Big Daddy Dispatch: July 2024 (Patreon)

Dispatch Eighty Eight June 28, 2024

Greetings WHM Family!

Hot enough for ya? Well, it is for us and we are very close to closing up shop for the summer. But don’t you fret, we have, what many are saying, might just be the best month in WHM history coming your way. No foolin’! Check out our line-up below for details, but just a little hint, there might just be some guests that haven’t been announced yet. Just an FYI!

Oh, and yeah, we’re only three weeks away from our Worldwide Digital Event on Speed, Jan De Bont’s seminal bus actioner! It’s one of the biggest movies of the 90’s, we all love it to pieces and the energy on this show is going to kick ass! Add in a live VHS Trailer Game (where the points will count!) and the seedy, but fun AFTER PARTY, and this show is a must watch. Check us out LIVE on July 18th, 9pm EST! Or, if you’re busy leading a life or live in a time zone that makes it difficult to see the show when it happens, GOOD NEWS! The show will be available for replay for 14 Days after it airs! So, what are you waiting for? Go now to moment.co/wehatemovies and grab your tickets to the main show AND the after party! 

Banner Credit: We Hate Movies Logo by Felipe Sobreiro

Image Credit: We Hate Movies Speed Logo by Felipe Sobreiro

LAST MONTH ON WHM

Episode 742 – What Lies Beneath

 The fellas return to Zemeckis Town to visit with an extremely horny power couple of Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford, who begin to suspect their neighbor (James Remar!) has killed his wife until, well, other, dumber shit happens. Why is Zemeckis trying to do De Palma? How much muddled ghost nonsense is really required for something this simple? Will we ever see a Zemeckis return to form post-Flight? Having just seen the first images from Here, the answer would seemingly be a big fat no.

Episode 743 – Back to the Future Part III  (Patrons Only)

To tie in with the overwhelmingly mundane What Lies Beneath, the boys decided to do a good Zemeckis film on We Love Movies. To even the scales, they’re finishing out the beloved Back to the Future trilogy with the Westernized third entry, wherein Marty must go back to the Old West to stop Doc’s assassination from, yep, a goddamn Tannen. Will we see a new one of these when Zemeckis passes? Isn’t this just a very good Western more than an exhausted sequel? Is it so hard to make big entertainments look and move like this now? Please, Bobby Z, enough with the computers. Come back home.

Episode 744 – Dick Tracy

 Andrew, Eric, Chris, and Steve head back to the late 30s with multi-hyphenate and world-class cocksman, Warren Beatty to witness the titular copper’s battle against ruthless gangster Alphonse “Big Boy” Caprice (Al Pacino). How does this movie look this good? How does this movie have so little plot? Is Madonna good in this or horrible? Why don’t more movies have gangsters that look like silent movie monsters? Next time, Tim Burton should really say no when someone wants to see his blockbuster early.

Episode 745 – I, Robot (with Angelica Jade Bastién

The guys hit the robot-strewn streets of future Chicago with returning guest Angelica Jade Bastién and Will Smith to solve the possible murder of robot-pioneer James Cromwell with help from a rogue bot who has its own thoughts. How weird is this movie’s views on race? Isn’t the point more to make a Will Smith movie than explore a world full of A.I.? Doesn’t Alan Tudyk’s robot sound a lot like his Rogue One robot? Did we miss a chance to see Will Smith’s dick? All shall be revealed within.

Episode 746 – Beverly Hills Cop III

Right in time for the egregiously delayed fourth entry of this franchise, Andrew, Chris, Steve, and Eric head back to yuppie-fied Los Angeles with Axel Foley to solve the non-mystery of Lieutenant Todd’s unceremonious murder. Isn’t this more of a serious action film than a genuine action-comedy? What level of hell is John Landis awaited in? Why get rid of all the good location shooting that gave the first two so much more character? Are we making fun of Disney or courting them? Eddie Murphy, you deserve so much better.

WHAT ARE WE WATCHING?

This is a space for us to talk about some NON-We Hate Movies related content that we've shoved into our eyeballs in the last month: TV, Movies, Cartoons, and Sports (maybe?). Just about anything that isn't pornography.

Andrew:   

Hit Man (2023): I’ve been singing this film’s praises since we caught it at last year’s New York Film Festival. I’m a massive Linklater fan, and this quirky Neo-noir was like catnip to me. If you haven’t caught it yet, settle in for a nice night on Netflix. I was glad to read that Linklater’s upcoming film with Ethan Hawke that was announced a few weeks ago is at Sony Classics instead of Netflix. I’m thankful Linklater was able to get money to make both this film and Apollo 10 1/2: A Space Age Childhood, his film right before Hit Man, but man, Netflix really does their best to bury this stuff. Hit Man is getting a tiny bit of theatrical action, but they really threw Apollo 10 1/2 right into their Ta-Dumpster after it dropped. So, watch both Linklater flicks, now on Netflix!

Fright Night (1985) / The Legend of Hell House (1973):  Ever since my recent Apes rewatches, I’ve been checking out other movies featuring the great Roddy McDowell. I went back to Fright Night a couple weeks ago and it’s still a lot of fun. I love the creature effects, and Roddy is great in the film. But holy cow, the ‘hero’ of this movie is one of cinema’s greatest losers. It’s still so puzzling to me that this guy is on the brink of getting laid at ANY point in this film. Also, that Evil Ed performance is one of the worst things ever captured on film. Either way, it’s still a fun, creature-heavy vampire film. On the other hand, The Legend of Hell House  is a much more subdued horror film about a group of folks investigating a violently haunted house. It’s got lots of eerie-AF vibes and Roddy turns in another great performance. Recommends for both!

 Brats (2024):  I was excited for this after seeing it announced in this year’s Tribeca lineup, but it was another story when we finally got around to watching it. It’s not awful, but it is very weakly put together. McCarthy, who I like, puts himself on camera way too much, and his decision to keep in shots where the camera crew is heavily featured really drove me nuts. It winds up giving it this cheap, reality TV feel that I don’t think he was looking for. That said, I had no idea that the “Brat Pack” moniker had damaged them all so much, and it was nice seeing him talk to the people he talks to—poor Emilio Estevez still seems pretty haunted by the whole deal. I will say, Judd Nelson and Molly Ringwald both refused to sit for interviews, so if you haven’t seen it yet, it’s best to get the wind knocked out of your sails now so you’re not left waiting for them to show up in the blissfully 90-ish minute bad film.

 Poolman (2023): Okay, it’s not great, but I had a good time with this. Sure, I’m a sucker for all things L.A. noir, or neo-noir-noir as the case may be, so maybe I was predisposed to liking it more, but whatever. I think Pine is totally charming in the film, which pulls vibes from films like The Big Lebowski and, more directly, Chinatown. And his direction isn’t bad, either. He gets really solid and charming performances out of actors like Danny DeVito, Annette Bening, Stephen Tobolowsky, Jennifer Jason Leigh and John Ortiz, and the film contains some flourishes that worked for me. But, at around 100 minutes, it does drag a lot, and I don’t think the mental health stuff, while sincere, works at all. It also is, to its detriment, absent of any real needle drops, which I think a film like this needs. So, is it a masterpiece? No, certainly not. But for a first-time directorial effort, I’ve seen much worse. This movie didn’t deserve all the wild vitriol it received after it bowed at Toronto last year. Lightest of recommends.

Chris:  

Hello and greetings from Porto, the birthplace of Manoel de Oliveira and port wine. I am currently on the tail end of a family vacation and have only thought of throwing myself down an excessively steep set of stairs a few times, which is a win in my book when handling the inevitable too-many-cooks situations that come with such territory. Shockingly, I have not watched anything over the last 10 days, but here’s a handful of notable releases I got to see before leaving:

 Under Paris: For the most part, this is sub-Deep Blue Sea shark actioner, starring The Artist and The Past’s Bérénice Bejo as a shark scientist who survived a rare feeding frenzy on her pals at sea before realizing that the same sharks are making their way down the Siene and building colonies in the underground catacombs. Plenty of digital death to be found but none of it is too impactful or memorable, really. Neither are the characters, nor the plot, but I do have to give it minor credit for how it ends in the bleakest terms imaginable for such a movie.

 Old Boyfriends: Those searching for a female protagonist with genuine depth and complexity will likely find a lot to like and love about this thorny comedy directed by Nashville and Thieves Like Us writer Joan Tewkesbury. It’s similar to Jarmusch’s excellent Broken Flowers, but where that film enveloped the viewer in Jarmusch’s flavorful choice of music and meditative slow takes, this one barely gives you a hand to hold. Talia Shire’s protagonist, Dianne, continually surprises, alienates, and endears herself to us as she wades into her romantic past, but there’s no recognizable pattern to how or why those feelings are conjured. Among its many pleasures is the sight of Shire, who is phenomenal here, in a film more tailored to her particular talents than the Machismo Olympics of the Godfather and Rocky films which she is best known for. Readily available, and very much worth your time.

 Bāhubali 2: The Conclusion: The last of S.S. Rajamouli’s 2010s films that I hadn’t seen easily outdoes its predecessor and stands alongside RRR and the truly awe-inspiring Eega as his most maximalist work. If you hired this man to direct a Star Wars or any action franchise entry really, he would embarrass his predecessors to such a degree that I fear no one involved would recover. Of course, I don’t imagine he would be interested in the first place, but witnessing this level of spectacle makes you weep for what most people consider “epic” these days. S.S. is perhaps the only man whose love for Mel Gibson’s directorial work doesn’t make my eye twitch, and if Braveheart was half as entertaining as this, I might be on the bandwagon too.

Eric:   

Skeleton Man (2004):  This one is a real piece of shit but I'd argue worth a look! A magical skeleton fights a group of soldiers. He teleports. He impales. He beheads. He also enjoys horseback riding. And since this is kinda just Predator, he also has Predator vision. Michael Rooker is the lead soldier so he gets the good lines like "let's get to work, people!" Casper Van Dien is also around. Movie would've been better if it was a skeleton-skeleton and not just a guy in a black cloak with a skull mask on but I'll take what I can get.

The Manson Family (1997): This is almost something. There's good moments and it's trying to instill what it'd be like to have drugged out hippies all over you. Terrifying! Feels like an experimental film a lot of the time but doesn't quite come together for me. That said, I highly, highly recommend the director, Jim Van Bebber's previous film, Deadbeat at Dawn (1988) which feels like if some videogame like Streets of Rage was an actual movie. 

Graduation Day (1981): Pretty solid paint by numbers slasher. I do love that they went with a theme, there was a slasher on Halloween, time to do it for every big day, like graduation! 

The Order (2001): Late-era JCVD has him briefly paired with, I am not kidding here, Charlton Heston. While Heston, spoiler alert, doesn't appear in most of the movie, it's an insane pairing even for the few scenes we do get. A lot of the movie takes place in Israel and there's a hilarious sequence of JCVD putting on a “costume” to appear “local.” Wild movie, still not that good, sadly.

The Tall T (1957): Finally checking out the Ranown Westerns: Five Films Directed by Budd Boetticher set of films starring Randolph Scott that Criterion put out. This is by far the best one and you'd be shocked how hard it goes for 1957. It's about an old ranch guy—is that what they call those fellas, ranch guys? —played by Randolph Scott, and a copper mine heiress (Maureen O’Sullivan) being kidnapped by ne'er-do-wells. Big recommend!

Decision at Sundown (1957):  Randolph Scott is pretty sore about his wife's death and this evil dandy is responsible! Kinda cool, roll into town and start some shit up western, but it doesn't really blow your socks off in any regard.

Buchanan Rides Alone (1958): Socks are firmly on here again, they maybe even added a pair of socks to your socks assuring they will not blow off. It is cool to see Randolph Scott be funny and catty with everyone in town but feels like it's missing something. Good ending shoot-out though. I look forward to completing the next two in the series.

Steve: 

Oh, boy just got my first negative COVID test in almost a week…Oh, happy day! That’s to say I haven’t really been in the theaters this month as much as I’d like to (I would’ve loved to have already checked out The Bikeriders and Kinds of Kindness), but que ser a…Here’s what I’ve been watchin’…

Tarot (2024): Andrew rightfully makes fun of me (I think on an upcoming episode?) because I turned off his beloved Poolman thirty minutes in, but I watched this all the way through. What can I say? I have a soft spot for modern horror slop, and that’s just what this is! Unfortunately, this isn’t as good or as watchable as recent classics, The Bye Bye Man or Truth or Dare, though it’s a lot closer to the latter in terms of structure. It’s a dogshit PG-13 CGI spookfest that I can’t even recommend to other people like me. It lets me know that, while I enjoyed Jacob Batalon in those Spider-Man pictures, his career outside of them might not be too bright. There are some fun monster designs, but anything you might have liked about this movie is undone by truly reprehensible performances (see above) and the most chickenshit ending to a horror movie this side of Near Dark.

 La Chimera: Much earlier this month I was able to go to the theater to catch this before it left and man, am I glad I did. A totally unique little film. Dreamy, allegorical, beautifully shot and has an ending that’s gonna stick with you for a good long while. Mr. Challengers-banana-man, Josh O’Connor is truly excellent in this, switching between Italian and English with a Christoph Waltz-ian alacrity. Really great 70’s vibes here, if you’re into that sort of thing, too.

 Capricorn One: I’ve been on a real 70’s paranoia kick, and well, this might’ve kicked the kick. There’s some stuff to like here, the first forty minutes set up a much better movie with Hal Holbrook being a dirty scoundrel that’s stuck in a hard place and will do anything to keep a faked Mars mission a secret. But then, it turns into a survival movie, where James Brolin, Sam Watterston, and OJ Simpson (you heard me right) wander the desert to avoid CIA goons. It’s just a total tonal mess. Add in Elliot Gould, who’s in yet another motion picture, cold on the trail of the scheme and it’s just pretty much not worth watching. It does end in a totally incoherent still shot that absolutely nukes any possibility you might’ve taken this movie seriously.

 Lady Dragon: I got a huge haul of VHS tapes from my recent travels and my wife and I are slooowly making our way through them. This one caught my eye because it stars the queen, Cynthia Rothrock. It’s a bit sleepy for her, but definitely worth watching as her frequent Australian co-star, Richard Norton is playing the heavy. Keep a look-out for the ugliest man anyone’s ever filmed, The Exterminator himself, Robert Ginty and you’ve got yourself a pretty fun little Indonesian set actioner.   

PATREON MAILBAG LIGHTNING ROUND

Here's a fun space where folks on Patreon get to ask us Questions directly. This month's entry comes from: 

Paul who asks: “Which fantasy world do you want to live in? Game of Thrones? Middle Earth? The Wizarding World of Harry Potter?

Andrew:  This one’s easy. LOTR’s Middle Earth. I would 100% be a known figure in The Shire. Andrewise Jooplebury, the Hobbit who just sits out on the front lawn, hitting that pipe, noshing, chugging ale, and just R-E-L-A-X-I-N-G — relaxing. I would accept zero offers for quests or missions to go on. I’d just keep to myself, water my lawn, and vibe. When Gandalf comes to town, he brings that sticky shit and we all gather on the lawn to watch his trippy, magic fireworks. It would be a great life.

Chris: I’m going Mad Max here. Look, the truth of the matter is that any fantasy world, including the beloved Shire, would end with me being hacked to pieces, drowned in a river, or starved into fatal slumber. So, if we’re going to accept that as the inevitable end point, I’d much prefer a situation where I can learn a trade, like riding a motorcycle or throwing boom sticks, and be able to do it all in the goofiest god damn outfits ever known to man or whatever Immortan Joe is. In all likelihood, Octoboss is going to use me as hunting meat, but you got to give it a shot, right? And who knows? Maybe you do become a rider with Furiosa or Max and actually get to die with purpose...but I’m not counting on it.

Eric: I have a few thoughts... One I'd love to be in is the Krull world, it's pretty much like any other fantasy world but some guys have laser guns too. I'd like to be a laser gun guy, light up some knights, wizards, cyclopes, etc. Sadly though, my fighting days might be behind me, so I'll pick a more chill fantasy world: Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner. Finally, Americans in fantasy. Just fletching arrows and being a fucking American. Nicotine patch, “you catch the Yanks last night?”, spitting on the dirtwalk (no sidewalks yet) fucking American. Hell yeah. “Have fun storming the castle, bitch.” American.

Steve: Well, to keep with the choices given by Paul, unfortunately, it’d be the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, because that does seem like the only one of these fantasy worlds where I can take a decent shit and watch TV. Sure, everybody else would be worried about Volde-whatsit and broomsticks or whatever, but I can just chill out with my magics, use them for my own small personal gain and still have decent access to vaccines, pornography, air conditioning, etc. So long as I don’t have to praise the maker, I guess I’m living in Harry’s world.

JULY SCHEDULE

Say what? The schedule in advance?! It's the least we could do! By subscribing to this newsletter you get a sneak peek at what we're putting out in July!

Episode 747 – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2

Episode 749 – Despicable Me 2

Episode 750 – Alien: Resurrection

Episode 751 – X-Men (2000)

Episode 752 – Arachnophobia 

Patreon Episodes:

We Love Movies – Episode 748 – Logan

Animation Damnation: Ultimate Spider-Man : “Ultimate Deadpool” (s2, e16)

The Nexus: TAS: “Beyond the Farthest Star” (s1, 1), TNG: “The Loss” (s4, e10)

Gleep Glossary: Ki-Adi-Mundi & a Wrap Up of The Acolyte

MelR0210: 90210 “Rebel with a Cause” (s3, e13), Melrose Place: “The Bitch is Back” (s2, e28)

PATREON RSS BUG

If you’re having trouble with the RSS feed updating or episodes not appearing in your app, Patreon has acknowledged this bug and they have a fix: "Try unsubscribing and re-subscribing via your app by re-entering the unique RSS feed you were given and is on our Overview section of the Creator page. Or try using a different podcast app or RSS feed reader." 

Please consult this page and contact Patreon Support if the problem persists. We apologize for any inconvenience you’ve experienced on Patreon and truly appreciate your continued support!

UPCOMING NEWS AND PROMOTION

On Screen Live continues to kick ass apace each and every Monday at Noon (mostly)! We took a short break after our tour, but we are back and better than ever, chatting it up about movie news, reacting live to trailers, and we’ve also got occasional guests! We are going to have a blast this summer! Check it out on our YouTube Channel!.

We also have all officially sanctioned VHS Trailer Game episodes up to this point. Eric has also put out great clip packages like WTF Exorcism with Marc Merrin, Dr. Loomis is the Worst Doctor, Dilf Den, George Bailey as Michael Meyers, John Wick-Mentary,  Toby Jones in Bee Movie, Sausage Claus, David!Muppet Hitchcock Presents, and many more! You can also watch the entirety of our Witchboardepisode! Complete with visual gags (most of which are almost funny.). You'll find all sorts of cool shit like Mailbags, VHS Trailer Games, Full Episodes likeRampage (2018),Any Which Way You Can, Bram Stoker’s Draculaand Saw III. Like we said above, these are great for sharing and introducing folks to the show. There's so much content there we can't list it all here. Just go and subscribe already! 

Hooked on TJ Hooker returned with an all-new episode earlier this month where Eric and Ben travel the streets of Los Santos once again, this time following Hooker as he tracks down a serial killer played by the OG Battlestar Galactica’s Richard Hatch! Listen here!

If you're a fan of the show and a fan of looking sharp, you should check out our merch on our TeePublic store! We have some hot off the presses designs by Felipe Sobreiro such as the Too Old For This Shit and Sheenpril Logos as well as A Certain Fat Director enjoying his favorite film filter of all time! We also have "The DILF Den", and a "Crispy Critters" design from friend of the show, Nathan Hamill!  There’s a ton of other great designs like The VHS Trailer Game Logo, Demon-o's Pizza, Egg Lawyer, The Order of the Boop, The Kornkast design and many more, with more to come! 

That's going to do it for this month's Dispatch! See you next month!  

Take it easy,
Andrew, Chris, Eric, and Steve
We Hate Movies