 

December's entry comes from Daniel from Bowling Green, KY, who asks:
 "If you could eliminate a single Christmas/Holiday song from existence, which one would it be?"
 

Andrew: Without  hesitation: "Dominick the Donkey." Fuck that shit. No other holiday  tune makes me want to jerk the wheel and drive my car into a ravine. I  would welcome the flaming pile of wreckage that would become my coffin  over ever hearing that song again.
 

Chris: Look, I'm a big fan of The Boss – Born in the USA, Tunnel of Love, Nebraska, The River, The E-Sreet Shuffle  are all incredible records. The guy is essentially unimpeachable and  belongs alongside Dylan, Nick Cave, Tom Waits, Scott Walker, Joni  Mitchell, and the rest of them as one of the all-time great lyricists.  That being said, his version of Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town  makes me want to swallow C4. It just goes on and on and on, and as much  as I'm sure it's riveting for those who see him do it live, it is  hobo-length fingernails on the chalkboard to me when it inevitably comes  on the radio as soon as the clock turns 12:01 AM on November 29th.
 

Eric: All  of them. I honestly cannot stand this holiday. It's just family nagging  set to the backdrop of endless materialism. Jesus was born and he wants  you to buy a goddamn Hess truck. Well, finally, a single man is brave  enough to say NO. The only things I'd say is fine to keep is the Bing  Crosby/David Bowie "Little Drummer Boy" song because it's an oddity and  "O Tannenbaum" cause trees are cool.  Steve: INSIDER  INFO: I put this newsletter together after everybody's sent me their  stuff, so I get to read and react to the other guys responses. So I can  say: Eric is a heartless monster (who knew!), Chris is dead right on  that rotten Springsteen tune, and Andrew doesn't understand the Italian  American experience. Being a full 25% and culturally more than that I  must say that that song just makes me smile in all the right ways. He's a  donkey and he's there to help Santa out—ONLY IN ITALY! Checks out.
 

My most hated Christmas song? I think society as a whole would be  strenghtened if all versions of Twelve Days of Christmas were launched  into the sun. Who needs that many fucking birds? It's an impossible goal  to set for all the prospective "true loves" out there around the  holiday season, not to mention the song is long, boring and fucking  tedious.
 

DECEMBER SCHEDULE
 

Say  what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By  subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're  putting out for our second annual WE LOVE MOVIES month:
 

Episode 456 — Die Hard with a Vengeance with Jon Gabrus
 

Episode 457 — The Rock: Live in San Francisco
 

Episode 458 — Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi
 

Episode 459 — Gremlins
 

Episode 460 — Mad Max: Fury Road
 

Patreon Episodes:
 

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — Star Wars: Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
 

Animation Damnation — Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964, Rankin & Bass)
 

The Nexus, WLM Full Episode Exclusive — Star Trek: First Contact
 

Gleep Glossary: Uncle Owen & Aunt Beru
 

We Love Movies Commentary Track: Predator (1987)
 

The Mandalorian Half Hour — Episodes 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8
 

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now! 

PATREON RSS BUG
 

If  you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not  appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a  fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering  the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of  the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed  reader." 
 

Please consult this page  and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for  any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate  your continued support!    

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION 

OH. MY. GOD. : our Youtube Channel is still kicking all kinds of ass. Did you know that you could watch our full Gone in 60 Seconds episode from the D.C. Improv? Not only that but you've got your monthly video Mail Bags, some great On-Screens (and more coming) and amazing clips of bits like Cinema Truckers, Louie Anderson as the Last Actor on Earth and James Bond's Mourned at His Favorite Restaurant and some from our Patreon commentaries, like the just released Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2, as well as old favorites like Sucker Punch, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Independence Day which  are not only fun to re-visit if you're a fan but they're also great  jumping on points for folks you want to indoctrinate into the WHM  lifestyle! Also there are full episodes to stream right on Youtube, like  Brainscan, Pet Semetary (with Griffin Newman), Venom and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes of Grindelwald there too! So watch, subscribe, and share the crap out of all this great content!
 

This month on Hooked on TJ Hooker: Eric and Ben are joined by Nathan Rabin to talk about a rotten detective that is caught drinking on the job. Listen here!
 

Head on over to the Tee Public Store where we've got our new logo (and super cool variations like the one below) on-sale
 

That's gonna do it for this month's dispatch, thanks as always for your incredible support!
 

Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies