The Emotional Core of StoryTelling (Patreon)

Probably one of the hardest things (at least for me) when working on a new comic project is finding the emotional core or heart of the story. There's a reason why I don't do straight-out get-down-to-business sex stories, not because it's beneath me or anything arrogant like that, but rather on a personal level, and being an all-round weirdo myself, doesn't really satisfy me. Admittedly even when it comes to sexual encounters, things just don't work out for me if I'm not connected to the other party on a basic level. The experience then feels mechanical, cold and almost pointless. Again, this is just me, and it may do well to satisfy most other folk, which is perfectly fine. As an INTJ, I'm generally hardwired to make life difficult for myself.

Sex-Factor

The Pride x Snares story for Meatier Showers 7 was originally planned to explore further the moment in between their dinner "date" and the scene where Snares "walks" Pride back to his home island. As I continue to dwell over the specifics of the story, I've decided to move the time frame to later phase where Pride makes a return visit to Buffie Beach instead. It feels good to have that chronological lapse for both parties to reflect, rather than focus on them "riding the wave".

The reason why I haven't committed to any significant amount of drafts or work is because something felt sorely missing in the scenes I've been conjuring. I knew in my mind what I would like to see, or what would've been nice to explore, but these were mostly disjointed scenes that existed in their own bubbles, and had no cohesive qualities to share with each other as a whole story. The challenge then was to find the through-line of the story and have all the parts link along that line. For the most part, I didn't know what I wanted to say, or what I wanted to show apart from the obvious eye candy and muscle porn - which of course, is readily available online elsewhere out there - so then the key question is, what makes Meatier Showers 7 so special, and what makes it worth telling?

Creative Funk

Over the past 2-3 weeks, I've been fighting with a rather bad bout of depression. If it's not serious, about a week's worth of binge gaming or anime marathon helps clear my system. Usually depression doesn't occur simply because of one single matter, but when several similar or interlinked matters compound each other to form this unsolvable mess. I start to fall into an apathetic state of being overwhelmed and helpless, and that's when depression kicks in for me. Falling ill over the last week only made things worse.

Rather than being a prisoner of my own emotions, I've coerced myself to spend more time with friends and, even though I have nothing to add to the conversations, have mostly enjoyed listening and making observations. As an INTJ, as weird as it sounds, I'm really terrible when it comes to people and social norms, and generally have very little interest in gossip and relationship talk. It's simply not the sort of conversation that engages my mind - not that those topics are bad or anything, it's just the way I am. Regardless, I've tried my best to keep an open mind and keen ear and listen to the struggles and stories my peers have to share, if simply to gain a better understanding of human nature.

Sleepless In Seattle

All this conversation on dating, finding one's "type" and discussion of ideals has sort of led me back to a fairly recent (mad) crush I had back while I was visiting Seattle for the first time. There was a genuine passion and fervor in what he did (with this hobbies and interests) and exuded a respectable amount of intellect that I admired. Things started out formally, and I took hint from one of his invitations that, perhaps, our first encounter may present something more than just fancy tea and cookies. By the time I found myself at his place, I learned (a little too late) that he already had a mate (thus the importance of background checks) and that this whole thing was going to be nothing more than just a simple one-night stand (not that he was "cheating" on me or anything.) This was also a period in my life where it had been less than a year since I broke up with my ex, and those emotional wounds were relatively fresh - you can see the scabs forming, but still a little moist & squishy around the edges. But this was an opportunity presented before me, at a time where I truly believed that I would never find love again for my mistakes in life, and that as punishment, I would have to face off the rest of my time on my own. The invitation was too strong to resist, and throughout the encounter, I had the clarity of mind and consciously knew that if I consented and accepted this offer, I would be in for a world of pain and heartbreak later - and so I paid for the ride, readied myself and accepted the figurative costs - all of which, I bear full personal responsibility for my own emotions.

The following day, I was skipping across Pike Place Market on a chemical high. Everything felt wonderful - in a time of despair and hopelessness, I was once again, given the permission to love another again and receive love, and the icing of it was to physically experience a wonderful exchange of positive emotions. I was flying across the city of Seattle, exploring on my own and content with the sweet memories. We had taken a selfie together and had breakfast one more time the following day after he toured me around the zoo. And that's when reality crept in.

As much as I loved this person, I knew very well that whatever my feelings were, they were purely a construct of my own desperation and loneliness. I was not ready for a one-night stand, let alone a long-term relationship at that point, and I paid dearly after that. I was so depressed by the 4th day that I hid at my friend's place (where I was crashing at) and broke down. I was supposed to return to Seattle city to meet up another local furry, but had no willpower to even leave the door. I simply cried in the living room where I slept for my trip, scrolling through the photos and savoring the memories.

Lessons Learnt

That was then, and the take-away from this life experience was a very real appreciation for brevity and its value. Those powerful emotions and unspeakable feelings and the conscious price that was paid for. While the original Pride x Snares story was to explore more sexual kinks and perhaps maybe even inflation, I decided to leave that for a later issue when Pride's inner workings have been fully fleshed out and explored. If you can relate to my experience above, you can probably guess the direction of where the next story will go - while it does have some hard-hitting bits of reality, I do hope to end things off on a high note, in the traditional fashion of a Meatier Showers romantic comedy. Sob stories aside, I feel that I may have found the emotional core of this short story and the direction I want to take things in.

To end off this unexpectedly long post, these are the two songs that I feel strongly encapsulate the emotional core of the story between Pride & Snares in Meatier Showers 7 - that in the brevity of experiences, lies true value.

Red Light - Tiësto

Heartbeat Song - Kelly Clarkson

Snares

May 2016