Life's Not a Fairy Tale (No Matter How Much I Want It To Be) (Patreon)

I raised my can to the new year. My sole remaining kidney worked overtime as I guzzled down liquid fire, but I wasn’t about to let a little thing like organ failure interrupt my brooding. Another year and yet another chance for disappointment. I had long since given up hoping for change. I knew well by now that wasn’t how things worked for me. I was one of those people cursed with shitty luck and an even shittier fate. I didn’t bother with a new year’s resolution. It was useless. No matter how much I wanted, wished, and tried, I knew there were no happy endings for me in this world.

For the thousandth time, I wished life was more like the fairy tales and bedtime stories my mother used to read to me. She’d even named me Jack after the fairy tale hero, hoping that the hero’s luck would rub off on me. She was a good woman and a better mother. In a better world, I would have grown up to be just as optimistic and wholesome as her. Just as willing to believe in happy endings and the positivity of the Human race.

This wasn’t a better world though. This world didn’t believe in happy endings, especially not for me. My mother wasted away in a hospital bed when I was 16. She’d finally died the day before my birthday. That had been a bad year. My 17th birthday present had been a missing family, an empty home, and a mountain of medical debt.

That was the day my real life started. This constant state of apathy, debt, and suffering could be traced back to that day five years ago. My mom had been a single mother, disowned from her family and abandoned by my sperm donor. With her death, I was left alone, with no extended family to call on and debt collectors banging down on my door.

So I ran. I ran away from all my troubles. I packed my things and did my best to disappear. I spent years living on the edge of society. My mom would have hated seeing me like this. I didn’t get the happy ending she wanted for me and with what I planned to do tonight, I never would.

Leaves rustled around my little alcove in the park, blown to and fro by the night’s wind. The night wasn’t as dark as it could have been. A full moon hung in the sky, illuminating my alcove and casting shadows that danced with the trees. The last of my alcohol was drained from my can with a gulp as I waited for midnight to strike.

Steady hands grasped a gun in my lap. This wasn’t the first time I’d been here, sitting in this exact spot and waiting for midnight. It had become something of a tradition. A tradition that was going to end tonight. A quick check of the time showed 11:59. I took a deep breath, pointedly not thinking about my plan in case I pussied out yet again.

I slowly raised the gun to my head. Fireworks in the distance sounded an explosive countdown. I closed my eyes and apologized to my mom one last time. Then my watch struck midnight and everything froze.

The fireworks above me stilled like great blooming flowers in the sky. The sound of explosions ceased mid-boom as well. The trees around me stopped swaying, but somehow the shadows they cast continued to dance. Suddenly, I was alone in a frozen world.

Cackling laughter echoed out from the darkness. I lowered the gun from my head but didn’t take my finger off the trigger. Shadows rose fluidly to stand on two legs like puppets being brought to life by a puppet master. The humanoid masses of darkness crept out from the forest, staying just on the edge of my perception.

“Fickle, fickle Humans~,” a singsong voice said, piercing the shadows’ cackles. “This one wants to end it all~ Shall we show him another way?”

A chorus of agreement preceded one of the shadows stepping forward. Limbs that were ever so slightly too long were the first things to come into view. A cruel, toothy smile was next. Then came the antlers and impossibly pale skin. Finally, sunken eyes of pure black with glowing white pinpricks in the center stared back at me.

I immediately leveled my gun at the creature and pulled the trigger. I didn’t know what that thing was, but I knew it shouldn’t exist in our world. The thing’s grin just grew wider as the bullet passed straight through its chest without harm. The cackles around us turned into howls of laughter at some hidden joke and I realized there was no escape. Whatever this thing wanted with me, it would get.

I felt resignation set in and every scrap of hope leave my body with a sigh. The darkness around the clearing seemed to drink in the emotion as it left me. The creature crossed the clearing, gliding like a ghost with each step. It came to a stop, crouching in front of where I was sitting. Perched on bony knees, long, spindly arms hung impossibly low. Even crouching, the creature towered at least a full head above me.

“We’ve come to bargain, little Human,” it said in a voice that sounded like gravel in a woodchipper. “Come to give you your… happy ending…”

Despite how damn creepy the creature was, I scoffed, “What the fuck does a deer monster thing know about happy endings?”

The thing did me the misfortune of chuckling in a way that rattled my eardrums, “You might be surprised, Human. We are Fae. Your kind has many stories based around us. Some are happy, some not. Most of us still struggle to understand which are which, but we can a least give you a chance at happiness. Does that not sound worth it, mortal?”

That brought me up short. I may have stopped trying for a happy ending, but that didn’t mean a small part of me didn’t still believe in them. Some things were harder to let go of than others. My mother’s words and stories were on the more difficult end of that spectrum. These were the Fae though. Inhuman creatures with inhuman rules and desires. If mom’s stories taught me anything, one did not enter into deals with them lightly.

Still, I decided I didn’t have any better options at the moment, “Fine, shoot.”

The Fae snorted, “Humorous. You are a very nice find. Very well. We are in the business of collecting things. People, objects, experiences, emotions, and whatever else catches our interest. To further this goal, we have joined up with other… entities to start something of a company.”

“You want to offer me a job?” I asked somewhat incredulously.

“Yes. We can grant you many things in return for your service. Love: both the concept and the opportunity. Power: enough to change your fate. A purpose to dedicate yourself to. Freedom. Everything you could possibly imagine could be yours. We can even bring back your mother… So long as you just sign.”

A piece of parchment burned itself into existence in the Fae’s hand. It held the parchment out to me and I took it, ignoring the utter chill of the Fae’s fingers brushing against mine. It had a not-quite physical weight to it that was immense. Only now did my hands start to shake.

“We want you to be a Contractor, mortal! Welcome to The Company,” read the contract. “No use reading the rest of this contract. We already know you’ll sign. You wouldn’t be reading this otherwise. And We wouldn’t be anywhere near as big as We are today! *Wink wink* Still, if you truly desire more information, press your finger *here* and We shall inform.”

Below the text was a dotted line for me to sign on and in the indicated spot, there was a strange symbol. The symbol spiraled in on itself before exploding toward me in a way my mind couldn’t process. Hesitantly, I pressed my thumb to the spiral. The instant my finger made contact, information exploded into my mind.

Time dragged on longer than it should have. At first, I only got impressions. Vague understandings of these vast, unknowable entities that collectively called themselves ‘The Company’. Nothing was explicit. It was just to show me a sense of scale. Then came the knowledge of what The Company really was.

An infinite expanse of characters, powers, skills, and dimensions expanded before my mind’s eye. All for the purpose of satisfying any desire possible. Anything one could imagine could be bought through The Company. Everything was a product. Everything had a price. The Company was infinite.

Or at least… it would be. There was a strange disconnect as I saw an inevitable future. One where The Company stretched across everything in both existence and non-existence. The Company would never be all-powerful. It was just a business after all, with all the competing internal powers that came with that title. They would eventually become so vast that power didn’t matter, but they weren’t there yet. If anything, I was getting in on what could be called the relative ground floor. The Company was still expanding, and if I signed, I’d be part of that expansion. And some otherworldy intuition told me I’d play a bigger part than I could possibly imagine.

The sensation disappeared just as quickly as it came. The deluge of information faded into the background of my mind and any premonition I had faded with it. I was back in that frozen clearing, staring up at the inhuman visage that smiled down at me.

I’ll be honest, I was scared. No, I was utterly terrified of the thing in front of me and the organization it represented. But I also didn’t have any other options. This was something of a ‘sign or die’ situation. Or at the very least, a situation in which my safety wasn’t guaranteed if I didn’t sign. I may have been just about to kill myself, but nobody wants to go out like this.

“G-Got a pen?” I asked, trying to keep my voice steady.

The Fae’s smile stretched even farther across its face, “Certainly, Contractor. Welcome to The Company. I think you’ll like it here.”

It almost physically hurt to sign my name on the dotted line. Which, considering everything I’d heard about the Fae, made sense. It seemed that one way or the other, Jack Ross was supposed to die tonight. I could only hope that the man who once bore that name would live on, even if I would go by a different name from now on.

I took a deep breath to fortify my will as I felt something leave my body and soul, “… Now what?”

Out of the blue, the Fae’s smile brightened in a way that struck me as almost friendly, “Now we go over the catalog. Don’t worry. We’ve already got a world picked out for you. Jerry is on a bit of a tech kick and he wants some goodies from a certain Cyberpunk world. And as always, there are people and concepts to collect there as well~ Think of this first mission as a sort of trial run~ Do not disappoint us.”

The bipolar shift in the Fae’s tone threw me off. It went from serious to whimsical and then back to dangerously severe in the span of a few sentences. And what kind of Fae was named Jerry? Still, I couldn’t linger on that question for long. The Fae reached out and tapped my forehead with a single, gaunt finger.

More information streamed into my head. It was like the knowledge of The Company from earlier, but less intense, and I somehow already knew that this information consisted of options for me to choose from. Some things were already locked in. Like my Patron being the Fae — though there was a slash and some question marks by that title that I couldn’t figure out — and my world choice and position as a Company Wage Slave. Strangely enough, the contents of my mission were glitched out as well.

Nothing about the catalog was familiar to me. Well, that wasn’t completely true. I recognized several of the world options I could have chosen if I had a choice of destination and many of the ‘Companions’ that the catalog offered. A part of me recoiled at the idea of forcibly-bound Companions, but I guess I was something of a slave now too. If anything, it was something for future ‘____’ to contemplate.

I pointedly ignored the bone-chilling sensation of not being able to use my name, not even in my thoughts, in favor of focusing on my options. The catalog seemed pretty intuitive, though that might have just been because I received a purely mental version of it. The idea of physically reading all these descriptions was more than a little daunting. With the mental catalog, the descriptions burned themselves into my brain whenever I focused on an option.

I kept the default ‘drop-in’ option as my origin. I’d already lost my name tonight. I had no intention of losing anything else. When it came to the mandatory binding method, I chose the expensive yet potent Shroud. It basically made the user into a Superman clone — though with metaphysical fabric instead of bullshit Alien biology — and seemed like the least ‘true-slavery-like’ of the options. If I understood the description right, the Shroud was more of an empathetic link than a mind-controlling compulsion. I also said fuck it and dumped a bunch of ‘points’ to fully upgrade the Shroud, gaining access to two conceptual elements and some other nifty features for the magic cape.

For lures, I grabbed basically everything that was applicable. Sticky Fingers for ‘totally-not-magic’ sex skills. Faerie Feast to fix my abysmal cooking and because it seemed appropriate with my Patrons. Alluring Whisper, Love Spot, and Potpourri for self-confidence and outward appeal. Taking Zenryoku Zenkai was mostly for curiosity’s sake. Conjunction and Apportation were just additional upgrades to the Shroud so I had to take them as well.

Then came what I assumed to be the main meat of the catalog’s self-improvement: Heritage. Dragon was cool, if blunt, and Outsider seemed like it would be useful, but I was going to Cyberpunk 2077. There was only one real option for me to take. So I headed down the Cybermorph tree of the Transhuman options. It was the simplest way to blend in with the augmented yet baseline Humans of the setting. I figured I could always change it later for other worlds, but the moment I locked Transhuman in, I knew that was a pipedream.

I mentally winced, but quickly accepted that reality. It seemed a Singularity was in my future. I pushed away the regret of losing out on choices with the ease of long practice and turned my attention to Talents and Defenses. My previous choices gave me a bunch of freebies in this section so I focused my points on shoring up the gaps along with taking Universal and Sexual Calibration as quality-of-life improvements.

Finally, I arrived at the portion of the catalog that was dedicated to The Company’s business plan, their ‘product’. I was very nearly swayed by the selection before my mind’s eye. After all, where else would I find a soft femboy bf and hard tomboy gf to keep me warm at night? Even in the vast multiverse, those archetypes were rare delicacies.

Something stopped me though. Not only was I still unsure about this entire concept, but also I had a feeling that this wasn’t at simple as it seemed. Would they really reward me with ‘product’ before I’d even done anything to prove myself? Powers were one thing. They were an investment that increased my survivability and usefulness. It made good business sense to give them away as a loan to be paid back later.

Companions were different though. It didn’t make sense to me that The Company would offer them right off the bat. Sure, some Companions could really help a Contractor, but most just seemed like an indulgence. Honestly, it was likely just another way for The Company to weed out the chaff. I didn’t know if that was true, but it did prevent me from taking Companions just yet. Instead, I backtracked and got a Pocket Space up to Sweet Home.

The Fae kept that creepy grin on its face as it watched me fill out the catalog. I didn’t know how, but I could tell it was watching me make every choice in my mind. I’d never felt more laid bare in my life. It wasn’t a judging gaze. It was more like one filled with not-so-innocent curiosity. But considering this thing owned my name, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“Interesting~,” the Fae said as I finished filling out the catalog. “Not many would pass on the chance for companionship.”

I shrugged, trying to hide my discomfort behind a cool facade, “I guess I’m just built different. So how does this work?”

“Now we send you on your way. We’ll be watching, Contractor. Tata~”

The Fae’s smile stretched past the limits of its face. Sharp teeth parted and the Fae’s jaw unhinged itself. Before I could react, the thing shot forward, swallowing me whole and sending me into utter darkness.

I fell through the darkness for eternity in a single instant. My mind twisted and turned as something unknowable altered my body and soul. I felt my right arm dissolve into dust and get replaced by a mechanical replica at the same time. My eyeballs popped in their sockets and were replaced as well. Something that felt like solid electricity formed circuits in my brain. My entire body rewired itself into a masterpiece of Transhumanist glory.

And then I was… caught by something. Something much bigger than me plucked me out of whatever space I was in. My fall slowed to a crawl and then stopped altogether. A light suddenly pierced the darkness. It started as a small ball before growing and growing into a humanoid shape. Even though the person was entirely made of light, I could easily make out their features. And I recognized them as well as the light took on the form of my reflection.

“Hey there, buddy,” the light person greeted.

“Is this supposed to be some sort of joke? Like to make me comfortable or something? Cause if meeting a doppelganger made of light in infinite darkness is your idea of comforting, it’s not working,” I did my best to not snap, but some sarcasm still leaked into my voice.

“Yeah… Something like that…” he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “Anyway, I’m your second point of contact with The Company. This isn’t normal procedure, but I felt… obligated for reasons I’d rather not get into right now.”

“So you’re a Company representative? Or like my manager?” I asked.

“Ehhh… more like a self-appointed guide or mentor. The Fae aren’t the best with people. They would have just thrown you at your destination and left you to figure it out. I knew about your situation though and wanted to help. I’m First. I’ve been with The Company for a long, long time and I can help you better understand what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

“Uh, thanks I guess… I’m ____”

I winced at the jarring empty sound that came out of my mouth when I tried to introduce myself, but First just gave me a nostalgic smile, “Ah, yes. There’s also the matter of your name to take care of. Do you mind if I give you a new one? It’s kind of a tradition for Contractors of the Fae.”

“Sure, I’d take just about any name at this point.”

“Then I dub thee Romeo.”

“Romeo?”

“Romeo. It’s a bit ironic, considering your new job, and a bit of a reminder to chase the happy endings mom told you about. You have the power to make them possible now.”

“How do you know…”

“You don’t want to know… Though on the subject of happy endings, let’s talk about the changes to your mission I’ve managed to sneak past the Fae.”

First’s uncanny knowledge unnerved me and the fact that he had enough pull in The Company to mess with a Patron’s mission just furthered that feeling, “Why me? Why did you and the Fae choose me?”

“Well, you were mainly a victim of circumstance. You just got lucky. Or unlucky if that’s how you want to look at it. The Fae are the ones who really lucked out though. Even though they’re normally the most profitable, bi Contractors are few and far between. That and your… background made you a prime accidental catch for the Fae. As for me… Let’s just say I see myself in you,” First smirked.

“Fine, be a cryptic asshole…” I grumbled. “What’d you change anyway?”

“Well, first you’ve got to realize something. When the Fae said this was a trial world, they meant it. Despite it seeming like you had full access to the catalog, the Fae were going to drop you off with only your heritage upgrades, talents, defenses, and a loaned stamp. More than enough to get by, but barely enough to thrive. Trust me. I know from experience. The Fae are all about control like that.”

“Oh, wow, a deal with the Fae that turns out to not be what it seems? Never seen that before,” I deadpanned.

First snorted, “Luckily, that’s where I come in. I can’t do anything about the catalog access yet, but I can change your objective in the world. You were supposed to collect, like, half of the setting and loot Night City to the ground. And since you spent so much on your Shroud, doing that without it would normally be much more tedious at the least and borderline impossible at the most. Also, the loaned stamp means you usually wouldn’t be able to keep any of your captures or loot.”

“But, as you said, you changed my mission?”

“Yupp,” First popped the ‘p’. “Now you just need to give two lucky idiots a happy ending. If you’re familiar with the Cyberpunk Edgerunners anime then you’ll know who I’m talking about. You’ll still have to loot a bunch of weapons and tech and stuff, but you can keep anything you manage to integrate into your body through the Cybermorph heritage. I’ve also taken the liberty to allow you to keep one capture from the world. I spent my own points on that privilege so choose wisely.”

“It seems like I’m not getting fucked as much as I was supposed to.”

“You’ll thank me later. All I ask is that you pass it forward. You’ll know what I’m talking about when the time comes.”

“So that’s it? I’m on my own now?”

“I mean… yeah. Unless you have any questions for me.”

I thought for a moment, “… All of my captures in this world will be owned by my Patron because of the loaned stamp, right? All except for one?”

First nodded, “Yeah, the Fae are using it as a quick way to recoup their initial investment.”

“And after I finish the mission in this world, I’m free?”

“… Relatively free. And that freedom still depends on whether you completely pay off your debt while in this first world. The Fae will still have leverage over you, but you’ll have proven yourself as a profitable Contractor for them and The Company. Just… be sure to expect more missions from your Patrons in the future. Hell, even I might ask you to run an errand or two every once in a while.”

That… wasn’t ideal, but I wasn’t surprised. A part of me knew I’d still be beholden to the Fae. They owned my name after all. I just had to hope that they would be decent bosses to work for. I’d also owe First for this favor, but I had no idea what a powerful Contractor like him would want from me. He’d even given me my new name. And with how benevolent he was acting, he probably had just as much leverage over me as the Fae did.

Still, I didn’t have any choice in the matter. I was getting more than a little pissed off with my lack of initiative tonight, but there really wasn’t anything I could do for now. I’d been pressganged into the service of the Fae and then First had shown up to help me without apparent payment. And it wasn’t like I could afford to ignore his aid. Like most things in my life, it seemed like I’d just have to go with the flow and figure things out as I went.

“Alright…” I sighed. “I guess I’m ready. Can I get a quick refresh of the anime before I go though?”

First shrugged, “I don’t see why not. I would have chosen the same thing. I’ll get out of your hair for now, but remember, you’re not alone. I’ll be listening and watching when I can. Just give me a holler if you’re ever in a spot of trouble.”

The knowing wink he shot me as he said that struck me as odd. Like we had some inside joke between us that I wasn’t completely privy to. I did my best to put that out of my mind for later though. First shot me a pair of ‘bi-finger-guns’ as he disappeared into motes of light. I made to protest him leaving before fulfilling my last request but stopped when those motes of light formed a small screen in the darkness.

Cyberpunk Edgerunners started playing on the screen and I settled in as best I could for an educational anime binge. I was even able to use my Cybermorph heritage augments for the first time. They were only useful as a glorified mental notetaker for now though. Still, I was pleasantly surprised that, even in this space between, I had a wifi connection that was at least 5G. I sort of half questioned how that worked before the obvious and confusing answer of ‘fiat’ popped into my mind.

As I watched the show, a vague plan for getting David and Lucy a happy ending started to form in my mind. First was right. I had the power to make happy endings happen now. The part of me that had given up hope, which was the majority of me, was starting to wake up to that fact. The long-held dream of my own happy ending gained the tiniest hint of color. There would be caveats and conditions, of course — things like freeing myself from the Fae and The Company — but for the first time since my mom died, it felt… possible.

10 episodes and 250 minutes later, I watched the end credit scene roll one last time. My ‘plan’, if it could even be called that, was less fleshed out than I would have liked, but I couldn’t watch the show again to keep stalling. The only things I had set in stone were to save David’s mom and keep David away from the Sandevistan. Or at the very least, keep him from over-augmenting himself. The most useful thing I got out of watching the anime again was getting the banging soundtrack stuck in my head for a second time.

So with a deep sigh, I considered myself as ready as I was going to get. The screen in front of me dissolved the moment I thought that and my fall through the infinite darkness resumed. I fell with a song in my heart and the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of my lips.

‘Nowww~ There is a fire in me~ A fire that burrrr~nnnssssss~’