Big Daddy Dispatch: October 2024 (Patreon)

 Dispatch Ninety, September 28, 2024

Greetings WHM Family!

Welcome to the fifteenth season of We Hate Movies! Things are already in full swing, we’ve had fun with John Hughes, revisited some tornado chasing friends, and saw the grand return of fan favorite guest host, Justin J. Case! We’ve got so much more coming for you, including a tour (see below) and the Mother Fucking Spooktacular, where, you guessed it, there’s a theme! It’s not horror month, it’s a Four-or Month! That’s right, we’ll be covering ONLY the fourth entries into horror franchises! Why? You dare ask why?? Because it’s stupid. But it’s also damn fun!

Four! Four! Four! Four! Four! Four! Four!

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies Logo by Felipe Sobreiro

 Image Credit: Joe Pantoliano Struggles to Read Cameo Copy in a Busy New Jersey Home

HOLY SHIT, IT’S A WHM FALL TOUR!

YES! Finally, we are weeks away from some kick-ass tour dates, both VIRTUAL and LIVE! If you want to enjoy the We Hate Movies live experience you have so many chances to do so this fall. Aren’t you lucky?

Wednesday, October 23rd, The Four-or Month is still in full-swing when we take a STAB at Wes Craven’s last film, Scream 4 in a Virtual Live show via Moment! All the normal stuff with these shows applies (two week re-play after broadcast, buy that extra After Party Ticket). These shows are so fucking fun! And for patrons at the $8 level & up, you can bundle in that After Party ticket totally free! That’s right, gratis!

Friday, November 15th we will be in Seattle, Washington for the very first time at Washington Hall talking about local resident, Bigfoot with Harry and the Hendersons!

Sunday, November 17th we will be in Portland, Oregon for the first time in a looong time at Mississippi Studios to talk about the Disgusting Shit Boy All-Star Game also known as The Goonies!

Wednesday, December 4th, we will be in Boston, Massachusetts returning to Laugh Boston to end out a great year of shows with some high-class talk about a high-class lady, Pretty Woman!

All tickets are available now at our website! Don’t miss out and get your tickets NOW!

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Patreon Unlock – Star Wars

The last bit of summer sun before Season 15 kicked off came from this unlocked WLM cut, featuring the boys planet-and-spaceship-hopping with some of their favorite characters: Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Boba Fett, Jabba the Hutt, Salacious Crumb, and so many more people that the fellas have talked about at length. What a life they lead...anyway! What did Brian De Palma think when he sat with the boys at the premiere of this thing? Was this a backdoor pilot for the Gleep Glossary? Was there any chance that this wasn’t going to be our longest episode? Be serious now!

Episode 756 – The Batman (Patrons Only)

In anticipation of Max’s new show, The Penguin, the fellas take a trip to worse-than-ever Gotham City to see how Robert Pattinson’s caped crusader deals with online-extremist Riddler, Gotti-era gangster Penguin, and perhaps the most seductive and righteous Catwoman ever produced by this world for the inaugural WLM of Season 15. Is it too long or just too much of a good thing? Do the David Fincher-lite aesthetics hold up for the entire runtime? What kind of social life does this Bruce Wayne have? For more convos on this version of Gotham city, check out every episode of Too Old For this Shit, dropping this month on the top-tier!

Episode 757 – Twister REDUX

As Chris takes his rightful seat as the newly anointed Game King, the guys do his bidding and get into their beat-up trucks and go chasing down some rough weather with Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt as they reappraise the beloved ‘90s blockbuster with the most stacked cast in existence. Do we want more time soaking in the chemistry between the leads? Can we get someone to return the legendary Hoffman-ball sack shot back into the film as God intended? Why are we not allowed to kill off some of this team like they do in the legacy sequel? Get ready for the worst steak and eggs you’ve ever seen, everybody!

Episode 758 – Weird Science

For the official back-to-school episode, Andrew, Eric, and Steve put on their lab coats and fire up the lasers to create maximum babe-age with Anthony Michael Hall and company. Isn’t the very idea of this movie just insanely creepy from the outset? Did this somehow influence Christopher Nolan’s artistry? Wasn’t it great when we just had a bunch of funny, horny nerds instead of incels? This rare trip to John Hughes World also contains an extended conversation about an extended conversation about Bride of Frankenstein.

Episode 758 – Poseidon with Justin J. Case

As they prepare for the cold months, the boys head out to sea with longtime friend and disaster-movie expert, Justin J. Case on the jankiest New Year’s cruise ever devised, manned by men who cannot spot rogue-waves taller than the Empire State Building. How do you not see this wave? Was there really a time where it was a smart idea to have uber-hetero Richard Dreyfuss play a gay character? Did Kurt Russell really drown for this movie? Why in God’s name is Fergie here? Be sure to always follow your nearest fireman-mayor to safety!

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew:   It’s only September, but besides the films I saw at TIFF (which Chris and I rapped about during two On-Screen Live broadcasts earlier this month), I was already getting into Horror Mode for the Spooky Season. So let’s see what was in front of my baby blues this month:

Shocker (1989): This was another Craven gem that escaped me over the years and when I finally sat down to watch this one a few weeks back, wow, I didn’t expect all that. It’s way wilder than I ever thought it would be and my man, Mitch Pileggi, is taking things up to a 15 with this serial killer performance. It’s a really wild ride that I recommend folks, especially Craven Heads, definitely take a look if you haven’t yet.  

Thelma (2024): Okay, obviously not a horror movie, but as we’re getting closer to the dreaded Holidays, this is the perfect movie to put on with your family at Thanksgiving. I’m not knocking the film by describing it this way, I actually found it quite entertaining and funny, and June Squibb and Richard Roundtree are so sweet together. Plus, you got Parker Posey floating around, which is never, ever a bad time. Definitely worse things out there, and this is something old Mom & Dad and Uncle Frank & Aunt Louise will be happy to sit through with grandma after some turkey.

 The Last Dragon (1985): Again, not horror, but this one hadn't been on my radar at all until the guys, all three of my handsome pod boys, gave this a full-throated recommend on the air recently. So, I put it on that very night and had my socks knocked off. It’s so ridiculous, so out there, so fun, and the soundtrack kicks ass. Love that tune from DeBarge, who’s also featured performing in the movie. Wild stuff. I bought the 4K that same night and it’s already here, so I may watch it again soon.

 Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024): Like I said on Letterboxd, this is way better than it had any business being. Yes, I went in with almost zero expectations, but I was really pleasantly surprised. It’s funny, the practical effects are awesome, and Burton’s stamp is definitely back in a big, bad way. I can’t believe it. I thought Ryder, O’Hara, Ortega and Keaton were all really solid, and Theroux was incredibly entertaining doing the thing he’s kinda been doing for a while now, but he’s good at it and I like watching him. There’s a couple of side stories that wind up crowding the field, Monica Bellucci and Willem Dafoe’s parts especially, but they’re also not unwelcome. But for a movie that’s fifteen minutes under two hours, there are too many spices in this Caligari-inspired gumbo. I really kept laughing hysterically at the fate of Charles Deetz, though. I’m kinda still laughing now, just like Mr. Burns laughing about the Irishman he crippled at the carnival.

 Fatal Games (1984): This was a true piece of shit I caught on Shudder last night and I’m gonna put it on blast right here so you can avoid it during your viewing. No clue why Shudder wants this as part of their curation. If you, for whatever reason, want to avoid spoilers for this absolutely nothing, 40 year-old slasher, then just continue on to Chris’s segment, but here’s the long and short of it: There’s a specialty school full of sexy, athletic teens who are all training to be in the summer Olympics, and someone starts killing off all these star athletes one by one with a javelin. Lots of nudity, but mostly bloodless kills. Big shoulder shrug. By the end, the killer turns out to be the school’s nurse who was also once an Olympic hopeful herself. But here’s the WiLd TwIsT nO oNe SaW cOmInG! This nurse character actually had gender confirmation surgery as a teenager as a way to SNEAK INTO THE OLYMPICS as a female athlete. She was eventually booted from the program when it came back that she had “too much testosterone” in her system, according to the movie, and so I guess all these years later, she’s inspired to start killing these athletes out of jealousy? Also, something, something, the doctor at the school is making all these kids take steroids, so that also sets her off? All this to say, Fatal Games is likely your transphobic uncle’s fave slasher, and certainly something old J.K. Rowling must’ve been mainlining while she was running her big mouth on Twitter during the Olympics. Anyway, total piece of shit movie and I just saved you 88 minutes to do anything else with your life.

Chris:  The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial (1988): The play rocks and I really like Friedkin’s version from last year, an ideal final film for the notoriously idiosyncratic and outspoken Wild Bill. This led me to this, the Altman-directed made-for-TV version, featuring an electrifying performance from Eric Bogosian as the defense attorney and a career-defining performance from Jeff Daniels as the mutinous executive officer on trial. Friedkin turned the trial of aged, secretive tradition against broad experiential know-how into a knotty moral quandary, one that he does not present easily or wrap up in any neat way. Altman is all professionalism: the cuts are excellent, the zooms, close-ups, and sound work all exemplary, and the supporting cast, including Brad Davis, Michael Murphy, Peter Gallagher, and Kevin J. O’Connor, could not possibly be better. Altman pushes it into the realm of the cinematic from its staged origins, but just barely, giving the film a certain rigidity that limits the reach of the story but also potently reflects the institutional bones of the military world.

 Rebel Ridge: After his first Netflix movie, the half-successful, admirably ambitious Hold the Dark barely made an impact, Jeremy Saulnier returns with what may be the best streamer-made film of the year thus far, a sharp and forceful genre workout absolutely teeming with star power from newcomer Aaron Pierre and the inimitable Don Johnson. The weak spot here is the rampant kidnap-bait stereotypes in Anna Sophia Robb’s Summer’s storyline, which Saulnier presents convincingly and empathetically, but without the righteous verve of the rest of the film. The script is more to blame than Robb is, but then the rest of the script is so lean and furious and involving that I’m not moved to complain much more than I already have. I can honestly see John Boyega fucking this up, so all the more reason to praise Pierre’s performance as a lethal combat expert who dismantles a small-town police-led corruption ring through a series of ingenious perries and clever acts of de-escalation. If my beloved S. Craig Zahler channels the ugliness and political rot at the core of genre films into genuinely upsetting and eruptive provocations, Saulnier is his progressive other, offering tactile, incomplete solutions while indicting not only a corrupt system but the cowardice, envy, moral weakness, and total disloyalty that corrupt institution breeds in those who follow its poisoned tenets.

 The 4:30 Movie: I feel compelled to report on the first Kevin Smith movie that mildly entertained me since 2011’s Red State. To be fair, I am no completist: I have yet to see Tusk, Yoga Hosers (in its entirety), Jay and Silent Bob Reboot, or Killroy is Here. I will get to them, but if the atrocity that is Clerks III is any sign of what I will meet within those runtimes, my nostalgia for K-dog may be fully rotted out. In comparison to that abomination, The 4:30 Movie, a horny-ish teenage comedy centered around a tentative movie date between a young Smith stand-in and the out-of-his-league schoolmate who showed him her boobs last summer, is merely annoying for long stretches. It benefits primarily from a notable lack of all manner of View Askew call-backs and remnants, though Smith’s condescending portraiture of middle-class outsiders in general has grown colder and less insightful since the days of Mallrats. It repeats gags that were only mildly amusing in the first place, but hey, I empathize a bit. I’m less forgiving of how incurious and narrow all of this feels, especially considering it all being a portrait of exuberant youth at the edge of personal discovery, ya know? Anyway, all that being said, it was nice to not be disgusted by Smith’s taste or feel potent contempt for his perspective.

 Eric:   POLICE ACADEMY!!!!

Police Academy (1984) - Obviously, a lot of jokes in here don't work today but this was a movie and series I saw a ton as a kid. The recent Shout! blu-ray is an incredible transfer. I think the poor quality of VHS made it feel even more "raunchy" back in the day. But, yes, Punky Brewster's dad gets a blowjob and thinks it was Steve Guttenberg doing the sucking. Had a false memory that that was the ending, but it wasn't. It would've been a happy ending, but, it kept going. G.W. Bailey as Lt. Harris is the clear standout here. I also often think often about how my beloved Tackleberry (Robert Graf) tragically didn't live to see 9/11. 3 sheriff stars.

Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment (1985) - Bobcat Goldthwait is a nice addition but Lt. Mauser is a big trade down from Lt. Harris. This is a Lt. Harris household. 3 stars.

Police Academy 3: Back in Training (1986) - Mauser dresses like Saddam Hussein and is now running an opposing evil police academy... for some reason. The two antagonistic recruits from the first movie return here but why not my beloved Lt. Harris? The franchise has begun to nose dive. 1/2 stars.

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987) - A more or less return to form and I wonder why? Could it be what the people had been demanding for years? The return of Lt. Harris! He's now slid into Mauser's old position, complete with Proctor. However, sadly, klutz guy's absence is felt. David Spade and Sharon Stone are here and I'm not feeling either. David Spade's sensibilities do not mesh with the Police Academy universe, in my humble opinion! Balloon and plane shenanigans at the end are really big set pieces for this franchise. That's a wrap on Steve Guttenberg! Somehow, we still have three more movies to go. 2 1/2 stars.

Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach (1988) - Matt McCoy is an okay Guttenberg stand-in. Not much to say about this one besides the fact Rene Auberjonois is great in it! 2 stars.

Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989) - Better than 5. These movies really handle large casts well. Glad klutz guy (Bruce Mahler) returned after being gone for two movies, but ultimately you never really notice. There's also a lot of decent stunts in these. You could do worse! Turns out I miss physical comedy! Gerrit Graham! Franz Liebkin! 3 stars.

Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow (1994) - Out of gas and with a flat tire. Shocking how long this took to get made, and it really shouldn't have been. I remembered Ron Perlman, but Claire Forlani acting alongside Christopher Lee?! Good lord! 1/2 star.

Steve: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice: Really tried to avoid this one, but (somewhat) glad I didn’t! I had a free afternoon and everyone’s reviews were so generous, I figured why the hell not! Result: It’s a fun movie! This is a real callback to when Tim Burton movies had zany sight gags, a mean streak, and a small scale. I enjoyed the cast, a lot of the jokes, and goddamn, the COLOR! It was gorgeous. Script issues abound, the script bifurcates when it should stay focused, and I don’t think anybody needed Beetlejuice’s ex-wife this time around (or ever)! All in all, a pleasant surprise. I’d love Burton to continue this energy onto a new project that isn’t a re-tread of a sacred cow from his golden era.

 Oddity: Hey, cool movie! This is a small-scale Irish spook story and it keeps you engaged the whole way through. It feels like an old school ghost story complete with shitty living people doing shitty things to one another. Great visuals, fun performances, and a dope little ending. Put this on your radar for October if you haven’t already.

 Welcome to the Dollhouse: Nighthawk in Prospect Park had a brunch retro and me and my wife schlepped out there to check this guy out on 35mm. It was probably my first viewing since seeing it on VHS as a kid and man, this movie really holds up. It’s aggressive, uncomfortable, really lived in, and biting. It’s a fantastic first feature and it’s odd that Solondz decided to double and triple down on all the uncomfortable bits and make movies with true disdain for their audience, because I see real promise here. There’s a bleak worldview, but it’s couched in a very relatable comedy that allows for some joy and catharsis as opposed to just reveling in misery. I want to see Todd Solondz’ output on Earth 2, please.

 Mr. McMahon: I’m four episodes through this Netflix series as of this writing and I’m in love with it. Just completely scratching that deep wrestling itch that is so burrowed deep into my brain, while exploring and holding up a mirror to how fucked up a lot of it was. Bret Hart is a great interview, I would think that the Montreal Screwjob was still kayfabe to this day, but his intense Canadian integrity that shines through in the interview makes me believe it was real. Other standout interviews come from a very even keeled Shawn Michaels (“I know I was a prick…”), Stone Cold Steve Austin who has the grace to see all this for what it is. Hulk Hogan comes off as a whimpering sycophant, Linda McMahon is a complete robot, and Vince himself looks like he's been dead for years. I’m very much looking forward to the last two episodes where I hope we dig more into some of the more recent allegations. Must watch Streaming TV.

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from 

Daniel from Los Angeles who asks: “What is the best opening scene in any horror movie?”

 Andrew: Oh wow, WILDLY hard question, Daniel! There are so many to choose from, but I think for me, something that hit me really personally, as far as sparking my love for the genre, is the opening to the first Scream. I mean, it’s a perfectly self-contained 10-minute horror short on its own, but it really does set the stage wonderfully for the rest of the movie you’re about to watch. Drew Barrymore was perfect casting for the short & sweet role of Casey. Just top-to-bottom fantastic. It’s a sequence that’s always going to stick with me. I’ll give some love to the opening of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. The narration over the scroll, delivered by the amazing John Larroquette, who was supposedly paid in weed for his performance, makes the whole endeavor kick off like a documentary. You can almost hear him going, “Tonight on PBS, we’ll be investigating those grisly murders in Texas…” or something. It really starts things off on that note of, “Wait, did this actually happen?” Perfect way to start a perfect movie.

 Chris: I am a basic bitch with this one I’m afraid: you simply cannot beat the opening to The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. John Larroquette’s urgent, authoritative voice immediately plunging you into a world of terror and complete mystery, alongside the grisly images over the credits, makes for a genuinely inventive way to tease the untamed, horrific images that lie within Hooper’s unyielding masterpiece. It’s so in-line with Hooper’s view, creating a feeling of overwhelming menace and danger immediately while also remaining cleverly restrained in just how much you actually see or have described for you, allowing your imagination to run toward the darkest corners of the room. Unmatched.

 Eric: I love the opening to The Shining. The copter shots, the music, the winding snake-like roads. Almost a ghostly POV. Then the in-car conversation about the Donner Party back in "covered wagon times." They had to resort to cannibalism - "see, it's okay, he heard about it on the television." Scream is excellent as well.

 Steve: My friends are very knowledgeable and very right, but in the interest of diversity I’ll give you one more classic and a newer guy.

 Halloween (1978)! Aside from having the best credits sequence in any horror film, it’s followed up with a pitch perfect opening statement. We’re fully in suburbia and fully in the mind of a deranged killer, we get that as much, quickly. Just fantastic POV filmmaking takes us through some good old-fashioned leering, some sexy murdering and WHOOPS! It’s been a little kid the whole time, you sick fucks! It’s such a perfect entry into whatever this thing Michael Myers happens to be. Watching it you can’t help but wonder if crazy old Loomis is right.

About forty years later (and four decades of opening scenes commenting on each other) comes Barbarian. A movie that keeps you far away from the monster (or monsters) as long as humanly possible without being annoying about it (I’m looking at you, Skinamarink). We meet our intrepid heroine and she’s in a tough spot, rainy night, bad Air BNB situation unfolding and nowhere to go. She’s met by Bill Skarsgård, and the audience immediately reacts from deep in their gut. Girl. RUN. That’s Pennywise! Their little back-and-forth goes on for minutes on end, and Skarsgård keeps giving her reasons to run and stay at the same time, the tension builds and…everything’s OK. For now. I remember watching it in the theater (practically by myself) and more invested and tense than I’ve been at the beginning of any horror movie I can remember. A master class in expectation management

OCTOBER SCHEDULE

Say what? The schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter, you get a sneak peek at what we're putting out in the Spooktacular!

Episode 760 – A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

Episode 761 – The Final Destination

Episode 762 – Leprechaun 4: In Space (with James A. Janisse and Chelsea Rebecca)

Episode 762 – Land of the Dead

Episode 763 – Wishmaster 4

Patreon Episodes:

We Love Movies – Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Meyers

Animation Damnation: Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: “Witch’s Brew” (s3, e1)

The Nexus: TOSTAS: “The Lorelei Signal (s1, 4), TNG: “Devil’s Due” (s4, e13)

Gleep Glossary: Exar Kun

MELR0210: Melrose Place: “Till Death Do Us Part” (s2, e31)

Once in a Lifetime: Face of Evil (1996)

Q3 Synch-able Commentary: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

 And don’t forget…

Too Old For This Shit: Season 2 is in full swing this month as we tackle every single new episode of The Penguin! Episode 1 is available now on the top-tier of the Patreon and it’s a ton of fun. Don’t miss it!

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try unsubscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION

On Screen Live went abroad (kinda), to Toronto! Did you watch Chris and Andrew’s breakdown of the best of the Toronto International Film Festival? It was two parts! There’s more coming this month from the New York Film Festival, as well as the return of the normal, lovable format! Check it out on our YouTube Channel!.

We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages like WTF Exorcism with Marc Merrin, Dr. Loomis is the Worst Doctor, Dilf Den, George Bailey as Michael Meyers, John Wick-Mentary,  Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David!Muppet Hitchcock Presents, and many more! You can also watch the entirety of our Witchboardepisode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes likeRampage (2018),Any Which Way You Can, Bram Stoker’s Draculaand Saw III. Like we said above these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

TJ Hooker…Is back! And this time Eric and Ben follow T.J. to Chinatown wherein he battles a snake!  Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We have some hot off the presses designs by Felipe Sobreiro such as the Speed Live Show, Too Old For This Shit and Sheenpril Logos as well as A Certain Fat Director enjoying his favorite film filter of all time! We also have "The DILF Den", and a "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  There’s a ton of other great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Demon-o's Pizza, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month for a month of all bangers: We Love Movies Month!

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies