Big Daddy Dispatch November 2019 (Patreon)

             
Dispatch Thirty Six, November 1st, 2019
 

Hello WHM Family!
 

And just like that the 2019 Halloween Spooktacular has come to a close!  But it was a tremendous Spooktacular, wasn't it folks? Many people are  saying it was the biggest and best ever. We're never ones to rest on our  laurels here at the WHM Factory so we are going right back to work in  the month of November, hitting the road and putting out TWO episodes on  Terminator movies!  

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies The Big Daddy Dispatch by Felipe Sobreiro
Image Credit: Great Party, Isn't It?  by Donald McQuaid Jr. 

FALL TOUR FINAL UPDATE: SECOND L.A. SHOW ADDED!
 

Our  bags are packed and we are just a few short days away from coming out  and meeting a ton of you great folks and playing for you live! We  couldn't be more excited about this slate, especially since we had to  add another show to accommodate the demand!
 

Wednesday, November 6th at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco we will be talking about The Rock! (This one is a WLM, believe you us)
 

Thursday, November 7th at The Aladdin Theater in Portland, Oregon we will be doing a live episode on Kindergarten Cop
 

Sunday, November 10th at the Hollywood Improv in Los Angeles: our episode on The Karate Kid is SOLD OUT! But we just added a second, earlier show at 5pm for Teen Wolf!
 

All tickets can be found on our website!  We so stoked for this tour and we can't wait to say hi to all you Big Daddies!

LAST MONTH ON WHM   Episode 445 – Friday the 13th (2009)
 

   To kick off the Spooktacular, the gang returns to Camp Crystal Lake once again to wrangle with the 2009 remake of Friday the 13th.  Did our drunken hijinks lead to this movie getting a quasi-bum rap in  our friend circle? What the hell is with these tunnels? Whose weed is  this? Is this at least partially pornography or what? Either way, keep  your eye out for probably the funniest sex scene you’ll see this year. 

Episode 446 – The Shining (PATREON EXCLUSIVE)
 

For  the October We Love Movies Patreon Exclusive, the boys take a trip up  to the Overlook Hotel to visit the Torrance family in Stanley Kubrick’s  masterwork. How are there no red flags going up during Jack’s job  interview? Did Dog Guy and Tux Man have a long love affair? Does Scatman  Crothers have the best apartment in the history of time? Is this the  best movie ever made? We also find time to reiterate just how horrible Ready Player One was. Cuz, fuck that movie.
 

Episode 447 – Final Destination 3  

Andrew, Steve, Chris, and Eric tempt the devil and watch their step as they take their second stab at the Final Destination  franchise, this time with less Tony Todd and more Mary Elizabeth  Winstead. Are we supposed to like Captain Upskirt or what? How does  Winstead not remember her sister was on the ride with her? And  seriously, how do you not give Tony Todd more screen time? The Candyman  deserves better!
 

Episode 448 – The Human Centipede (First Sequence)
 

Unfortunately,  the boys decide to confront one of the most notorious horror films of  the last two decades, and nearly lose their minds discussing it. Why  would these girls get out of the car?  Is this Alec Baldwin's favorite  movie of all time? What is the end game here? Why does this exist? No,  but seriously, why does this exist?! I beg you to explain this to me.

Episode 449 – Child's Play (Live in Chicago)

Recorded this past summer at Chicago's Thalia Hall as part of the Headgum Live showcase, the gang laid into the original Child's Play  movie, which was filmed in the Windy City.  How does any mother not  toss this child out the window the minute he starts talking about living  dolls? How much research did Chris do on the Windy City before the  show? Which member of WHM blew out their voice quickest while doing the  Chucky voice? At least there wasn’t a scene with the doll chowing down  on some deep dish.
 

Episode 450 – The Monster Squad

In  a long-overdue nostalgia-buster episode, Steve, Andrew, Eric, and Chris  team up to battle a battalion of resuscitated monsters, including Tom  Noonan and the most boring Dracula ever. Were all kids this petty and  monstrous to their teachers? What is with this kid creeping on his naked  sister? Where on Earth did Dracula get all that dynamite? WHO  IS THAT  KID WITH THE DOG AND WHERE AM I? Did Shane Black really pen this  garbage? It’s okay to like a movie and all but…this? Really?
 

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?
 

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies  related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month:  TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.
 

Andrew: Last  month, my wife and I went on a long-ish trip to Europe so, I loaded up  my iPad with movies off the Criterion Channel. Since we were traveling  in the weeks leading up to Halloween, I of course had to curate an  all-horror list for myself. So for two 6+ hour flights, a couple hotel  stays, and one long train ride, I wound up watching a ton of selections  from Criterion's "Val Lewton Presents" list. In our hotel room in  London, I watched The Leopard Man; on the train from London to Paris I watched I Walked with a Zombie; and then on our flight from Paris back to New York, I watched The Seventh Victim, The Ghost Ship, The Curse of the Cat People, and The Body Snatcher.  I think my biggest takeaways were that I really do love minimalist,  eerie films that are super-short (none of these films really go beyond  80 minutes); after re-watching it, I firmly believe that Cat People did  NOT need that pseudo-sequel (it's terrible, and kind-of just a kids'  film); and that Boris Karloff was a phenomenal actor who does some of  the best work I've ever seen him do in The Seventh Victim, one  of the best films I watched on the trip. These titles are all still on  Criterion Channel (as-is the excellent Jacques Tourneur-directed Cat People) and I highly recommend you give them all a shot.    Chris: So, here are the highlights of the horror/thriller/science-fiction movies I’ve been watching in honor of the Festival of Samhein:
 

Phase IV – I don’t know why everyone seems to think this is a  horror movie. It has two pretty harrowing deaths, so I guess that means  it gets automatically co-opted as horror? Anyway, I was looking through  weird horror movies that Michael Murphy has been in and this one has  been on my list for a long while and boy howdy, it delivered. Its  ridiculous plot – space-radiated ants take over a small section of the  Arizona desert and the government facility built to study them – is  given a genuinely unnerving and plausible backbone by  first-and-only-time director Saul Bass, the man behind those exquisite  Hitchcock title sequences like the ones in Psycho and North by Northwest.  He attempts, with great patience and boldness, to give us a view of ant  society as a compelling, single-minded organism and mostly succeeds in  my view. It’s got plenty of allegorical meat on the bone – the positive  and negative aspects of groupthink, for one – but I mostly just enjoyed  watching Bass’s quasi-clinical style unfold.
 

The Eight Immortals Restaurant: The Untold Story – An  honest-to-god Holy Fucking Shit movie. Tonally, the movie – cut between  the gruesome, repugnant killer and the sexist, sex-crazed, and mostly  incompetent cops who are chasing him – doesn’t entirely work for me but  when it finds its groove, its pretty difficult to look away. If you can  get through this, I highly recommend the director’s other genuinely  jaw-dropping nihilism-fest, Ebola Syndrome, which deserves a place in the upper echelons of gross-out movies.
 

The Innocents – This one has been on my list for a long time  and my expectations were mostly met. It takes awhile to get going –  there is a lot of narrative scaffolding to make double or triple sure  you know where you are and what’s going on – but the director, Jack  Clayton, really goes wild toward the end. The use of sound and close-ups  is especially eerie here, and the abruptness of the end really knocked  me out. For someone who has rarely loved ghosts and haunted house  movies, this one came awfully close, and Deborah Kerr always helps the  situation.
 

Zombi 2/Don’t Torture a Duckling/City of the Living Dead  – I am a huge fan of Bava and Argento but Giallo, on the whole, has  often been my least-favorite type of horror. I've been trying to find a  few more Giallo pictures that key me into the supposed charms of the  style and this season, I decided to look more at Fulci, after only  seeing The Beyond and The New York Ripper (enjoyed the  former, felt indifferent to the latter). These three titles didn’t move  the needle much but I do find myself warming to the hazy look of  Fulci’s films and am genuinely impressed with his way with gore. This  was most apparent in City of the Living Dead but Duckling is probably the one that I was most drawn to as a viewer. Good witch hunt movies are hard to find, friends.
 

Eric:  It’s been a bit of an unusual month for me. The floor underneath my  bathtub rotted away so I’ve been having a crew in and out all month  fixing it. This resulted in me and my wife living in a hotel for over  two weeks as well. Luckily (question mark), the hotel was next to a  movie theater. So I ended up seeing Joker, which is fine. Has it’s moments of greatness and moments of badness. Speaking of badness, I caught Rambo: Last Blood  during this time too and man, that’s like not even a movie. Possible  stay tuned but I am honestly not certain, there’s kinda not much that  happens.  Wish I went to see Ad Astra again instead. I haven’t  even gotten around to much horror besides the Spooktacular titles  because I’ve been fucking around doing shit like rewatching Gladiator (kinda wanted a Joaquin Phoenix double-header there with Joker)  and I was pretty shocked that the movie holds up as well as it does. I  remember liking it back in 2000 but felt it was long and a bit dull, but  man, this sucker moves. Also I did not remember people get outright cut  in half in that movie. Also it has Sven-Ole Thorsen as the undefeated  Tigris of Gaul who might in fact actually be Secundus.  

Steve: So first things first. I did see Joker,  but honestly it is such a mishmash of good and bad so that it leaves me  exactly at 50%, 2-1/2 stars (outta five), and a C-, so it really hasn't  occupied too much of my brain space. But as resident Comic Book expert I  suppose I owe you a larger accounting. So, here goes... Big fat spoiler  warning for the below:
 

I think Phoenix is really good in the role, he totally commits and makes  some interesting choices but the movie on a whole just lets him down in  a big way. His laugh is genuinely unsettling and wholly original. His  cadence, his mannerisms, and his voice all feel Joker to me, while still  seeming fresh. Good on him. However, I would like to introduce new  legislation wherein an actor can only gain or lose 20 lbs for a movie.  That's it. I'm desperately bored by these macho artists killing  themselves for movies that don't need it or warrant it. Congratulations,  I can see every rib on your body. Excellent, acting dude.
 

Other than Phoenix the cinematography, set design, and location stuff is  fantastic. There are truly stunning and gorgeous looking sequences in  this film that I really enjoyed. So there's that!
 

The story is just a mess of too little connection to the Batman universe  and too much at the exact same time. I actually really like the idea of  Thomas Wayne being a big, rich asshole, it certainly strikes a chord  with some rich assholes we've experienced throughout history. But you  gotta cast somebody that has some weight in that role. Also, if  you go that route, he needs to be more involved. Sorry. You can't do  the nonsense fake-out of maybe they're brothers and then they're not  because the mother is crazy. (BTW, we're just letting people with a  history of institutionalization adopt kids without any kind of social  work or follow up afterwards? Whatever you say movie!) The Alfred and  Bruce scene is just kind of embarrassing, really.
 

Another thing you can keep was the Zazie Beets subplot. She was good,  but it's just another fake out that doesn't tell you much about the  Joker other than that the Joker is straight. Gotcha. Also, I GET THAT  THEY NEVER DATED, I don't need that hammered home six different times in  two minutes.
 

All the Scorsese homage stuff is fine and dandy, if a bit overworked. I  mean, what the fuck kind of a business has a Clown Depot where a bunch  of clowns sit around before they go out on clown jobs. I was laughing in  the theater and not for the right reasons.
 

Speaking of legendary Italians, I hate to say it, but I think Robert  DeNiro is just a blight on this film. It's not his fault, because he  clearly doesn't give a shit, but there's room for a great performance  there that is nowhere to be found. Which is a shame because it makes a  climax that could've been good feel stale. There's a real moment there  towards the end where you think that this movie is going to  culminate with the Joker blowing his head off on live television and  there's some real tension there, which I appreciated. I also appreciate  the subtle Dark Knight Returns reference by having a Dr. Ruth substitute  on the couch as the previous guest. But again, it's just DeNiro at zero  charisma bringing absolutely no gravitas to a role that needed some  oomf.
 

The riot at the end feels a little too much like it's set in The Purge  universe to have any kind of real substance or societal impact at all,  so why bother? OK, so this clown murders some shitty Wall Street guys  and all these marginalized people want to be...killer clowns? I just  don't get it. There's a lot of people out there right now who are  rightfully angry about how little the 1% has left them and how much  their greed has gutted programs and pushed people farther to the edges,  but I don't think this movie is smart enough to make any kind of  coherent argument about that one way or another, so just leave it alone.  It just seems like a long way to go to get to the least surprising  ending you could choose, which is the Joker was involved in the Wayne  murders. Whoop-de-fucking-doo. But at least we got that sweet, sweet  shot of pearls hitting the alley floor!
 

I like the idea that society let this guy down so he becomes a weird dark stain that infects everything he touches. Do that movie.
 

There's talk of sequels and Phoenix reprising his role, which I'm  intrigued enough by and could be talked into. Wild idea: what if in this  movie the Joker was the antagonist as opposed to the hero?  Wild idea right? If only we could find a colorful enough hero to have  him go up against... I'll scratch my noodle on this one, feel free to  tweet me with any suggestions.
 PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND     
November's entry comes from Ryan from Michigan, who asks:
 "In honor of Thanksgiving being this month, what's your favorite dinner scene in a movie?"
 

Andrew: My favorite dinner scene in all of cinema is the soup scene from Peter Jackson's Dead Alive.  Just kidding. That's awful. How about something not gross? Well, hmm.  Maybe not: I think one of my actual favorite dinner scenes is the  "dinner" in Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Now,  yeah, I know it's not an appetizing scene by any  means—if you want my  fave foodie film that will make you hungry AF, it's hands-down Tampopo and  I won't hear about any alternatives—but this scene in TCM has stuck  with me in a big, bad way ever since I first saw the film back in high  school. It's just so outrageously horrifying and gross and weird. It's  the absolute worst dinner party you could ever imagine attending in your  nightmares and it's something I'll probably never shake. So eat  up—you'll need your strength to raise the sledge! 
 

Eric: The best dinner scene in motion picture history is obviously in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom—kidding.  Although when dinner in film is mentioned, as it often is, I tend to  think about that supposed meal Lando was leading Han Solo and crew  towards on Cloud City. What would that meal have consisted of? And when  Vader interrupts it with Boba Fett in tow (this scene you can hear spurs  when Fett walks, really leaning into that Man with No Name vibe and it  rules, just a BTW.) what happened next? “Honored if you’d join us." Did  like, Darth Vader actually sit down with everyone and have a meal? I  mean, I’d guess not? But it’d be cool if they did. Okay, but seriously  the best food scene in film is probably actually Gary Busey telling  Johnny Utah to get him two meatball sandwiches in Point Break. 
   Chris: This  is a question that my old professor, Greg Taylor, used to talk about  all the time, so it’s been on my mind since I was about 20. There are a  few that stick out. The egg sandwich and big glass of beer that Adam  Sandler makes himself in Spanglish is one. The Timpano from Big Night is another. The prison sauce from Goodfellas, which I imagine I'd put on everything in sight, including ice cream. I'd say Jiro Dreams of Sushi, but that seems like a bit of a cheat, so let's say the entire dinner that the grandma makes in Koreeda’s Still Walking. I remain impatient in waiting for a good chicken tenders scene to come in and wreck this list.  Steve: Like Chris I'm drawn to the food in Goodfellas,  and while I agree that the prison scene makes me hungry, the best  dinner scene is the "Let's go to Uncle Paulie's" scene right when Henry  gets out of prison. It just strikes my sweet spot as a (partly) Italian  from the Bronx, this big obnoxious meal with 200 family members and  amazing looking pasta courses.
 

The movie that makes me the most hungry, however, has to be Defending Your Life.  The whole set up of "you get to eat whatever you want but you can't  gain weight" is exactly heaven to me and there are so many shots of  Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep eating outstanding looking meals. I'm  getting hungry just talking about it and I just had lunch!
 

NOVEMBER SCHEDULE
 

Say  what? The Schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By  subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peak at what we're  putting out this month:
 

Episode 451 — Terminator Salvation with David Sims
 

Episode 452 — I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
 

Episode 453 — Kindergarten Cop: Live in Portland!
 

Episode 454 — Kazaam with Amir Blumenfeld
 

Patreon Episodes:
 

Patreon Exclusive We Love Movies — The Terminator
 

Animation Damnation — Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: "Shredder's Mom" (s4, e5) & Ducktales (s3, e13) "Yuppy Ducks", Live From Housingworks!
 

The Nexus — TOS: "The Doomsday Machine" (s2, e6) & TNG: "The Dauphin" (s2, e10)
 

Gleep Glossary: A Star Wars Story — Boba Fett (ever heard of him?)
 

Find all this crap and enjoy it legally, just like we do! now! 

PATREON RSS BUG
 

If  you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not  appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a  fix: "Try un-subscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering  the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of  the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed  reader." 
 

Please consult this page  and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for  any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate  your continued support!    
UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION 

OH. MY. GOD. : our Youtube Channel is still kicking all kinds of ass. Did you know that you could watch our full Gone in 60 Seconds episode from the D.C. Improv? Not only that but you've got your monthly video Mail Bags, some great On-Screens (and more coming) and amazing clips of bits like Cinema Truckers, Louie Anderson as the Last Actor on Earth and James Bond's Mourned at His Favorite Restaurant and some from our Patreon commentaries, like the just released Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 2, as well as old favorites like Sucker Punch, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Independence Day which  are not only fun to re-visit if you're a fan but they're also great  jumping on points for folks you want to indoctrinate into the WHM  lifestyle! Also there are full episodes to stream right on Youtube, like  Brainscan, Pet Semetary (with Griffin Newman), Venom and Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Crimes of Grindelwald there too! So watch, subscribe, and share the crap out of all this great content!
 

This month on Hooked on TJ Hooker: Eric and Ben are joined by Nathan Rabin to talk about a rotten detective that is caught drinking on the job. Listen here!
 

Head on over to the Tee Public Store where we've got our new logo (and super cool variations like the one below) on-sale
 

That's gonna do it for this month's dispatch, thanks as always for your incredible support!
 

Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies